by lanie love
Maybe he really didn't expect me to come. Maybe I've embarrassed him by actually showing up here. I’m sure I’m a subpar sub at best. Maybe he’s just slumming around with me. He could easily have a sub better suited for his tastes. One that doesn’t have all of my fucked-up hang-ups. Maybe training me is an act of his warped sense of charity. I'm so stupid. He's probably laughing his ass off every night at my expense.
Lost in my own insecurities, I didn't even notice him get up and walk toward me until I feel his body covering mine. He pushes me back against the door, lifts my arms above my head and kisses me with such longing that all the bullshit I was just thinking about flies right out of my head. I gasp for air and he slips his tongue in my mouth. I hear him moan as our tongues slowly dance. He takes his left hand and locks the door, then lifts me up into his arms. I wrap my legs around his waist as he turns us around and carries me to his desk. He places me on top, steps in between my open legs and begins to unbutton my blouse.
“Sir,” I say, stopping his frantic movements. “What if someone knocks, or calls, or…” I say between kisses.
“My assistant knows not to interrupt us.”
Seeing that I'm satisfied with that, he refocuses on his task. My lips never leave his as I shrug out of my shirt and help him out of his, along with his tie. He unhooks my bra, freeing my breasts. I moan at the warm feel of his hands as they gently run up and down the length my back. He glances down to look at my nipples. Not giving him time to choose, I grab the back of his head and lead his mouth to the closest one. He latches on and begins to suck hungrily. I throw my head back and moan loudly. I stop short thinking someone might hear. As if reading my thoughts, he stops sucking long enough to tell me that his office is soundproof and to be as loud as I want before turning his attention back to my aching and enlarged nipples.
His hands find the hem of my skirt and he begins to slide it up my legs. He grabs hold of my panties and pulls them off along with my shoes. Clothes are now flying everywhere as we frantically undress each other, desperate to feel each other's skin. With one motion, he sweeps his hand over his desk, scattering its contents to the floor. He turns his attention once again to my breast as he sucks each one. He then makes his way to my neck, my lips, stopping at my ear.
“Let me taste you, Sage, I've been dreaming of it since you left me last night.” The feel of his breath makes me wet as he whispers. His mouth travels to my neck again, leaving a trail of wet kisses. I can feel his erection pressed slightly against my pussy, now dripping wet. There is no barrier between us. I want so desperately to buck up and bury him into me, but I fight hard against it. I am torn between hating myself for the thought and wanting so much for it to happen. “You're so fucking beautiful. So sexy. Let me taste you. Let me make you come. I just want to make you feel good, Angel.”
Oh God, I can't take any more
“Please, sir,” I whisper.
He grabs my face with his left hand, my chin in between his thumb and fingers. He looks at me for any signs of doubt, making sure I understand exactly what he's asking. He looks into my eyes as if waiting for permission. I nod my head yes. He lets out a quick breath as he kisses me hard on the lips. He pushes me down on his desk so that I am now lying face up and completely exposed. My body begins to shiver from the cold of the desk and the chill of the room.
He leans over and kisses my mouth. The heat of his body pressed into mine instantly warms me. I moan as his lips leave mine and work their way down my body. His tongue darts out and dips down into my belly button as it continues its journey. He glides the palm of his left hand up in between my breasts to stop my squirming. He nips my right inner thigh with his teeth, then moves to my left. With both of my legs draped over his shoulders, he grabs hold of my waist and tugs me down so that I am only inches away from his mouth. His warm breath is now on my wet clit.
“Mmm, you smell so good,” he moans as he inhales.
Oh Shit, that's going to make me come.
“Please.” My voice is ragged, desperate. I’m so desperate for him.
“Tell me what you want,” he demands.
“ I want to come, sir.”
“Tell me what you want me to do, Sage,” he demands.
“I want you to. God, I need you…” I ramble on. Just as I am about to give in to him and to my own selfish desires, everything comes to a crashing halt as my phone rings a familiar tune. I scramble away from Mr. Wade and grab for my bag, fishing out my phone. JR’s face is smiling at me. I love the picture, but I cringe at the sight of it now.
“Hi,” I simply say as I answer the call.
“Hey, Sweetheart, I know you’re working, but I wanted to hear your voice before you left this afternoon. What are you working on?”
“Oh, I'm just finishing up some stuff and... you know… making sure I have everything before I head out,” I say.
“Alright, Sweetie, I'll let you get back to it. Drive safely okay and call me when you get to your Dad's place. I'll be worrying until I hear from you.”
“I promise I will.”
“Alright, love you.”
“I love you too,” I whisper, closing my eyes. I end the call and just stand there unable to move, ashamed and disgusted with myself. I dare not look at Mr. Wade because I know that he must be disgusted with me too. I go in search of my clothes so that I can get dressed and leave.
“Sage, wait,” he calls and I stop my search, keeping my eyes on the floor.
“Look at me,” he demands, but I shake my head. He comes to stand in front of me and lifts my head so that I have no choice but to look at him.
“I'm sorry,” I whisper as he wipes a stray tear that falls down my cheek.
“How about Chinese?”
“I don't… understand.”
“It’s lunchtime. I'm hungry. Do you like Chinese food?”
“Yes,” I say dumbfounded by his good mood. “Yes, sir.”
“Good,” he says, putting on his clothes. “Get dressed and I'll have something delivered to us.”
*****
Twenty minutes later we are cuddled up together on the large dark gray couch in his office eating our Chinese food. I’m laughing at his failed efforts to actually get the shrimp fried rice into my mouth with his chopsticks. We are both trying to feed each other, but we are getting more on us than in us. Finally, giving up, he takes a spoon and shovels a large amount into his mouth.
“Hey, what about me,” I ask, and pretend to pout. He laughs at me as I dramatically chew the large portion he places into my mouth as well. “I like this,” I say after we are almost done eating. “It seems so…”
“Normal,” he says as he puts the spoon back in the carton and places it on the table. I look at him with guilt as he throws my hurtful word back in my face.
“Nothing about us is normal, sir,” I say. Seeing his mood quickly going south, I panic trying to think of the right words to say. “I don't want normal with you.” Oh shit, why can't I ever say what I mean? “I mean I like what we have, sir. I don't want…” I struggle.
“What, Sage? What don't you want? And for that matter, what do you want?”
“I don't know.”
“Yes, you do,” he demands and I look at him, hating being forced into a position to answer. What the hell does he want from me?
“I want commitment. I want a husband and kids. I want stability. I want consistency. I want safety, I want… normal,” I whisper the last word.
“What about happiness? Huh? What about fulfillment? What about passion? What about peace of mind, knowing that the person you're with accepts you for who you are,” he counters me.
“Of course, I want that.”
“But do you have that now, with your boyfriend? You spend so much time trying to hide who you are from him, to conform into this idea of normal. Why? What are you getting out of it?”
“I'm getting a wonderful man who loves me,” I say, throwing the word in his face. He blanches, turning away from me, pissed.
<
br /> “He doesn't even know you, Sage,” he sneers, unleashing the words on me.
“And you do?”
“More than you know. God, it's like beating my head against a fucking wall,” he says, running his hands through his hair.
“What the hell does that supposed to mean?”
“It means every time I think I'm getting through to you, you go and pull the 'I want normal' card and it's bullshit. You use it because you are terrified of who you are. You use it to hurt me and to push me away, because you know if you gave this half a chance…”
“What,” I ask, but he says nothing. “And what about you, Sir, Mr. I Don’t Do Love. Are you happy with having submissives for a few nights that you don't love and don’t love you? What do you want?” He stares at me but still says nothing. “See, it's not an easy thing to know, is it?”
“You,” he finally says.
“What?”
“I want you, Sage. I have since the moment I saw you. Why the hell do you think I'm doing this,” he says again.
“Yeah, I know, you want me as your submissive, with contracts and rules”
“Do you think any of that shit matters at this point in whatever the hell this is that we're doing because, let's be honest here, we long since blurred the lines between Dom and submissive and…” He stops as he catches himself.
“And what,” I ask, knowing full well where he was headed.
“Miss Turner,” he says. So, now we are back to me being Miss. Turner. It looks like I'm not the only one who needs to get my shit together. Well, to hell with this.
“You know what, Mr. Wade, Sir. You're right. We have blurred the lines and I think it's time we made things clearer. I think we need to keep to our original agreement. This needs to stay professional.”
“Perhaps, you’re right,” he says, taking a deep breath.
“I should go. I have a long drive to my dad's so…” I say, gathering my things to leave.
“Sage, wait,” He calls after me. “I….” He starts to say something, but stops himself. “Have a good weekend, Miss Turner. Enjoy your time with your dad. And your new job on Monday.” He adds as an afterthought.
“Oh God, don't remind me.”
“I thought this promotion was what you wanted.”
“It was until I found out I would be working for that asshole that you saved me from at chains,” I say and that gets his attention.
“I wasn't aware that he worked with you.”
“Come Monday morning, he’ll be my producer.”
“What was his name again? His full name?”
“Why?”
“Call me curious,” he grins, making me wonder what he’s up to. I have a feeling he’s going to be digging into his background.
“Adrian Finch,” I say, trying to keep down the Chinese food I just ate. “Well, I should go. Have a good weekend Sir,” I say opening the door. The thought of him having a good weekend without me suddenly depresses me.
“Drive safely, Miss Turner. Collin will see you to your car,” he says, nodding at Collin, who I hope wasn't standing there the whole time.
“Take care, Curious.”
Chapter Twenty-One
Sage Turner
The two-hour drive home to my dad’s gives me some much-needed time just for myself. I feel like I'm at a fork in the road and I have to choose which way to go. One path leads me to Mr. Wade. I know what he was trying to say earlier in his office. He was right, we have blurred the lines in our arrangement. And I know he meant it when he says he wants me, but I don't know if he's a risk I'm willing to take. To leave everything I know to be his submissive, for how long, and then what happens to me when he's done with me? What happens if I fall in love with him, will he end things with me? Can I be with a man who can’t love me back? His fiancée probably already tried and she was at least great in bed. He threw her to the side for subs. Nothing makes me special to him, just a sub in training.
And what about the path that leads to JR, my very first taste of love? He represents everything I want, everything I didn’t have growing up. Why does it feel so incomplete? It feels nothing like I thought it would. Allie is over the moon with her first love and I know it’s not right to compare what JR and I have, but I can’t help it.
It's true, JR doesn't really know me. A huge part of our relationship is based on me pretending to be someone I'm not. I tried to tell him, but he just doesn’t want to hear it. The more time I spend away from him the more it is becoming painfully clear that what we have might not be enough. I am hoping against hope that he opens up to the idea of BDSM. It's our only shot and I owe it to him to take it.
But for now, that all has to wait for another day, because I'm on the path that leads me to the best man in the whole wide world.
****
I pull up in the driveway and hop out before I barely have the car in park. Like always, Dad comes barreling out of the front door to meet me.
“Saytie, Honey,” he says, giving me a big bear hug that lifts me off my feet.
“Hi, Daddy,” I laugh, hugging him right back. He sets me down and holds me at arm's length, giving me a once over.
“You look good, Baby Girl. That boy of yours seems to be taking good care of you. Are you eating? How's work? Why didn't Jacob come up with you?” He begins the 101 questions he asks every time I come home.
“Yes, Daddy. It's fine. He had to work,” I say in mantra, like I always do.
“What's all this stuff in your car,” he asks, as he grabs my bag and walks me inside.
“Oh, it's just stuff from work. I start my new job on Monday and I didn't want to take it all back to my apartment.”
“Is that right,” he says and I know that means that I'm not fooling him one bit.
I go inside, put my stuff in my old room and go in search of Maggie, my stepmom. Actually, she's my dad's girlfriend, but they've been together for so long that she's really like a second mom to me.
I find her out back in the garden picking vegetables for dinner.
“Hey, Mags.”
“Saytie, I didn't know you were here already,” she says hugging me. I take the basket of vegetables and carry them in the house for her.
“I got an early start,” I tell her as we join Dad at the kitchen table. “What are you making?” I look over the tomatoes. Nothing says home like homegrown tomatoes. From as long as I can remember, we’ve always grown them. Grandma Turner always put a fresh slice of tomato on our plates at every meal. Seasoned with either sugar or salt and pepper, depending on what we were eating.
“Just a little stew,” she says.
“So, Saytie,” Dad says, interrupting us. “Are you going to tell us what's going on, or are we going to have to guess?” He swigs his beer and waits for me to answer.
“What do you mean?”
“You're here. I mean, not that we’re complaining, but you never just drop in on a days’ notice. So, something must be wrong. Is it that man of yours?”
“No,” I answer.
“Hmm,” he says. “I thought he meant business last he and I spoke. Do I need to come for a little visit?”
“Absolutely not,” I say, mortified at the thought.
“Virgil Turner, you let her alone now, ya hear? She'll tell us when she's good and ready.” Maggie comes to my rescue.
“Fine,” Dad gripes, getting up. “But nobody messes with my baby girl.” He kisses the top of my head and ventures outside. Before he goes, he turns and gives Maggie his get-to-the-bottom-of-it-look.
“Where's he going,” I ask Maggie.
“Out to mark his territory, I guess,” she says, scooting closer to me.
“You know, Baby,” she says, opening up her own beer, drinking it. “Your dad's been really worried about you. It's not easy for him knowing you're in such a big city and he's so far away.” She starts with the guilt trip.
“I know and I really am fine. It's just,” I sigh. “I've met someone.”
“Met someone. Bu
t what about Jacob?”
“And therein lies the problem.”
“Ouch,” she says. “Well, let's hear it?”
“It's not what you think, he and I are just friends. I mean, it's more than that, obviously, but—”
“I'm not here to pass judgment,” she says. “I just want to know what's troubling you so much that you felt like you had to come running home,” I explain it all to her as best I can while leaving out the TMI of the sex and BDSM and I swear I’ve never seen her drink a beer so fast. “Well,” she clears her throat when I’m done. “All I can say is that you have to listen to your heart. You can rationalize and analyze what's right and wrong until your dead and by then it won't make a damn bit of difference. If this guy is turning your head and making you feel some kind of way, then you have to wonder if Jacob is the right one for you. If he was, you wouldn't be paying attention to this other guy in the first place.”
“Jacob is a great guy. I do love him.”
“I believe you,” she says. “And I believe you don't want to hurt him, so do him, yourself, and this new man a favor and figure this out, and quick. You can't play with people's lives like this. Look at your mother…” She begins to use my parent’s marriage as an example but thinks better about it. Am I really like my mother? “If Jacob is not the one, then cut him loose and let him move on. If he is the one, you have to tell him everything and hope that he understands this.”
“I know you’re right,” I say with a sigh. He will never understand.
“No matter what you decide, you know your mom, dad, and I love you.” She pats the hand that’s resting on the table. “I'm going to get dinner started, why don't you go and relax. I'll call you when it's ready,” she says hugging me.
I close the door to my room, shaking my head at how it hasn’t changed since I went off to College. Lying across my bed, I grab my phone and call JR.
“Hey, Sweetheart, are you okay,” JR asks, picking up the phone.
“I'm fine. I was just letting you know I made it here safe and sound.”
