by R. G. Angel
“I’m sorry.”
“No, you’re not.” I was done playing games for tonight. I stood up, adjusting my jacket. “I’ll deal with this.” I pointed down at the photos. “May I?”
William nodded. “Please. They are yours.”
I picked up the photos and slid them back into the folder. “We’ll be calling it a night.”
“Yes, I understand. Oh, and Caleb?” He called just as I reached the door.
I kept my back to him, but turned my head to the side. “Yes?”
“So, I guess you agree with the Cherry Blossoms festival as your wedding date?”
“Yes,” I replied before exiting the room.
I walked stiffly back to the salon where Esme was sitting on the loveseat with Archibald and talking with Sophia.
The coal of betrayal was burning deep in my chest. I’d thought we’d turned a page. She’d bought me this heartfelt gift and I’d felt like a fool again. But not anymore. This time I was really done.
Esmeralda smiled at me. Lines of worry marked her face when I didn’t return the gesture. Was she worried about me or about herself? I snorted internally. Why would she worry about me? I meant nothing to her.
I gave her a sharp nod. “Are you ready to leave now?” I asked, my voice leaving no room for argument.
“I– Yes, sure.” She stood up, detailing me with confusion.
I turned from her and met Archibald's glare. He didn’t even know how damaging he was to his own sister. Maybe his desire to punish me clouded his judgement. He couldn’t be that stupid.
“Perfect. Mrs. Forbes.” I nodded to Sophia before gesturing Esmeralda toward the door.
“Is everything okay?” she whispered as we sat in the car.
“You tell me, Esmeralda.”
She remained quiet as I drove, my dark mood swallowing me more and more to the point of choking.
I parked on the side of the road and kept the door locked. At least she’d have to listen here.
I removed the cufflinks and handed them back to her. “Here. I don’t want them. They are much too tacky and frankly, childish.”
She looked down at her hands. “But I bought them for you,” she whispered, the look of pain and rejection so plain in her face. “You said you liked them.”
“We all lie, Esmeralda. You and I both know that.” I shook my head with weariness. “I don’t know what game you’re playing. Hell, I don’t even think you know what game you’re playing, but you have to be careful as some players might not have some of the moral consideration - ” or stupid feelings - “as I have.”
I threw the folder onto her lap. “Don’t rely too much on Archibald; he is not foolproof.”
She looked at the photos and took a sharp intake of breath. “No. Caleb, I swear, this is not what you think,” she claimed waving the last photo at me.
“No?” I turned in my seat to face her, crossing my arms on my chest. “It is not a secret meeting with your former boyfriend in Port Harbor? A secret love tryst sanctioned by brother dear?”
“No.” Her silvery bewitching eyes stayed locked with mine, her voice strong and unwavering.
“What was it then?” I asked challengingly as a treacherous, poisonous hope filled me. Lie to me if you have to. Just make it stop hurting.
“I – I can’t tell you,” she whispered, breaking eye contact and looking down in shame.
I felt it right through my chest. The last fragments of trust. It was so painful that I had to show her who she was putting her trust into.
She couldn’t treat me as both her savior and her enemy. I could not be both. I wouldn’t be both.
“Fine.” I started the car and turned left.
“This is not the way home.” Her voice carried a fear that angered me even more. She was scared? Of me?
I growled. “You’ve got nothing to fear from me Esmeralda. Not anymore.”
“Anymore?” Her voice was small, but I refused to look at her, to let her make me feel guilty.
“I’m done with all of this, but you need to see something.”
I drove past the ‘private property’ sign attached to the faded sign that had once said Fairmont Park and stopped the car. My lights illuminated the reminiscence of the burned gazebo that used to be in the middle of the park.
“This is your brother’s doing, Esmeralda!” I pointed to the gazebo. “This is what he does and this is what he’ll do to your life too!”
“He burned that gazebo?” She asked with puzzlement.
“No, the gazebo is a reminder of what your brother did. This abandoned park is a screaming truth of his nature.”
“I don’t–”
“This is what his actions toward Taylor Oppenheimer caused! I have half a mind to tell you everything and let you see your brother for the spineless monster he really is.” But the story depicted me as a monster too, a vile manipulator with no morals. “But it would sound petty and unbelievable. Just– Get out.”
She frowned. “What?”
“I’ve had enough of you for now. Get out. I need to unwind and you won’t like how.”
She opened the door, but remained seated. “You can’t just let me out here! It’s night and my phone’s at home.”
I shrugged. “Don’t care.” I pointed to the left. “You better start walking.”
She didn’t know it, but the property was just behind the high trees. She would be back inside in less than ten minutes, but I needed to be away from her now…or I feared I would break down and show her the extent of my scars, the extent of my broken mind…the extent of the weaknesses she caused in me.
“Out.”
She sniffled and I knew she was crying even if it was too dark to see.
She stepped out, but kept the door open. “Stay. Let's talk. Don’t walk away. You do it all the time. Please, Caleb, don’t go to her. Please, I beg you…” Her voice broke. She was not trying to hide her tears and it tore me apart.
Was it always about Aleksandra? Was there no other reason for her outcry?
“Don’t worry, Esmeralda, there will be no Aleksandra. She is not discreet enough. From now on my indiscretion will be more socially acceptable for you,” I added and drove off before she could see how much of a lie that really was.
Chapter 15 - Caleb
When I made it to the Stonewood Club, I walked directly to the bar and ordered a bottle of bourbon. I sat down by the fire and checked the security feed on my phone just to make sure that Esmeralda had made it home safe. I was furious and betrayed, but couldn’t stop caring even if I wanted to.
I ran my hand over my face, trying to wash away the weariness that only physical exertion could really get rid of.
I gestured for the Majordomo to come forward.
He bowed slightly. “How may I help you, sir?”
“Is there anyone available for fencing or squash?”
“Mr. Stuart McAllister just requested a fencing partner. Would you like me to inform him of your wish to fence?”
I nodded. “Yes, I’ll be in the fencing room in a few minutes. I’m going to change in my family quarters.” The quarters were actually only a room and a small bathroom, but were still a luxury that only very few members could afford in this club. Being the blood of a founding member ensured I was one of them.
Stuart was already in the room when I arrived, tightening the laces on his fencing shoes. He threw me a look and I knew he could see my anger and sourness. It would be hidden under my mask in a few minutes, then I’d start inflicting as much pain as I could, imagining that instead of Stuart, it was a myriad of people who had offended me and caused me pain. Strangely enough, I never pictured Esmeralda even though she was the source of most of my issues these days.
But instead of asking any questions, Stuart nodded a hello before concentrating on his shoes again. I stood beside him, finishing my set-up in silence.
This was something I liked about the older McAllister brother. He didn’t pry, probably because he didn’t care. He
was at university studying medicine. His father was a renowned plastic surgeon. His mother was the heiress of a global restaurant chain. They were old blood too, rich – maybe not as rich as me, but then who really was?
We fenced for thirty minutes straight. The anger had only started to fade when Stuart raised his hand for a break.
“No, not now,” I growled.
Stuart removed his helmet, forcing me to stand down. His face was soaked with perspiration, his breathing short. Dark curls stuck to his forehead.
“Man, you’re killing me,” he huffed. “I expected a gentle match, not this. I need water.” He limped to the bench and sat down heavily.
I stayed on the piste, staring at him, my mask still on.
He took a big gulp of water from his bottle. “You won eight bouts out of ten. I clearly can’t catch up.” He was still breathing heavily. “I concede defeat. I’ve got to go home and study.”
That was something weird with him; he didn’t mind losing. There was something wired wrong in his brain. That had me thinking about the rest of his family, his sister, Anne.
I removed my helmet and walked closer to him.
“Your sister has been shunned, hasn’t she?”
He looked at me, his jaw set. “If you’ve decided to talk shit, you better just walk away. It won't make me want to fight you, but it will make me reconsider any future bouts and you know you won’t find a better opponent here.”
“I’m not asking to mock. I just want to understand. You didn’t fight it. She didn’t either.”
Stuart sighed. “Why? Are you planning to shun your fiancée?”
I looked down, removing my shoes. That was the million-dollar question.
He sighed after a while when he realized he would not get any more information from me. I knew I wasn’t being fair, but it was the way it worked.
“I didn’t fight it because it was what she wanted. Her fiancé had a little conscience and didn’t want an unwilling wife. Anne was, is, in love with a good man. He’s a working man and she slept with him long before she was forced into that stupid betrothal. They came to an agreement. He shunned her through a contract. She was on her own. My family had no more rights over her.” He shrugged. “She is married to the man she loves. She has a nice little house in Boston, which is probably no bigger than your pool house, but she is pregnant and so blissfully happy. She’s been gone three years and she doesn’t miss the money, not even a little.”
“I see.”
He laughed. “No, I don’t think you do. I don’t think most of us do,” he added quickly when he noticed I was about to argue. “We’ve got it all, you even more than me. I don’t think I’ve ever been as happy as she is now. She’s free whereas we’re not, not really. We can fool each other as much as we want, but we wear those chains too.”
“Thanks for the game. Until next time.” I nodded at him and exited the room, leaving him behind. I didn't even know if he’d added something. I was just too busy thinking about how I could actually pull this off without completely destroying things with my father...and how I could do it without missing her too much.
Once more, I drank myself into oblivion. Since Esmeralda had entered my life, I’d really started to become a clinical alcoholic. Was this what feelings turned people into?
******************************************
I woke up with a banging headache way later than I should have. I reached for my phone, but it was off, so I looked at my watch, squinting.
Ten. I growled, forcing myself up. I wasn't sure any amount of coffee would save me.
But contrary to all odds, thirty minutes after a hot shower, my bodyweight in coffee, and two Tylenol, I felt human again. A beat-up one, but still.
I couldn’t stop thinking about what McAllister had said last night. That was the only solution. As much as part of me hated there was an actual way out, I could not spend a life with someone who didn't want me the way I wanted her.
Going to school was out of the question today. I felt functioning, but not enough to sit for hours during boring lectures. I had things to do, relationships to break, and I had to do all that before I changed my mind like the fickle man I was becoming. I had to do it before Esmeralda did something that would allow that insidious, poisonous hope to take hold of my heart once more.
I went home and was not surprised that Esmeralda’s car wasn’t in the driveway. She was at school, like the good little angel she was.
Now I just needed to go into my father’s office and find the contact details of the lawyer who could help me draft a stupid contract that would help her escape me. Something strong enough to protect her from me when I'd inevitably change my mind and chase her down. Something that will actually stop me from going to her when I was at my weakest.
I looked up the stairs wistfully. I should go to the office and get what I needed. Yet I hated that I’d returned the cufflinks. I never should have given them back. They were a memory of her, a present I wanted returned.
I rolled my eyes and went upstairs. Just a few minutes wouldn’t hurt the schedule. I wanted those stupid things back and they belonged to me anyway.
I had my hand on the doorknob when I was interrupted. “She’s gone.”
I tensed, turning around slowly to look at my mother standing in front of me in her silk dressing gown. A glass of white wine was in her hand. She looked like a leading lady from the stupid 70s shows that reran late at night.
I pointed to the glass in her hand. “It’s not even eleven, mother. Really?”
She shrugged, taking a long sip. “It’s five o’clock somewhere.”
I sighed. “And I know she’s gone. She’s at school.”
My mother shook her head, a small smile on her face. “Where you should also be, shouldn’t you?”
I snorted. “Are you trying your hand at parenting?” I raised an eyebrow with incredulity. A Greek tragedy showed more mercy than this woman had ever shown me.
She looked away, pursing her lips. “And it’s not what I mean. She left this morning with a suitcase.” She took a deep breath and nodded. “It’s best this way.”
“For whom?” I asked mockingly.
“Everyone.”
“We both know how much you loved her. I’m sure you’re heartbroken,” I taunted.
“About not having a teenage hussy roaming our corridors under your father's wanting eyes?” She snorted. “Hardly.”
I recoiled in surprise; did she know about father’s tendency to like young women?
She spotted my reaction and sighed. “I’m slightly impaired, son, not stupid.”
“Esmeralda’s not a hussy.” I didn’t know why I felt the need to defend her, least of all to my mother. That woman's opinion didn’t matter and had stopped mattering so long ago.
She shrugged one shoulder. “She gave you her virginity awfully fast.”
I tightened my hands into fists. “We are engaged.”
“On paper maybe, but we both know this is all pretend. Please don’t try to make me believe you ever thought it was true.”
I did, sometimes I did, and before last night I’d dared to hope. I shook my head. “No, of course not.”
My mother eyed me critically as if she wanted to see the truth behind my words. Ah, it was a good thing we were basically strangers.
She shook her head, taking another sip of her wine. “It’s better this way, Caleb. You should have disowned her when you had the chance. Let her go back where she came from. She doesn't belong here. She never did.”
“She is a Forbes!”
“Not by choice. She doesn’t want to be here and I don't want her here.” She waved her finger in a dismissive gesture. “Let her run back to the miserable insignificant life she wants so much.”
I sneered. “If I didn’t know better, mother, it would almost look like you want to protect her from me.”
“But you know better, don’t you, son?” She finished her glass. “Anyway, I need to go and get a refill,” she a
nnounced, waving the glass in my face.
“Ah, yes. Please go ahead. We wouldn’t want to be lucid for too long, would we, mother?”
“Lord no!” she scoffed.
“Why?” I asked when she turned her back to me. “Is the past haunting you then?”
Her stride faltered and she stopped, keeping her back to me. “Past, present, and even future,” she replied barely louder than a whisper before resuming her walk down the corridor.
I’d never noticed until now how frail she’d become since Theo’s death. The only son she’d ever loved. I was not bitter about that. Theo was the light to my darkness, the kindness to my cruelty. It was an easy choice to make, even if the irony of all that was, it had been her who made me the way I was.
I shook my head. Now was not the time to dwell on the past. I looked at Esmeralda’s door once more, but gave up on my quest for now. If my mother spoke the truth, I could find the cufflinks later. First, I needed to speak to Esmeralda. I wasn’t sure where she was going to move in with, so I would need to get to her before school was out.
My father always locked his office when he was away, but he’d given me a key a while ago. I was not naive enough to believe he fully trusted me. I was sure that all of the things he didn't want me to see were locked in places I had no access to, but it still felt like a gesture from the man who enjoyed torturing me in every way he could. A man who’d made it his life’s mission to transform me into him. A mission I’d genuinely thought was complete until Esmeralda had appeared in my life, waking up a myriad of feelings I’d believed were long dead.
I sat on his chair and soaked in the ominous feeling of the office for a minute. It was the throne room of a king, a king I would one day replace.
I trailed my hand on the smooth surface of his desk. He was going to be furious. He wanted Esmeralda and I was taking her away from him. But I also knew that he needed me more than I needed him. He needed an heir and I was it. He could maybe try to have another one, I supposed, but that child would always be the bastard son. He would never have my legitimacy.
