The Big Time

by Fritz Leiber

  CHAPTER 15

  black legged spiders with red hearts of hell

  --marquis

  LORD SPIDER

  "Jesu!" I turned and Sid's face was sticking through the screen like atinted bas-relief hanging on a gray wall and I got the impression he hadpeered unexpectedly through a slit in an arras into Queen Elizabeth'sbedroom.

  He didn't have any time to linger on the sensation, even if he'd wantedto, for an elbow with a copper band thrust through the screen and dughis ribs and Kaby marched Lili in by the neck. Erich, Mark and Illy wereright behind. They caught the blue flashes and stopped dead, staring atthe long-lost. Erich spared me one look which seemed to say, so you didit, not that it matters. Then he stepped forward and picked it up andheld it solidly to his left side in the double right-angle made byfingers, forearm and chest, and reached for the Introversion switch witha look on his face as if he were opening a fifth of whisky.

  The blue light died and Change Winds hit me like a stiff drink that hadbeen a long, long time in coming, like a hot trumpet note out ofnowhere.

  I felt the changing pasts blowing through me, and the uncertaintieswhistling past, and ice-stiff reality softening with all its duties andnecessities, and the little memories shredding away and dancing off likeautumn leaves, leaving maybe not even ghosts behind, and all the crazymoods like Mardi Gras dancers pouring down an evening street, andsomething inside me had the nerve to say it didn't care whether GretaForzane's death was riding in those Winds because they felt so good.

  I could tell it was hitting the others the same way. Even battered,tight-lipped Lili seemed to be saying, you're making me drink the stuffand I hate you for it, but I do love it. I guess we'd all had the worrythat even finding and Extroverting the Maintainer wouldn't put us backin touch with the cosmos and give us those Winds we hate and love.

  The thing that cut through to us as we stood there glowing was not thethought of the bomb, though that would have come in a few seconds more,but Sid's voice. He was still standing in the screen, except that nowhis face was out the other side and we could just see parts of hisgray-doubleted back, but, of course, his "Jesu!" came through the screenas if it weren't there.

  At first I couldn't figure out who he could be talking to, but I swear Inever heard his voice so courtly obsequious before, so strong and yet sofilled with awe and an under-note of, yes, sheer terror.

  "Lord, I am filled from top to toe with confusion that you should sohonor my poor Place," he said. "Poor say I and mine, when I mean that Ihave ever busked it faithfully for you, not dreaming that you would evercondescend ... yet knowing that your eye was certes ever upon me ...though I am but as a poor pinch of dust adrift between the suns ... Iabase myself. Prithee, how may I serve thee, sir? I know not e'en howmost suitably to address thee, Lord ... King ... Emperor Spider!"

  * * * * *

  I felt like I was getting very small, but not a bit less visible, worseluck, and even with the Change Winds inside me to give me courage, Ithought this was really too much, coming on top of everything else; itwas simply unfair.

  At the same time, I realized it was to be expected that the big bosseswould have been watching us with their unblinking beady black eyes eversince we had Introverted waiting to pounce if we should ever come out ofit. I tried to picture what was on the other side of the screen and Ididn't like the assignment.

  But in spite of being petrified, I had a hard time not giggling, likethe zany at graduation exercises, at the way the other ones in Surgerywere taking it.

  I mean the Soldiers. They each stiffened up like they had the old ramrodinside them, and their faces got that important look, and they glancedat each other and the floor without lowering their heads, as if theywere measuring the distance between their feet and mentally chalkingalternate sets of footprints to step into. The way Erich and Kaby heldthe Major and Minor Maintainers became formal; the way they checkedtheir Callers and nodded reassuringly was positively esoteric. Even Illysomehow managed to look as if he were on parade.

  Then from beyond the screen came what was, under the circumstances, theworst noise I've ever heard, a seemingly wordless distant-soundinghowling and wailing, with a note of menace that made me shake, althoughit also had a nasty familiarity about it I couldn't place. Sid's voicebroke into it, loud, fast and frightened.

  "Your pardon, Lord, I did not think ... certes, the gravity ... I'llattend to it on the instant." He whipped a hand and half a head backthrough the screen, but without looking back and snapped his fingers,and before I could blink, Kaby had put the Minor Maintainer in his hand.

  Sid went completely out of sight then and the howling stopped, and Ithought that if that was the way a Lord Spider expressed his annoyanceat being subjected to incorrect gravity, I hoped the bosses wouldn'tstart any conversations with me.

  Erich pursed his lips and threw the other Soldiers a nod and the four ofthem marched through the screen as if they'd drilled a lifetime for thismoment. I had the wild idea that Erich might give me his arm, but hestrode past me as if I were ... an Entertainer.

  I hesitated a moment then, but I had to see what was happening outside,even if I got eaten up for it. Besides, I had a bit of the thought thatif these formalities went on much longer, even a Lord Spider was goingto discover just how immune he was to confined atomic blast.

  I walked through the screen with Lili beside me.

  * * * * *

  The Soldiers had stopped a few feet in front of it. I looked aroundahead for whatever it was going to turn out to be, prepared to drop acurtsy or whatever else, bar nothing, that seemed expected of me.

  I had a hard time spotting the beast. Some of the others seemed to behaving trouble too. I saw Doc weaving around foolishly by the controldivan, and Bruce and Beau and Sevensee and Maud on their feet beyond it,and I wondered whether we were dealing with an invisible monster; oughtto be easy enough for the bosses to turn a simple trick likeinvisibility.

  Then I looked sharply left where everyone else, even glassy-eyed Doc,was coming to look, into the Door sector, only there wasn't any monsterthere or even a Door, but just Siddy holding the Minor Maintainer andgrinning like when he is threatening to tickle me, only more fiendishly.

  "Not a move, masters," he cried, his eyes dancing, "or I'll pin the packof you down, marry and amen I will. It is my firm purpose to see thePlace blasted before I let this instrument out of my hands again."

  My first thought was, "'Sblood but Siddy is a real actor! I don't careif he didn't study under anyone later than Burbage, that just proves howgood Burbage is."

  Sid had convinced us not only that the real Spiders had arrived, butearlier that the gravity in the edge of Stores had been a lot heavierthan it actually was. He completely fooled all those Soldiers, includingmy swelled-headed victorious little commandant, and I kind of filed awaythe timing of that business of reaching out the hand and snapping thefingers without looking, it was so good.

  "Beauregard!" Sid called. "Get to the Major Maintainer and callheadquarters. But don't come through Door, marry go by Refresher. I'llnot trust a single Demon of you in this sector with me until much morehas been shown and settled."

  "Siddy, you're wonderful," I said, starting toward him. "As soon as Igot the Maintainer unsnarled and looked around and saw your sweet oldface--"

  "Back, tricksy trull! Not the breadth of one scarlet toenail nearer me,you Queen of Sleights and High Priestess of Deception!" he bellowed."You least of all do I trust. Why you hid the Maintainer, I know not,'faith, but later you'll discover the truth to me or I'll have yourgizzard."

  I could see there was going to have to be a little explaining.

  * * * * *

  Doc, touched off, I guess, by Sid waving his hand at me, threw back hishead and let off one of those shuddery Siberian wolf-howls he does soblamed well. Sid waved toward him sharply and he shut up, beamingtoothily, but at least I knew who was respo
nsible for the Spider wail ofdispleasure that Sid had either called for or more likely got as a giftof the gods and used in his act.

  Beau came circling around fast and Erich shoved the Major Maintainerinto his hands without making any fuss. The four Soldiers were lookingpretty glum after losing their grand review.

  Beau dumped some junk off one of the Art Gallery's sturdy taborets andset the Major Maintainer on it carefully but fast, and quickly knelt infront of it and whipped on some earphones and started to tune. The wayhe did it snatched away from me my inward glory at my big Inversionbrainwave so fast, I might never have had it, and there was nothing inmy mind again but the bronze bomb chest.

  I wondered if I should suggest Inverting the thing, but I said tomyself, "Uh-uh, Greta, you got no diploma to show them and thereprobably isn't time to try two things, anyway."

  Then Erich for once did something I wanted him to, though I didn't carefor its effect on my nerves, by looking at his Caller and sayingquietly, "Nine minutes to go, if Place time and cosmic time aresynching."

  Beau was steady as a rock and working adjustments so fine that Icouldn't even see his fingers move.

  Then, at the other end of the Place, Bruce took a few steps toward us.Sevensee and Maud followed a bit behind him. I remembered Bruce wasanother of our nuts with a private program for blowing up the place.

  "Sidney," he called, and then, when he'd got Sid's attention, "Remember,Sidney, you and I both came down to London from Peterhouse."

  I didn't get it. Then Bruce looked toward Erich with a devil-may-carechallenge and toward Lili as if he were asking her forgiveness forsomething. I couldn't read her expression; the bruises were blue on herthroat and her cheek was puffy.

  Then Bruce once more shot Erich that look of challenge and he spun andgrabbed Sevensee by a wrist and stuck out a foot--even half-horsesaren't too sharp about infighting, I guess, and the satyr had everyright to feel at least as confused as I felt--and sent him stumblinginto Maud, and the two of them tumbled to the floor in a jumble of hairylegs and pearl-gray frock. Bruce raced to the bomb chest.

  * * * * *

  Most of us yelled, "Stop him, Sid, pin him down," or something likethat--I know I did because I was suddenly sure that he'd been askingLili's pardon for blowing the two of them up--and all the rest of ustoo, the love-blinded stinker.

  Sid had been watching him all the time and now he lifted his hand to theMinor Maintainer, but then he didn't touch any of the dials, justwatched and waited, and I thought, "Shaitan shave us! Does Siddy want inon death, too? Ain't he satisfied with all he knows about life?"

  Bruce had knelt and was twisting some things on the front of the chest,and it was all as bright as if he were under a bank of Klieg lights, andI was telling myself I wouldn't know anything when the fireball fired,and not believing it, and Sevensee and Maud had got unscrambled and werestarting for Bruce, and the rest of us were yelling at Sid, except thatErich was just looking at Bruce very happily, and Sid was still notdoing anything, and it was unbearable except just then I felt the littlearteries start to burst in my brain like a string of fire-crackers andthe old aorta pop, and for good measure, a couple of valves comeunhinged in my ticker, and I was thinking, "Well, now I know what it'slike to die of heart failure and high blood pressure," and having a lastquiet smile at having cheated the bomb, when Bruce jumped up and backfrom the chest.

  "That does it!" he announced cheerily. "She's as safe as the Bank ofEngland."

  Sevensee and Maud stopped themselves just short of knocking him down andI said to myself, "Hey, let's get a move on! I thought heart attackswere fast."

  Before anyone else could speak, Beau did. He had turned around from theMajor Maintainer and pulled aside one of the earphones.

  "I got headquarters," he said crisply. "They told me how to disarm thebomb--I merely said I thought we ought to know. What did you do, sir?"he called to Bruce.

  "There's a row of four ankhs just below the lock. The first to your leftyou give a quarter turn to the right, the second a quarter turn to theleft, same for the fourth, and you don't touch the third."

  "That is it, sir," Beau confirmed.

  The long silence was too much for me; I guess I must have the shortestspan for unspoken relief going. I drew some nourishment out of myrestored arteries into my brain cells and yelled, "Siddy, I know I'm atricksy trull and the High Vixen of all Foxes, but what the Hell isPeterhouse?"

  "The oldest college at Cambridge," he told me rather coolly.