Fireflies - a Tale of Life and Death

by Bree Wolf

  The ghost of a smile danced over Gabriel's face.

  Well, that's a start, Hannah said as her tiny light danced joyfully up and down. Now, how did an assignment put such a scowl on your face?

  Gabriel sighed, but he raised his head to look at her. "Mr. Eves said to write about what we expect of this school year, where we see ourselves at the end of term."

  And the problem is?

  Shaking his head, he shrugged. "I have no idea what I want." His shoulders sank. "I didn't realize it before."

  What do you mean?

  Again, Gabriel sighed. "When I stood up to my parents and told them that I wanted to stay, I felt so good. Like I had the power to make my life what I wanted it to be and not have someone else tell me what to do. But now that I have to write down what I hope to accomplish this year, I just realized that I don't know what I want to happen next. Now that I get to decide, I don't know what to do."

  And that is so bad? Hannah asked.

  Slumping down, Gabriel averted his eyes. "I feel like I let you down."

  What? The tiny light buzzed up in surprise. Why?

  "Because you helped me realize that I had to do something if I wanted things to change and not wait for them to change on their own. But now that I actually have the chance to create a new life for myself, I'm lost." Gabriel glanced up at her. "You should have gotten that chance to start over, not me. I don't even know what to do with it."

  You're twelve years old, Gabriel, you don't have to have all the answers. The tiny light hung in the air, perfectly still. That's what this is all about, finding the answers to the questions you have. So there you go, you know what you want. You want to figure out what is important to you in life, how you want to live. The tiny firefly hovered lower as though to look in his eyes. Ask yourself why you stayed here, and what you need in order to feel good about going home to your parents. Maybe if you write this down, organize your thoughts, it'll help you make sense of them.

  For a second, Gabriel closed his eyes. As he opened them, a relieved smile settled on his face. "I don't know how you do it," he said. "But I'm glad you gave me a kick in the butt again."

  What are friends for?

  ***

  "Hi, there," Gabriel said, waving to Liam as he walked his bike out of the garage and down his grandparents' driveway. "I can't believe it's Monday again."

  Liam snorted. "Yeah, it really should be five days off and only two days of school." He stopped and looked at Gabriel. "You know what? We should put that in the suggestion box. Who knows? Maybe it'll come true one day."

  "But not in our lifetime."

  "Okay, future generations will be so grateful." Liam's face split into a grin. "Maybe they'll name a holiday after us."

  Gabriel laughed. "Yeah, getting another day off for the great deed of getting more days off for people."

  "Hey, I can dream, can't I?" Liam objected.

  Jumping on their bikes, they slowly rode down the street and turned right at the next corner. "Hey, do you want to get together after school?" Gabriel asked. "And pretend it's not Monday?"

  Liam smiled. "Sounds good, but I'm kind of busy."

  "Really? With what?"

  "I promised to help a friend."

  Gabriel frowned. "Anyone I know?"

  As though ashamed of something, Liam averted his eyes and kept them focused on the road ahead. "Yeah."

  When he didn't elaborate, Gabriel asked, "Who is it? Or is it a secret?" Suddenly, he remembered how last summer he had promised Hannah to keep her illness from their friends. It had been difficult, but he had promised.

  Liam shook his head. "Not really, but..."

  "You don't want to say," Gabriel finished for him.

  Lifting his eyes off the ground, Liam looked up. "Is that okay?"

  Gabriel nodded. "Sure." When the time came, Liam would tell him.

  Although everything else in his life had changed, school was pretty much the same for Gabriel. Sure, now he had friends. He didn't sit alone at lunch anymore or ride back home by himself or walk the hallways with his eyes glued to the floor. But class itself was as it always had been.

  Generally, Gabriel paid attention, afraid the teacher would know just by looking at him that his mind was occupied elsewhere and call him on it. But although he could answer most of the questions asked or solve the tasks given, Gabriel rarely did. Thanks to his new hairdo, he had gotten used to people looking at him, but that was still just superficial. Something visible on the outside. Answering a question, sharing what was on his mind, still felt too intimate, too private to Gabriel to give others even just a glance of it. He wasn't there yet. He wondered if he'd ever be. Now that Hannah was gone.

  "Do you want to hang out this afternoon?" Gabriel asked Eddie after last period. "Do something fun?"

  Eddie sighed. "Would love to, but I can't." As Gabriel frowned, he went on. "I gotta help out in the library. Remember? Principal Hall's punishment from the first day of school."

  "Really?" Again, Gabriel frowned. "I thought that was over by now."

  Eddie shrugged, pushing open the door to the school yard. "Technically, it was. But then last Wednesday, while I was returning the books to the shelves,...well, I thought no one was there and I felt kind of tired of everything, of not having enough time to work on my story for the Writers' Workshop, that I started ranting about Mrs. Hall...and well, she–"

  "She was standing right behind you," Gabriel finished, grinning from ear to ear.

  "Kind of, yeah," Eddie said, head hanging down.

  Gabriel just laughed. He saw Eddie's annoyed face, and yet, he couldn't stop. He laughed until the muscles in his belly hurt and he was panting for breath.

  Hands in his sides, his head tilted slightly upward, Eddie glared at him. "I'm glad my misery amuses you."

  "I'm sorry," Gabriel tried to speak, catching his breath. "I don't know what's going on, but I just couldn't help it." He took a deep, slow breath. "I guess I needed it. I've been kind of down lately, and I don't really know why."

  "I see," Eddie said, a more pleasant expression returning to his face.

  Gabriel shrugged. "Yeah, that's why I thought we could do something fun to take my mind of things. But since you're out, Jordan is still on cleaning duty and Liam turned me down as well, I guess I'll be wallowing alone in my room this afternoon."

  Eddie's face darkened. "Don't get me started on Liam!"

  Surprised at his reaction, Gabriel stopped, then headed after him as Eddie turned around the corner, walked past the yard in front of the school building and toward the library. "What's going on? Are you guys having a fight?" he asked, spotting Liam and Jack walking out the side entrance to the bicycle stand.

  "You're damn right we are," Eddie hissed, his head turning a tinge redder. "I mean I like Jordan just fine, but this is betrayal. If worst comes to worst, we guys gotta stick together."

  "What are you talking about?"

  Glaring at Liam, Eddie almost seemed to choke on his words. "That little...weasel decided it was just fine to ditch me and instead help out Jordan. Like she didn't deserve her punishment. Me, well, that was just an accident."

  Gabriel frowned. "What do you mean, help out Jordan? With–"

  "With her punishment," Eddie spat. "Every other day, he stays after school and helps her. This way, she gets out an hour early." For a second, his eyes darted to Gabriel. "You didn't know that? I should tell on him." A devilish smile spread across his face. "Yes, I should tell Principal Hall. Better yet, I should make her catch them." Looking smug, he rubbed his hands with barely contained glee. "That'll teach them."

  "Are you insane?" Gabriel called loud enough that Liam and Jack looked up, heads turning in their direction. He waved at them and then grabbed Eddie by the shoulder, who continued staring past him, fixing Liam with an evil eye. "Snap out of it!" Gabriel said, shaking him. "This is not what friends do."

  "Friends?" Eddie asked, finally looking at him. "Don't friends also help each other?"

 
; "Yes, they do," Gabriel said. "And he is. He is helping Jordan, who is our friend too, in case you've forgotten."

  "But–" Eddie opened his mouth, but Gabriel instantly cut him off.

  "Did he really ditch you or was he already helping Jordan before you thought of asking him? Or are you just mad because you found out?"

  Eddie frowned, but his shoulders seemed to relax. "Well, he should have asked me first."

  "Why?"

  "Because...," he shrugged. "Well, she's a girl. We guys gotta stick together."

  Gabriel laughed. "One, you've already said that, and two, that's lame." At his words, a spark of anger returned to Eddie's face, but luckily, it didn't ignite. "Liam is your friend, and so is Jordan. Today, he is helping her, next time, he'll help you."

  Eddie shrugged. "If you say so," he mumbled as he turned down the street and headed towards his punishment.

  Gabriel took a deep breath, hoping that Eddie and Liam would be okay. Then he slowly walked down the other direction to the bike stand where Jack and Liam were arguing as it seemed.

  "It's her punishment," Jack hissed. "If you help her, it's like you're saying what she did was okay, and it wasn't. It was a stupid thing. She could have killed herself."

  "Yes, I know," Liam said, trying to cool Jack down. "And I told her so. She knows how I feel about this."

  "And you think she cares what you think?" Jack asked, glaring at his best friend. "If you do, you're an idiot. Just like her. She doesn't see what she did wrong, and next time, maybe she won't be so lucky. Maybe then she'll get really hurt." He exhaled slowly. "Only if the consequences hurt now, only if they really hurt her, then she might just stop to think first the next time."

  Head hanging, Liam nodded. "Yes, I know. I know you're right, but I already promised her. I can't go back on my word."

  Jack shook his head. "Oh, c'mon. Don't give me that crap! You just want to get on her good side. Why is that so important to you?" Jack's shoulders slumped, and for a second, he didn't say a word but just stared at Liam. "Would you really rather help her clean up the school than hang out with me at the Dive?"

  "That's not it," Liam said. "It's got nothing to do with you. It's just I promised and–"

  "Oh, save it!" Jack cut in. "I don't want to hear your excuses!" And with that he jumped on his bike and rode down the street.

  Stone-faced, Gabriel watched as for a second Liam just stood there and looked after his friend. Then he closed his eyes as though to shake off their fight, turned around and headed back inside.

  I think Jack likes him.

  Gabriel flinched. "Hannah?"

  Yep.

  "What are you doing here?" he whispered, looking around. "Where are you?" There was no tiny light anywhere he could see.

  I thought I'd drop by before you spend another night sitting by my headstone. And stop looking around! You can't see me, not in the daylight.

  "You can do this?" Gabriel asked. "Just come here?"

  I did, didn't I? You should go after Jack. He seems to need a friend right now.

  "Yeah, but...Hannah?" Gabriel asked, still looking around. Suddenly, he felt alone again. "Hannah? Hannah?"

  But there was no answer.

  ***

  As he came through the high grass and the water came in sight, Gabriel remembered all those wonderful days, just swimming and hanging out. It had been an amazing summer. The water still shimmered in the rays of sunshine reaching through the densely growing trees and bushes, but the sky had lost some of its color. The bright and vibrant blue had dimmed and spoke of colder days, hiding on the horizon.

  Jack sat by their spot under the big tree. His head hung low, and he turned a small pebble in his hands. When he heard Gabriel's footsteps approach, he turned to look.

  "Do you mind if I sit?" Gabriel asked.

  Jack shook his head. "What are you doing here?"

  Lowering himself into the grass, Gabriel shrugged. "Don't know. It's been that kind of day."

  Jack nodded, his eyes returning to the pebble in his hands.

  "Have you finished the first assignment yet?" Gabriel asked, but Jack just stared out toward the water and the tree line in the distance. "I'm not sure what to write." He, too, grabbed a pebble. "Things are difficult right now."

  Again, Jack nodded. "Yes, they are."

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