Dungeons & Gangsters

by Marco Frazetta

  “I’m hungry,” Alelicia said suddenly, her voice sounding so close to my ear it startled me.

  I looked back and saw she had leaned forward to put her face closer to my ear. I looked back in the rearview and saw Tyzee make eye contact with me, then point a thumb over at Alelicia, and say, “what she said.”

  I rolled my eyes. “We just ate a few hours ago! I’m not gettin’ off the freeway right now, we’re not even anywhere near the Colorado border.”

  “That was the first time we’ve eaten in days,” Tyzee said, making me feel guilty. “You think they were feeding us in the train container? Once a day for the last three or four days one of those assholes would come in, squeeze my boobs hard, then yank open my mouth and pour in a few mouthfuls of water, then he’d tell me what a ‘good girl’ I was and would walk back out.” Hearing this really pissed me the fuck off. I felt protective, possessive, even jealous. I felt like I wanted to kill whoever that fuckin’ guard was all over again for puttin’ his fuckin’ hands on Tyzee. What the fuck is goin’ on with me? This girl ain’t nothin’ to me what do I care about her sob story? I gripped the steering wheel tighter, angry at myself for caring about these girls, angrier still at the scumbags that took them, that hurt them and fucked with their heads.

  “Alright. Look, I’m not used to… helping people.” that sounded like a prick thing to say I realized, stumbling over words as I tried to correct it. “Well taking care of them in this sort of way, you know, not that I’m an asshole... Fuck it. We’ll pull off at the next rest stop area, okay?”

  An awkward solcen hung for a moment.

  “Okay,” Alelicia replied.

  Tyzee simply nodded, then went back to looking out of the window. The sun was startin’ to come up and I threw my shades on. My eyes ached and felt bloodshot. I realized I was still driving with my bulletproof vest on. I hadn’t taken it off all night.

  “Skreech, help me outta this vest, would ya?” He nodded and started pulling at the velcro straps, pulling them apart and letting the vest slacken some, at which point I told him to take the wheel real quick as I lifted the loose vest over my head, passin’ it over to Skreech and takin’ the steering wheel in my own hand again.

  Alelicia leaned forward again, her mouth close to the top point of my ear. “Would you like me to hold that back here?” Her eyes were looking towards the vest on Skreech’s lap.

  My eyes widened in surprise. “Uh...sure, if you don’t mind.” Damn, never had a beautiful girl ask to hold my vest before… A beautiful elf girl at that. Skreech passed the vest back to her, and she laid it on her lap. As we slowly made our way along the 70 freeway through somewhere in Utah, I started to see signs for a rest stop area coming up soon. This seemed to lighten up Skreech’s and the girl’s spirits, which in turn seemed to lighten me up a bit. I flicked on the radio and lit a joint, taking in the landscape of the state we were passin’ through. Utah ain’t that bad, I mused, lots of little oasis type areas, mixed in with deserts and canyons. That human religion, the Mormons, runs the state, but they don’t seem that bad, a little shot out but nice enough. And that multiple wives thing, there was something about it that we hobgoblins connected with, seeing as how that was how we ran our thing back in the day, back in the dark ages, when us reds used to run the whooole shit.

  I saw the sign for the rest stop tellin’ me to exit now, so I swerved into the right lane and got off at the exit a mile up. I pulled into the somewhat crowded rest stop and parked in front of the Grabby’s. Grabby’s was a orc-run sandwich joint that was currently embroiled in a lawsuit with Arby’s, another sandwich joint, which mostly catered to humans, though ogres seemed to like it a good deal in LA. The owner of Grabby’s was a orc named Arby, who claimed that Arby’s the restaurant stole his name. It was an ongoing dispute that would be mentioned from time to time in the news. Truth be told, as much as I was disliking orcs at the moment, after the recent events of the last twenty four hours especially, I had to admit that Grabby’s made a hell of a sandwich. There was a couple of ‘em dotted around Los Angeles that I’d hit from time to time, goin’ the fuck in on one of those orc made hoagies. Thinkin’ about goin’ to the Grabby’s in L.A. made me feel a little sad, a little sour; as of last night my life in Los Angeles was over. Nobody robs the Dragon, at least as far as I knew, ‘cause no one ever lived to tell such a tale. That’d be some fuckin’ story, I thought, like a gangster version of that fuckin’ old human myth...Some asshole called Beowulf… Well Mr. Dragon, here’s one motherfucker that robbed your grimy ass and has lived to tell the tale, at least for a day, and it was a fuckin’ hobgoblin that jacked your shit, too! I smirked then turned towards Skreech and the girls in the back seat.

  “Do you know what ya want?” I asked them, shootin’ a thumb towards the front doors of the Grabby’s.

  Tyzee shrugged her shoulders. “Just the regular, something like a quarter pounder. Fries would be good.”

  Alelicia raised an eyebrow, said somewhat haughtily, “I’ve never heard of nor been to such a restaurant.”

  “Alright, well I’ll get you somethin’ good. One hyena burger coming up.”

  “A what?”

  I didn’t bother answering the princess. She was a ten and all, with those thin, delicate limbs that looked like they were carved out of some bronzed ivory, but damn could she be irritating. “Come on, Skreech, let’s grab some sandwiches.”

  Skreech rubbed his dirty little hands together. “Hell yea! We ain’t been to Grabby’s in forever, boss!” he squeaked. I told the girls to stay in the car, got no response, then headed into Grabby’s with Skreech. There was a line ahead of us a few deep, an orc family, a young human couple, some kids runnin’ around, and I got a little anxious ‘cause I didn’t like waitin’, especially not now with the hybrid girls just sittin’ there in the back seat of my Mustang, sittin’ there real pretty, quite a prize to the right kinda enterprising cat, one that would have no scruples about slippin’ into the front seat of my car and zoomin’ off. Come on, hurry the fuck up, I thought at the fat orc workin’ the counter, who was both incredibly tall and rotund, and incredibly slow with countin’ change. Fuckin’ guy should be workin’ the orc big & tall counter, not Grabby’s, come on! I stretched my neck over to try and see my car, make sure the girls were still in it, but I couldn’t see it from where I was at. Finally the line moved forward and the fat putz of an orc behind the counter dumbly asked, “can I take your order?”

  “Yea, gimme a number three, side of fries, a large Coke.” I turned to Skreech. “What’d you want again?”

  “I’ll get what you’re gettin’, boss.”

  I looked back up at the orc, “make that two number threes, same thing, side of fries, large Coke...and…a quarter pounder with fries and a hyena burger, extra saucy. Oh and throw in some Cokes, some waters.” I reached into my pocket and pulled’ out my rapidly dwindling cash.

  As we headed out, hands full of food and drinks, I had an odd feeling that something was wrong in the pit of my guts. The morning sun was so bright that it was glaring off my car’s windshield, making it impossible to see inside. I hurried over to the Mustang, Skreech huffin’ and puffin’ behind me with his arms full of sandwiches, and popped open the door. I put the food on the hood of the car, looked in, and realized there was only one girl sittin’ there, Alelicia.

  Chapter 17

  “Where is she? Where did she go?” I barked at the hybrid elf girl, furious.

  Alelicia looked up at me with vacant eyes and shrugged like she was still drugged a bit. “She just walked out.” She had put the bullet proof vest on, was probably still scared shitless deep down, and who could blame her. But I couldn't worry about that right now, with Tyzee who knows where.

  I left the food sittin’ on the hood and started to pace around, started feelin’ an odd desperation. Fuck! I roared internally, What the fuck was she thinking?! She’s not safe out here by herself! Then, my thoughts turned ugly and angry. You know what, fuck her, then! If she wants
to go her own way, doesn’t want to roll with me, so be it! I shoulda cut the both of ‘em loose as soon as the orcs hit the sand! “Tyzee!” I called out, getting no answer. Then after a few moments of checking the restaurant and the bathroom I couldn't spot her. “Fuck!” What if something happened to her? No, that couldn't be it. I couldn't let that happen. I went and sat down in the car, the door propped open. I was feelin’ deflated and tired, so fuckin’ tired. I let the back of my head hit the car seat and rolled my neck, feelin’ the neck bones crack and pop.

  I looked up and to the right, coming from down the road, I saw Tyzee saunter over, her hips swaying slightly as she moved towards the Mustang. I jumped out of the car when she was close enough to touch the hood, glared at her hard for a minute.

  “Oh! You brought the food out already! Sorry to keep you waiting, I had to use the girl’s room.”

  “The hell are you talking about? I checked both bathrooms, and you weren't there!”

  “Geeze, I tried going to the bathroom there, but there was someone in there, so I went to the one down the road. That gas station.”

  I tried to rein in my temper before sayin’ anything. “Don’t ever do that shit again.”

  “What? Go to the bathroom? Yea, that’s definitely reasonable.” She snorted, laughing, then saw the food up closer. “Damn, that smells good! We gonna eat right here on the hood?” She laughed, a few strands of her dark hair falling over her eyes as the wind blew. Well at least it seems like whatever dope they gave these two is startin’ to wear off. At least she’s laughin’, talkin’ some, I thought.

  “You know what I mean!” I blurted. “I didn’t know what happened to you!”

  “Relax,” she said softly, and surprisingly I started to. “What’s the point of being an outlaw of you can't take a leak when you feel like it?”

  The words took me back a moment, as she was staring right into my eyes with eyes that were violet with brown flecks, like a desert opal. I shook my head and motioned towards the sandwiches and shit sittin’ on the hood. “Let’s dig in, we gotta get back on the road and hustle.” I reached for my own sandwich. Alelicia had gotten out of the car and come up beside us, and began to pick at the food. We stood there eatin’ for a bit, had a real fuckin’ picnic on the hood of my Mustang. I looked over at Alelicia for a moment. “Wait, did you see she went to the bathroom and hadn’t just run off somewhere?”

  Alelicia was about to take another bite of her hyena burger. “I didn’t. It’s not like I’m her babysitter or something.” She chomped down, making a face at the burger.

  “And you didn’t think to keep an eye on her?” I asked, twirling my index finger at her.

  “No. What am I, a guard dog?”

  “What the fuck?” I asked, half laughing, lookin’ at them both. “Seriously though, don’t run off again without at least lettin’ me know.”

  “Got it, boss,” Tyzee said, mimicking Skreech, mock saluting me, giggling to herself as she ate and watched me fume.

  I crumpled up the wrapper of my sandwich, tossed it in the bag. “Alright. We gotta get movin’.”

  “Where are we even headed? Do you know?” Alelicia asked, sipping a Coke like a little kid that never had it before. I cocked an eyebrow at her.

  “We’re headed east, for now. I definitely can’t take you two back to California.”

  “Why?” the elf girl asked.

  “Is that where you’re from?” Tyzee asked, wolfing down the last few bites of her sandwich.

  “Something like that.” I was thinkin’ it might be too early to reveal to them that they had just recently been ridin’ that train on a one way ticket to the Dragon’s fuckin’ pleasure dungeon somewhere in Los Angeles, and that I had unwittingly nearly been a part of bringin’ them there to him. I shuddered for a moment, imagining the Dragon, picturing in my mind a full grown male dragonborn, wearin’ custom Versace suits and loafers, or maybe it was even a full on dragon dragon strollin’ in to a extra large custom home built to accommodate his massive bulk, then heading into a chamber where Tyzee and Alelicia would be chained up, awaiting him… for Maglubiyet knows what. I won’t let that happen, I thought, lookin’ from girl to girl, can’t let that happen. They can be bitches, but it’s just not right.

  I opened the door, lettin’ them back in after they had finished. Skreech hopped in and I closed my door, starting the Mustang up. I saw we were gettin’ low on gas, practically runnin’ on fumes, so I pulled over to the gas station in the rest stop area, an old BP station, hopped out and started walkin’ in. I felt for my cash in my left pocket, lookin’ around quickly to make sure no one saw me countin’ my bread in the middle of a fuckin’ gas station in the middle of fuckin’ no where like a fuckin’ chump. I pulled it out and did a quick count, “hundred, three hundred, six fifty.” I flipped through the bills rapidly, “twenty, fourty, eighty…” Shit, I thought, I only got about four racks left all together, countin’ what’s in my fuckin’ pocket and what’s stashed in the car. This ain’t good. I put my cash away and shoved the gas station door open, making it swing so vehemently it nearly crashed into the wall.

  “Give me forty on number two.” I saw a pack of Camel menthols behind the clerk, a young teenage-looking human, pointed at them. “Let me get two packs of them Camel menthols right there.”

  The kid rang it up, lookin’ at me bewildered. “Will that be all… sir?” Ah, another one that never seen a hobgoblin before. Sad, I pondered bitterly, we’re a dyin’ breed. Yet it wasn’t so long ago we were as feared as the Roman empire in its day…

  “Nah that’s it, take care, kid.” I snatched up the packs of smokes and headed out towards the car. After fillin’ up the tank I pulled back onto the freeway, headin’ ever eastward on the 70. After a few hours cruisin’ along, we started gettin’ close to the Colorado border. The girls had grown quiet after we hit the rode again, and I noticed after some time there was some soft little girl snores comin’ from the back, so I peeped the rearview mirror and saw Alelicia had started to snooze, her chin grazing the top of her chest with every breath. She’s gorgeous, I thought, studying her features as she slept. I always heard elf girls were high maintenance though, and she don’t seem no different, even if she is still dopey from whatever them scumbags gave ‘em. I looked over at Tyzee, who had slid down in the back seat, back to lookin’ out the window like there was somethin’ to see. I guess if I was stuck in that fuckin’ container I’d be lookin’ in wonder at whatever too. I shrugged, then took a joint out of the stash and lit it up. I took a few hits, then passed it to Skreech.

  Exhaling a thick plume from my nose like a fuckin’ bull, I asked Skreech, “how you feelin’ that tree, Skreech? Not bad for not bein’ that California bud, huh?” The little goblin took a hit, inhaled it deep into his little lungs, blew it out and sighed contentedly.

  “Yea,” he said, his eyes quickly becoming pink after each hit. “This is some good shit, boss.”

  I took the joint back, hittin’ it. “Yea, it’ll do for now -”

  “I wanna...I wanna go home…” Alelicia moaned suddenly in her sleep.

  Tyzee continued to look out the window, as though she hadn’t heard.

  Peeping back at Alelicia in the rearview, seein’ she was still asleep, I spoke as softly as I could. “Yea? And where’s that at?” I noticed Tyzee look at me quickly then turn back to the window. Alelicia went on snoozin’. I had heard once you could have conversations to an extent with people that were sleepin’, but this elf girl was knocked out. No wonder, I mused, they been through some shit, and it might be some shit that I don’t even want to know about.

  Lookin’ at Tyzee in the rearview, I suddenly felt off guard. “You got a real nice smile.” Even though there was smoke swirling around me, it was something real lucid, like I’d said it from some genuine place, my heart or some shit. I was thinkin’ to myself, yeah, a nice smile, the kind that make a dude all warm and fuzzy and a little uncertain inside.

  Tyzee looked back up at me in t
he rearview, our eyes meeting. She smiled briefly. “Thanks,” flashing those nice white teeth at me, then turnin’ back once more to that damn window.

  “Fuckin’ broad got me envious of a window,” I muttered to myself.

  “Huh?” Skreech asked, not quite catchin’ what I said.

  I switched lanes, increasing my speed. “Nothin’, pass me that map book again.” He clicked open the glove box and pulled it out, passin’ it to me. I opened it up to about where I thought we were, I had the finger of my right hand tracin’ the line on the page that said “freeway 70” then looked up and saw “Welcome to Colorful Colorado” on a rough old wooden sign starin’ back at me.

  “Welcome to colorful fuckin’ Colorado ladies and goblins,” I said sarcastically as we passed the sign, crossing over into the state. Skreech replied with a small chuckle. I looked back again in the rearview, saw Alelicia was still asleep, her face had contorted some like she was havin’ a bad dream. I looked next to her, saw that Tyzee had closed her eyes. I couldn’t tell if she was sleepin’ or just restin’ her eyes. Let her rest, I thought, the more they sleep the more recovered they'll be, and maybe start getting some of their memories back. And they'll let me have a moment to gather my thoughts too.

  It was later in the afternoon as we passed through Colorado. I lit up a joint, enjoyin’ the scenery. Nice, I thought, looking out the window when I could, forests, mountains. I can dig it. As the daylight began to dim, I saw we were comin’ up on the Colorado-Kansas border. The girls were still asleep, so I pulled off at a gas station, filled the tank back up, and kept truckin’. If we can get to Kansas City tonight, we’ll rest up and be ahead of the game. I hope. I never heard of the Dragon havin’ people this far east but you never know…