by lanie love
“You’re home,” I say.
I try not to sound as happy as I am, but she’s never home. I don’t even think she considers this her home anymore. Things were strained between us before she left for New York and since she’s been back, I hardly see her.
“Aaron said Jay was out of town, so, I came to keep you company.”
“And you brought food?”
“Yep,” she says, holding up the bags, taking them to the kitchen. “I hope you still like these.” She digs in the bag and brings out a box of ding dongs. “Grandma used to say how much you loved these when you were pregnant with me.”
I take the box, rip it open, and grab one of the most delicious treats that had to be created by God in appreciation of pregnant women’s struggles.
“Mmm,” I moan when the sweet chocolate and cream mix in my mouth. “I really needed this.” I grab for another.
“You’re going to spoil your appetite,” she says. “I brought dinner.”
“Trust me, that’s not going to happen, Baby girl,” I say, opening up the dish cabinet.
“Don’t bother. We don’t need plates. What we need is a chick flick. I vote for Steel Magnolias.”
“You got it.”
****
We sit eating hush puppies and chicken strips from the Rock Bottom.
“That’s so sad.” Allie tries not to cry during the funeral scene.
“I can’t believe you're still awake to watch it. Normally, you’d be out before the wedding scene. I don't think you’ve ever even seen how the movie ends.”
“Food is motivating me to stay awake. I was starving.”
“Aaron’s still not feeding you?”
“He does. He’s getting really good at cooking pancakes. He won’t fry the bacon though. The first time he tried, a little of the fat popped on his arm. You’d swear he’d been shot the way he ran around the kitchen screaming how it hurt. He actually cried.”
“Did you kiss it better?”
“Uh, yeah. I kissed… it. I mean, it was all better by the time I took care of him.”
I need to be careful about what I ask. I pop a hush puppy in my mouth to keep myself quiet.
“Thanks for coming by. I know this hasn't been easy for you.”
“For you either.”
“I have no one else to blame for that but myself. I just hate how it’s hurting you.”
“I know, but as messed up as it is, you're my mom and I love you.”
Chapter Seven
Hollywood, California
Strong Studios
Sage Turner
Jacob Riley. I spend most of my workday writing his name in the margins of my news brief with little hearts around it until I make myself sick at my behavior. I’m really not the hearts and curlicue kind of girl, but we’re celebrating our one-month anniversary this weekend, his idea, and I suppose it has me feeling all funny. Allie and Laura will never let me live down how I was when we first met. I found him very attractive and I thought I was hiding it well, but I should have known better than to think I was fooling those two.
He is tall, lean, with dirty-blonde hair that falls down in waves just long enough to brush his neck. He has dark eyes and a lopsided smile that brightens his whole face. I was practically drooling over him, so Laura and Allie kept quiet and let me do the talking. It was more like shameless flirting that they had to endure. He made his intentions known and asked me if I had a boyfriend.
Laura was quick to tell him I didn’t, so he asked me out. With that smile he flashed me, there was no way I could say no, not that I would have been stupid enough anyway. He is hot and to top it off, he is an amazing chef. That’s high praise coming from me. Laura thought I was exaggerating when I told her how excellent the meal was that he prepared, until she tasted it herself. Now, she tries to invite herself over for dinner every week, but I won’t let her.
JR, as he lets me call him, and I hit it off right away. We found out we have a lot in common. He’s an only child, same as me. Although born in Australia, he moved to a small town on the east coast when he was ten. After his parents divorced, he was raised mostly by his mother. He hasn't really spoken much about his father. He seems not to like him, but from what little he's told me, I can understand why.
Our relationship got serious pretty quickly, but I have hang-ups—big ones. JR is amazingly patient and understanding, but there’s only so much understanding a girl can expect from her guy. I’m terrified that if he ever finds me out, I’ll lose him forever. So, I keep him on a hook until I can figure out how to fix the fucked-up mess that is my life. Laura tells me to just come clean, to put all my cards on the table. She swears he’ll understand, but I’m not so sure.
Not many have understood it thus far. Allie loves me to death, but I don’t even let her see all of my demons for fear I might lose her. It’s stupid. I know that if I told her, she would understand the same as Laura. I don’t even understand why I’m the way I am, so how can I expect anyone else to?
I don’t even know when all this mess started. I know growing up, I wasn’t really affectionate. I was never really comfortable with people touching me unless it was for roughhousing, as mom calls it. I used to play really rough as a kid, so much so that I was mislabeled a tomboy and I hated being boxed into that title. I didn’t like anything to do with boys. I just liked pain.
I'm not sure when I became aware that pain made me feel good. I sprang my ankle at softball practice in school once. By the time I walked home, my ankle was the size of a watermelon. Dad was livid that I didn’t call him to come and get me, but it didn’t even hurt. I’d hurt myself all the time and the pain never bothered me. As I got older, it was just dismissed as me having a higher tolerance for it.
Now, the thing I have to hide from JR is that pain is the only thing that turns me on. All the petting and snuggling he likes to do leaves me frustrated and unsatisfied. I’ve tried many times to explain it to him, but he just can't wrap his head around the fact that a person, especially the girl that he loves, needs to be hurt physically and wants him to inflict her with pain.
He refuses to even give me a little love tap on my ass. More and more, it’s becoming a huge problem for me. I’m terrified of losing him because of my own selfish needs, but also because of his unwillingness to at least try to meet me halfway. This is the first time I’ve ever been in love and I won’t let myself ruin it, but something has got to give. There are only so many orgasms I can fake.
Hopefully, I’ve found a solution. My friend, Kelsey, once had this “sugar daddy” as she called him. Some old married guy with three kids, by the name of Milton, if you can believe that. He was going through some kind of midlife crisis and needed to relive his glory days. At least that’s what she guessed was the reason he cheated. Anyway, they broke up because he was into BDSM.
I dabbled in it a little bit in college and as soon as the words flew out of her mouth, I had an epiphany: If I could get JR to see that there are people who are into that type of thing and it's okay, as long as it's all consensual, then maybe he'd be more willing to try. I wanted to see if Milton would be willing to talk to him, but Kelsey said he was into the real hardcore shit that would probably scare the hell out of JR. She suggested I check out a club to see if JR might go for it since clubs can be less intimidating. She told me about this invitation-only club called Chains that Milton would take her to.
It disgusted me to think that while his wife and kids were up waiting for him at home, he was in some club's dungeon beating and screwing Kelsey. Now at first, she was cool with it, because she loved all of the expensive things he bought for her, but when he started trying to ram his fist up her holes, she'd pretty much had enough.
She let me borrow her invitation so that I can check the place out. Her only warning was to keep my gaze to the floor as much as possible. Apparently, they get all funny when women start looking around more than they should. So here I am, sitting in this damn club instead of out on a work assignment, whic
h is where I told JR, Laura, and Allie I would be. It wasn't a complete lie. I am doing research. It’s just for something I can’t air on TV.
So far there's nothing out of the ordinary. I was prepared for it to be like a movie I saw about this kinky sex club with harem girls roaming around. I really thought it would be nothing but costumes and a whole lot of leather. It seems to be just regular people having a few drinks and hooking up. The air is a bit stale though, and I can do without the tinted lighting. I notice people heading in and out of a back area, so I make my way there. I end up all the way at the back of the club where I come across a corridor of rooms. I go into the first door and there's a crowd of people, men and woman, standing around watching a scene.
There is a girl completely naked and blindfolded. She is bound spread eagle to some kind of contraption. There’s weird chamber music playing and at first, I thought the tortured screams were coming from the speakers, but it’s the girl that’s screaming. She’s being whipped by an overweight man dressed in an all-black leather getup with a hood that makes him look like the Executioner. Over and over again this man is whipping this girl and she begins to yell and moan with pleasure. She can barely contain herself. She's begging and crying for the man to let her come, but he denies her.
I stand there in the crowd, gaping at this scene. Her constant moaning is arousing me. Finally, he commands her to come and her body shakes from the sheer force of it. Watching her come so hard, I can almost feel it. I bite down hard on my bottom lip and squirm a little, pressing my thighs together. My moisture begins to seep into my panties making me very wet and uncomfortable. I feel self-conscious and my breathing becomes quick and shallow. I need to get out of here before I embarrass myself., Unable to take my eyes off them, I back away. I end up bumping right into a large chest. I turn around quickly and look right into a pair of familiar eyes.
“I'm sorry,” I say as I remember myself and cast my eyes to the floor.
“Let me take you out of here,” he says and offers me his hand, which I gladly accept. He leads me back to the bar and orders me some type of cocktail with a crude sexual name that makes me not want to drink it.
“Thank you,” I say, accepting it anyway. With my eyes looking down at the bar, I swirl my drink around with the straw.
“You may look at me,” he says and I quickly glance up at his face. “What's your name?”
“Kelsey,” I say it almost like I’m asking him a question.
“Is that your real name, Kelsey?”
“Of course, it is. Says so on my invite.”
“I haven't seen you in here before… Kelsey. I'm sure I would have remembered you in a scene.”
“Oh, no. No, no, this is my first time here. I just came to check it out. I'm not into… I mean, I haven't...” I stammer on. My brain is unable to get my mouth to stop talking.
“You're not into BDSM then. You seemed so affected by the scene in there,” he says, eyeing me up and down, like a hungry dog in a slaughterhouse. I can almost see him salivating and it’s creeping me out. He’s good looking, I’ll give him that, but not my type.
“I was just shocked, that's all. I didn’t realize it was all so open,” I say getting up from the bar stool. “Anyway, thanks for the drink. Mr.…” I already know who he is. I see him every day at work. I guess I'm not important enough at Strong Media yet for him to bother to remember me.
“Finch,” he says, holding out his hand for me to shake. “Adrian Finch and you are very welcome, but you're not leaving already?” I try to reclaim my hand, but he’s refusing to relinquish it.
“Yeahhh, I think so. It’s been great and all, but I don't think this is what I'm looking for, so have fun.” I turn, thinking I would just leave, but no such luck. He’s off his stool and pulling me to him so hard that I stubble backwards into his chest. I try to find my balance, but he locks me in place so I can’t move.
“Oh no, no, no Sweet Thing.” His sandpaper growl is in my ear. “We're just getting started. That drink I bought you wasn't free.”
You have got to be kidding me. Is that all he thinks it takes to get me strapped to that cross?
“Let go of me,” I say, trying not to call attention to myself, but at the same time wanting to get my point across that I wasn't into whatever this game he’s playing. I don’t know if this is how this all works or what and I really don’t give a damn. All I know is, I’m not liking it. Not one damn bit. I really don’t want to have to nut kick this guy off me.
“I believe the lady isn't interested.” The man who had been sitting a few seats down from us says as he gently pulls me out of Finch's grasp and steadies me on my feet.
I look up to see who has come to my rescue and catch my breath. He is gorgeous. I gawk at him, but he doesn’t catch me doing it. He hasn’t taken his eyes off Finch. They are locked in some silent battle and in the back of my mind, I’m curious to see which one blinks. Breaking eye contact with gorgeous guy, Finch downs his drink and looks over at me. I guess deciding I'm not worth the trouble, he begins to back away.
“See you at work on Monday,” he says.
Shit!
The gorgeous guy continues to stare him down until Finch is practically cowering on the other side of the club.
“Are you all right?” Gorgeous guy finally looks down at me, concern showing all over that hot face.
“Yes, sir. Thanks for helping me out.” His eyes suddenly darken. Closing them, he inhales deeply like something magnificent has just entered his soul and has taken possession of him.
“Let's get you out of here,” he says, as he places his hand on the small of my back and leads me out into the street. “What did you think you were doing in there?” He and some other guy, he introduces as his designated driver, walks me to my car.
“I was just curious, Misterrrr… what did you say your name was?”
“I didn’t.”
“Oh, okay, well, my friend told me about this place and I was just curious.”
“This isn't the type of place to satisfy simple curiosities,” he says. His hand is on my back, ushering me along. I point out my car to him. “What you just wandered into was hard-core and everyone is expected to know how to play the game. Go home. And never come back here again without your Dom, do I make myself clear?” He takes my keys from me, un-arms the alarm and opens my door.
“But I don't have a Dom, sir,” I say climbing in.
I pretend not to notice his eyes as they move down my legs when I swing them in. He closes the door for me and waits patiently, looking on as I drive away and I wonder briefly why he's still staring at the back of my car.
I make it home, shower, and slip on my pajamas. JR stirs for a minute as I get into bed. My eyes lift to God, thanking him for not letting him wake up. My face would give away the whopper of a lie I would have to tell about how the work assignment went. I drift off to sleep with the image of the club still fresh in my mind. Instead of dreaming about the blonde sleeping soundly next to me, I dream only of jet-black hair and deep blue eyes.
Kent Wade
I fucking hate Hollywood.
I’m bored out of my mind, stuck in traffic on the tourist trap of Hollywood and Highland.
“Go around. Go around,” I bark the order at Collin.
The walk of fame has changed since the last time I was down here, but the tight bulge in my pants is getting all my attention. All I want to do is sink into something tight, wet, and warm. I was geared up for a good fuck with the submissive I ordered special for tonight. She’s well trained in resistance play scenes and I’ve been craving to participate in one, but I was forced to cancel. It’s just as well. Sitting in this traffic is fucking up my mood. The last one sent over didn’t do much for me anyway. The girls from the escort service are top quality, but they’ve done little to satisfy me so far. Maybe, I need a deeper connection. With the advice of my legal team, I drafted a contract on the off chance I’d take on a long-term submissive, but so far, no one fits the bill. I’ve y
et to encounter anyone I’d want to spend a significant amount of time playing with.
Perhaps that asshole I’m paying too much money to shrink my head is right and it's time to delve into another relationship. After that debacle with Jen, I’ve been stone cold towards the idea. Truth be told, it was much harder letting go of Allie. I’d convinced myself so thoroughly that she was the key to my happiness. She was supposed to be my ultimate completion and not having her hasn’t been easy to accept. The more I talk to my overpriced shrink, the more I realize how detrimental that was and how unfair to Allie it was choosing her to save me.
The more I see her with Aaron, the more I realize it would never have worked with her. She belongs in the friend zone and I have managed to keep her firmly in that lane, but since moving on from both her and Jen, I've had little desire for a long-term relationship. The thought of one puts a bad taste in my mouth. Thus far, I've been content with paid companionship. I’m allowed to do to them as I please, then they simply leave when I’m done.
I show my invite to the doorkeeper and he lets me in. I’m not one for frequenting clubs to get my rocks off. The last thing I need is my sexual preferences being leaked and gossiped about, especially on the heels of Dad and his bullshit. A Senator who cheats on his wife and his son who likes to tie up and spank women. It would be pay dirt. But tonight, I'd gotten a frantic call from Jen saying she was in some type of trouble and asked me to meet her here at Chains. I know it's probably some bullshit, but I would never forgive myself if it wasn't.
So here I am looking for an ex I barely give two shits about. Of course, when I find her, the psychotic bitch is strapped to a Saint Andrew's cross being beaten by some leathered-up fucker in a gimp suit. I guess this is her desperate attempt at making me jealous, but she’s just fucked up because as of right now, I'm washing my hands of this bitch.
I’m about ready to walk out the door, but fuck the hell out of me, someone has just caught my eye and I feel so much gratitude towards Jen right now, I'm tempted to reward her with my dick one last time. After all, if it wasn't for her, I wouldn't be here looking at this beautiful creature who just walked through the door, gracing this rat hole with her presence. She’s gorgeous and completely oblivious to the horny bastards that are eye-fucking her as she moves around the room. She is a siren, sexy as hell, but at the same time, she looks like a little lost kitten. A kitten that’s barely been touched. It's obvious she hasn't been here before. She seems so out of her depth.
