Eat, Slay, Love

by Eric Ugland

  “If you understood, you would not prevent me from being with my family.”

  “I’m not preventing you from being with your family—”

  “Oh? How else would you describe this?”

  “That you are prevented from joining your father on his estates is a side-effect of something else we are forced to do.”

  “You are forced to do nothing. You are the duke. You might—”

  “It has to appear normal.”

  “Nothing about you is normal, Montana of Coggeshall.”

  She tore into her toast angrily and chomped down on it.

  “Tasty?” I asked.

  “It is, and I hate it,” she replied, clearly unable to stop eating it. She piled all the toast she had, grabbed my remaining pieces, and stomped out of the room with the plate.

  “She likes the toast,” I called out over my shoulder.

  The cook laughed and clapped her hands.

  By the time my breakfast was done and I’d managed to finish most of what Eliza had left behind, Nikolai stood next to the table.

  “Your grace,” he said, “it is time for the council meeting.”

  “Don’t suppose it can happen here,” I said.

  “No. It cannot.”

  I sighed, pushed back the chair, and grabbed my mug of milk.

  6

  A new room had been built specifically for council meetings, which is why Nikolai forced me from the comfy surrounds of the cantina. The aptly-named council meeting room was behind the grand hall, and connected to both the hall and Nikolai’s office. While there was definitely enough space for an enormous conference table in there, at present it only had one of the larger tables from the lower cafeteria in it. Eight chairs surrounded it, and when I strolled in behind Nikolai, six were already taken.

  First was Lee, my fellow Earth-born buddy and engineering genius. He was still wearing traveling clothes, and given the mud on the floor around his chair, I’d wager he’d just returned from building the fortress along our northern border.

  Next up was Harmut, who had been the chief of his clan of dwarves. Now, though, he served on the council. A smile peeked out from under his beard, and there seemed to be a twinkle in his eyes.

  Nathalie Glaton, eyes puffy from crying, sat upright in her chair. She wore her full plate harness, ready to walk into battle the second there was a chance to fight. It wasn’t the worst look for the head of our guard, but I had a bad feeling about her state of mind, given her brother’s death. I made a note to speak to Nikolai about how to help her.

  Tarryn the warmancer slouched in his chair next to Nathalie with a mug of something red steaming in front of him. He looked haggard, which could mean he’d been practicing hard, or that he’d been drinking hard. Tough to tell.

  Timurlan the lifeweaver was next to Tarryn, and he had a small breakfast with him. He also had dirt under his fingernails, and a musty smell about him. At least, I hoped it was just dirt under his fingernails. Timurlan was in charge of our food production, and given how many mouths I’d just brought home with me, he was going to have his work cut out for him.

  In the last chair sat Baltu, the elderly kobold. Wisps of white feathers seemed to be growing in over his body, and, in contrast to nearly everyone else in the room, he looked to be getting healthier the longer he spent in Coggeshall. He smiled at me, his toothy grin a welcome sight.

  As soon as everyone realized I’d walked into the room, they all stood up. Baltu stood on his chair so he could see above the table.

  “Sit,” I said. “We’re, I mean, there’s no reason to stand—”

  Nikolai flicked my ear.

  “Ow,” I snapped.

  Nikolai pointed at the chair.

  I sat.

  Everyone else followed suit.

  Nikolai pulled a notebook out of his pocket and set it on the table.

  “Coggeshall Council is in session,” he intoned. “I am afraid there is quite a lot of business to get through today. To start, I would call the roll, but we can all see who is missing.”

  “Who?” I asked.

  “Lady Northwoods.”

  “Ah.”

  “She is sitting out in protest, I believe, over the Duke’s ruling regarding leaving the holding.”

  “There have been a few complaints in that vein,” Nathalie said. “My guards have been enduring it, but they are holding firm. No one has left today.”

  “Maybe we should keep track of who’s trying to leave,” I said.

  Nikolai shook his head. “Too much,” he whispered.

  All eyes at the table were on me, so I just smiled.

  “Fiends’ Night, huh?” I said.

  “Jumping a few of my bullet points,” Nikolai said, flipping his notebook open.

  “How many of the new mouths are going to become permanent?” Timurlan asked.

  “We have yet to really know,” Nikolai said. “There have been some requests to join Coggeshall so far, and, as Nathalie will tell you, some families have already attempted to leave.”

  “Coggeshall is prepared to get through the winter based on our population three days ago,” Timurlan replied. “I might be able to increase some yields, but if we’re housing and feeding all the newcomers from Osterstadt, I need more resources.”

  Nikolai scribbled in his notebook.

  “Plan for everyone staying,” Nikolai said. “Then tell me what you need.”

  “A damn miracle,” Timurlan replied.

  “I can get you all the prinkies you need,” I offered, summoning a prinky and tossing it to the lifeweaver.

  He grabbed the creature out of the air and set it on the ground. The prinky darted around to stand at my arm, ready for orders.

  “That might actually be of some use,” Timurlan said. “I have some ideas that might require enough manual labor to make them impossible without, you know, untiring workers.”

  “Let me know,” Nikolai said, and Timurlan nodded. “We do have a few requests to join our holding, and a few to join this council. In the past, your restrictions on joining Coggeshall have been—”

  “Nonexistent,” Harmut the dwarf piped up.

  There was some light laughter.

  “Relaxed,” said Nikolai, not smiling. “Is there anyone you’d prefer did not join?”

  Again, everyone looked at me.

  “Not that I can think of,” I said. “Pretty sure everyone is welcome in Coggeshall.”

  “Then I will organize a swearing in of anyone who wants to join. The council?”

  “Eh,” Harmut said. “Plenty big.”

  “Why would we—” I started, but Nikolai just cleared his throat. “I suppose you are going to explain.”

  “Thank you, your grace,” Nikolai said. “Many of those who came out to Osterstadt at the Emperor’s urging were ambitious nobles. Obviously, you have saved a great many of those nobles, and now they see you as the person of power. Some will likely make Coggeshall their long-term home, and will seek to have a say in how it is governed. They come from a position of power, and they expect that to extend here. Others will have seen you as the strongest representation of the Empire here, and, perhaps, think you might have an interest in the throne. They will look to ingratiate themselves to you so they might ride your coattails. There are five counts with lands in the east who are living in Coggeshall right now. Two have requested a place on your council. A marquessa, with lands to the southwest, is also requesting a meeting, which it is safe to assume will be a request to join the council. You may ask us for our feelings on the matter, or you may choose to decide yourself. Still—”

  “I think we’re fine for now,” I said. “Let’s give it a little time, see how things shake out once we know who’s actually staying.”

  “I warn you that some might leave if not given a place.”

  “Then fuck ‘em.”

  Nikolai frowned at me.

  “I mean,” I blurted, “maybe those people aren’t, um, right for Coggeshall.”

 
“Of course, your grace.”

  “Now can we talk about Fiends’ Night?”

  “Now we talk about ongoing projects. Lee, the fortress?”

  “It’s coming together,” Lee said. “The wall is in place across the lake. It’s probably enough to stop most people from coming in, but I wouldn’t think it’s ready for, say an army.”

  “Is there an army there?” I asked.

  “The centaur encampment is still in place on the plains, but that’s it. You should know the rolegurdaüdi are following us home. I believe they believe they’re coming into MountainHome.”

  “Where are they currently?” Nikolai asked.

  “We took Fritz back. They weren’t willing to share the ride, so they’re coming through the woods.”

  I grabbed the prinky. “Tell the wall guards—”

  Nikolai ripped a piece of paper out from his notebook and handed it to the prinky.

  “Take this to the captain of the guard,” Nikolai said.

  The prinky looked to me.

  “Take that to the captain of the guard,” I said.

  The prinky snatched the paper and its legs were already pumping, ready to run, before I set him down.

  “Does he know who the captain of the guard is?” Nathalie asked.

  “It’s possible,” I said.

  “Follow up afterward,” Nikolai said, writing in his book again, “if you don’t mind. Wouldn’t do to have our wall guards torn apart because they fired upon friends.”

  Nathalie nodded.

  “I’m not expecting any delays,” Lee said. “I mean, other than coming back for this holiday. Which, I mean, I think it would have been just as possible to remain in place—”

  Nikolai held up a hand. “It would not. But let us table that discussion until we get to it.”

  “Lee,” Timurlan said, “did you have a chance to look over those plans for the cold storage area we spoke about?”

  “I’ve got revised drawings in my pack,” Lee replied, “which is in Nikolai’s office. Not sure how far we can get without an enchanter, but that’s, I mean, it is what it is.”

  “Tarryn, have you met Arno?” I asked.

  “Arno?” Tarryn asked, thinking. “No.”

  “He’s an Imperial mancer who came in with the group. He might be able to, I mean, I don’t know the full range of his abilities, but—”

  “If he’s an Imperial mancer, is he even going to stay here?” Tarryn asked.

  “What are we doing about the Legion?” Nathalie asked. “And—”

  “As the highest ranking Imperial in the region,” Nikolai said, “and the nearest point to Osterstadt, Coggeshall would be the natural position for the Legion to take at present. I imagine there will be orders to retake Osterstadt in the very near future, which means the Empire will use our city as their staging point.”

  “How is Osterstadt—” I started to ask, but Nikolai shook his head.

  “I beg pardon, your grace, but that is not a problem we need to concern ourselves with at present. The Legion can build their own fortifications if necessary. But, Harmut, how is our housing situation in general?”

  “In general?” Harmut said. “Tight. We certainly have more than ample space to build housing, but we are running up against the limits of our labor. But, given Fiends’ Night, we might make that our project, and with all hands aboard—”

  “Hold off on Fiends’ Night talk,” Nikolai said, looking over his notebook. “I have a feeling there might be more than a little fighting over the events of the night. Do we have spots for everyone to sleep?”

  “We’ve got most everyone bedded down to some degree, though we’ve basically pulled all the hay from the barns and the upper farm,” Harmut said.

  “Likely we can get the weavers to up production,” Nikolai mused, tapping his pencil on the notebook. “Tailor blankets? Make cots, that sort of thing. Sleeping on the stone will not be an option for—”

  “We’ve also got the kobolds back now,” Lee said. “I’ve seen how they can work. Put them to the task and give them clear directions, and they’ll get those new bedrooms knocked out.”

  “There has been growth in our skills,” Baltu said. “I believe we can help.”

  Harmut didn’t look fully convinced, but he took a breath and then nodded. “You and I,” he said to Baltu, “can we speak after?”

  “Of course,” Baltu replied.

  “If you can, get to work on Legion barracks as well,” Nikolai said, ticking something off his list. “Might as well be prepared.”

  Harmut made a face, but dutifully pulled out his own notebook. I saw him begin sketching.

  “So we have covered most everything,” Nikolai said. “Now, Fiends’ Night. Do we have stores for a feast?”

  “Yes,” Timurlan said. “Plenty. We’ll be harvesting heavily for the next few days to make sure there’s adequate food for the new mouths, but I have no doubt we can feed everyone as much as they will want to eat.”

  “Space for it?”

  “Are you expecting a true Fiends’ Night feast?” Harmut asked.

  Nikolai nodded. “MountainHome shall be the Home for all of Coggeshall.”

  Harmut whistled. Nathalie shook her head. Baltu smiled.

  “Is the guard ready for it?” Nikolai asked Nathalie.

  “We have done some drills,” she said, “but given how many people will be inside that night, I can’t quite say what will happen.”

  “I want the secret entrance sealed,” I said. “Get Essie to seal it up, and then plan for a new exit. One that will be an actual secret this time.”

  “Yes, your grace,” Harmut said with a sigh.

  “All guards will be on duty that night,” Nathalie said. “Three fourteen-hour shifts with some overlap. There should be no breaches, provided—”

  “A breach will likely happen,” Nikolai said. “It always happens when a group this large is together. Any word on bounty hunters?”

  “None yet.”

  “Double check that,” Nikolai said. “And, your grace, I would suggest speaking with Yuri to insure he does not plan to partake in bounties.”

  “I don’t know what—” I started, but Nikolai gave me a sharp shake of his head, meaning it was one more thing to take up later.

  “I think we should hit the goblins before then,” Nathalie said. “They have been actively pushing into the valley more and more. They seem to be setting something up inside the kobold’s former home. If that happens, they’ll have us surrounded.”

  “I can spearhead that,” I said.

  “Your grace,” Nikolai said without looking up from his notebook, “I daresay your skills will be necessary elsewhere in this rather trying time, when your people will look to you for guidance and leadership.”

  “I don’t know,” Harmut said, leaning back in his chair, “I think it might be good for his grace to bust some goblin heads. Boost morale a little.”

  Nikolai shot a glare over to Harmut, but Harmut just shot a smile back. I think it was his way of getting back at Nikolai for forcing the dwarf to work with kobolds.

  “I have outlined some basic ideas for our Fiends’ Night,” Nikolai said. “We will have the Home Meal two hours past midday. At that point, we seal the doors. Gifts will be given after the Home Meal. There will be a dance in the evening, a ball for all of Coggeshall—”

  “A ball?” Harmut asked, almost a sneer. “Dancing for Fiends’ Night? Might as well—”

  Nikolai frowned.

  I slammed my hand on the stone table, hard, to make a point. A piece of the table cracked and fell onto my lap.

  All eyes were on me.

  “No more interrupting,” I said sharply.

  “I appreciate the intensity, your grace,” Nikolai said. “But I fear this is why we cannot have nice things.”

  “I can get a new table in here later today,” Harmut said, glancing at the cracks shooting out from my hit.

  “Thank you,” Nikolai continued. “Following the
ball, there will be food available in the cantinas for anyone to eat whenever they want. That will also be the time for Harmut’s project to begin. You will have whomever wishes to work with you to do what it is you wish to accomplish.”

  “Do we have a ballroom?” I asked.

  “No, your grace,” Harmut said.

  “Where is the ball going to be, then?”

  Harmut shrugged, then pointed at Nikolai. “Ask him.”

  “Where are we having the ball?” I asked.

  “Harmut,” Nikolai said, “we will need a ballroom.”

  “That can fit how many people?”

  “The current population of Coggeshall. It will need to sit that many people.”

  “That is an absurd request.”

  “And here I’d been hearing legends of dwarven engineering and stonework,” I said. “I guess we should ask the kobolds?”

  Harmut reacted as if someone had slapped him. “I never said we could not do it,” he snapped, “just that it is absurd.”

  “So get it done,” I replied with a smile.

  “Ballroom, apartments, Legion barracks. Anything else?” Harmut asked, getting to his feet and kicking his chair over.

  “Can I get a slide from my rooms down to the barracks put in? Or the armory?”

  He stared at me for a moment, and then stomped out of the room.

  “Other questions?” Nikolai asked, then before anyone could say anything, he closed his notebook with some force. “Lovely. Council is adjourned for now. Though given everything going on, I’m scheduling another meeting tomorrow morning.”

  7

  Nikolai grabbed me and Lee and pulled us into his office. A new small bed was in the corner, barely visible beneath a tangle of blankets. His desk was covered in papers, though there seemed to be some sort of organization in the madness. A remarkably large crate leaned against one wall, nearly full of shiny pebbles.

  I summoned a few prinkies and got them to work cleaning the space.

  Nikolai sat down at his desk with a grunt, and then leaned back in his chair.

  “Fiends’ Night,” he said.

  “Right,” Lee said. “Why exactly, did we need to come back?”