by lanie love
“I miss you already,” he says.
“I miss you too. I know you're busy at work. I won't hold you up. I love you.”
“I love you too. I'll call you tomorrow. Say hi to Maggie and your dad for me.”
I tell him that I will and hang up.
I must have drifted off to sleep because I am awakened by my phone ringing.
“Hey, Laura, what's up,” I answer.
“Why the hell didn't you tell me you were leaving town,” she asks, pretending to be pissed off. “I thought we'd go clubbing this weekend. You need to help me find a new man.”
“Really, Laura? Already? Damn, I really liked Randy. I thought you would keep him around for a while.”
“Yeah, so did I,” she breathes out. “I guess it wasn't meant to be. Speaking of which, how's Jacob?”
“That's a shitty thing to say, Ling Roberts.”
“Jeez, sorry,” she says. “Anyway, I didn't call you to talk about him. Next time you decide to take a road trip, let me know so I can come along. Now, I'm stuck having to spend my weekend with a broken heart and Kelsey since Allie is stuck in Aaronland. Did she tell you they’re going on a cruise and we are forbidden to go with them?”
“Yes, and I hate her.”
“Baby girl, come and eat your supper,” Dad calls.
“Awwww,” Laura teases.
“Shut up,” I say, hanging up on her.
After dinner, I turn in early, but I end up lying awake, thinking. My mind drifts to thoughts of Mr. Wade and how we left things this afternoon. I can’t believe how close I came to messing everything up. Mags is right, I can't keep going on this way. I thought learning BDSM would be the perfect solution. I thought it would bring JR and me closer together, but all it’s doing is putting a spotlight on everything that's wrong. I grab my iPhone, take a deep breath and do what I know is right.
“Sage,” he answers and I stay quiet, not sure how to begin. “What's wrong?”
“Mr. Wade, I don't think that this... what we are doing is helping me the way I thought that it would. I thought that if I learned BDSM, then it would make my relationship better, but all I feel is guilt and confusion.”
“Sage, you feel guilty because you won't admit that maybe your relationship is the problem? You've had these feelings long before BDSM. If you didn't, you wouldn't have been cutting yourself. Why are you torturing yourself over a man you don't really love?”
“I do,” I tell him, but it rings hollow.
“No, you don't. You love the idea of him and don't fool yourself into thinking that he loves more than the idea of you too.”
“Why are you saying these things to me? Why are you so angry with me?”
“Did you call me to tell me that you didn't want to see me again, Sage?”
“Yes… no…. I don't know. I thought I wanted to end things with you, to go back to the way things were, but then I don't because, now when I'm with JR, I feel like shit, but after being with you I feel…”
“You feel what? Say it,” he demands.
“I don't know.” I lie to him.
“You do know. Say it,” he demands. “For fuck sakes, say it, or so help me—”
“Normal,” I yell, scared of his threat. “I feel normal. And that makes me feel like shit because it's not fair to JR. None of this is his fault. He wants to be with me, to share his life with me and I… I can't hurt him. I can't tell him the truth, so I run. I ran.”
“You're running? Is that what this is we're doing? Is that all this is to you,” he spits out.
“No, sir,” I say quickly. “I meant I ran here. I ran home to my dad.”
After a moment, he laughs.
“Well,” he says. “If anyone can get you sorted out…” I gasp.
“Oh my God. I mean my real father. You have a filthy mind, Mr. Wade,” I say, pretending to be disgusted.
“I knew who you meant. I just wanted to make you feel better,” he says and I can tell he is smiling.
“How do you do that,” I whisper.
“Do what?”
“Make me feel better,” I say.
“Damn it, Sage, if you would just let go of all the bullshit. You have it in your head that he is the perfect guy and if you marry him than all of these other feelings that you have will just magically go away and you'll live some happy storybook fairytale.”
“What’s wrong with wanting that?”
“Do you ever wonder what happens the day after the damn fairytale wedding, Sage? Ever wonder why they never go beyond that part? All I ask is that you take the weekend and really think about what you want. Then, if you decide to end your training, I will respect your decision. But once your training is over, we will be over. Understand?”
“Yes, sir. I understand,” I say. “I promise, I will think about it. So… did you get any work done after I left,” I ask trying to keep him on the phone. He chuckles.
“Not really,” he says. “My sister, Brooke, came by and it all went to hell after that.”
“You never mention her, or Aaron, or anyone from your family, really.”
“Because I don't talk about my personal life with my submissives.”
“Oh,” I say, hurt that he put me back in my place “I'm sorry, sir.”
“Don't' be,” he whispers. “Brooke came over to give me hell about the present we all got her for her birthday. It was an RV and she refused to leave until I gave her the pink slip.”
“You didn’t want to give it to her?”
“No,” he laughs. “I’m regretting giving her the RV. I need to be careful she doesn’t run me over with it.”
I laugh, snuggling down under the covers. The sound of his voice soothes me as he tells me all about his family and his life growing up.
Saturday dawns a great day that Dad, Maggie and I spend out at Cachuma Lake. We leave Maggie to set up day camp while dad and I go down to fish.
“Are you sure anything is even biting this time of day? I thought fish usually slept in,” I say, teasing.
“Now, Baby Girl, I taught you better than that,” he says, as he baits and throws his line.
“Daddy, can you put the worm on for me,” I whine like I did when I was little. And he laughs.
“Oh, Saytie, where has the time gone? Seems like only yesterday, you were no bigger than a minute and now look at you, living in a big city, starting your career, getting married. Soon enough, you'll be having babies. I'll tell you right now, though, I don't want to be called Grandpa. We'll have to come up with something else,” he says and laughs.
“Married? Why would you think that? JR and I decided to wait until our careers are set before we even think about getting married.”
“Oh, I was just thinking out loud, Baby Girl.” He tries and fails to cover his slip.
“Dad,” I say, trying to get his attention away from the fishing pole he is now so interested in. “Did JR talk to you? Dad? Is he gonna ask me?”
“Well, I told you he meant business,” he says with a shrug.
Oh, God.
...
Three hours later we head back to Maggie with our catch.
“Aw, the poor little things,” she says when we hand her the trout.
“This coming from a woman who could cut the balls off a bull,” Dad says to me and I laugh.
“Hey, I’m from Texas, and don't knock 'em till you try 'em,” she says, as she grabs Dad's chin and slips him her tongue.
“Oh, my God, really,” I exclaim, covering my eyes and turning my back.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Two Weeks Later
Malibu, California
Aaron and Allie’s house
Aaron Wade
“Damn, Air,” Tuck says, helping me level the large picture window frame in the bedroom of my family’s new home. I could have had my crew do the work, but there’s something about doing it myself. Call it a labor of love. “I can't believe you're not doing the bachelor party thing. Don't you want to cut loose on your last leg of freedom? Maybe s
ay goodbye to a few strip club chicks you're forsaking to be with just one chick for the rest of your life?”
“Have you seen my chick?”
“There is really no right way for me to answer that question.”
“What do you mean?”
“If I lie and say I haven't noticed how hot she is, you'd be insulted and pissed off and if I tell the truth and say hell yes, I've noticed how hot she is, you'd be insulted and pissed off,” he explains, double checking the measurements he took on the window and marking where to slide it in.
“Damn right,” I laugh.
“So, I'll plead the fifth and wait for the answer to my original question,” he says.
“Screw that strip club shit. I'd pick time with my girl sexing it up on a cruise ship over hanging out with a bunch of dicks and skanks any day.”
“Well, when you put it that way, I have to agree with you. By the way, I'm glad Allie and Brooke made up. She was really having a hard time dealing with her dad and all that shit. She even tried to push me away for a while.”
“How’d you handle it?”
“I refused to leave,” he laughs. “She swore I would just cheat on her like your old man did your mom.”
“Fuck, Man. Allie was on that same shit.”
“I never knew how hard women have it. Men can really fuck them up in the head.”
“Like we have it any better. We’re good at hiding our shit, but women fuck us up and once they do, we stay fucked up.”
“Are they worth it,” he asks. We stop and look at each other.
“Hell yeah,” we both say.
“But I know how Brooke feels,” I tell him. “She’s better than me. I still can't bring myself to talk to my dad.”
“Nobody blames you. That's not something you can just wake up and be okay with.”
“Got that right. Bad enough he's coming to my wedding, but now Allie has been on me to go to his.”
“Whoa,” he says, and I nod. “That could get messy.”
“From your mouth,” I tell him, looking at the sky.
“Listen, Air,” he says, scratching his chin. He’s trying to grow a beard and its already bugging the shit out of him. I tell him he’s going to the poster boy for Paul Bunyan around here. “Are you really just wanting it to be you and Allie on that cruise ship, because I was thinking maybe we could kill a few birds with that floating luxurious stone.”
“What the fuck does that mean?”
“Hear me out,” he says, but I already know my answer is no to whatever the hell it is. Doesn’t matter what it is. “Allie has her girl crew here now and we have a good group of guys. We should all pal around.”
“Okay, I’m liking that idea.”
“I knew you would. We can all book the cruise—”
“Hell no,” I tell him.
“Come on, it’ll be great.”
“No way in hell am I going to be stuck out at sea with the likes of all of you. I want to be with my girl not all of you drunken idiots and her friends.”
“Goddamn, you are domesticated.”
“I would give you the finger if I didn't have this big ass frame in my hand,” I tell him.
“Well, it's the thought that counts,” he says and I laugh.
….
Allison Moore
“So, what do you think so far, Baby,” Aaron asks me as we walk through the framework of our house.
We are both wearing bright yellow hard hats and he insists I wear his larger than life work boots. I swear I look like a kid playing dress up. The large two-story house is situated right in the middle of our property and we are standing in what is to be our bedroom that will overlook the ocean.
“I can't believe it,” I tell him, looking around, and I truly can’t. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would be standing in what’s to be my home with my future husband whom I love more than life. Not chubby little awkward Allie, who couldn’t even get a date to her own prom. I just want to burst, I’m so happy. “It is actually starting to look like the image we generated. You are just so amazing.”
“Are my building skills turning you on, Baby?” He grabs me and pulls me close to him.
“Hell yeah. My cookie is ready to be eaten.” I discreetly my groin into his crotch while I plunge my tongue in his mouth.
“Goddamn, Woman. I’m about to jizz my pants.”
“Awww,” we hear the guys say.
“Get the fuck back to work,” Aaron yells at them, pulling me out what’s to be our front yard. “In a few months, we'll be ready to move in.”
“I can't wait,” I say. “You make me so happy, Aaron.”
“You are the one bringing all the happiness. I’m just along enjoying the ride. Baby, what is it,” he asks when he sees my smile fade.
“Is it wrong for us to be this happy when most of our family is so miserable?”
“No, it's not wrong, Allie Cat.”
“I just feel bad for my mom. And then guilty for feeling bad when I think about what she did to your mom. Laura broke up with Randy and I don’t know what the hell is going on with Sage.”
“Listen, I don't want to comment about your mom and my dad. Let's just leave that alone. As far as the rest, we have to let them work it out.”
“I just hate that everyone is not as happy as we are.”
“We've had our fair share of misery. No one can blame us for being happy.”
“You're right.”
“Of course, I'm right,” he says. I stare, making a meal of him. “What?” He looks down at himself to see what I'm staring at and then back to me in question.
“You look sexy as hell when you're strutting around here in your element, barking orders and taking names.”
“I'm real glad you think so. I'm already planning to have you wear that hard hat tonight while you're riding my—”
“Aaron,” I smack his arm, looking around to make sure none of his crew heard him. He laughs and kisses me.
We hear a car horn and look to see Brooke outside waiting for me. He takes my hard hat and helps me out of his boots before he walks me out to her car.
“Where’s the RV,” Aaron teases her.
“In my bank account,” she says at having sold it. “Kenny finally coughed up the pink slip.”
“You could have re-gifted it to me, ya know?”
“In your dreams.”
“Have a good time with your girls, Baby.” He kisses me again before holding the door open so I can get in. I smirk at his expression when Tuck comes running out to get a kiss from Brooke. “I'll see you later tonight,” he tells me before turning to Tuck. “Alright, alright, that’s my damn sister.”
“See you later, hot stuff,” I say, laughing at him pulling Tuck away from Brooke.
“What a cock blocker,” she says.
“No pink,” he yells after me when we drive away and I lean out of the window to blow him a kiss. “And keep the speed under forty, Little Sis.”
Brooke blows her horn in answer to him. We’re going to meet Kathleen over at the Wade Estate. Aaron and I decided to take her and Brooke's suggestion and have the wedding and the reception there. It’s a beautiful piece of property and I've always loved how it looks when it's all dressed up for an elegant affair.
Aaron and I have already talked to the party planner that does the Wade's end-of-summer parties every year and she has amazing ideas for the reception. It is going to be perfect. Now, we all have to meet to decide on colors, bride's maid's dresses, and groomsmen attire. Mom and I already decided on the music and the food.
We pull up to the drive. Sage and Laura are just pulling up ahead of us. Kathleen comes out of the front door with Phil following behind her.
“I cannot get over your mom and Phil.”
“I know, right,” she says. “He’s all kinds of crazy over her.”
“And damn, he’s hot.” Phil is the epitome of tall, dark, and handsome with a little distinguished salt thrown into his black pepper hair and judging b
y the way his shirt is stretched perfectly over his torso, he absolutely works out. “Damn,” I say again as he gives Kathleen a full on the mouth goodbye kiss and jumps into his sports car.
“Stop drooling, Allie,” Brooke laughs and I join her.
He waves goodbye to us as he passes her car and we wave to him all innocent, like we weren’t just checking him out.
“Kathleen, you look terrific,” I say as she hugs me hello.
She’s wearing a black V neck jumpsuit, silver and gray heels, and her hair is straight with long bangs. It’s an outfit she wouldn’t have been caught dead in just a few months ago.
“I feel terrific, Allie, my dear,” she says. “And I am so excited about this wedding.”
She ushers us all inside. We have a nice leisurely brunch before we get down to the business of weddings.
…..
“What about pink,” Laura says as we go over colors.
“Aaron hates the color,” Brooke and I say together and we laugh.
“What about green,” Kathleen suggest as she sips one of the strawberry mimosas that Amy made for us. “He likes green.”
“I can live with a green,” I tell her.
“Sage would be the perfect green,” Sage says smiling at us.
“I bet it would, Miss Egocentric,” Laura teases her.
“Okay, fine,” Sage says. “Mint will also do.”
“Oooo, mint would be great,” Brooke says.
“I like mint,” I agree.
“Mint and what,” Laura asks.
“Gray,” Kathleen, Brooke, and I say together.
“A mint and gray wedding,” Sage says, mulling it over in her head.
“I like it,” Laura says and we all agree. “Mint will go great with my hair.”
“And I'm egocentric,” Sage says. “What about the tuxes?”
“No tails.” I frown and Brooke smirks at me as a joke passes between us.
I've always hated men in tails because they remind me of penguins. One year, our parents decided to have our annual Wade/Moore vacation in San Diego. We visited Sea World. I was so excited to be able to pet the cute little things. Turns out they weren’t so little. The damn things were as tall as I was and one of them turned vicious. It came after me with its wings flapping and everything.
