Goblins Wear Suits

by K. M. Shea

  “Silence!” Krad shouted, shooting a bolt of black lightning at him.

  To my shock, motorcycle jacket brushed the attack off like it was a snowball.

  “Someone’s got a complex,” one of the elf frat—or sorority I guess—girls said, rolling her eyes.

  “I’m not surprised. He totally always acted superior because he’s a captain, or whatever,” the second girl said.

  “I can’t blame him. He was pretty superior,” the driver said. “But now he’s a little dude!” he added in sheer delight.

  “Maddy, where’ve you been, girl?” popped polo shirt asked, stomping through Devin’s shield so he could hug Madeline.

  “I’ve been around. The drinks are in back with our wizards. They’re fighting with warlocks right now though, so be careful on your way back there,” Madeline said.

  “No prob, bra!” the driver said, walking in between a giant dark elf strike force that was attempting to create a black, tarry wave of fire. The frat elf’s presence interrupted the spell, and he ruined the whole thing when he walked through the center of it. “Sorry, dudes,” he said when he realized what he did.

  “Did you get us Sprecher or A&W?” headphones asked.

  “Both,” Madeline lied.

  “You’re the best, Maddy!” headphones said, running to catch up with the driver—who was now involved in a slug fest. “Kerrick, what the heck are you doing? The warlocks are further back,” he shouted before jumping on a dark elf.

  “…Root beer?” I said. “I thought you called them the Beer Brothers?”

  “Yeah, they came up with their own title and they wanted the alliteration instead of Root Beer Brothers. They don’t drink alcohol at all, actually. They’re terrified of getting a DUI because it took them forever to get their licenses,” Madeline said.

  “Oh my gosh, they have a hive gate here. That is so bad for the environment! Shale, help me close this,” one of the girl elves shouted.

  “They’re pretty weird, but they’re ex-Fidem members. They rehabilitated themselves into human society, although I’m not sure how successful they are,” Madeline said with a raised eyebrow.

  “More successful than you would think,” I said, watching one of the elves from the second car bludgeon a band of skeleton soldiers with a golf club.

  “I’ll be back. Stay here with Dave, Asahi, and Kadri,” Madeline said, shaking a finger at me before she ran to stand with the sorority elf girls, who were doing magic in one of the shadowy areas Fidem soldiers kept crawling out of.

  I looked to Asahi and Kadri, who both gave me sweet smiles before they shot out of the protective space of Devin’s shield and jumped into the thick of the fight.

  Dave was chugging his tomato juice with admirable gusto. He stopped drinking long enough to scrunch up his face and say, “Watch out for Krad,” before he resumed chugging.

  Devin wasn’t paying much attention to us. He still had his shield up and going, but he was helping out random MBRC forces in the fight, covering them with a shield if it looked like they were about to be hit.

  I pulled my coat tight. I was sweating from adrenaline despite the cold temperatures, and it was making me even colder. I twirled, trying to get a good feel of the battle and searching for Krad.

  The pint-sized villain was still standing by his sign—which was covered in a layer of paint balls. When I looked at him, our gazes locked.

  “Crap,” I said as he smiled at me.

  Instantly I heard the terrifying rattle of a rattle snake, and I could feel snake scales on my feet—even though they were safely tucked in boots.

  Mucky water filled my mouth and nose. The winter wind stung my arms as if I was stumbling around in a t-shirt instead of my winter jacket, and I heard and felt the bones in my left hand crack and my skin split as if an animal was biting me.

  “No!” I screamed.

  “Morgan, he’s got Morgan,” I heard Madeline shout over the noise of battle.

  “Morgan, stay calm. You need to—,” before Devin could finish he was shot by a ball of black fire that caught him unguarded. He went flying out of my eyesight and into the snow.

  My heart beat faster and faster as I wrenched the glove off the hand I could feel an animal mauling.

  Krad laughed as he absorbed my fear and used it to take out a squad of MBRC soldiers.

  He was using me.

  I was helping him.

  I screamed, drowning in invisible water as Krad wrapped his magic around me, cutting me like fishing wire.

  I remembered Aysel’s words. I had to stop this! But the fear paralyzed me, and I screamed as magic spiked my nerves, making me feel pain from sources that weren’t real.

  I looked at my bare hand and saw the simple silver band with the topaz gem. I laboriously pulled it from my finger. It took me a few moments to fight the feeling of a snake wrapping around me before I could throw the ring at Krad.

  It fell short, but the brilliant light it exploded into created a wall between us, and his magic lessened.

  I started crawling across the snow, moving in Krad’s direction.

  “WHAT are you doing, moron?” Frey said, flinging the insult at me as he grabbed me by my belt and hauled me to my feet.

  “I’m going to end this,” I panted, still weak kneed.

  “How? By giving Krad what he wants?”

  “Just, trust me,” I said. “I have to get closer to Krad.”

  Frey squinted at me. “How close?”

  “Close enough to touch him.”

  Frey swore and scratched his head. “You are crazy, do you know that? Come on,” he said sliding his arm around my back. He held me upright and dragged me through the snow, heading for the blinding light—that was quickly fading.

  “Good luck,” Frey said, tossing me at Krad when the light disappeared.

  I yelped and crashed into Krad before I fell to the icy ground with a splat.

  “Humans really are stupid,” Krad said, placing his bare hand on my neck.

  I howled as I felt nameless terrors claw and scratch at my back. Teeth grazed my face, spiders crawled across my skin, and fire burned my fingertips. Hands tightened around my neck—squeezing air from my body—a sword plunged into my gut, and a wolf howled in my ear.

  The terror was enough to make my heart stop. I was crying in fright and pain, but I clung to Aysel’s words as I reached above my head and shakily placed my bare hand on Krad’s jacket.

  Then, in spite of the phantoms pressing down and the illusions that were choking me, I thought of Aysel.

  His scowling face was enough to make me steel myself. I thought of how we fought and insulted each other, and how that was an expression of our twisted but close relationship.

  It made the fear in me buckle.

  Elated, I turned my thoughts to Harrison. My goblin guard was as emotional as plumbing, but he was stable and solid in the turmoil of the last month. More than once I knew I was really lucky and grateful to have the stoic goblin with me.

  With this revelation, I felt a small splinter of fear flake off.

  Buoyed by the change, I thought about Asahi and Kadri. Their adorable relationship warmed my heart, and their insistence in including me in their lives was touching. I didn’t deserve their love, but they were intent on slathering me with it.

  I chipped away at the wall, thinking of my students—one after another. Frank, Sacmis, Perseus, Athena, Oak, Corn, Sage, and Zinnia—and my coworkers—Baobab, Corona, Orion, Toby, Doggy, and Dr. Creamintin.

  Above me Krad grunted and adjusted his grip on my neck as he increased the power and potency of his phantoms.

  I scrabbled in my thoughts for someone I really loved as I felt my panic bubble, and I remembered Madeline. Her bright smiles, warm hugs, and open affection were enough to punch through the wall of fright that surrounded me. I thought about how much I liked her, how she was goofy just when I needed to laugh, and that she did the weirdest things that both frustrated and amazed me. I thought about how comforti
ng it was to have her with me to face Krad Temero.

  Krad hissed, as if my warm affection for the vampire stung. “What are you doing?” he asked.

  I forced myself to my knees and grabbed the collar of Krad’s coat with my hand as I thought about my cyclops friends—Nick, Sandy, and Ralph.

  “Stop it,” Krad said. “Let go!”

  Next I thought of Hunter. He was infuriatingly bossy, and he liked to move me like I was a chess piece, but he made sure he didn’t sacrifice me. Hunter could tell my moods like I wore a mood ring, and he spoiled me rotten with treats from his cookie chef. If Aysel was my Frenemy/work partner and Madeline was my second best friend, Hunter was my closest ally.

  The fear phantoms dissipated further. Soon I could feel only the faintest flicker of claws on my back and fire in my fingers.

  “NO! What are you thinking of? Stop it!” Krad screamed as the murky black smog that covered his fingertips turned a warm champagne color.

  “No,” I said before I reach out, hugged him, and thought of Devin.

  As soon as my thoughts turned to the mischievous Pooka, Krad screamed as if I shot him. He collapsed into me, and I sat back on my butt, the brat splayed across my lap. The phantom fears he pushed on me were gone. He was too weak to do anything.

  My hands were soft as I ran them through Krad’s hair and thought about stupid, stupid Devin. The Pooka had the loyalty of a pigeon. He was a notorious flirt, had a flair for drama, and was fiendishly mischievous, but I could always count on him to save me. He was the one who cared enough about me to break through the enchantment that kept me from remembering the MBRC two years ago. He had my employee contracts checked, kept the MBRC Board from making me their slave-liaison through his name alone, and he bankrolled my MM and probably my charmed jewelry based on my protective bracelet.

  “N-no,” Krad whimpered, limp and shocked.

  I briefly shut my eyes and steeled my resolve. I hauled Krad upright and wrapped my arms around him as I laid the most powerful blow on him that I could.

  I showered him with love.

  Instead of dwelling on the terror and fright he ruled with, and the damage he wreaked against those he hated, I thought about how adorable Krad looked, and how cute he was when he protested his age. I remembered how happy and pleased he was over the dorkiest statements, and I decided all his hate was really a scream to feel love.

  Krad glowed like a star going super nova before the light that surrounded him exploded in a spectacular burst, washing over Independence Park like an ocean of fizzing champagne.

  The skeleton soldiers went down. Whatever magic was making them move was cut. I could hear the wizards and the Beer Brothers shout past the trees as some of the dark warlocks had spells malfunction and explode in their faces instead of striking the enemy.

  The ghouls howled and covered their faces, shielding their eyes from the warm light that soaked the snow and sky.

  The Shadow Shifters and MBRC forces were easily able to subdue the remaining dark elves and fairies since the female Beer Brothers shut the gates.

  And me? I gawked at the drop dead gorgeous dark elf splayed across my lap instead of the pint-sized Krad.

  He looked a few years older than Devin—he was maybe pushing 30—and with his long eyelashes, perfect hair, and beautiful features he easily trounced Aysel as the hottest elf I knew.

  “Who. Is. This,” I said, staring down at the elf.

  The dark elf barely opened his eyes. He murmured something in a different language and extended a hand, barely brushing my cheek before four shifters pounced on us—scooping me away from him.

  They clapped iron shackles on the dark elf, but it didn’t matter. He was clearly unconscious and wouldn’t be waking up anytime soon.

  “Dang. That was great, Morgan, but did you have to break his curse?” Frey said, wiping blood from a tear in his shirt before he twisted into his jacket.

  “What?” I said, my brain and limbs numb. “Who?”

  “That is Krad Temero,” Frey said, pointing a finger at the hot elf. “And you,” he said, shifting to prod me with the accusing finger. “Just broke his curse.”

  “…That was KRAD?” I said when I was finally able to process again.

  “Yeah. The Administrator is going to give birth to dwarves when he hears what you’ve done,” Frank said.

  “And here’s Morgan! She just defeated the final boss—Krad Temero,” Athena said, prancing up to Frank and me with her cell phone extended. “How do you feel, Morgan?”

  I thought for a few moments before turning to Athena. “I thought Krad was old.”

  “He is,” Athena said.

  “Like, I thought he was a grandpa.”

  “No way,” Madeline said, joining us. She turned green and looked away when she caught sight of Frey’s various scratches. “Dark elves live longer than even high elves. All that hate keeps ‘em rotting longer. Urph,” she said, before covering her mouth with a hand.

  Frey eyed Athena. “What are you planning to do with that video?”

  “I’ll combine it with Perseus’ video—he’s scouting out the wizards and warlocks—and we’ll post it on YouTube. It might go viral!”

  “Athena, you can’t post something like this on YouTube,” Frey groaned.

  “Why not?”

  “If you barf on me I am going to cut ties with you,” I warned the ill-looking Madeline.

  “Madeline?”

  Madeline and I turned to Frank, who had already covered his scratches with bandaids and first aid tape. “Are you okay?” he asked.

  Madeline threw herself at Frank, practically sandwiching her head in his jacket. “You don’t smell like blood—YES! I love you, Frank,” Madeline said, her voice muffled in Frank’s jacket.

  Frank turned pink and shyly scratched his head as I observed the unlikely couple.

  Maybe, just maybe, a weirdo vampire and a scruffy werewolf could form the most unlikely relationship known to the magical community and Hollywood and urban fantasy novels.

  “Morgan,” Devin said, his voice tight.

  “Yes—WHAT?”

  Devin scooped me up and tossed me over his shoulder.

  “You’re getting checked over by unicorns. Now,” Devin said.

  “But I’m not even hurt. I can walk, put me down!”

  “No. You’re lucky I don’t tie you up and drag you like luggage after that trick you pulled,” Devin said.

  “Hey, that ‘trick’ worked! I beat Krad,” I said.

  “You didn’t beat him. You fried his mind with love, I’m guessing?”

  “Yep.”

  “Not bad. But you also broke his curse, which I don’t think anyone will be happy about except for him,” Devin said.

  “I think we should focus on the positives instead of the negatives—ouch,” I said when Devin threw me higher over his shoulder. “He’s in the MBRC’s custody now. His reign of terror is over.”

  “Perhaps,” Devin said, setting me down in the relief unit that was being built. “Krad used his magic on her. I want a complete medical checkup,” Devin said, resting his hands on my shoulders as he turned me to face the unicorns.

  I was going to complain. I wanted to complain. But even through the thick fabric of my jacket I could feel that Devin’s hands were shaking. So I didn’t resist when a unicorn—the pinto who went over me at the museum—turned to face me.

  “Morgan, wasn’t it? I have the perfect volunteer who will see to you,” the pinto said, her muzzle wrinkling in the horse version of a smile.

  She stepped aside to reveal a bay colored unicorn.

  “Westfall,” I said, my hesitations draining away as I smiled at the shy unicorn, who happened to be the first magical being I ever helped to rehabilitate.

  “Hello, Morgan,” Westfall said, nuzzling my temple. “You’re chilled, and you have an increased heartbeat. Let’s sit down out of the way,” he suggested.

  I didn’t answer—I couldn’t. Snot and tears clogged my throat. I sagg
ed into Westfall’s warm neck and grabbed a fistful of his warm mane.

  “You’re safe now, Morgan,” Westfall said, tucking his head against my back in the horse version of a hug. “You’ve done well. You can rest now.”

  I barely got to sit down on a puffy toadstool a fairy grew just for the occasion because it radiated heat before I passed out, exhausted and sapped.

  16

  My Decision

  “The Magical Beings’ Rehabilitation Center would also like to thank Miss Morgan Fae. Miss Fae worked with the Center’s defense department to extract information about Krad Temero’s plans, and she played an integral role in his subdual and capture,” Administrator Moonspell read.

  I fidgeted on the stage, uncomfortable in the high heeled boots I was borrowing from Fran for this very public appearance in the magical community.

  “The Center is very blessed and lucky to have such a talented instructor in its ranks. Thank you, Miss Fae, for all you have done,” Administrator Moonspell said, giving me a withering glance even though his voice was pleasant.

  I shifted, being careful not to move too much so I wouldn’t pitch head first off the creaky stage they had raised in the middle of the MBRC central chamber for the presentation.

  The MBRC board was lined up in front of the stage, watching with various sizes of grins—or in Elros and Luka’s case, pained smiles.

  A captain from the Shadow Shifters, an MBRC guard, and one of the wizards who fought with us stood on the podium with Devin and me. Moonspell had gone down the line, lauding and praising us to the gathered crowd for about an hour. I was ready for this ceremony to be over.

  “Windbag,” I muttered.

  Devin gave me a lopsided grin. “He’s almost done,” he whispered.

  “I don’t believe it.”

  “…Center of course extends its thanks to all involved in the takedown and capture of Krad,” Moonspell went on, but his speech was interrupted by a Beer Brother.

  “Yeah! Way to go, bra!” the frat elf said—I think it was the Ford Focus driver.

  Administrator Moonspell gripped the podium he stood behind until his knuckles turned white. If Madeline were here, he would have ripped her head off. But the blonde vampire had wisely made herself scarce the past few days since it became apparent that the Beer Brothers were back, and they weren’t intending to leave for a while.