More Than Exist

by Bethany Lopez

  I looked around and noticed that we were getting attention from the other people in the pub, so I stood and grabbed Luke’s hand, dragging him to the back of the room and to a corner booth that had some privacy.

  When we were settled, I clasped my hands in my lap and admitted, “I panicked.”

  “Over what? The dock?” he asked, and I could tell he was truly eager to find out what was going on with me. He looked … invested.

  “No, not the dock, although I have to admit, that scared me, as much as it thrilled me. But, we’ll get to that in a minute. I panicked when I saw Ms. Lucille. I knew she was going to return, and that my position with you was only temporary, but I have to admit, the thought of leaving makes me sad. I love being on the ranch, and I’ve grown to depend on it. I’m just scared at the thought of starting over again.”

  Luke peeled my hands apart and took one in his, then leaned in to meet my eyes and keep them on him.

  “Lucille came by to tell me that she’s decided to move down to be closer to her daughter. She realized how much she’s missing out on, and although she loves us, it’s time for her to retire and be with her family.”

  My heart lifted at his words and I asked hopefully, “Does that mean you want me to stay on full-time?”

  Luke’s lips tilted up, but the sadness and fear was still in his eyes.

  “Of course I want you to stay, but not necessarily as my employee.”

  I opened my mouth to argue, but he asked, “Please, just let me lay it all out, then you can come back and argue til your heart’s content.”

  That made me smile, so I kept my mouth shut and let him continue.

  “I know your heart’s still tender, and although I think you have feelings for me, you’re worried about betraying your husband’s memory. I get that, I swear I do … and I want you to know I’m a patient man. And a stubborn one. I told you today that I like you, but I was just going easy on you so you wouldn’t startle. Since you’re obviously already skittish, I’ll just let you know it all … I’m falling for you. I know that scares you and, Belle, it scares me too. The last time I laid it all out for a woman, and thought I was set for a lifetime of bliss, I had it all handed back to me. Me and my life weren’t good enough, and I’m terrified the same thing will happen again, but I swear, darlin’ you’re worth the risk.”

  I felt my throat burn and the tenderness of his words filled me up.

  “I won’t push you, but you have to know that my goal in all of this is for you to be my wife, and a stepmother to Matty, and hopefully, if you so desire, a mother to the children that we’ll have together.”

  A lump formed at that, and I felt hope at the possibility of having children with this man.

  “I’ll give you the time you need to heal, and to decide if we’re what you want for the rest of your life, but I need you to promise me something. Never walk away like you did today. If you need to get away, that’s fine, just let me know that you’re going. If I do something to piss me off, and, honey, I know I will, let me know. Don’t come into a bar and go through this struggle alone. Let me help you.”

  The tears flowed freely now, and a little hiccupping sound escaped as I tried to hold back a sob.

  “One last thing, and then I’ll be quiet and let you say your piece. I didn’t know Ricky. But I know you, so I know he must have been something really special. I don’t want to take his place, and I want to help you honor his memory. But ask yourself this: would he want you to spend the rest of your life alone with only his memory to keep you happy, or would he want you to find love again, and live a full life with a man who loves you?”

  I felt his words, as surely as I heard him, and I knew he was right. Ricky would want me to be happy, and I knew that, because if the roles were reversed, I’d want the same for him.

  I was crying freely now, so Luke pulled me in his arms and held me until the last of my tears subsided.

  I pulled back and allowed myself to get lost in his blue eyes for a minute, then I wiped my face and asked, “How did you get so smart?”

  He gave me the grin I was hoping for and said, “I was born that way, I guess.”

  I allowed myself a chuckle, happy to have the mood a little lighter, but knowing I wasn’t off the hook.

  “Everything you said was right … Ricky would want me to be happy, but even though that’s true, I still feel the guilt, and think I’ll need to resolve that at my own pace. I appreciate your patience and understanding, I truly do, but I want you to also promise me that if the wait begins to be too much, and you want more than I’m able to give , that you’ll tell me, so you can move on.”

  This time when Luke opened his mouth to argue, I stopped him with my next sentence. “You and Matty deserve happiness too.” I took his nod as acceptance, and finished it off. “I’d love to stay, and work for you … At least until I’m comfortable being more than your employee. I’ll be honest with you too, even though I don’t want to get your hopes up and then find that I can’t be what you want, but I’m falling for you too. And, I think it goes with out saying, that I’m in love with your son, and it would be an honor to be his stepmom. I’ll be honest with you, and I’ll talk with you about what I’m feeling. I won’t run again, and if I feel the urge to drink, I’ll let you know. I promise.”

  Luke’s face blossomed with hope, happiness, and love, and I thanked my lucky stars that I’d fallen into his arms crying in that strip club in Vegas. Who would have guessed that one crazy, unbelievable moment, led me on a path to finding myself again.

  Epilogue

  I walked in the sun, over the grassy hills, reading the names and quotes of the fallen as I made my way through the Veteran’s Cemetery, to Ricky’s grave.

  I touched the gravestone lovingly before I bent to lay the flowers I’d brought in front of his name.

  “Hey, baby,” I said softly as I sat on the velvety grass. “I’m sorry it’s been so long since I’ve come to visit. I’ve missed you.”

  I looked around, noting a few other people scattered throughout, but saw for the most part, we were alone.

  “I won’t be able to see you as much as I’d like, but promise to come out whenever I can. Just know, you’re always in my heart, and you’ll always be with me in spirit, no matter where I am.”

  I pulled out the necklace from under my collar, and fingered the wedding ring that had been Ricky’s gift to me.

  “Do you remember when you proposed?” I asked with a soft chuckle. “You were so nervous, even though you knew without a doubt that I’d say yes. Your hand shook when you put the ring on my finger, and I thought you were the best man I’d ever met. I’ll never forget that, Ricky, or anything else. I want you to know that just because I’m moving on with my life, doesn’t mean I’m leaving you behind.”

  Luke had been patient, as promised, but that hadn’t stopped him from wooing me at every turn. He’d spent the last year proving how much he wanted me. Sometimes he’d show up with flowers, or stop by to teach me to ride in the middle of the day. Really, once he really laid on the charm, my resolve didn’t stand a chance. And his charm, combined with Matty’s unconditional love and Hank’s obvious acceptance of me in to his family, had been impossible to resist.

  “We just flew in for the day, and when I leave here, we’re driving to Vegas, where we’ll be married. Luke’s best friend Jones is flying in to be his best man, along with Matty and Hank, and Ginger will be my maid of honor. I hope you’re okay with me getting married again. I know in my heart that you would be, and that you’d like Luke … He’s a really great guy. But I can’t help but feel worried that I’m betraying you in some way. I hope you don’t think I am.”

  Just then, the wind kicked up, and I smiled when it fell like a caress along my cheek. I looked over to where Luke was leaning against the rental car, waiting, then back at Ricky’s headstone.

  “I know you understand, and I want you to know that I’m happy. I love Luke, his son, and the baby we’ll have together,” I
cradled the nonexistent bump of my belly and smiled serenely. “I know I scared you when I lost control, but I promise I’m happy now. I’m no longer lost, and I finally have the ability to do more than exist. I’m ready to live.”

  Recipe

  Matty’s Delicious Kit-Kat Cookies

  In More Than Exist, Belle begins to find herself again while on Luke’s Ranch, so she wants to stay as long as possible. When she takes over cooking duties, Ms. Lucille tells Belle that the surest way to young Matthew’s heart, is through his favorite Kit-Kat Cookies.

  Yields 36 Cookies

  Items You’ll Need:

  1 cup Butter, melted

  ¾ cup Sugar

  ¾ cup Brown Sugar

  1 tsp. Vanilla

  2 Eggs

  1 tsp. Baking Soda

  2 ½ cups Flour

  2 king-size Kit Kat’s

  Preheat oven to 375. Combine butter, sugars, vanilla, and eggs in a bowl and beat with an electric mixer until smooth. Add baking soda and flour and mix thoroughly. Crush Kit Kats with a cleaver, or the back of a ladle, and add to the cookie dough, crumbling any large pieces as necessary. Fold the chocolate into the dough.

  Drop by rounded spoonful onto cookie sheets lined with parchment paper. Bake 8 to 10 minutes.

  Variations:

  Use any candy bar you’d like in the place of the Kit Kat bars.

  Love & Recipes

  You can find this recipe along with others from More than Exist, and my other books, in my cookbook Love & Recipes. Love & Recipes is now available in all formats!

  Bethany Lopez has loved writing for as long as she can remember, but her love of cooking came a little bit later in life. In Love & Recipes, she combines the two into one fun cookbook. With recipes ranging from easy to difficult, she’s incorporated dishes for every home cook. And, because each dish comes from the pages of her fiction novels, each recipe references back to the book and/or character from which the dish derived. Whether making a quick dinner for two, or looking for that perfect dish to bring to your family’s holiday dinner, Love & Recipes has the dish for you!

  Acknowledgments

  This book was a long time coming. I actually completed it a year and a half ago and submitted it to my Agent, Marisa Corvisiero. I want to thank her for believing in my work.

  Thanks to my early readers, Lori, Ann, Jennifer, Christy, Lyn and Raine.You’re encouragement really helped me in this new genre.

  Thanks to Okay Creations for designing such an amazing cover. I wanted the cover to capture the tone of the book, and you achieved that beautifully.

  Kristina, at Red Road Editing, thanks for always fitting me in to your editing schedule. I couldn’t do this without you!

  Thanks to Jessica, at Inkslinger PR, for always helping me find the perfect time to promote and release my books.

  And always, to Jaime, Jacinda, Diego and Katie, for pushing me to achieve my dreams. I love you.

  About the Author

  Award-Winning Author Bethany Lopez began self-publishing in June 2011. She's a lover of all things romance: books, movies, music, and life, and she incorporates that into the books she writes. When she isn't reading or writing, she loves spending time with her husband and children, traveling whenever possible. Some of her favorite things are: Kristen Ashley Books, coffee in the morning, and In N Out burgers.

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  Also by Bethany Lopez

  Young Adult:

  Stories about Melissa – series

  Ta Ta for Now!

  xoxoxo

  Ciao

  TTYL

  With Love

  Adios

  Nissa: a contemporary fairy tale

  New Adult:

  Friends & Lovers Trilogy

  Make it Last

  I Choose You

  Trust in Me

  Indelible

  Contemporary Romance:

  A Time for Love Series

  8 Weeks

  21 Days

  42 Hours

  15 Minutes

  10 Years

  3 Seconds

  7 Months

  An Inconvenient Dare (A Dare to Love Kindle World Novella)

  Romantic Comedy/Suspense:

  Cupcakes Series

  Always Room for Cupcakes

  Cupcake Overload

  Women’s Fiction:

  More than Exist

  Short Stories:

  Christmas Come Early

  Leap of Faith

  Cookbook:

  Love & Recipes

  Books by Katie and Bethany Lopez:

  Katie and the North Star (Children’s)