by lanie love
“Sage,” I yell at her when she blows her horn for an old lady in an Edsel to move out of the way.
“What?”
“I can’t believe you did that,” I say, trying to hide my face as she hops over to the next lane to go around her. “It’s so rude.” Laura dies in the back seat when the lady gives Sage the finger when we pass her. “Don’t you dare!” I smack Sage’s hand down when she tries to flip her off too.
“She started it.”
“You blew the horn.”
“So what. You all are such pansies. Nobody ever blows their horn out here? What do you all think it’s for?”
“Okay,” Laura says to me as we sit at the Ivy for lunch. “So, make sure you build a wing for me at your place because I am in love with that view of the water.”
“I'll drink to that,” Sage says happily, lifting her wine glass and we join her.
She has been completely agreeable since the head chef came out personally to sit us down and shamelessly flirted with her. Laura and I are taking full advantage of the side effect. We’ve left the ordering of the meal to her since Laura and I have no clue as to how any of the things on the menu would taste. Not to mention the fact that the hot as hell looking Chef has returned to take our orders. He has all eyes on her and she knows it, but what’s worse is that Laura knows it and she’s not one to let opportunities for love pass by.
“What’s your name again,” Laura asks him, but she’s looking at Sage who’s throwing daggers at her. She just might kick Laura’s ass if she embarrasses her.
“Jacob. Jacob Riley.”
“Well, I’m Laura, she’s Allie, and the one you can’t take your eyes off is Sage.”
“Sage? What a beautiful name. I’m inspired to use it in a dish in your honor. Nice to meet you, Sage.”
“You too, Jacob,” she says. She’s actually smiling. Laura and I try to behave as they grin silently at each other until Laura spots a platter of food being served two tables over and her stomach wins out.
“I sure am hungry,” she says.
“Right. Sorry,” Sage says, clearing her throat and checking the menu one last time. “Jacob, what do you suggest?”
“Edamame hummus, garlic-white bean, and feta-walnut with crackers and flatbread to start,” he says and Sage is eating it up. Being from New Orleans, she prides herself on knowing good food, so he must be impressing the hell out of her. “Followed by a Maine lobster baked spaghetti cavatappi pasta with a creamy gruyère sauce and truffled bread crumbs.”
“It sounds exquisite,” she says. “My mouth is watering.”
“I can’t wait for you to try it,” he says.
“I’m looking forward to it,” she says.
“We can’t wait either,” I say. “We’ll have the same.”
“Right,” Laura says.
Finally realizing Sage isn't the only one in the restaurant, Jacob excuses himself to prepare our orders.
“You’re a star,” I tell her. “He totally knew who you were.”
“Of course, I’m a star, but I don't think he knows it… yet.”
“She's so snooty falooty,” Laura teases.
“Screw you guys,” Sage says and we laugh so hard that Laura snorts the wine she’s drinking out her nose and chokes on it. “Oh my God, will you two please act like adults for once. I swear I can’t take you anywhere.”
My face falls when I spot Kathleen and Brooke being escorted to a table.
“Shit,” I say, when I realize there is no way they can pass without noticing me.
To say they were not pleased when Aaron and I told them we were engaged is stating it nicely. At least Kathleen hid it better than Brooke.
“Engaged,” Brooke spat the word out like it was too bitter to swallow as we sat around Kathleen's dinner table. I told Aaron it wasn't a good idea to announce it this way, but he insisted on the dinner. He honestly thought they would be supportive of us. I still feel bad for him and he is still apologizing to me for his mistake. “You can't seriously be thinking about marrying her.”
“I’m not only thinking about it, but we will be doing it,” Aaron said. “I've asked Allie to marry me. She’s made me the happiest man in the world by agreeing to be my wife.”
“Are you really that daft,” Brooke said.
“Babe, come on.” Tuck tried to stop her.
“No,” she said to him before turning back to Aaron. “After everything her mother has done to this family, you are seriously going to make her a Wade?”
“Brooke,” Kent scolded her. “You can't hold Allie responsible for her mother and may I remind you, our father’s, actions.”
“She seduced him,” Brooke spit out.
“That is not true,” I spit back at her. I was so fed up with her attacking my mom. “Your father isn't some weak, defenseless little lamb. He’s the one with all the power. He knew full well what he was doing when he slithered into my mom's bed. And then he had the bad manners to go and get her pregnant…” I stopped when I realized what I was saying. Rehashing it was only hurting Kathleen and that was the last thing I wanted to do. “I'm sorry, Kathleen.”
“You don’t need to apologize, Allie. I know this isn't easy for any of us. Unfortunately, what my soon to be ex-husband and your mother did have effects that are far reaching. If this announcement had been before the party, we all would have been over the moon with joy.”
“Mom,” Aaron said. His voice is measured and gentle. “You know Allie can't help any of this.”
“No, none of us can. Allie, I love you like a daughter. I have since the first moment I laid eyes on you in that hospital bed all those years ago. As far as I'm concerned, you are always welcome in my home and in my family. I can't say that when I look at you and when I’ll look at what is soon to be your brother or sister…” She paused. Her breathing became unsteady, her eyes glossy and pained before she closed them. “Never in my life would I have thought I’d despise an unborn child so much,” she said before swallowing down her emotions. “I pray these feelings will fade, but right now, we must face reality. Our lives are forever intertwined and they are forever changed. The people at this table are all hurting equally. There is no one to blame here. The two people who are to blame are…” She throws her napkin down and rises from the table. “I'd hope they are burning in hell,” she said and walked out of the room.
Aaron took my hand and I gave him a weak smile. I wanted to pretend that I was okay with how everyone reacted, but I hated it. I always pictured both mom and Kathleen gushing over the news of me getting married so much that I’d be completely embarrassed by them. We’d spend hours going over every detail, but the reality was nothing like the childhood dream. My best friend hated me and the woman who was always like a second mother was barely able to look at me.
“Brooke, you heard what mom's position is on this,” Kent told her.
“I know, but I hate Julia for what she's done and Allie is her daughter.”
“Oh, for fuck sakes, Brooke, grow up,” Aaron said. He never gets angry at Brooke. “Following your logic, I fucking hate dad for what he's done and you're his daughter—”
“Aaron,” Kent and I both called his name.
“But I'm not his daughter,” Brooke cried and pointed to me. “She'll be his daughter when he marries Julia and that baby will be his blood. There will be no room for me anymore.”
She runs upstairs and Tuck is right behind her.
“Shit,” Aaron said. “Did you know she was feeling that way, Kenny?”
“Didn’t have a clue.”
“I'll go talk to her.”
“I think you should let sleeping dogs lay tonight, Big Bro. She won't hear you when she's this upset anyway.”
Aaron nodded in agreement.
He and I left for his apartment with Kent's promise that we will have a real celebration dinner soon, but it hasn’t happened and judging how we’re all still separated, I don’t think it ever will.
That was a week ago. Brooke ref
uses to even talk to Aaron or me.
Now, I sit watching her and Kathleen walking towards me and I want to hide under what looks like a very expensive table cloth.
“What is it,” Laura asks.
“Kathleen and Brooke are heading our way.”
“Shit,” Sage says.
Kathleen spots us first. She smiles, but if her manners would let her get away with it, she’d run right out the door.
“Hello, Allie, Dear,” she says, pausing at our table with Brooke behind her.
“Hi, Kathleen,” I greet her. “Hi, Brooke.”
“Hey,” Brooke says to me, studying her nails, like she does when she’s bored.
“Well, we won't interrupt your meal with your friends,” Kathleen says and they walk on.
“Damn, I need a sweater,” Sage says, shivering. “That was some cold ass air coming from those two.”
“Talk about mother- in- law issues,” Laura says.
“And spoiled brat sister- in- law issues,” Sage says.
“Stop it you two, they’re hurting.”
“So. Are. You,” Sage says. “But at least you are being adult about it. I thought Brooke was your friend? You spoke so highly of her in school.”
“Some friend,” Laura says, giving Brooke the side eye.
“You two should be crying on each other's shoulders right now,” Sage says. “She should be over here with us helping to plan your wedding. Not giving stank attitude to someone who's been her best friend all her life.”
“Do you want to leave,” Laura asks me as the waiter comes up with our food.
“Heck no,” I tell her. “No way am I going to let anyone run me away from this snooty falooty meal.”
They laugh.
“To snooty falooty friends,” Sage says, as she lifts her glass and we follow with ours, clinking them together before we drink.
Chapter Six
One Month Later
Hancock Park, California
Wade Estate
Kathleen Wade
“Good morning, Mrs. Wade,” Amy, my housekeeper, greets me bringing in the breakfast I have to force myself to eat. My appetite has completely disappeared.
She sets the tray down and I’m left alone with my thoughts once again. The staff has been very considerate in not bothering me. I appreciate the gesture, but it just makes the loneliness I’m fighting all the more obvious. Rarely, do I venture out of our bedroom anymore, my bedroom.
The sting of the last time my husband was here with me is still fresh and just when I think it’s healed; my mind takes me right back to that day on the Queen Mary and the scab is ripped off again. I’m bleeding open. The wound my husband and best friend inflicted on me that day is deep, infected, and the smell is putrid.
Yesterday, Brooke convinced me to go out with her. I agreed, but just to stop her from worrying about me. I know it makes her feel better seeing me out and about like I used to be, but I just don’t have the energy for it anymore. Doing just the little things now take so much out of me. Everything is falling by the wayside in my life, including my charities. I wish I could just bounce back, pick up the pieces Jay left of me and move on like the past forty years of being with the only man I’ve ever loved meant nothing.
For Brooke’s sake, I agreed to go out and pretend for a few hours. I never expected to run into Allie. I purposely chose that restaurant, knowing that no one I know frequents it. She looked so happy, like a woman newly engaged to the man she loves should. I couldn't have picked a better woman for Aaron and I still believe that in spite of her mother. I should be offering to help with the wedding. I should be calling on the best coordinators to help them plan. I should be relishing in my role as the mother of the groom, but instead, I'm in agony as my own marriage falls apart.
Never will I understand how this all happened. I dedicated my whole life to being a good wife, a good surgeon, a good mother, and a good friend. Did it ever mean anything? Did I ever mean anything? I know that sometimes I spread myself too thin over the years. It may not have seemed like it, but Jay and our marriage were always my top priority. Maybe he thought I didn't care. Was I too busy for him? Maybe he needed for me to be at his beck and call like I’m sure Julia must be. But I was always there when he needed me. I was on his arm at every function, every family gathering, every holiday and every anniversary. Maybe I’m just not enticing enough to him anymore. I’m just too boring, too familiar. I don’t excite him anymore.
I push my half-eaten breakfast away, unable to eat another bite. If I keep going on with this thinking, I’ll drive myself insane. I pull myself together enough to shower and spend too long trying to find something to wear. I don’t even want to look at myself in the mirror anymore. I hate the way I look. I always have, but at least Jay was here to reassure me. He made me feel beautiful. I wonder if he does that for Julia. Of course, he does. My husband is nothing if not charming.
I sit down in front of my vanity to do my hair and put on a little make-up. I have to look presentable today because Phil is on his way over. My wrinkles are starting to deepen, even more so now that I’m always tired. Dark circles and bags are under my eyes and my face is heavier. I stopped going to the gym so my weight is suffering. I truly don’t know how since I can barely eat.
My dress is dated. Brooke is always on me about not keeping up with fashion trends. She’s always threatening to throw me down to put a pair of jeans on me. No wonder Jay cheated on me. I’m old and fat. I pale in comparison to Julia. She’s young and energetic. It’s the reason why I liked being around her. She made me feel young again. How am I supposed to compete with that? Clearly, I can’t. My husband left me without so much as a backwards glance.
I get a call from my old friend Claire, but I ignore it. I really don’t want to hear what she has to say about my marriage. I wish she would use her energy to try and help Jen. That daughter of hers is not well, but I can’t worry myself about it right now.
Phil met with Jay and his lawyers yesterday and he has the paperwork for me to sign. I go downstairs when I hear the doorbell chime.
“Thank you for meeting me here, Phil.” I lead us to the outdoor patio. “I didn't feel much like going out today.”
“It's not a problem,” he says. “I’m happy to stop by, especially when I bring good news.” He waves his legal-size manila envelope in the air before giving it to me.
“What is it?”
“Jay has agreed to all of your terms.”
“All of them,” I ask, peeling the envelop open and taking out the forms. I scour over them. Jay’s signature is scrolled extra big and bold over each signature line. “He agreed to give me all of our properties, our cars, his shares in his family business. Everything?”
“Yes, my Love. Well, what choice did he have? He knows he doesn't have a leg to stand on. You’ve murdered him in the press. If word got out he even lifted a finger to try and take anything for him and his mistress, he would lose his Senate seat. The political legacy he’s built would be ruined. I would make sure of it and he knows it. So, it’s all yours.” He smiles as he hands me a pen to sign my name next to Jay’s. Just a swipe of that pen and my life as Mrs. Jay Wade is over. I break down and cry. “I thought this would make you happy,” he drops the pen and puts his arms around me. “I made sure to get you everything you asked for.”
“Happy? He's not fighting me at all on this divorce. He wants to be rid of me so badly that he'll do whatever he has to do to make it happen, even if it means living in the poor house with that slut. How could it make me happy knowing that?”
“It should make you happy to finally be rid of him. He was never a man that was worthy of you, Kathleen. Your beauty, your spirit, you should be worshiped and cherished. A man like Jay would never be able to do that. He’s too selfish, too caught up in his own needs. He’s taken you for granted for so many years, but you don’t see it. You’ve grown accustomed to it. How you've tolerated him for so long says so much about the depth of which you are capable
of loving. Please, give me a chance to experience it.”
“Why are you saying these things to me?”
“Because they're true. Because I've wanted to say them since that night we first met. You were the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen and when I finally got a moment alone to speak with you, I was taken away at how amazing you were. Jay was callous with you, even then. I wanted to tell you that and so much more. I’ve been respectful of your marriage because I considered Jay a friend, but he’s crossed a grotesque line that I can’t be loyal to anymore.”
“Phil, I don't know where all this is coming from, but please, I can't.”
“I know. I know you’re not ready to hear it. I hope, maybe someday.” He dries my tears with his thumbs, lifting my face to his. “Don't let them destroy who you are. They’re not worth it. Don't fight this divorce. Let him go and save yourself.” He kisses me softly on the forehead. “Whatever you need me to do, I'll do it. The paperwork is all there for you to sign, or not to. I'll be in touch.”
He leaves me to my misery.
****
Julia Moore
“Baby, you are nothing like your big sister.” I rub my belly, talking to what has to be a boy while I try to keep the crackers I just ate down. It’s just the two of us tonight. Jay is in DC and Allie is with Aaron. I’m reading a takeout menu trying to decide on dinner. I have a fridge full of food I could be cooking, but this pregnancy is still zapping me of energy. I thought he’d ease up on me by now, but no such luck. It seems he’s hunkering down even more.
Figuring I can just pop open a can of soup, I head to the kitchen. Keys in the door stop me. I know it’s not Jay, I tried to call him a few hours ago, but his assistant said he’d be in meetings until late into the night. It has to be Allie. I wonder if something is wrong.
“Mom?” She looks around before her eyes land on where I’m standing in the kitchen door frame.
