by R. G. Angel
“Fine!” he snapped, slapping the keys into my hand. I forced him to take my arm after seeing his lack of coordination as he tried to walk. It was eerily like a toddler taking his first steps.
“If you tell anyone…” he started after I helped him to the car and took the driver’s seat. He tried to threaten me, but his voice was heavy, his speech slower, the alcohol finally taking him down.
I blasted the heating to the maximum to warm him up as I rolled my eyes. “What happens between us stays between us, Caleb. You’ve got to start trusting me.”
He snorted, resting his head against the window. “Been there, done that, got the tee-shirt. Wouldn't recommend it,” he mumbled.
“What?” I asked. “What do you mean?” I glanced his way, but he was slouched more heavily in his seat, his eyes still closed.
Was I cursed to take care of drunken men: Luke, then Archie, and now Caleb? That was really a pattern I didn't want to continue.
As we pulled up at the mansion, I was pleased when Benjamin came to meet me by the car to help me carry the dead weight that was Caleb back to his room.
“Can you please tell his parents that he is resting after keeping an eye on me all night?” I huffed as we struggled up the stairs. Caleb was lean but much heavier than I’d thought.
“Of course,” Benjamin replied. “Thank you.”
“You really care for him, don't you?” I asked Benjamin as he helped me set Caleb on his bed.
He looked at Caleb and nodded. “Young Mister Astor didn’t have an easy upbringing; he is not as unbreakable as he lets on.”
It was my turn to look at the comatose Caleb. “I agree. Thank you for your help. I will take it from here.”
After Benjamin left us, I removed his oxfords and his jacket before leaving to fetch a blanket. When I came back from my bedroom with the spare blanket I had there, Caleb was lying on his stomach. His shirt had ridden up his back, revealing the bottom of his spine and some blue and red ink. I hadn’t been mistaken the other night. Caleb Astor was tattooed.
I walked closer to him. Resting the blanket by his feet, I tried to work out what this tattoo could be. I would have never expected this proper golden son to be tattooed, especially not to the extent the couple of glimpses I got seemed to suggest.
Did his father even know? Again, I could hardly picture James Astor being on board with his son’s decision.
I let my hand hover over the hem of his shirt, my fingers almost tingling with the desire to pull it up and see more. As I touched the soft material, he turned his face to the side with a soft moan. It made me move my hand sharply as if it had burned him.
Shame engulfed me. I had no right to touch him without his consent. Just the thought had been shameful.
I shook my head. Get a grip, Esme. He’ll show you if he wants you to see.
I looked at his sleeping face. Even in his alcohol-induced slumber, he looked tortured, in pain. “What is it, Caleb?” I murmured. “What is hurting you so much?” I reached for his face and ran my fingertips over his cheekbone. “Let me help you, please. While there is some time left, while I'm still here, let me help you.”
I stayed there by his bed for a few more minutes just looking at him. It was hard to admit how much I’d come to care for this cruel, broken, elitist idiot. Someone too stubborn to believe me even if I told him so.
Chapter 10 - Esme
I should have known better than to think I had any luck left in my life. It was a big house, gigantic in fact. I had been pretty confident that I could avoid the Astors. It was not like they were going to seek me out.
Caleb’s mother hated me on principle, probably associating me with the false image she had of my mother. As for James, he gave me the creeps. I shuddered over what he had done to my mother, what he had wanted to do. He had no reason to look for me. I was nothing to him, good or bad.
When I’d woken up before the sun this morning, I’d taken a run around the icy grounds to unwind the events of the past few days and to make sure the drowning hadn’t caused any more damage than it seemed. I’d run for longer than I’d thought, having enjoyed the pure silence only interrupted by the rhythmic sound of my sneakers on the gravel. The cold air had filled my lungs, waking every part of my brain and my body. I had enjoyed the burn of my leg muscles as I’d pushed more, went faster. I had liked feeling my body waking up, showing me I was alive and that everybody who had tried to smother the life in me, had failed. I was just as powerful as I'd always been.
It had taken me an hour of running to feel like myself again. After the last few days and the stress of Caleb’s parents being back, I hadn’t been sure how to keep pretending.
I should have known better than to expect a break from life, I really should have, and yet I was cursing everything that was holy when I found James lurking around my bedroom door. The sun was barely up. He had no business on this side of the house.
He turned to look at me, his smile turning predatory as he detailed me, his eyes taking on a light that made me so uncomfortable I wanted to crawl out of my skin.
I wanted to slap myself. Why did I have to remove my running jacket as soon as I’d walked in? Why didn’t I wait until I was in the comfort of my room to do that? Why? Because I was dressed in an acceptable crop top and leggings, because there was nothing indecent about my outfit, because I shouldn't have to be wary of creepy perverted married middle-age men coming on to me.
He licked his lips as his eyes settled on my chest and I could barely contain my gag.
“Ah, my dear Esmeralda! I was looking for you.” The joviality of his tone didn’t really match the twisted desire in his brown eyes.
I looked past him in the corridor, but there was no help.
I forced a smile but remained where I stood, not coming any closer to him. “Isn’t it a bit early in the day to go looking for your future daughter-in-law?” I joked, a good way to remind him of our relationship status and how deviant he was being right now.
He took a few steps toward me. I didn't realize I’d taken a step back until my sweaty back connected with the cold wall of the corridor.
“Yes, this is why I think we should try to know each other better, don’t you think?” He took a deep breath as if he was breathing me in. “I’m so pleased Caleb found you. I tried to find you too, you know. Tell me, Esmeralda, will you try to run again? Do we need to clip your wings?” He was crowding my space now, hovering over me, his sickly-sweet cologne surrounding me. I could just knee him in the balls, but I knew it would be counterproductive.
“That won’t be necessary; I learn quickly.” I hated how small and trembling my voice sounded.
“You look so much like her, you know,” he said a little wistfully, wrapping a strand of hair that had escaped my ponytail around his forefinger.
“So I’ve been told.” I looked away down the corridor, praying for Caleb to open the door, but also dreading it. I knew how little he thought of me and no matter how dejected and uncomfortable I looked, he’d never see anything other than what he wanted to see.
“You know, your mother and I were very close friends.”
That caught my attention and I turned my head to meet his eyes. I couldn't believe I had ever found those eyes friendly; now they were downright predatory.
“Oh, were you?” Was he baiting me? Trying to see how much I knew about the real situation? Did he have the journal pages?
He nodded, letting go of my strand of hair before trailing his fingers against my collarbone. “Yes, the best of friends.” He took another step closer, so close I could smell the coffee on his breath. My stomach dropped. I was going to be sick. Please God. Someone help me.
“What about you and I being friends too?” he added, either oblivious to my discomfort, completely uncaring, or worst of all getting off on it. Knowing this family, it was probably the latter. “I could make it worthwhile for both of us.”
The bile rose up my throat. I was going to vomit on his expensive polo shirt and I w
ouldn’t even be sorry for it.
“Father.” Caleb's voice came as a beacon of hope in the darkness and I couldn't contain the little tearless sob of relief at the sound of his voice.
I turned my head toward him. He looked ready to kill, his hands balled into tight fists at his sides. He had showered and was dressed as impeccably as he always was, but he was paler than usual, clearly still suffering from the epic hangover.
James slowly took a step back and turned his head, keeping his body directed toward me as if he was not doing anything shameful, as if sexually harassing me wasn’t a big deal – and it probably wasn’t for men like him.
“Ah, son, you’re up early.”
“Not early enough I see.” He threw me a look that seemed to say ‘are you okay?’ or maybe it was just something I wanted to see. All in all it did feel good.
I nodded just in case.
He concentrated on James again. “There are a few things I need to discuss with you about the business.”
James nodded, finally taking a step back and allowing me to breathe better. “Of course, business first as always. Let’s go to the office.” He smiled at me, throwing me a playful wink. “I’ll get to know my sweet daughter-in-law more tonight.”
Did he really think I’d enjoyed any part of our interaction?
Caleb frowned, walking toward his father, but stopping beside me. “Why tonight?”
“Family dinner of course!” He said as if this was self-evident, but one didn’t have to know them long to know that this was not something these people did.
“But we don’t have family dinners,” Caleb said, confirming my suspicion.
James's jovial smile slipped, showing a glimpse of the real monster I suspected he was. “We do now. Do you have a problem with this, son?”
I wrapped my pinkie finger around Caleb’s and nudged it. Now was not the time to get James angry.
I forced a laugh. “Of course he doesn’t. Right, Caleb? I’m more than happy to get to know my future in-laws.”
“Marvelous,” he said, his smile back in place. “Son?” He gestured toward the corridor. “You wanted to talk, let's talk now.”
Caleb nodded, but stayed beside me. “Yes, I’ll be right down. I just want to have a word with my sweet fiancée first.” He smiled, grabbed my ponytail, and pulled me into a scorching kiss that reminded me of the passion we had shared on our night together. It was bruising and hard, part punishment, part possession, and I knew it was his way of marking his territory. Still, it was a much cleaner way than pissing on my leg.
He finally broke the kiss, leaving me breathless and a little flushed. It unnerved me to still react like this after everything he’d said to me, after everything he’d put me through.
His father chuckled. “I can’t blame you. Five minutes, Caleb. I have things to do.”
Other than harass your barely legal future daughter-in-law? I thought but remained silent.
“Yeah,” Caleb's voice was rougher somehow, his eyes a little glazed. It comforted me to know that he was not completely in control either, that even if he wanted to deny it, there was something there too.
As soon as James disappeared down the corridor, I unlocked my bedroom door and let Caleb in.
“Caleb, I swear I was not trying to entice him or whatever you think I want.” I shook my head before locking eyes with his, hoping he’d see the truth in them.
“I know.”
“You do?”
He scoffed. “Of course I do.”
“But you said–”
He raised his hand. “I know what I said and I didn't mean that.”
“Yes you did.”
He sighed, running his hand through his hair. “And now I don’t anymore.”
“Are you saying that you believe me now or you’re being decent because you’re scared I’ll kill myself?”
I ignored my phone vibrating in my armband.
Caleb looked at my phone, his face darkening. “Stay away from him.”
“I’m trying.”
“Try better.”
I growled. He was so frustrating. How was I supposed to try?! It was their house and he’d been waiting in front of my door.
“Just…” Caleb looked heavenward. “He is not safe.”
I snorted. “Yeah, I noticed.”
“And while you’re at it, avoid my mother. She’s…”
“Crazy?”
He threw me a dark look. “Confused.”
Yeah... That was one way of putting it.
“You have a phone now,” he said, pointing at my armband. “If you need to go around or if you get uncomfortable again, just text me.”
That sort of thwarted my plans of searching the house for any kind of evidence. “You know if you’re not careful, I’ll start to think you care about me.”
It was his turn to snort. “I merely want to avoid any more drama in this house.”
“Okay...” I turned around to hide my smile. It was so obviously a lie, but he wasn’t going to admit it.
“I’ll come pick you up for dinner, okay? Don’t go without me.”
I turned around at the concern in his voice. He was now standing by the door, his hand on the doorknob.
The concern was genuine and reflected in his face. He wanted to keep me safe even against his own instincts.
“I promise.”
He nodded once and left without another word.
I took a quick shower, trying to get rid of both the sweat and James’s sweet scent which seemed to be ingrained in my skin.
After three full body scrubs, I was finally satisfied that James’s aura was completely expelled. Then I went back to my room where I decided to spend the day and maybe catch up on my homework.
I was far from stupid, but the classes at Brentwood were challenging compared to my old school, and being a rich heiress investigating a murder was not a reason to slack off.
I’d just settled at my desk when I noticed the little blue light of my phone, reminding me of the text I had received when I was chatting with Caleb.
It was from Ben. I’m excited. I’ll get my bike next weekend.
I frowned. Already? I typed, but deleted it. I didn't want him to think I was having second thoughts even though I was – not because I was not ready to go to extreme lengths to avenge my mother’s death, but because I didn't want to put Ben, or anyone else, in any kind of danger to resolve this.
This was where my brother and I were still very different. He didn’t have any consideration for anyone other than the people he loved and those people could be counted on one hand. Whereas I still had a fully functioning conscience. Putting anyone at risk, no matter how I felt about them, still didn't feel right.
Okay, great! I’ll see it soon. I replied and toyed with my phone. I needed to set things in motion now.
I texted our group ‘study session’ which was composed of Antoine, Archie, and Taylor. Part of me really disliked doing everything behind Caleb’s back, but he resented Archie and I too much for me to involve him. I wasn’t sure he wouldn’t reveal everything just to watch us bleed. It hurt me not being able to trust him; it really did.
Me: Need to meet tomorrow before class.
Antoine: Told you we can’t have sex. I’m in a committed relationship with your best friend.
Leave it to Antoine to stir shit any chance he got.
Archie: Don’t worry, sis. You ain’t missing much.
Antoine: Fuck you, Forbes. My dick is decent. Let’s ask Taylor. Taylor, babe, tell Astor I have an epic dick.
Archie: I didn’t think your ego was so fragile, Antoine. If you need it stroking maybe Taylor should reconsider her choices in men. Your cock is ‘decent’ – wow every girl’s dream.
My brother really enjoyed playing with fire.
Antoine: I love being stroked, and don’t worry, it’s dealt with.
I rolled my eyes as Taylor messaged me privately.
Taylor: I can’t deal with these petulant children;
I might kill one of them. Tomorrow science lab 7:30?
Me: Yes, see you then. I’ll deal with them.
Me: Guys, nobody cares. Tomorrow 7:30 science lab. I texted, ready to move on.
It was Archie’s turn to text me off the group chat. Why did we even bother?
Archie: Do you want me to pop over? We can discuss now.
I sighed. It was still difficult for me to get used to the overprotective brother, but I knew he was not going to take no for an answer.
Me: Can’t, have a family dinner with the in-laws.
Archie: Fuck, I’m sorry. That’s gonna suck.
“You think?” I muttered. It’s fine. It's only dinner.
Archie: Call me when it’s done?
Me: Sure. Love you.
It took him a few moments to answer. I knew that these words were still unsettling to him, but I was going to tell him over and over again until it was natural for him.
Archie: I love you too, sister.
I stayed in my room the whole day, ringing for lunch to be sent up in between studying and trying to catch up on my month away.
When evening came, I almost gave myself a brain aneurysm trying to figure out what to wear for dinner. After what had happened this morning, I didn't want to show any skin. I would even wear a ski suit if I could.
I settled for a knee-length black dress with a neck-high collar and flats. I tightened my hair into a straight bun and kept my face devoid of make-up. I looked so small, young, and austere all at the same time. The dress was also on the larger side, hiding all my curves. How sad was it that I had to do that?
That’s what happens when you live with a sexual predator, I reminded myself, smoothing my dress with my hands.
It was strange to trust Caleb to keep me safe, to shield me from both the verbal bullets coming from his mother and the barely veiled sexual attention coming from his father.
Caleb was the most conflicted person I’d ever met. He was also the person causing me the most conflicting feelings. I’d never been indecisive, but with him I never knew what to expect. Part of me would even prefer him to be hateful all the time. At least I would know where to stand. But no, despite all of his darkness, there was some light shining through the cracks every so often, a light so bright that I couldn’t stop the restoration of hope or the acceleration of my heart whenever he touched me, whenever he looked at me.
