Koyomimonogatari Part 2

by Nisioisin

  “Don’t harp on the logically part. Makes it sound like a lie.”

  “Saying that it sounds like a lie makes you sound like an asshole,” Tsukihi puffed out her cheeks. “When you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains is whatever remains when you eliminate the impossible.”

  “That’s true, logically speaking, but…”

  It also didn’t mean anything, logical or not.

  “But whether you were squashing a rumor or investigating it, why the whole brouhaha? People might start spreading rumors about your own behavior. You’ve got a real match-pump approach.”

  “Match-pump? Huh? What does that even mean?”

  “Um…”

  If you haven’t put too much thought into it, being asked about your word choice can catch you off guard. In my case, since I don’t have a particularly large vocabulary, I occasionally use expressions because I like the way they sound, without really understanding what they mean, which sometimes leads me to realize that I’ve been using them wrong.

  In order to keep a smug look off my sister’s face and maintain my dignity as her older brother, I had to give a proper explanation…

  “‘Match’ as in a match you light a fire with. The kind you strike. The ‘pump’ is like a water pump─so ‘match-pump’ means you light something on fire and then put it out yourself.”

  “I understand the pump part, but what’s a match?”

  “…”

  Are matches that obscure? Was it a generational thing?

  I explained to her that it’s like a lighter.

  The mechanism is totally different, of course, but she’d get the general idea.

  “Hmm… In other words, like Miss Hanekawa.”

  “No, in other words like you. Don’t criticize Hanekawa.”

  “I’m not being critical. I’m being supportive, really supportive. I’m a real Hanekawa supporter, and a real me supporter too.”

  “I’m pretty sure you’re the biggest you supporter around…”

  “I’m so supportive I’m like Atlas. By match-pump approach, you mean I always take responsibility for my own actions, right?”

  “…”

  Tsukihi’s one hell of a spin doctor, I’ll give her that.

  She was gonna need a different kind of doctor when I was through with her, though─and dammit, she ended up with a smug look on her face anyway.

  If she always took responsibility for her own actions, why come to me for advice like this in the first place?

  Wait…

  No, Tsukihi’s always dumping her difficulties, troubles, and disaster cleanup on me or whoever else, we’re always wiping her ass for her, so in that sense she’s in no way someone who takes responsibility for herself─but this time was different.

  The story was already over.

  This rumor of the “eighth member” of the tea ceremony club was already officially disproven thanks to Tsukihi’s independent investigation─so the story was over.

  The matter had been resolved.

  The tale had ended.

  She’d taken─full responsibility.

  Nevertheless─she needed to talk to me.

  “So here’s the thing, big brother. The cute, cute, cute li’l sis character Tsukihi─”

  “Nah, you’re only a little sister character to me and Karen… To everyone else you’re just some girl.”

  “What? I’m a sister to the masses.”

  “Just how many siblings have you got?”

  Terrifying…

  I’ll never sleep again.

  “Well, sure, it’d be scary if they were all like you and Karen. I’m sorry, but can you try and stay on track here, big brother? I’m trying to talk to you about something serious.”

  “Hmph.” Her demeanor didn’t exactly exude seriousness, given that her mouth was full of cake. “Fine. And what about this cute, cute, cute li’l sis character?”

  “Yeah, so I went to all this trouble to disprove the existence of the ‘eighth person,’ but everyone just says, Maybe. But who knows.”

  “…”

  Who knows.

  Ah. Not that their reaction even amounted to a conversation, but the nuance was clear─or rather, it was the non-conversation that bothered Tsukihi.

  It was a thorn in her side.

  “You might be right, Tsukihi, logically that makes sense, but then again, maybe there was an ‘eighth person’─that’s the kind of thing they’re saying! The rumor hasn’t gone away at all!”

  Whether the first half was an imitation of someone or just an artist’s rendering, the tone was poignant, and that just made the blast of indignation seem even harsher when she reverted to her usual mode.

  Still as peaky as ever.

  If even Senjogahara can turn over a new leaf, there’s still hope…

  “What do you think, big brother?”

  Having surged to her feet in her indignation, she seemed to be over the peak of her peakiness. Cooling down just as quickly, Tsukihi resettled herself on the floor and asked me─

  “What should I do?”

  “What should you do?”

  “What can anyone do in cases like these? How can I put it─I asserted the truth, and everyone got that it was true, so any opposition or argument is already over, but the situation hasn’t changed one bit… The ‘truth’ is meaningless, ineffectual. What do I do then?”

  “…”

  The “truth” is meaningless.

  Unfortunately, that happens all too often─something I’ve tried to drill into the skulls of these self-proclaimed defenders of justice, these merchants of truth. How I’ve grappled with trying to explain to the Fire Sisters (sometimes literally grappling with them) that justice and truth aren’t some kind of magic-bullet trump card that’ll always win over society at large…

  Whether or not they ever got the message, in this instance we seemed to be dealing with something different.

  Not a clash between two truths.

  Nor the impotence of justice.

  It was the sense that truth─that reason itself was being treated as if it didn’t matter, and someone like Tsukihi couldn’t stand the airiness.

  Though she’s as airy as they come.

  “So by way of analogy, can we say─”

  “No analogies,” she objected.

  “Just let me finish.”

  “This is my story, and honestly I’m not wild about getting lumped in with some random anecdote.”

  “You think I care?”

  “I’m always kind of taken aback by it. Like, after I’ve gone out on a limb to express my individuality, whoever’s listening goes, ‘Yup, yup, happens all the time.’ Maybe, but wouldn’t the mature thing be to let it pass?”

  “Yup, yup, happens all the time.”

  “Exactly!”

  “So by way of analogy─when someone believes in blood-type divination, no amount of logical confutation will accomplish anything,” I submitted, eschewing who knows in favor of an easy there to mollify Tsukihi’s ire. Even without her complaint, it wasn’t entirely clear that my analogy was a good one, but at least it was simple.

  “I don’t know what ‘logical confutation’ means, but yeah, I guess,” Tsukihi conceded. “I’ve actually experienced that exact example. Once, I said to this person, ‘The Japanese are the only ones who believe in blood-type divination,’ only to be told, ‘With that kind of logical mind, you must be Type A!’”

  “That’s kind of an extreme example…”

  The logical extreme, you might say.

  The “charms” the swindler spread around might also fall into that category─you know from the start that something’s a “lie” but believe it anyway. Everyone has those kinds of inconsistencies in their lives to some degree.

  It’s not limited to the blood type thing.

  For instance, I’ve gone to a shrine on New Year’s Day to pray for health in the coming year─though I have no illusions that throwing a five-hundred-yen coin into the offertory box a
nd pressing my palms together has any bearing on my health.

  I’m not devout.

  But I do make the pilgrimage─for instance.

  “Tsukihi-chan thinks Type B gets the short end of the stick in those personality tests.”

  “Don’t call yourself Tsukihi-chan. Are you a toddler?”

  “You don’t complain when Nadeko does it… Seriously though, I think there are tons of Type B and AB who’re scarred by that personality test stuff. It really goes to show you how minorities get crapped on.”

  “Hunh, interesting.” The whole thing would be a lot less popular if Type A got crapped on, that’s for sure. “What’s it called, labeling theory? Personality classifications according to blood type get drummed into kids from a young age, so they end up growing into the personalities associated with the blood types.”

  “Nope, labeling theory is something else. It’s seeing Type A people as embodying what we expect of a Type A personality. We start off knowing that someone is Type A, so they start to seem that way─it’s like we’re slapping them with a letter and not just a label.”

  “Hm… But the issue here isn’t whether blood type actually determines anything about you. Most people don’t really believe it, but they get a kick out of fortune telling and personality tests anyway─right? Not that it’s a real issue…”

  What it is─is entertainment.

  It’s like a game.

  In which case, telling someone who enjoys it that the Japanese are the only ones who believe in fortune telling by blood type is totally uncool…or depending on how you look at it, harassment.

  And it’s not just blood type, it’s probably the same with astrology, palm reading, all that stuff─I have a hard time believing that people actually base their life decisions on fortune telling the way rulers did in antiquity.

  “Yeah. Same as with monsters and ghosts, and UFOs,” Tsukihi said. “As you can see, I’m a rational girl, right? Endowed with an analytical mind and androgynous charms?”

  “I’m not so sure about that last part.”

  “What does ‘androgynous charm’ even mean… At this point isn’t that kind of an anachronism? Or is it just a question of anatomy? I’m a rational person,” she continued after that digression, “so when I saw everyone losing it over a ghost, I automatically felt like I had to do something to calm everybody down. It seemed like they all wanted me to, and they even cooperated with my investigation, but when I actually came back with an answer, they just smirked at me, or tried not to laugh─or whatever.”

  “They didn’t argue and heard you out─but kept right on clamoring about the ‘eighth person’?”

  “Bingo,” Tsukihi said discontentedly.

  Well, she wasn’t androgynous, and judging from her usual peakiness, she wasn’t too rational either, but I knew her well enough to know that that wouldn’t sit well with her.

  It wouldn’t sit well.

  That is, she couldn’t sit back and let people completely ignore her endeavor─but mostly, she found it inexplicable.

  Why? How?

  After learning that they were mistaken─that they’d been incorrect, that it wasn’t true, why would they refuse to revise their understanding of the situation? How could they keep on enjoying it without adjusting their attitude at all?

  But the real problem was that while I totally got how Tsukihi’s stance felt precarious, up in the air, in the face of her unyielding club-mates, I didn’t know what I could do about it.

  In actuality, this tale of an aberration─this ghost story had already been taken care of thanks to her own resourcefulness and talent.

  She couldn’t possibly be telling me to strong-arm the other six members of the Tsuganoki Second Middle tea ceremony club, though. My little sister Tsukihi Araragi might be prone to clubbing me over the head with unceremonious requests, but even she wouldn’t go that far.

  That’d be asking for trouble.

  A high school senior busting into a middle school and childishly browbeating six students into submission… That would be as uncool as it gets, the very embodiment of harassment.

  I’d be guaranteed a severe tongue-lashing, but Tsukihi’s subsequent standing with the tea club would likely be the nadir of her young life. She’d go down in history as the li’l sis character with a monster brother rather than monster parents.

  That’d be the end of the heroic tale of the Fire Sisters.

  In which case, when she said she needed to talk to me, maybe she wasn’t looking for answers and just wanted to gripe? If so, I’d already fulfilled my role…

  If I tried to leave now, would she wield the point of that three-color pen at me again? Wield it in a manner unique to my little sister, and the old Senjogahara?

  “Listen, Tsukihi,” I decided to make my move and get to the point─not of the pen, mind you. I only fence with words. “What is it you want me to do?”

  “Huh? What kind of a question is that, big brother, have you not been listening?”

  “Oh, wipe that surprised look off your face…and that hostile tone of voice isn’t going to get you anywhere, either.”

  “Hupp!”

  She reprised her three-color ballpoint pen attack. I somehow managed to dodge it again, but my skin nearly ended up looking like a tricolor flag.

  Well, given the way those pens are constructed, I guess it’d be impossible to get me with all three colors in one blow… Worried it might be dangerous to get up and leave without warning, I’d asked her straight out like that, but unfortunately I was painted into a corner, game-wise it was checkmate. It had been my fate to be attacked.

  “Keep spouting bullshit, big brother, and you’ll get the tricolor penalty.”

  “What is this, the French Revolution? No more beating around the bush, no more threats, just tell me straight out, Tsukihi. What is it you want me to do?”

  “When you put it that way, I don’t know what to say─but I’m asking for your opinion. I want to research the question. Do you believe in ghosts, big brother?”

  We were back where we started.

  I’d assumed that her question was just a conversation starter, a lead-in to the topic at hand, but apparently I was wrong.

  In fact.

  We’d started with the main event─there’d been plenty of threats and beating around the bush afterwards, but the topic at hand had been on the table right from the start.

  The conversation began to get complicated when I accidentally hit on the specifics of the situation─but in essence her question was a simple one.

  She was asking me where I stood.

  This little sister of mine.

  “Hm…”

  Come to think of it, while I’d been turning the matter over in my mind, I had yet to voice any kind of answer to that simple question.

  Because it was actually a hard question to answer.

  I couldn’t just blurt something out.

  I could tell Tsukihi what she wanted to hear, of course, but someone might be listening─the walls have ears, the hills have eyes.

  And in my shadow is a vampire.

  “Come on, big brother. What’s the holdup? It’s a simple yes or no question.”

  “That’s where you’re wrong, Tsukihi. You’ll find that in life, questions can’t always be taken care of with a simple yes or no.”

  “Oh yeah? If you like, I can take care of you right now with a simple yes or no.”

  She had her tricolor ballpoint pen at the ready.

  Or should I say guillotine?

  Seemed like a preview of what might happen if she didn’t like my answer…in which case the only option left to me was to tell her what she wanted to hear.

  Hmmm.

  Well, with the teacakes just about finished, and my teacup empty for ages, maybe I ought to shake my head no and take off.

  I had plenty of studying to do, after all.

  I answered Tsukihi’s question.

  “No. I don’t believe in ghosts. You’re right and the other
members of your tea club are wrong, I guarantee it, so don’t let it get to you. You know you’re right, so stick to your guns, keep doing what you’re doing.”