Dungeons & Gangsters

by Marco Frazetta

  The girls looked at each other briefly, then turned back to me.

  “No, we’ll go to the cops,” the elf girl said, her hair bouncing with her trembling body. “That’s what you should always do when you're in danger.”

  I pointed at Brock, the dead half-orc cop, then snarled, “you see that big ugly dead motherfucker right there? He was a cop. He was a real big deal ‘round here. Every fuckin’ cop in and around Las Vegas is in the pockets of one crime boss or another, you think you’ll be safe? Everyone and their fuckin’ mother around here is more crooked than a paperclip, if I let you go to them I might as well turn you over to the sick fucks that snatched your asses up in the first place!”

  “We’ll come with you…we’ll be under your protection,” the orc hybrid girl said, looking me and Skreech up and down, her head craning in a weird angle. Damn, maybe she's on something.

  “Fine. For now,” the elf hybrid girl added dubiously. She also didn't seem like she was all there, as now that all the shit had gone down I noticed that she was swaying subtly, like at any moment she could fall over.

  I walked the girls over to the Mustang and had them get in the back seat, then after me and Skreech hopped in, I started the car up and pulled up next to the tracks, where J-Maxx was slumped over, his face lookin’ up at the stars in the night sky, a look of angry confusion being the last face he ever made. You made me do it, man, I thought as I looked over at the big dead orc, you gave me no choice. It was you or me, and I sure ain’t pickin’ you over me. Someone’s always getting fucked, and someone’s always doing the fucking…

  I reversed my Mustang then turned and started headin’ east. I took out a joint from my stash in the center console and lit it up, taking a few strong tokes on it before handin’ it off to Skreech.

  “That smells awful,” the elf girl immediately started to complain.

  “Sweetie, you were just traveling in your own piss, this is a fucking upgrade.” I wanted to be more of a gentleman but shit, I’d just killed a bunch of Orc rapists for her, and I wasn't in the mood to hear shit about my joint.

  It was dark and I was gettin’ pretty fuckin’ tired, all things considered, and when I had found the 15 freeway again and had saw signs for Boulder City and Henderson, I decided we had to pull off and find somewhere to crash at for a bit, somewhere we could figure our shit out at. The two girls were real quiet the whole way, and I started suspecting they had been drugged, or just were out of it from being trapped in a crate for who knows how long.

  We got off at Boulder City and pulled into this shitty little motel called Days & Knights Inn, where I parked and sat for a minute, tryin’ to decide how I was gonna go about gettin’ a room for me, my goblin, and two scared-lookin’ hybrid girls without arousing too many suspicions.

  We were sittin’ in the Mustang in the little parking lot of this shitty motel, and I wanted to smoke a joint before headin’ into the main office and tryin’ to rent a room past midnight. I reached into the center console and felt my little stash of joints was gettin’ smaller. Shit, I thought, I’m gonna need to find some tree somewhere around here. My connect farms for the Dragon, he’d give me up real quick to score some points with that fuckin’ prick. I had never met the Dragon, never even seen him, but after everything I had just been through and experienced on his behalf and to get him this “package,” I had quickly come to nurse an extraordinary hatred for him. Prick doesn't even show his face, has other fools do all the dirty work for him. I could stand a lot of things, but not cowards.

  “What are we doin’, boss? What’s the game plan?” Skreech looked up at me, possibly sensing I was dealin’ with a dilemma of sorts.

  “Yes, what the goblin said,” the hybrid elf girl slurred, “are we just going to sit here all night? Who...who are you anyway?” I looked back in the rearview mirror and saw the hybrid orc girl briefly look up at me, meet my eyes in the rearview, then turn away and look out the back window next to her. They both seemed like they were drugged, though the elf girl seemed more coherent than the orc girl.

  “I asked you the same question, and all you did was close your eyes and nod off.”

  “You’re the one who killed a bunch of people.” She pulled some of her golden hair behind her pointed ear, seeming to get more coherence. “What are you hiding?”

  I turned my eyes to the other side to be able to see the elf girl, then muttered, “Relax. First thing’s first. I need to get you two to a safe place. Just give me a minute.” I sighed, closed the center console having decided that I would have to ration my joints ‘til I got a new connect for tree, then opened the door.

  “I’ll be right back out after I get us the room, then we’ll sneak you girls in,” I grumbled. “Please, don’t do nothin’ crazy, just stay right here in the car.”

  “Yea, I’m gonna go for a jog in the dark in the middle of nowhere,” the hybrid orc girl slurred, still looking out of her window.

  “I’d rather you didn’t.”

  “I think she was bein’ sarcastic,” Skreech piped up. I looked back in the rearview again and saw the frustration on the orc girl’s face. Hell, I couldn't blame her.

  “Keep an eye on them, Skreech.” I stepped out of the car, and walked over to the office, where a big candelabra-type light was shining brightly in the window. A grizzled old human with a long grey beard was hunched over the desk, reading something that he was clearly very passionate about. Of course, they got fuckin’ Father Time workin’ the late night shift, I thought, shaking my head and walking over to the door. I opened it and a bell above me promptly tinkled, alerting the old guy that he had a guest, yet it was not until I had walked over to his desk that he even bothered to look up and over at me.

  “Well now, young man, good evening.” Gandalf the fuckin’ Grey took me in fully with his bespectacled eyes, great bushy eyebrows raised, “how can I help you? By God, you are all red. Forgive me for asking as you must get this often, but are you a hobgoblin, sir?”

  I raised my own eyebrows back at him. “Yea, I’m a hobgoblin, and I need a room.”

  “How sensational! A hobgoblin you say!”

  “Yes. Now that room.”

  “I’ve worked at this establishment for nearly thirty years, and never has a hobgoblin happened to walk in.”

  “Look, old timer,” I began wearily, “normally I’d gladly take a trip down memory lane with you, but I’ve had a hell of a night.”

  “Oh yes, I can see that.” Old Greybeard nodded.

  “And I need a damn room.”

  “A room?” he seemed to ask, almost as though he couldn’t imagine why I’d come to him for a room. “Just for yourself?”

  “Yes. Well, no. My goblin buddy is with me, and my...my uh...my two girlfriends as well.”

  “What a time to be alive! Here I am, sitting down reading about the history of the hobgoblin wars in the middle ages, when a hobgoblin comes in requesting a room for himself and his little goblin valet, and his two mistresses!” The old guy chuckled heartily.

  “Something like that. Do you have a room available?”

  “Of course, of course! Go ahead and put your signature on the book right here.” He pointed at a guest log book. “And we’ll put you and your entourage in room...hmm.” He twirled a strand of his long beard around an index finger. “Room eight! Yes, you’ll find room eight satisfactory I’m sure.” He pulled the keychain down and passed it to me. “How would you like to pay, young man, or shall we handle such things when you’re ready to check out?”

  “Cash, I’ll take care of it when I leave, if it’s all the same to you,” I replied, the keychain in the shape of a cat sitting on a crescent moon catching my eye briefly.

  “Absolutely, you go rest with your party. We don’t do room service here, unfortunately.” He seemed genuinely disappointed by this. “But there are some menus in the rooms, in case you’d like to order a meal from a local restaurant, though I don't know if many are open at this late hour.”

  “Thanks,�
�� I said, feelin’ very grateful to this pleasant old human, then headed towards the door.

  “You’re most welcome! Make sure you come have a little chat with me sometime before you decide to go, I have a million questions!” As I cleared the doorway, the bell tinkled again.

  “Will do!” I called over my shoulder.

  As I strode back over to the Mustang, feeling somehow a little better about everything after my little encounter with the old human motel keeper, I heard sirens in the distance, police sirens, sounding like they were on the freeway that ran right in front of the motel. I dicked it over to the car, flung the driver side door open and dove in, quickly yanking the door shut behind me. Skreech and the girls looked at me in unison, all eyes wide and bulging.

  “Duck down!” I hissed, sliding down as much as I could in the seat.

  “What’s goin’ on?” Skreech whispered.

  “I think we’re fucked! Just hold on and shut up!”

  “I demand you tell me what is happening,” the hybrid elf girl said, her voice rising with each word. “Just who do you think you are, the magister? You take us from hiding in a container to hiding in your dilapidated little car!”

  “Hey,” I started, incredibly insulted, “just hold the fuck on, alright?” I looked around and could tell that while the cops may have been in the area, they weren’t nearby, not yet, so I started up the car, kept all the lights off, and slowly crept around the side of the motel, pulling up and parking in the back next to a large work van with ladders and pipes and shit poking out of the back window.

  “I gotta use the bathroom, can we go in yet? Did you even get us a room?” the hybrid orc girl said, an eyebrow raised and catching my eyes in the rearview mirror after I had turned the car off but continued to sit where I was in the driver seat.

  “I do as well,” the elf girl added.

  “You’re gonna have to sit your sweet white elf ass on the side of the tub then, honey, ‘cause I need the toilet,” the orc girl said, irritation in her voice. Skreech turned his head towards me, shooting me a crazy look, like he didn’t know females had to piss and shit too.

  The elf girl shot a caustic look at the orc girl, then, her words dripped venom, “Who do you think you are, mongrel?”

  “What the fuck…” I muttered to myself, dragging a dirty red hand over my tired face, rubbing my closed eyeballs and temples with light pressure, then, looking around, making sure, at least as far as I could tell, that the fuzz wasn’t creepin’ around the parking lot, that no one was out and about to be able to catch a peak of us, and that no window curtains facing the parking lot had parted after I had parked the car and turned it off, I decided it was time we check out the room for the night. Maybe it was something else the sirens were for. “Alright,” I started, lookin’ from Skreech to the girls in the back seat, “we’re goin’ to quietly head into the room. And yea, I got us a damn room, it’s room eight.”

  Both girls nodded, clearly more eager to get out of yet another small locked cage than to be hittin’ a motel room with me. I can’t help but think how different this night would be under other circumstances...Me...Them...A bed..., I mused, looking at the girls a little longer, there’s somethin’ about them, that’s for sure. Then I saw Skreech was still lookin’ at me all bug-eyed and impatient, so I cracked the door open and got out, pulling the lever on the side to move the seat forward so the girls could get out of the back. The elf girl held her hand out to me, and I looked at it with some confusion for a moment then realized she needed me to steady her as she hopped out the back. Fuck, man, when’s the last time I took a broad’s hand to help her out the car…? I don’t know...I don’t think I ever did before...Huh...That’s classy, I thought, somewhat impressed with the elf girl’s manners, taking her hand and helping her out. Then, the orc girl moved over to where the elf girl had been sittin’ before in the back of the car and, smirking, also extended her hand out to me.

  “Me too,” she said coyly, imitating the elf girl, then added in a much fiercer voice, “ya hobgoblin bitch.” I looked down at her in astonishment for a moment, then, snorting a laugh and shaking my head briefly, I held out my hand for her and helped her out as well—whatever drug this girl was on sure gave her a sense of humor. Normally, broads talking like that would piss me the hell off, but something in the way she said it just made me bust up and I couldn’t be mad at her. I closed the door and heard Skreech scampering over to us, having closed the other door quietly shortly before I closed mine. He had become somethin’ of a master at sneakily opening and closing doors, ever since the time we pulled up to a heist in the middle of the night and the little shit slammed the door, ‘causin’ us to have to dick it outta there without even gettin’ to any goods. I turned to tell the hybrid girls let’s go, but I froze for a moment. Standing there looking them up and down, the light of the moon and stars in the night sky allowing me to now see them much better than before, I couldn’t help but be taken by them. Damn, they’re really beautiful, I thought, feeling bewitched, longingly gazing at the elf girl, the light curves of her body, the way the moonlight enhanced the milky white beauty of her skin, made her delicate bright blue eyes sparkle, gave her hair an ethereal shine. Then, my eyes turning to the orc girl, I suddenly felt drugged and lustful, her curves were much more pronounced than the elf girl, though still very athletic, had she been born latina instead of a green hybrid orc, she’d definitely be one of those girls in the latin beauty pageants, but regardless, she was gorgeous, green and all, her nipples hardening in the cold breeze of the desert night and starting to show through the thin fabric of her dress. She even seemed to shimmer in the moonlight. I looked closer and realized there was a light dew on her, around her face and neck, the parts of her shoulders and chest revealed by the black dress she had on, sweat but not quite, and I later discovered that orc girls got this dew on them when they were fertile and excited.

  “We gonna stand out here all night, boss?” Skreech hissed up to me.

  “Huh?” I said distractly, my eyes still glued to the orc girl, then, noticing that she had noticed me eyeballin’ her, I quickly turn to the goblin and whispered, “no, let’s go.” We walked over to the door of room eight, and I took out the crescent moon with cat keychain and pushed the key into the lock, which I swear made the loudest fuckin’ racket, this must have been the noisiest fuckin’ lock I ever came across, and then, turning the knob, I pushed the door open and held it open for the girls and Skreech. When they had all entered, I walked in behind them, closing the door and thinking, Look at me, Teek the fuckin’ doorman. Once they were in the room, the two girls looked at each other then promptly bolted for the bathroom, the elf girl being a little quicker, getting in first.

  “Bitch!” the orc girl shouted, shoving the door open as the elf girl tried to close it in her face. I heard a brief tussle in there, I couldn’t believe these two sexy ass hybrid broads were cat-fightin’ over a fuckin’ toilet, couldn’t believe this was the new low for me. On the fuckin’ run. Great, I rolled my eyes bitterly, what a look! Me, my fuckin’ goblin, and two hybrid bitches that I’ve fuckin’ stolen from the damn Dragon, the last guy I was lookin’ to cross...All I got is the fuckin’ cash on me and my stash in the car...I killed J-Maxx...Where the fuck am I even gonna go…? I made my way over to the bathroom, thinkin’ I might have to intervene, but then it quieted down suddenly and I heard two simultaneous streams of forceful liquid, one splashing against the water in the toilet, the other hitting dry bathtub, both girls making sounds of satisfaction. I heard the toilet flush and the girls came out of the bathroom, walked over to where the two beds were.

  The orc girl walked past me, her muscular ass swaying hypnotically under the tight black dress. She plopped onto the edge of the bed. “What now, mister red?”

  “Now we relax.”

  “Alright, I could use a foot rub.” She pointed her long muscular leg at me, flexing her toes. “Any day now.”

  Skreech looked from her to me and yelped out a laugh. The
elf girl sat down next to her and smirked briefly.

  I ignored her, trying to keep my eyes off the way her legs looked as the dress was rising up on them, went and turned the television on. Saw it was “The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly,” an old favorite of mine, somethin’ I had seen in the theaters with my old man, and I turned the volume up some. “Fuckin’ classic.”

  Skreech nodded, having watched reruns of it with me.

  “Good movie,” the orc hybrid girl yawned. A few minutes into watching Clint Eastwood walkin’ with his desert outlaw swag and I started thinking of the girls. Maybe they were settled in enough that I could really talk to them now.

  I turned back to the orc girl and went to stand in front of her. “We need to talk.”

  “You’re always saying we need to talk and we only just met,” she complained playfully.

  “Listen—” I started, gettin’ frustrated with the girl.

  “No, you listen,” she began, meeting my gaze with an equally heated look. “I’ve been in a dirty ass container for I don’t even know how long, okay? I can’t remember who even fuckin’ put me there, but I know they did shit to me when they had me, I can feel it in my body.” Her face twisted oddly when she said this, and the elf girl looked up at me and nodded shyly at this, as though she were having a similar experience. “And now I’m stuck with some red guy and his little fucking sidekick, and you wanna talk? Okay, fine, let’s talk. But first we eat.”

  I looked at her in shock. “How can you even think about food right now?”

  “Hob! I've been in a dungeon thing for who knows how long! I’m hungry! Figure something out!”

  I had felt my own belly gurgling for some time, but I’d been goin’ off pure adrenaline for hours and had been puttin’ off any thoughts of food.

  “Fine, whatever.” I turned to Skreech. “Bring those fuckin’ menus over here.”