Goblins Wear Suits

by K. M. Shea

  “What, did your skillet have babies?” I asked. I almost dropped it when Morgan slapped the thing in my extended hand. It was heavy.

  “No, I went to about ten estate sales before Perseus found me this one on the internet. Have you heard of eBay? It is a marvelous place.”

  “It’s not a place, really.”

  “The downside of the skillet is that one must get into close range to use it. But if you’re backed in a corner, it is very useful,” Madeline chattered, ignoring my correction. “As you have copious amounts of backup in your pocket, the main tactic you should focus on is stalling for time.”

  The ice was returning to my stomach. “I really don’t want to talk about this.”

  “Morgan.”

  Madeline’s voice was so unusually firm, I couldn’t help but look at her. The ageless girl stared at me with unfathomable eyes.

  “Just as you are careful when wandering the streets of Chicago, you need to be careful for Krad. I know it is upsetting to think that he is targeting you, but you must be prepared and ready to fight, or things will go worse for you.”

  I looked away.

  “You are strong and proud, Morgan. I know you can do this. You can always picture Devin when you’re cracking Krad in the skull,” she graciously added.

  That got a laugh out of me, easing my tension.

  “There you go, you look better now,” Madeline said. “Even more so than your skillet, banishing your fear and anger will disarm Krad.”

  “Yeah, so people have been telling me. But none of you had Krad feed off you,” I said, shivering at the memory.

  “You are correct,” Madeline acknowledged. “But it doesn’t change the fact that if you cut Krad off from his source of power—dark emotions—he will be neutered, like a cat.”

  I stared at Madeline. “Who have you been talking to while you were gone?” I asked.

  “I didn’t use that phrase right?”

  “What phrase? Humans don’t say anything like that.”

  “You must be mistaken! A vampire assured me it was a common phrase.”

  “It’s not. I should know, I’m human.”

  “Perhaps it is a phrase said only among adults?”

  “It’s not!”

  “Oh dear,” Madeline said.

  “What?”

  “I included that phrase in a formal report I submitted to a number of vampire covens.”

  “If a vampire told you it was a common human phrase, I don’t think you have to worry about other vampires. Only someone as young as Esmeralda would know it’s bizarre.”

  “Speaking of which, she said to tell you she plans to attend class today.”

  “Class! That’s right, I have to go get my notes,” I said, jumping into motion. “Are you coming with?”

  “Of course!” Madeline said, bouncing after me.

  Armed with my cast-iron skillet, we plowed down the hallway, Harrison trailing after us.

  “Madeline?”

  “Yes?”

  “Thanks.”

  “Anytime, Morgan,” Madeline said, her canines flashing when she smiled at me.

  Yeah, I definitely didn’t give Madeline enough credit.

  Friday afternoon I sat in a desk and stared at Asahi. The sunny high elf was animatedly explaining how that afternoon’s Introduction to the American Education System went. The advanced placement class was over. Everyone except for Madeline and Frank had cleared out, and they were occupying themselves by trying to find Sink. (In spite of her less than stellar name, Sink is the pixie equivalent of a ninja.)

  “—and everyone did great on their tests—from what I saw, that is. We won’t know for sure until you correct them and enter the students’ scores, but I am quite pleased with their progress,” Asahi said, his hair glittering in the dim light.

  I was trying to think of subtle ways to ask Asahi about Kadri, but my creativity was failing me. Not like I think there is any good way to ask a person why they aren’t married yet. Talk about nosey and inappropriate.

  “The students seem to comprehend the information I’ve presented to them, but we’ll begin taking a look at middle school education and psychology next week. I was hoping you would teach the first few classes,” Asahi said.

  I had to ask him. Kadri was counting on me.

  “I would especially like for you to describe sports and the prevalent, competitive spirit. I’m afraid I still fail to grasp it,” Asahi said.

  “Asahi,” I said.

  “Yes?” Asahi said, looking up from his written out agenda that we were steadily churning through.

  “What’s up with you and Kadri?”

  “What is up?”

  I squirmed in my seat under Asahi’s golden gaze. “A lot of people have been telling me your…lengthy courtship with her is pretty unusual. Not that I think it’s unusual. I think it’s healthy. But people—ahh—magical beings, don’t seem to share this opinion.”

  Asahi stared at me.

  “What I mean is, uhh. Wow, this really bites. Fine. Why aren’t you two married yet?”

  Asahi’s expression cleared and he smiled. “Oh, is that all?”

  “Yeah, that’s all,” I said, my voice heavy with sarcasm.

  I waited expectantly, but Asahi was silent as he organized his papers. (Brother like brother, I guess.)

  “Asahi,” I said when it didn’t seem like I was going to get a reply.

  “Yes?”

  “So?”

  Asahi cocked his head and looked cute. “What?”

  I almost groaned. “What’s the deal? You don’t usually act cagey.”

  “Cagey?”

  “Asahi!”

  Asahi sighed and leaned back in his chair. “I cannot marry Kadri.”

  “Cannot? What the—you’re totally in love with her!”

  “I know,” Asahi said.

  “So? Why can’t you marry her?”

  Asahi’s shoulders drooped. “Marrying me would be too dangerous for her,” he said.

  I thought for a moment before exclaiming, “What?”

  “I am kidnapped on an almost monthly basis. I am a constant target for those who wish to limit the MBRC’s power or increase their own. I do not have my brother’s wit, nor my father’s will. I am the weak target in the family, and I will always be dogged. If Kadri were to marry me, her life would be put in danger.”

  “Aw come on. You’re kidnapped by unions and stuff. People like the Weller goblins. They aren’t a basket of kittens, but no one would ever hurt you—or Kadri,” I said.

  “The Weller goblins are not the only sort who target me,” Asahi said. “You are aware how concerned the MBRC is for your welfare due to Krad Temero?”

  “Yeah.”

  “You are aware you are on a high alert watch because of the likelihood that Krad will attack you again?”

  “Yes…”

  “You and I are on the same level.”

  “You are the Administrator’s kid. There’s no better way to kick him where it hurts than to get to you or Aysel.”

  “Aysel is not on the list. He does not even have increased security because Aysel is capable of taking care of himself,” Asahi said. For the first time ever, the sunshine elf wore a bitter half smile, and I was reminded of his age by the fathomless look in his eyes.

  I couldn’t reply.

  “Before Kadri and I began courting, Kadri never saw combat. Recently she has gotten a tracking necklace and a number of spelled daggers, all because we have been attacked—she has been attacked—because of our relationship.”

  “You can’t take the blame for the evil actions of others,” I said.

  “It is undeniable that Kadri is placed in danger because of me,” Asahi said. “If we were married it would only be worse.”

  “But I’m sure Kadri would be willing to take that risk,” I said.

  “Perhaps, but I could not live with myself if she were ever hurt because of me,” Asahi said. He resembled a wilted flower as his normal vitality
drained away.

  “I understand you want to protect her. But if she loves you, your decision to let her go will crush her,” I said.

  “But she will still be alive,” Asahi said.

  I leaned back in my chair and sadly studied Asahi. I could see I wasn’t going to change his mind. After my run in with Krad, I could understand his hesitation—and that was my first encounter with someone truly bad. If Kadri felt threatened enough that she needed to have daggers…

  “Truthfully, I am surprised you are asking,” Asahi said.

  “What? Why?”

  “Because you are experiencing the same thing, aren’t you?”

  I stared at Asahi. “What?”

  “The Pooka,” Asahi said.

  “What about him?”

  “He flirts and does his best to be seen with a multitude of females in an effort to protect you.”

  I erupted into snorting laughter. “Are you kidding me? First of all, flirting is not a way to protect a person. Secondly, Devin flirts because he was a born womanizer and will be until the day he dies.”

  Asahi shook his head. “No, he does it in an effort to downplay his love for you. He is a Fairy Councilmember, and the Pooka. If his enemies knew of his affection for you, they would not hesitate to eliminate you.”

  “You always see the best in people, but I think even you have to agree you’re giving Devin waaaaay too much credit,” I said.

  “But it is true,” Asahi insisted.

  I fondly smiled at the high elf and shook my head. “Thank you for genuinely answering my question. I’m sorry you feel that way about Kadri,” I said, standing up.

  “You’re welcome, and thank you, Morgan,” Asahi said.

  I rested a hand on his shoulder. “It will work out,” I promised.

  “I don’t see how,” Asahi sadly said.

  “It just will. I know it will,” I said before turning around and heading for the door. “With a little bit of meddling,” I added under my breath.

  “Are you all done?” Madeline asked as she adjusted the buckle of Frank’s flea collar. The werewolf choked when she tightened it too much.

  “Yep, did you two find Sink?” I asked after the collar was fixed.

  “No,” Frank said, his eyes wide with his choking scare. “I can’t even smell her. She has some powerful magic.”

  “What do you have left to do today?” Madeline asked.

  “Not much,” I said as I headed for my office. “I need to talk to Baobab and check my schedule.”

  And help Kadri ask Asahi to marry her.

  Life was never dull at the MBRC. That was for sure.

  “Oh my gosh. What are you wearing?” Fran asked when I took off my winter coat.

  It was Saturday morning. We were meeting for a bagel and coffee breakfast before I hit the library to study—I was super behind on my homework and I needed to get some research material.

  I looked down at my clothes—my most expensive pair of designer jeans and a cream colored, v-neck sweater—and frowned. “What’s wrong with what I’m wearing?”

  “The outfit is cute, but what’s with the necklace? Talk about costume jewelry.”

  “It’s real,” I dryly said, briefly wrapping my fingers around the silver plating of the necklace.

  “Whoa, seriously? Is it like, a family heirloom that came over with the Mayflower or something?” Fran asked, eyeballing the sapphire.

  “Whatever,” I said.

  “But why are you wearing it? It must cost a mint, and you said you’re just going to the library. Wouldn’t your mom scalp you if she realized you’re wearing an heirloom outside?”

  “It’s not a family heirloom. A friend is lending it to me. So why did we have to meet in the morning again? It was my goal to sleep until 11:00, and you have dragged me out of bed and it isn’t even 9:00.”

  “I have a date with Ethan this afternoon,” Fran said, ripping wax paper off her bagel. “Mmm, it’s still warm from the oven.”

  “Where are you guys going today?”

  “Ethan was thinking of the zoo or getting ice cream.”

  “Is Ethan stupid?” I asked, still sulking over the criticism of my safety necklace.

  “No! Why?”

  “Because his date ideas suck. It’s freezing outside and the wind-chill is below zero. None of the animals are going to be out, and you’ll freeze!”

  “We can visit the animals indoors, like the aviary.”

  “You’re allergic to feathers. And ice cream? When we have a blanket of snow outside?” I said, folding my arms across my chest.

  “You’re just being mean. Ethan’s dates are fun,” Fran said.

  “Uh-huh, right,” I said, taking a sip of my hot, spiced apple cider. The warmth of the drink made my toes curl in delight.

  “Like you’ve been on better dates,” Fran said.

  “I have,” I said, popping the lid off my apple cider so I could stir in the puff of whipped cream the barista had plopped on top.

  “With who, and where?” Fran demanded.

  “Devin has taken me to all sorts of places,” I said, biting into my warm, cinnamon sugar bagel. “And he’s never let me freeze in a single one of them.”

  “I thought you and Hot Garden Guy aren’t dating,” Fran said, frowning.

  “We aren’t,” I assured her. “But he takes me out lots.”

  “If you aren’t dating why does he take you out?”

  I stopped chewing for a moment. “I don’t know,” I said. “But he does.”

  Fran slyly smiled. “Have any other men taken you out for no apparent reason?”

  I took another bite of my bagel and thought about Hunter. I didn’t think weekend imprisonment counted, and while I had gone to his place often enough (after making him buy a new building) it was mostly for school, and to trail after his cookie elf chef.

  “Nope,” I said.

  “I knew it. You are dating,” Fran said, leaning back in her chair and smugly folding her arms across her chest.

  “No we aren’t.”

  “You are! You so totally are!”

  “No way, he hasn’t asked me or anything.”

  “Maybe he hasn’t specifically asked you out, but he’s taking you on dates. You just admitted that, even if you didn’t know it.”

  “How can I be dating someone and not know?” I scoffed.

  “I’m sure you’re the only person who doesn’t know,” Fran said.

  “Whatever. Ethan just has you twitterpaited,” I snorted. “And my lack of love life has nothing to do with Ethan’s terrible planning skills.”

  Fran gave a love sick sigh and nudged her coffee drink. “He’s too adorable. He’s totally the smart, serious type, and he gets easily ruffled. It’s so cute!”

  “Sure it is,” I said, going at my bagel again.

  Fran rolled her eyes. “You are so unromantic.”

  “Yeah. So when do I get to meet this Ethan?”

  “Do you have any time next week?” Fran asked.

  “I have a bunch of stuff due on Monday and Tuesday, but after that I should be over the worst of it, so I could meet up after work.”

  “In the evening? Don’t you get off work at like seven or eight?”

  “Yeah, but if I’m just meeting the guy I could drop by your house.”

  “How about Friday?”

  “Sounds good,” I said, slurping my cider.

  “Awesome! I’m really excited. I hope you like him,” Fran said, cupping her hands around her coffee drink.

  “If you like him, I’m sure I will too,” I said.

  “I’ve told him all about you.”

  “Please tell me you didn’t mention the incident from sixth grade.”

  “What, when you ate a dog treat on a dare?”

  “It was a peanut butter dog cookie, and it tasted great,” I argued.

  “Sure, you just had dog breath for the rest of the night. And yes, I did happen to mention that.”

  “Fran,” I groaned.


  “It’s a funny story.”

  “Whatever. I’m not out to impress this guy. It’s his job to impress me,” I said, taking a savage bite out of my bagel.

  “Totally,” Fran agreed as she checked her coat pockets. “Do you have any tissues? My nose is running from the cold.”

  “Sure, pass over my purse,” I said.

  “Holy cow! What do you have in there, a brick?” Fran said, nearly dropping my purse before handing it over.

  I had forgotten about the cast-iron skillet. Still, I wasn’t going anywhere without that thing. I had seen Madeline—undeniably the weakest member of our crew if you excluded me—take out that Krad kid when everyone else failed to. “Just a book,” I said as I picked through my purse.

  “A book? It must be a freakin’ dictionary. Thanks,” Fran said, taking the pack of tissues I offered her.

  “So how’s the college application thing going?” I asked.

  “Good. I’ve got my essay done. My English teacher is going over it for me to look for errors. And you?”

  I inhaled deeply. “I would rather not talk about it.”

  “Why don’t you come to Florida with me? We could be roomies and go to Disneyworld over Christmas break,” Fran said.

  “I’ll think about it.”

  “That means no,” Fran said.

  “No, it just means I don’t know what I want to do,” I said.

  “Yeah, yeah. So did you know Stephanie and Zach broke up?”

  “Again? What was it this time?”

  “I’m not sure. Stephanie said she didn’t want to talk about it, but she called Zach an unfeeling zombie.”

  “Ahh, young love.”

  “Mmmhmm.”

  9

  Krad means Dark

  An hour later Fran and I parted. I—stupidly—walked to the library in the freezing cold, while Fran drove off for her date with Ethan.

  I shivered, thankful for the buildings that blocked the gusting wind. I turned off Main Street and wound my way up a few streets, taking a shortcut to the library. It wasn’t until I crossed a bridge that arched over a wussy river that I realized I didn’t hear footsteps behind me.

  I whirled around. There was no one there.

  I retreated a block and looked up and down the street. Still no one.