SIR

by R. J. Lewis

  I push the door open and step into the dark room. My eyes are everywhere, and it’s not long before my fears are found. I can smell her perfume in the air. I see her bikini top on the floor. Then her shorts. I step over them, walking quietly along the trail and come to a stop in front of a four-poster bed.

  I finally look up.

  Ripples of sadness flow through me. I inhale sharply, lips trembling. Pressure builds behind my eyes.

  They’re in bed, intertwined, undressed. Aidan’s by the edge of the mattress, sleeping on his back, shirtless. The light bedsheet is just barely over his hips. Nina’s less decent. She’s totally naked, pressed against his side like she chased him in the night. Her arm is sprawled over his chest.

  I’m shaking.

  There are no words to describe this agony, sharp and pointed, twisting like a dagger that’s been plunged into my broken heart.

  A tear falls. I feel it run down the side of my face.

  Fucking ouch.

  But deep down I knew this was a possibility. How foolish of me not to prepare myself adequately for it. You silly, naïve girl, Ivy.

  As if sensing me, Nina stirs and opens her eyes. She finds me straight away. She eyes my expression, studying it. We look at each other in the quiet. It’s an inquisitive exchange; like she’s trying to figure me out while I’m trying not to self-destruct from within.

  Then her face twists.

  “Aidan!” she exclaims, sounding horrified despite the cool look on her face. “That girl is in our room staring at us! Aidan, wake up!”

  He opens his eyes, inhaling sharply. She leans over him now, shaking him. Her breasts press against the side of his body. I watch her nipples graze over the tattoos I licked and kissed.

  Another tear falls.

  Aidan slowly sits up. He says nothing straight away because Nina is carrying on like a bloody banshee.

  “Would you kick her the fuck out?” She swings her eyes to mine. “Get the fuck out of our room!”

  “Enough,” Aidan tells her, voice heavy from sleep. “She’s here to get me up.”

  This angers Nina. She shoots me a vicious look. “That’s what alarm clocks are for, Aidan. You should have locked the door last night!” She gathers the bed sheet and wraps it around her waist. Not her boobs. No, just her waist. She’s flaunting her nudity shamelessly as Aidan, still half-asleep, slowly slips out of bed. Tension leaves my bones when I see that he’s in black briefs. Better than seeing him totally nude with this vicious chihuahua.

  Without a glance in my direction, he walks past me and to the bathroom. He leaves the door wide open as he pisses in the toilet. That’s totally not the Aidan I know.

  I turn away from Nina because I don’t trust myself. I walk to the window and shove aside the heavy curtains. The light pours in, igniting the room. I shut my eyes to the heat, embracing it like a balm to a wound. Nina curses behind me while I collect myself. I swallow a few times, trying to remove the lump in my throat and wipe away the tears. Can’t let them see my pain.

  It’s so much harder than it sounds.

  It’s like telling a cut to heal itself.

  It’s like seeing light in darkness.

  Impossible, but necessary.

  I spin back around, eyes hard, face impassive. Nina’s slipped out of bed and into a G-string. She grabs a silk robe on the armchair beside the bed and throws it on. She doesn’t buckle the front. She keeps it open, showing off her little curves as she turns to look at me in the light.

  “You’ve been crying,” she muses, smirking wickedly at me. “I saw it. You stood before the bed, stared at us and cried.”

  Aidan emerges from the bathroom, but his head is turned to me like he heard her.

  “I think that’s a gross exaggeration,” I respond coolly. “The perfume in this room is diabolical. Would make a grown man cry.”

  Nina scoffs, tossing a doubtful look in Aidan’s way. “My perfume isn’t that strong. Is it, baby?”

  My skin prickles every time she calls him baby. I imagine myself performing the Rock’s People’s Elbow on her, and it helps take the edge off my rage.

  Aidan’s still staring at me, not responding. I look back without wavering. I can’t read him as he watches me closely. Does he remember the angry kiss he inflicted on me last night? The way his eyes drop fleetingly at my lips, I think he does, but the way we’re looking at one another—coolly and guardedly—it may as well not have happened. He says nothing as he turns away and opens the door to his walk-in closet and disappears inside.

  Nina is already fetching a packet of smokes from the nightstand and lighting up. Inside my fucking dream home, this bitch is smoking inside it, staining the walls with her perfume scent, tainting the mirrors with her insect face reflection.

  She walks past me and to the balcony door. She opens it and steps out, stretching under the hot sun, that robe barely hanging off her. I glare at her, eyeing her form. Her skin is flawless, whereas mine is loaded with scars and marks and all kinds of fuckery. She couldn’t be anymore different from me if she tried.

  A body like hers hasn’t experienced life. I tell myself. It hasn’t gotten down and dirty and suffered.

  Aidan emerges from the closet. He’s half-dressed in a suit. The only thing he needs to do is button up his shirt. I look back at him, studying the suit, shaking my head because it’s nothing like the style he used to wear. This one is too slim, too tight fitting. Not that it looks bad. Far from it. It just looks wrong.

  He catches my expression. “Care to explain that frown, Miss Montcalm?”

  I look him in the eyes. “I think you can do better than that, Mr West.”

  His eyes narrow. “You think you know suits?”

  “I know you’d look better in a suit with more balance.”

  “Balance of what?”

  “Slim and classic.”

  “I think you look fuckable,” Nina calls out. Her back is pressed against the balcony, facing us.

  “No one is arguing that,” I reply. “I’m just expressing my opinion.”

  “No one asked for it.” She looks at me, raising a brow. “What do you even know about a man’s wardrobe?”

  “Shouldn’t you be hugging a tree right now?” I bite back.

  She smirks, face filled with arrogance. “Oh, you saw that, did you?”

  “Unfortunately.”

  “Aren’t you funny,” she dryly replies. “Or is that jealousy I detect?”

  “Of you hugging the tree?” I retort, scoffing. “I pity the tree.”

  “No, that I can hug a tree and make it look fucking beautiful. Can you make anything look beautiful, Ivy?”

  I shoot her a sour smile. “You know, I’ve never been vain enough to ask myself that question, Nina.”

  “Because you’re ordinary and ordinary people don’t need to.”

  My smile turns sweet. “Beauty fades, honey.”

  She shrugs one shoulder. “That’s why we have Botox.”

  I toss a thumb her way and glance at Aidan. “Does this chihuahua ever stop barking?”

  “Easy now,” he admonishes us, his eyes hardly leaving me, but I catch the slight pull of his mouth, like he finds part of this—or me?—amusing.

  Why is he giving me so much attention? He was with this flea all night—shouldn’t she be the object of his fucking attention?

  Truth is, I can’t bear it.

  I don’t want him to see me cracking.

  Because I fucking might.

  With another glance around the room, it’s clear I’ve done what I’m supposed to, and I need to get the fuck out before I push that bitch off the balcony, before I scream and cry and tell him everything.

  Shit.

  “I’ll be waiting in your office for you to get ready, Mr West,” I tell him tightly.

  I leave the room, aware as ever he’s watching my every step. I feel like I’m under a magnifying glass with this guy.

  He’s trying to figure me out, and at this rate, he might.

/>   *

  I wait a short while for him in the office. I’m sitting on the chair across from his empty desk, reliving the image of them both on that bed over and over again. My emotions have shut down. My world has turned to grey. I’m protecting myself from emotional injury, but I’m still obsessing over the visual.

  I can’t let it go.

  So, do something about it, Ivy.

  I nod to myself; my adrenaline is pumping through my body at a scary rate. I’m shaking and the tremors are enough to make my teeth chatter.

  He’s mine. He’s mine.

  Do something.

  Do something!

  Everyone has a limit, and I think I’ve long surpassed mine. Seeing her…seeing them…something inside me has snapped.

  Sorry Steven, but I can’t—I won’t—stand for this.

  I get up, feeling like I’m going to vomit, but that doesn’t stop me. I storm out of the office and pace to his bedroom. I don’t think because if I do, I’ll remind myself how bad of an idea this is. How I’m about to fail my mission day dot.

  But it’s too much and I can’t bear it.

  He’s mine, and I’m his, and this bitch wasn’t part of the deal. Her being here is not what I signed up for. She needs to leave, or I will physically remove her myself.

  I did not spend all these months waiting for him only to watch him get touched by a bitch that is obviously manipulating him into being here. He removed her for a reason.

  I whip open the door, and she’s still on the balcony, still smoking. Aidan is fitting his tie when he turns to look at me.

  I stop in the center of the room, my heart is beating in my ears and I’m red and lightheaded, but I can’t.

  I just can’t.

  “You need to kick that bitch out of your home,” I seethe, my voice taking on a dangerous edge. “She needs to fucking leave…now.”

  Six

  Aidan

  I watch Ivy leave the room, my eyes trailing her form because she’s gorgeous and that’s a problem. Fuck. A feeling of déjà vu hits me, like it’s not the first time I’ve seen her walk away. I shake it off because I don’t know what to believe anymore.

  I’m growing unhinged.

  But fuck, the way she talked back to Nina was a breath of fresh air. I can’t deny the satisfaction I feel that my new assistant has a strong backbone, and here I was beginning to think I might get bored around here.

  “You should really get rid of that girl,” Nina says from the balcony. “What a rude bitch, invading our space like that, and don’t get me started on that skirt. Porker alert.”

  I slowly turn my head to her, lowering my eyes because she looks ridiculous next to Ivy, and that skirt…that skirt on her was fucking sinful.

  “It’s not your business what I do with my employees,” I bite back. “Just like it’s not your fucking business to climb into my fucking bed in the middle of the night.”

  Nina lingers by the sliding door, watching me with a sad smile. “You used to like when I did that, Aidan. I thought I was supposed to repeat old behaviors to help jog your memory. Didn’t we agree that I would at least try? I’m sorry.” Her voice breaks at the end, and she turns away.

  I go still and shut my eyes, trying to find truth in her words. Did I ever enjoy Nina coming into my bed in the dead of night? I have no recollection of that, but I can’t refute her claims. I simply have no fucking clue, and this is another problem.

  I don’t know who to trust.

  I don’t know who is spinning lies.

  I don’t know what truth to believe in.

  Because no one wants to tell me anything.

  I’m angry. I want to toss her out of my home, along with that blue-eyed wicked little thing that’s doing bizarre things to the rock in my chest. I want to be alone, buried in the only truth I know—the present.

  Nina continues to wail. “How could you be so cold to me?”

  “Cold would have been turning you away at my door one week ago,” I snap. “Cold would have been telling you to go fuck yourself and your supposed photoshoot. How long is that photographer going to be around for?”

  She turns around, looking at me with teary eyes. “Instagram is a process, Aidan! It’s a process. My life is not as systematic as yours. I’m a very important person now, and that means I need the right shots, the right message to send to my fans—”

  “You could have crashed a beach, Nina.”

  “Do you know how many beaches I have waded into the waters of, Aidan?” Her eyes are wide now, like she can’t believe what I’m saying. “There are too many bikini babes frequenting the beach. It’s just so…repetitive. I need to show my sophistication. I need to appear soulful, with my eyes directed to the sky in silent musing. Island shots in the wilderness with my naked back pressed against a moss-covered tree will be making a statement, and I’ll be the first to set that trend. Do you know what that would do for me?”

  I blink slowly at her.

  Life is too fucking short for this crybaby bullshit.

  “I’m doing this for you,” she adds now, sniffling. “I’m pretending that I’m doing this for myself, but I’m here for you. I’m here to remind you of us.”

  “But I don’t remember us,” I snap.

  “But you wanted to marry me, you wanted us to share this home together!”

  She looks heartbroken. I can’t for the fucking life of me take it seriously. I’m so used to her playing the part, faking her emotions, manipulating mine, and all for what? Because I couldn’t stand to be alone?

  One thing that’s changed since waking up is I see things in a different light. Even if what she is saying is true, even if we were together and “in love” like she alleges, why don’t I want to find out that truth?

  Because it’s absurd.

  I don’t do love, and I never would for Nina of all fucking people.

  My heart is hard and I’m cold. That part of me has always remained.

  She’s a fucking liar, and her being here was a big, big mistake, and it’s entirely my fault. I’m not sure why I let her back in. Where I feel loathing for Ivy, I feel fucking homicidal with Nina. The kind of homicidal that might jump back into a car and drive off a fucking cliff if I have to hear her bullshit sob stories.

  Did I hope she’d lead me back to the dark side? Is that why I have tolerated her these seven long, long days? Was I testing myself to see if I was truly over the parties and the drugs and the brawls and that euphoria I felt in the midst of it all? Steven was adamant that wasn’t part of me anymore, but he could be selling me lies because he never approved of my lifestyle.

  Truth is, I do find myself gravitating toward the darker side. That’s hardly something I care to admit, but it’s the truth. I miss it. I want it back. Anything to stop feeling this lifeless. It’s a shield, and I’ll take it most of the time, but there are occasions—occasions where I want to feel my heart racing for something.

  And Nina.

  She was like crack. She gave me a high—a powerful, all-consuming high. She was a fucking drug. The kind of drug I had by my side that never shot me down, never told me to get back in line. She allowed my brooding, she pushed me to react, and I fucking loved every bit of it.

  It’s tempting—she’s fucking tempting to let back in.

  Which is why this was a mistake.

  “I want you gone,” I finally tell her, coldly. “Finish your shoot and fuck off, Nina. You’re wearing out your welcome, and I’m not opposed to throwing you out if that’s what it fucking takes.”

  “But you said—”

  “I don’t remember loving you, Nina,” I cut in heatedly. “If I ever felt that way, I must have been lying. I don’t feel it now, and I certainly never will.”

  She begins to sob, and I just can’t have it in me to give a rat’s fuck.

  Either I’m right to feel this way, or I’m the coldest motherfucker around.

  Doesn’t matter. I’m too apathetic to care.

  The door suddenly whi
ps open. I turn to it, my hands still fixing my tie in place when I see Ivy stomp back into the room. My movements slow. There is no grace in her movements as she stops dead center and stares right at me. She’s breathing hard and shaking. Her eyes are wide, and her face is red.

  “You need to kick that bitch out of your home,” she seethes. “She needs to leave…now.”

  You’d think time would slow down after a demand like that, but no, we aren’t so fortunate. Chaos erupts as Nina storms into the room, waving her smoke in Ivy’s face.

  “Who the fuck do you think you are?” she shrills.

  Ivy ignores her. Her eyes are planted on mine. “She needs to go, Mr West,” she tells me slowly.

  “And you need to get the fuck out of here,” Nina yells.

  “She’s manipulating you,” Ivy carries on as Nina stands in her way, blocking me from looking at her.

  Nina pokes her shoulder. “You trailer trash whore, who the fuck do you think you are—”

  “Don’t fucking touch me,” Ivy hisses. “I will punch the shit out of you, bitch. I know how to fucking fight, so if you want a black eye in your next photoshoot, try at me.”

  Nina gasps in alarm and then turns around, wailing at me. “Aidan, are you hearing this?”

  Oh, I’m fucking hearing it alright. Months of nobody telling me what the fuck is going on. Months of me questioning the people in and out of my life…

  I search my mind, my eyes still focused on my new assistant.

  “You let her go for a reason, Mr West,” she then says. “You decide, but I won’t be here if she stays.”

  Then she leaves, and Nina is already on the floor, a crumpled heap, tears streaming down her face as she calls Ivy a liar, a fucking liar, the biggest liar on the planet.

  Thing is, I believe her.

  I believe that blue-eyed devil.

  Seven

  Ivy

  There. I did it. It’s done, and my heart is still hammering in my chest. I’m back in his office, pacing because I’m scared shitless I made a mistake. But it’s the truth. I can’t be here if that bitch is. I can’t share the same space and see them entwined like that again.