Dealing in Dreams

by Lilliam Rivera

  “Are you trying to slip me up?”

  This must be yet another test from Déesse to see how loyal I am. I’m not going back to square one. My path is straight. Sure, he can help me nab a miserable job. I would toil while he chills with another crew. It would be the end of the LMCs.

  He doesn’t understand. I belong right by him, in the Towers, because Déesse chose me. He’s playing mind games, trying to bring doubt. My place is beside him, not below him.

  “This is my only way of surviving. My crew counts on me to lead them through this last obstacle,” I say. “You don’t get it. Never mind. Just make sure my bed is ready.”

  I turn to walk away. Santo grabs hold of me. If he tries to kiss me I will definitely punch him. This emotional display won’t change my plans.

  “I’m sorry this is happening,” he says. “It sucks being the best, don’t it?”

  “Don’t worry, Santo.” I try to pull away. “I promise to bring you back a gift from my travels.”

  Even with my smile, it’s hard to ignore the lump in my throat. I don’t want to leave Mega, to leave the streets I know so well for a complete unknown. There is a routine to breaking night. I’ll miss the green flowers growing inside the D without much help from us. I’ll miss entering the Luna Club with swagger. I’ll even miss this hug from Santo confirming how much he doesn’t want me to go.

  “Do you know what you are doing?” he says. “I can’t help you.”

  “Like you helped me when I was in the healing center? It’s too late to show you care.” His heart is pounding. So is mine.

  “I’m not abandoning my sister. Here.” He hands me a large bag of sueño tabs and a card. “This shows you where you’ll be able to cross the border. As for the sueños, you’ll need to connect with the Gurl Gunnas. They’re going to want to trade.”

  I’ve heard of the Gurl Gunnas. They are sellers that create pop-up shops in boydegas to trade in high-end items. Codigos. Beauty items. Objects available only in the Towers. I worked with their leader Vanessa a while back. Before I had Santo, Vanessa got us used Codigos. She did right by us. We gave her the set amount of sueños and she gave us what we wanted. No drama whatsoever. I didn’t know the Gurl Gunnas lived in Cemi Territory. I just thought they were similar to freelancers.

  “Why are the Gurl Gunnas allowed to move back and forth from Mega City to Cemi Territory?” I ask. “What’s the deal?”

  Santo strokes his beard. “They have an understanding with Déesse. It’s not important. What’s important is that you are ready to barter. You can’t go far into Cemi unless you go through them first.”

  I try to decipher the type of understanding the Gurl Gunnas have with our leader. What benefits do they hold, and who are they serving in Cemi? Do they know about the Ashé Ryders? If they are out there, they must. They will be invaluable to us. I accept Santo’s bag.

  “Get my place in the Towers ready. The LMC are staying right there.” I point to the vibrant building. “Get it ready, Santo.”

  I give him a kiss on the lips. The beard tickles me. I won’t linger. There is no room in my life for sentimental good-byes. Santo will be here when I come back.

  • • •

  Most of the fences located around the border of Mega City are juiced, electricity meant to fry anyone who tries to enter the city. Not in this section. The electricity in this section of the fence is spotty, going in and out. No one else is privy to this bit of information. They don’t have Santo.

  “We should be in the clear,” Shi says.

  Nena jumps the fence first. We pause to admire the vast amount of garbage awaiting us. A while back, Déesse declared there be an “Only Mega” Month. Residents were encouraged to throw away items with any reference to the old ways. “Made in China” or “Made in India.” If these places exist, we don’t know or care. Déesse told the residents that we should be proud of the accomplishments we made with our own hands. Everyone got rid of objects—furniture, appliances. Items proved to be too essential were to be refurbished. The original source of where the item was from had to be erased. When the dumps in Mega City overflowed, people started to toss the items over the border. Hence, the garbage.

  “Let’s go,” I say. We climb over the fence. The ANT is sandwiched in the middle.

  We wear our Codigo goggles. The stench from the rotting garbage is too overbearing. Not wanting to weigh ourselves down, we carry only the essentials on our backs.

  “Eyes open,” I say.

  We’re heading into a space where we’ve never ventured before. In Mega we’ve memorized the streets. We know each corner. Here I feel vulnerable. We’re open targets for any loose crew eager to make a name for themselves. I’ve heard of a couple of them. They are so basic. I don’t want us to start this journey by appearing to be lame ducks waiting to be clipped.

  “How far we’ve got to go?” Smiley asks the ANT. He shrugs.

  Without so much as a warning, Truck lightly pushes him.

  “Back up off him,” I say. I have to remind Truck to keep the blows to a minimum. We are meant to be helping him, not beating him up. He’s our guide, and right now we need him to trust us long enough for us to get to the Ashé Ryders. Truck needs to keep her damn fists by her sides.

  “Sorry about that.” I offer him water from my bottle. Nena carries extra clothes for him and a sleep sack. Resentments grow within the others but they keep their complaints to themselves. Truck can’t hide her anger over how I’m handling the ANT. Again, she is allowing her impatience to blind her from the big picture. We need him.

  “We stay on this path till the end of the day. We head toward the waterfalls by a place once called Salem Center,” he says. “Right before the falls, that’s where we will find Los Bohios. We got to rest in between there, because I can’t walk for too long. My legs hurt. I’m in pain. I need more.”

  “Not a good idea. We need you to be awake enough so you can direct us. Besides, sueños are the devil. Remember?”

  When we pressure him to give us more info, he clams up and begs for sueños. There is a sweet spot when he’s in an in-between state, when he’s not completely lost to dreams. Reaching the right amount of chemical configuration is hard to guess. Even Shi, who is the queen when it comes to mixing drugs, can’t get the right dosage.

  Smiley and Shi whisper to each other. Nena walks alongside me. This is Cemi Territory. If I turn back now, I can be back by the D in no time. This thought offers only a tiny bit of comfort.

  “I can’t walk anymore.”

  Jesus, this guy is freaking deadweight. It’s been only a few minutes and he continues to whine. I give him a sueño to tide him over. He doesn’t bother to drink water and greedily swallows the tab whole. The ANT has got it bad. I try to hide my disgust. I’ve never been addicted to anything. Neither have my girls. I run a clean crew. Drinking is fine. There are nights when I want to cut loose, especially after a throwdown. The drinks at Luna Club can mess you up. The next day you drink a bunch of water and you are good to go. Sueños doesn’t do that. It blurs your brain. The effects are slow to take but once they do sueños can ravage a person’s self control. Cravings are so intense addicts are willing to do the unspeakable to ride back into a dream.

  “If you want to reach Zentrica, you’ve got to help us,” I say. “Our plan will fail before we even make any headway. You understand?”

  “I need more.”

  I’m not giving in to him. I don’t care how bad off he is. Smiley nudges him forward so he can continue to lead the way. If anyone guns for us, he’ll get it first. We will let him be bait. The ANT quietly hums a tune. I recognize the song from when we were at the Rumberos. It is a sad melody perfectly capturing how I feel leaving Mega.

  The sun rises as we continue to walk. Nena distributes food pellets at the times I allocated for us to eat. We don’t stop. I want to make sure we get a substantial distance away from the city. It’s hard to do so when the ANT must rest every thirty minutes or so. He slows his pace again,
never once asking whether or not we want to stop. Instead, he plops right down in the dirt, not noticing or caring about the garbage surrounding him. The ANT closes his eyes and starts to snore.

  “Are you kidding me?” Truck yells. “What the hell are we doing? We are never going to get there with this piece of shit.”

  “Relax,” I say. Truck isn’t helping the situation.

  “If it were up to me, I would force him to show us where to go instead of feeding him sueños. What kind of gang are we if we continue to be soft?”

  Smiley grimaces. Shi motions for Nena to move away from me. Truck is out of line. I have to pull rank on her.

  “I don’t remember declaring an open floor,” I say. “I won’t let a soldier, even my second-in-command, contradict my decisions.”

  Truck shakes her head.

  “Speak your freaking mind,” I say. “Are you having doubts? You had more than enough time to state your case back in Mega.”

  “We need to move this along. We got only seven days. Less. We got five, since we spent two days trying to find him. The way you baby this man-child is exactly how you baby Nena.”

  “I guess I got to baby you, too. You’re forgetting I’m la mama of this crew. Take your frustrations elsewhere. Get out of my face.”

  There is a pause. It lasts for only a few seconds, long enough for me to question whether Truck has leader ambitions. No. She doesn’t want this responsibility. She’s nervous. Up until now her life has revolved around throwdowns and wrestling papis. This is new. I understand her frustration. We are all scared. It doesn’t mean I will let her second-guess me. She walks away.

  The others lay down their sleeping mats. They try their best to ignore the angry Truck, who stews on her own off to the side. I didn’t realize how tired I was until I lay down near the ANT. We will rest for only a couple of hours. Without me having to say a word, Truck keeps watch for the first hour. Smiley will replace her after.

  The dream with my sister startles me awake. For a few seconds I’m not sure where I am. I hate how this hazy vision now travels with me to Cemi. A reminder of loss and of grudges.

  I nudge the ANT awake. It takes a couple of tries.

  “Chief Rocka. Enough with the poking,” he says. “It might be hard for you to believe but I’m no animal.”

  Who does he think he’s talking to? I’ve never allowed any man to speak to me this way. It takes everything in me to not punch his face. From the distance I can hear Truck snickering.

  “Let’s go,” I say firmly.

  As much as Truck may want to deny it, we needed the rest. The sun is beating down hard. We slowly shed our layers. The ANT begins to sing. It is a popular song about watching a papi dance at a boydega. Nena loves this song. She mouths the words while continuing to keep her distance from the ANT. He has a beautiful voice. Strong and melodic. This must be the reason why we found him with the Rumberos. Singing is part of their spiritual practice. There is no room for the arts in Mega City. We are too busy rebuilding. Culture is a luxury.

  “The sun feels glorious. I’ve spent too much time in Mega City wasting in the dark,” he says. “There is an allure to the night. I used to be captivated by it. Seduced. In the glare of the sun, it’s hard to hide who you really are, don’t you think?”

  He caresses his arms as if the sun’s rays are kissing his skin. Again, it is hard to figure him out. The ANT speaks to us as if we are the same. Men in Mega City are only for service. There are no meaningful conversations. Does age give him the boldness to speak so freely? No. The old timers I’ve encountered only show respect to women.

  “Are all men allowed to move around and speak without fear in Los Bohios?” Shi asks. She’s been clocking him ever since we started. With Shi, she doesn’t let on what she’s thinking. She mentally takes notes on his behavior and every word he says.

  The ANT pauses. He gathers his long hair into a low ponytail.

  “You girls are on the wrong side of the border.” He ignores her question. The ANT has a bit of pep to his walk. “Things pop on this side.”

  “There’s not much out here,” Smiley says. “All I see is the garbage Mega City no longer wants.”

  “In Los Bohios beauty is celebrated, all types, not just what Déesse deems attractive,” he says. “If you take the time to truly accept each other, to allow for men, women, and others to be, then there is room for dialogue that goes beyond the superficial. Uncomfortable and truthful conversations about gender. How many ways can you brand yourself to prove who you are? Like those tattoo freckles or the ink on men turning them into properties. Mega City is too busy with the brutality of throwdowns. Where is the beauty? What kind of life is that?”

  I need to muzzle him. I’m through with men saying I’m living my life wrong. Always giving me suggestions. Men made this hell we’re in. We’re trying to rise above it.

  “Do the Ashé Ryders throw down, or are they simply too good to even train?”

  “There’s more to life than fighting,” he says. “You’ll see. Fists and bruises are temporary pleasures.”

  “Like sueños,” Truck says. She throws a rock, barely missing the ANT. It is a little act of intimidation.

  “You don’t partake. You are smart,” the ANT says to Truck. “It’s probably why Déesse loves you guys so much.”

  His sarcasm is dripping. Truck is not the type of person who appreciates a smart mouth, especially coming from a guy. Before I can even stop her, Truck barrels toward him.

  “Who do you think you’re talking to?” she yells before shoving him to the ground. She lands a punch on the side of his stomach before Smiley and I can pull her away.

  “Stop it!”

  The ANT laughs. Soon the laughs convert into tears. My stomach turns from this sight. What is going on with him?

  “Keep hitting me. Maybe it can stop these cravings.”

  He wants this. He wants us to beat him to a pulp. Is the addiction that bad? I will never understand.

  “I don’t care about your dreams or how sueños ruined your life,” Truck says. “You are just our map.”

  His body starts to convulse, as if he’s having a seizure. Damn it.

  “Will you hold him down?” I yell. Shi and Smiley try to help. Truck just stands in judgment. With his convulsing and acting crazy, I can barely hear what Nena says.

  “Oh look. It’s so cute,” she says. “Can I keep it?”

  I follow what she points at. It’s an innocent-looking doll with golden curls. Old-timers sell them at the mercado. They are super rare. No one makes them anymore. This one looks new. Standing out in the garbage with a sweet tiny blue dress. It doesn’t make sense. Why would a doll so new be here in this garbage?

  Wait. There is something wrong.

  “No! Don’t touch it.” I tackle Nena. The tip of her baton manages to touch the hem of the doll’s dress. The explosion levels us to the ground.

  We slowly pick ourselves up. Our bodies are covered with garbage and glass. Before I can even take inventory, I notice them. Waxed masks, torn baby-doll dresses, and creepy red hearts painted on their cheeks. These girls are demented marionettes with weapons aimed right at us.

  The Muñecas Locas have got us surrounded.

  CHAPTER 12

  LIVING DOLLS

  The Muñecas Locas wear Kewpie masks and dusty wigs styled with golden ringlets that mimic the porcelain doll bomb. This crew are what nightmares are made of. Their bats and machetes are at the ready. They are not messing around.

  “That was very, very scary.”

  Are you freaking kidding me? There’s not much intel on the Locas. What we’ve read has been pretty laughable. I thought it was only a rumor the way they spoke. It’s one thing to dress in a strange tribute to dolls; it’s quite another to incorporate a creepy baby voice with it.

  “It went boom,” another Muñeca says in a syrupy, coy tone. Their torn floral dresses are so short you can see their ruffled pants. Breasts are practically hanging out. Maybe a long tim
e ago this would have been considered a man’s fantasy. As a fighting crew? There is nothing hard-core about them.

  I do a quick check of my girls. Truck is in the back of the formation. She has the least amount of rubble on her. She must have sprinted out of the way right before the bomb hit. Smiley, Shi, and Nena have only minor scratches. The ANT’s convulsions have ended. He continues to lie on the ground. His face is in ecstasy, riding the high. Wait. What high? I didn’t give him any sueños. Is he playing dead? The punk. This is probably how he gets himself out of predicaments. There’s more to him than meets the eye.

  “Everyone cool?” I ask.

  Smiley shows me her tronic, hidden from view of the Muñecas.

  “Let’s not waste it. With only one charger, we have juice for only a couple of days. Let’s see if we can make a clean break.”

  “You’re sure, Chief Rocka?” Smiley says. “These girls don’t appear to be much.”

  My crew is itching for action. They want to unleash, and why not on these girls? No. We need to hold off on the violence. It will be foolish if we are wiped out and unable to throw down if we run into real trouble.

  “No, let’s take it easy,” I say. “Are you getting anything, Shi?”

  “The Codigo’s connection to the main server is coming in and out,” she says. “I downloaded most of the library, so we are good with information. Other than that, our connection won’t last for long.”

  In the meantime, I got to figure a way to get us out of here. If this is Muñecas territory, we’re just plowing through.

  A Muñeca who appears to be the leader starts walking toward me. This is a guess. Unlike the others, who have white ribbons on their wigs, her ribbons are red.

  “Not one word,” I say. “I’m doing the talking.”

  “Which one of you was a bad girl today?” the Muñeca asks in the creepy baby voice. From where I stand I can tell it’s not her real voice. It’s a microphone lodged on her clothes. They’re about as menacing as a crew of zombie babies. Whatever. I’ll play nice. I just want to move on.