Goblins Wear Suits

by K. M. Shea

  “They were aware,” Madeline said.

  “Not like she could hide it,” Frank added.

  Madeline scowled at him before continuing with her story. “The Shadow Shifters have been under contract with the MBRC since Krad Temero made his threats, so they were dispatched to take care of the situation. It was Fran who suggested she should be the one to climb over the gates.”

  “But why did Shadow Shifters let her do that? There’s no way she knew or understood that her boyfriend was a dangerous member of an anti human, magical organization!” I said.

  “Well, she didn’t ask anyone from the Shadow Shifters,” Madeline said.

  “So it was you who told her to go ahead?”

  “Um,” Madeline said.

  “A soldier tried climbing the fence first and got a flesh wound,” Frank helpfully put in. “Madeline was on the verge of passing out. I think she agreed cuz of that.”

  Madeline scowled at Frank. “Was it really necessary to share that?”

  Frank gave Madeline his shy puppy smile, making the vampire roll her eyes. “Okay, yes I was a little groggy. But I knew that if Fidem set up headquarters in the middle of a human town and no one realized it, it must mean they were being careful not to bother humans. They were in a warehouse, right? I remember you telling me how teenagers occasionally break and enter into such areas. I figured they wouldn’t be as guarded against Fran, so I agreed to the idea. I did tell her that her only objective was to get you out.”

  “Madeline,” I started.

  “I don’t regret it,” Madeline said, tucking her head like a stubborn donkey. “We were desperate to get you out, Morgan. I don’t think you understand how bad it was. If Fran hadn’t appeared, I don’t know what the Shadow Shifters would have done to get you out.”

  “How did Fran entering the compound make such a difference?” I asked.

  “We think the dark elf in charge gave his men orders to hold their fire and let her come in. But even though they didn’t stop her, the guards were watching her. So some of the Shadow Shifters changed and attacked while they were distracted,” Frank said. “Once we were in the warehouse perimeter we were safe to use magic thanks to the charms and spells they had on the place. It worked out great. It kept humans from seeing all the flashy magic.”

  “Was Vlad your idea too?” I asked Madeline.

  “He was in the area, and he so wanted his new skills to be put to use,” Madeline said with a charming smile.

  “Yeah, next time you ask him to play chauffer, you get to ride with too,” I said.

  “I will pass, please,” Madeline said.

  “So it was a pretty smooth operation,” I said.

  “Hardly. Letting Fran stay with us could have easily botched it,” Madeline admitted.

  “But it worked out great. I was captive for like, less than an hour.”

  “You shouldn’t have been kidnapped at all!” Madeline said.

  “Yeah, but an hour is great when you compare it to my weekend of captivity with Weller Goblin Enterprises,” I said. “Although I have to admit that wasn’t captivity so much as it was a forced retreat.”

  “Weller held you against your will. It was captivity,” Madeline dryly said.

  “So what happens now?” Frank asked.

  “I live here until the MBRC thinks the threat is over, I guess,” I shrugged.

  “Are you going to start the advanced placement class back up?” Madeline asked.

  “Maybe.”

  “What do you mean maybe? You’ll be sitting around all day…unless,” Madeline said, her eyes lighting up. “We could accompany—excuse me—I mean hang out! We could go to the cafeteria and get food, and I could show you the MBRC stables and library.”

  “I’m sure I’ll have plenty of time to do that,” I said, interrupting Madeline before she could really get on a roll. “But I also have a few things I need to finish.”

  Frank blinked. “Like?”

  “Schoolwork for starters. And I would like to see if Grogrintork has talked to any of the dwarf clans yet about my idea for a few dwarves to study the mechanics of coffee machine repairing. And there’s the small matter of Kadri and Asahi,” I said.

  “Their teaching skills?” Frank asked, tilting his head.

  “No,” Madeline said, studying me. “I think not. If I might guess, I would say you are aiding Kadri?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Good luck. You shall need it,” Madeline said.

  “Thanks,” I said.

  Frank’s stomach growled like a hungry bear. Madeline slowly turned and stared at the scruffy werewolf, making him blush. “Sorry,” he said, looking down at his feet.

  I laughed. “Actually, food sounds like a good idea, although I would really love to get cleaned up first,” I said.

  Although my clothes hadn’t gotten too dirty or gross, I still wanted to shed the memory of that afternoon.

  “Great,” Madeline said, hopping off the settee. “The kitchen staff just came out with this new tomato soup I’ve been dying to try! You take your time refreshing yourself. Frank and I will wait for you in the cafeteria.”

  “Thanks, guys,” I said, accompanying them to the door.

  “Absolutely! I’m sorry you were kidnapped, but it’s going to be so fun to have you at the MBRC all day!” Madeline said, clapping her hands.

  Frank nodded, his eyes soulful and serious.

  “Yeah, it will be interesting. I’ll see you soon,” I said as the duo exited my rooms.

  “Yep, at dinner,” Madeline said before she swung the door shut behind her.

  “Did you hear our plans, Krusher?” I asked.

  “It’s Harrison, Miss Fae.”

  “Good. Think about what you want—I’ll pay tonight.”

  There was silence before Harrison ventured to speak his second question ever. “Doesn’t the MBRC cover your meal tab?”

  “They do,” I said with an evil grin. “So order all you want! Aysel, I am going to make you gnash your teeth by the time this is over!”

  “This is really how high elves propose?” I asked, clutching the oddly shaped guitar Kadri had thrust in my hands.

  “It is,” Kadri said, wringing her hands.

  It was Tuesday, day four of my forced stay at the MBRC. On Monday I nearly died of boredom, so I called up Kadri to discuss proposal tactics. I was shocked to learn she had been preparing ever since my last chat with her, and she was ready to propose to Asahi whenever I was available. (At least she claimed she was ready. Mentally she didn’t seem to accept it yet.)

  “I’ve said I can’t play this thing, right?” I said.

  “Several times,” Kadri said, pacing back and forth in front of me.

  I plucked a string and watched the nervous high elf, realizing my pessimistic estimation of my musical skills was not abating her nerves. “Don’t worry, this will go great. Asahi is going to say yes,” I said, attempting to pluck out the three chords Kadri had taught me. I had to roll up the sleeve of the elf robes I was drowning in to be able to reach the instrument without getting a ton of cloth wedged between the instrument and my arm.

  “I don’t know. This is crazy, what am I doing? What if he doesn’t want to marry me?” Kadri asked.

  “He does,” I said with confidence, wincing when I played an off key note. “And if he doesn’t I’ll break my guitar over his head.”

  “It’s a lute.”

  “Whatever. It will still work.”

  Kadri nervously chuckled, which sounded more mechanical than genuine. She peeked past the shelves of the MBRC library, spying on Asahi in his study nook.

  Of all the places to propose to Asahi, Kadri had chosen the MBRC library. I suppose the two of them being such human fanatics and researchers it was probably appropriate.

  “Are you ready?” I asked, adjusting my grasp of the lute.

  A yeti with an armful of books slowly trod past us, his eyes going between Kadri and myself.

  “Hey,” I said to him, aga
in striking an off key note on the lute-guitar-thing.

  The yeti hurried out of my eyesight.

  I couldn’t blame him.

  Kadri was beautiful in cream and bronze colored robes with a tiara made of white metal placed on the crown of her head. She carried a ring with her that she would offer to Asahi as a token of her proposal. That part was surprisingly normal. However, my lack of understanding of magical customs was not entirely disappointed, because Kadri also carried a big-ass jewel—the thing was the size of a coffee mug—which she would give to Asahi as a symbol of her family/house. Or so she said.

  Even weirder, Kadri asked me to be her ‘marriage trustee’ (which I took to mean best man). My role as marriage trustee was to play the lute so she could sing her proposal, and to drag several carts of food and drink. Apparently, whenever elves proposed there was a lot of celebrating that instantaneously brewed up.

  As her marriage trustee—because elves were supposed to know proposals were coming—I was also in charge of hauling whatever booty Asahi offered up when he accepted her. Kadri said it was unlikely he would have anything on hand, so I wouldn’t have to do it today, but later at their marriage ceremony—if Asahi accepted. I just hoped he wasn’t going to give her a goat or cow.

  If it wasn’t the carts of fully prepared foods (a lot of fish, some fancy looking breads, fresh fruits, and enough kale to kill a hippie) that made the yeti run off, it was probably my clothes.

  As Kadri’s marriage trustee, she asked me to dress appropriately. I thought this meant I would get to wear some lord of the rings robes and prance around with my hair braided.

  Nope.

  Not even close.

  I wore robes, yes, but because elves love symbolism, I had a magic burning lamp that hung from my back—it was supposed to resemble their burning love or bright future, I don’t remember which—and a crown of grape leaves on my head—for the wine? I don’t know—and my over robe was a tapestry of Asahi and Kadri standing together.

  Yeah, I was about as tacky as you can get, not to mention majorly sweaty. (Having a burning lamp hang against your back is no joke.)

  I shook my head. “Are you ready, Kadri?” I repeated.

  “I don’t know if I can do this,” Kadri whispered, leaning against a bookshelf.

  I had to waddle to her side since the lamp swung on my back and the lute hung from my neck. “Hey, you got this,” I said. “Remember, the only reason Asahi hasn’t asked is because he’s terrified you will be hurt. He loves you, Kadri. He would be an idiot not to,” I said.

  Kadri narrowed her eyes. “He’s making the decision for both of us with his stubbornness.”

  “Yeah, he totally is,” I said, nodding to encourage her. “And he’s being selfish because he’s not willing to let you go, either.”

  “He is, isn’t he?” Kadri said, ire growing in her voice. “But if he did break up our courtship I would be alone, forever,” she added, her voice mournful again.

  “Kadri!” I said, slapping a palm on my lute. “Do you want to marry this man—erm, elf?”

  “Yes,” Kadri said.

  “Do you want to spend the rest of your life with him?”

  “I do!”

  “Is he worth the risk?”

  “He is!” Kadri said.

  “Good! Then we’re gonna go out there, and we’re gonna knock his weird, pointy shoes off with the best, freakin’ proposal song that has ever been sung!” I said. I strummed the lute to make my point but I probably shouldn’t have because I made one of the strings break.

  Kadri was so fired up, she thankfully didn’t notice. “We will,” she said, straightening her shoulders and correcting her posture. “I am about to propose to the love of my life. This is what I have dreamed of.”

  “Yeah!” I said in my best supportive-coach voice.

  “Thank you, Morgan.”

  “That’s what marriage trustees are for!”

  Kadri nodded decisively. “Right. Let us sing,” she said before sweeping out past our hiding area.

  As she approached Asahi’s study nook, I followed after, dragging the two carts of food and drink. This, let me tell you, was no picnic to move.

  Asahi didn’t even look up, in spite of the massive rumbling the carts made and the weird looks the few people studying in the same area gave us.

  “Asahi,” Kadri said, stopping directly in front of Asahi’s desk.

  Asahi looked up and a sunny smile bloomed on his face. “Kadri!” he said in genuine delight. “What brings you to the library? I thought you finished your Human Ethics paper?”

  Kadri kept her pose stiff. “I have something to say to you.”

  Asahi’s smile dimmed. “What?” he said.

  Kadri turned around to nod at me after I got the carts in place. I fixed my robes and adjusted where the stupid lamp fell before I started playing the three note, ever repeating song Kadri spent the morning teaching me.

  I totally thought Kadri was going to sing in elvish, but she shocked me by proposing in English.

  “I love you with a timeless passion,

  One as old as the stars,

  Asahi, my morning light, you brighten my days and illuminate my nights,

  You are precious to me, you are my hero,

  I would give my life to be with you,

  I would sacrifice all I have to see you,

  I fear neither death nor darkness,

  For your love is worth fighting for,

  I have waited all my life for you, the love of my heart and soul,

  So I ask for the greatest gift you could give,

  I ask for eternity,

  I ask for your life and your love, and I seal it with mine

  Asahi, will you pledge yourself to me?”

  Normally I wouldn’t share such an intimate moment, but Kadri’s proposal had a profound effect on me. It made me realize how weak and pale we humans define and describe love. We use the same term for describing our fondness for chocolate, our one week dating relationships, and our affection in marriage.

  Human love is wretched when you compare it to elf love. It’s bland and one dimensional.

  Just like my relationship with Hunter or Fran or Madeline couldn’t be summarized by saying they’re my friends, Kadri’s proposal made me realize that there is infinitely more to romantic love than Hollywood’s romantic comedies would have you know.

  Asahi dropped the pencil he was holding and stared at Kadri.

  The beautiful high elf clasped her hands. She looked at him from under her long eyelashes. “What do you say?” she asked when the silence became unbearable.

  Asahi swallowed sharply, his eyes still hinged on Kadri. “You will be hurt because of my name.”

  “I’m willing to take the risk,” Kadri said, her voice as soft and caressing as silk.

  Asahi’s golden eyes filled with unshed tears. “What if they kill you?”

  “And what if it is you who are killed?” Kadri asked. She took several steps forward, bridging the gap between them when she crouched down in front of Asahi. “My love will not die, Asahi. Even if my body dies, you shall posses my love for eternity,” she said, placing a hand on Asahi’s cheek. “No matter if you say yes or no, you will feel my love for you each day when the morning sun warms your skin, and in the stillness of the night.”

  Asahi and Kadri were both crying by this point, but they smiled at each other through their tears, their eyes burned with a kind of love that I didn’t understand.

  Asahi asked Kadri a question in elvish. Kadri replied in kind with a joyous laugh before Asahi stood, picked her up, and whirled her around.

  “Did he say yes?” I asked.

  “Yes!” Kadri and Asahi said, clinging to each other.

  Asahi set Kadri down and gazed into her eyes before he rested his forehead against hers. When he started to kiss her I turned my back to them to struggle with my stupid lute. By the time I fished it off my neck, removed the danged-hot lamp from my back, and poured two goblets of w
ine the pair was back to staring into each others’ eyes.

  “Congratulations!” I said, smacking down the goblets of wine on Asahi’s desk. “Eat, drink, and call your friends! I have a whole smoked salmon in one of those carts, and I’m not going to have dragged it down here for nothing,” I said.

  “Morgan is your marriage trustee, Kadri?” Asahi asked as I dusted my fingers off on their stitched faces in my tapestry robe.

  “She is,” Kadri said, accenting her response with a giggle.

  “Morgan, we cannot thank you enough,” Asahi said, disengaging one hand from Kadri to extend it to me.

  “Yes, Morgan,” Kadri echoed, also holding out her hand.

  “It was my honor—ack,” I said when the pair yanked me into quite possibly the most awkward hug of my life.

  “Wow,” I said, sandwiched between the two. “This is…special,” I said as they chattered to each other in elvish above my head. “So Kadri, did you give him the ring?”

  There was a moment of silence before Kadri sprang away. “Oh, I almost forgot,” she said before pulling the ring out of her robe.

  I made my silent retreat and scuttled to the side to watch. Over the course of the hugging, we had somehow gained an audience of roughly twenty. Most of them were beings that I recognized who also knew Asahi and Kadri. Corn—one of the three fairies in my advanced placement group—was present, so I elbowed my way through the crowd so I could stand with her.

  “Asahi Moonspell, will you take this ring as a token of my love for you? If you take it, you seal our marriage contract, which even death cannot break,” Kadri said, holding a plain, gold ring.

  “I will take it, and receive it with the love I will shower upon you for all the years of our lives,” Asahi said, taking the ring.

  I cheered, and Corn was quick to follow my example. Soon the small crowd was cheering, whistling, and clapping to the embarrassment and delight of the couple.

  “Thank you, everyone,” Asahi said when Kadri hid her face in his shoulder. “Thank you for being present during this special moment of our lives. Let us celebrate!” he said, indicating to the carts of food.