Dealing in Dreams

by Lilliam Rivera

  “This is true. I still don’t know why you are strolling through Cemi Territory.”

  She won’t let up. I have to give her an answer.

  “He’s my blood.” I point to Miguel. “I’m escorting him to a new life in Cemi Territory.”

  The lie I made up on the spur of the moment. The way they treat their men here, I figured he wouldn’t be much of a draw. Miguel nods off. Once again, he pretends to be oblivious to what happens around him.

  “A new life. The sueño-gray complexion he has matches perfectly here. If he wants a new start, I can get him a job as a dancer.”

  “No thanks,” I say. “Now you know what we are doing. What is it you want?”

  “Your weapons are worthless, so you need to offer me a good and lively trade. You know what I mean? If you want to soldier through our land, you better submit a token of appreciation, a guarantee your trek is temporary.”

  “Cool,” I say. I don’t want to appear too eager, so I act as if I’m thinking through our options. I let Shi show her what we’ve got.

  “We’ll give you these sueños.”

  The OG is not impressed.

  “I don’t need sueños. We have plenty of those. What I need is extra muscle.”

  I don’t follow. The OG wants a person, one of my soldiers. Why? She has enough Gurls. I’m not giving her my strongest. I won’t give up Truck. It’s just not happening.

  Before I can respond, the OG points to Nena.

  “This one will do. She’s fresh,” OG says. “We can use newness on our team.”

  “Not my soldiers. We’ll storm through this area on our way back from dropping him off. We’ll share the loot we snag along the way.”

  “What can you possibly get out of Cemi Territory we haven’t already taken? We’ve got sueños and better tronics than the ones on you. This cub will do. We will hold her as a guarantee.”

  Nena’s nails dig into my arm. She’s not about to let go without blood.

  “No. She’s mine,” I say. “I’m not trading her.”

  We eye each other.

  “Then no pass.”

  If I want Truck, my strongest soldier, I need to let Nena go. This is insane. What can she get from holding Nena? What is she trying to prove?

  “We will give you the sueños, tronics, and these Codigos,” I say. “Take it. You can’t have her.”

  “And here I thought I was negotiating with a real player.”

  I won’t give them Nena. They can’t take her. She’s family. She’s an LMC.

  “This is what we call a . . . what’s the word?” OG asks the room. An older Gurl Gunna leans in to the OG and whispers in her ear. “An impasse.”

  Nena’s nails dig deeper into my skin. I won’t let her go. There is no reason for her to keep Nena. None at all.

  “Her stay here is temporary,” she says. “A guarantee for soldiering through.”

  “No deal.”

  “Listen, if you do right by us, then who knows what we can do for you later. I’m tight with Déesse. You never know.”

  She points to one of her gold chains. A choker with the letters “GG.” The lettering is the same as the choker given to me by Déesse’s people. She is connected to her. A reminder of what Santo told me. This is important. If OG is traveling freely back and forth to Mega City and has an audience with Déesse, I can’t afford to alienate her.

  “Give me your word you will not harm her,” I say. “And that this is temporary.”

  “No. Wait a minute,” says Shi. Smiley slams her hand against the table, ready to lift the whole thing and throw it. I quickly turn to them. They step down. There is no debate. I’m Chief Rocka. My word is bond. We need to move forward. We must leave a type of assurance. I have no choice.

  “Give me your word,” I say.

  “You’ve got my word. I won’t touch a strand of her hair,” OG says. “She’ll be your guarantee for passage.”

  I nod in agreement.

  Nena cries out. I love Nena. I do. We will get her back. When we return from dealing with the Ashé Ryders, we will come for her.

  “Please, Chief Rocka, don’t do this. I’m an LMC. Don’t send me away. I’ll be better, I promise. I won’t mess up ever again. Please!” She shrieks, punching wildly to anyone who comes close. I take her in my arms and hold her tight. There’s no alternative. I’m securing our future. We will be back. I’m sure of it.

  “Nena, we will come for you,” I whisper. “I swear to all that is Mega. You won’t stay here for long.”

  She clings to me. It’s hard for me to pry her hands off. The knot in my throat chokes. I am outside of myself as I hand Nena over to the Gurl Gunnas. The Chief Rocka part of me is heartless. She will cut Nena loose because she knows it’s the right thing to do. The other part of me, Nalah? She thinks I’m desperate.

  With the help of the Gurl Gunnas, I give them Nena. The rage from my crew burns. The Gunnas drag Nena from the room. She’s so light. I’m doing this to her.

  “Let Truck go.”

  A Gurl Gunna unties Truck and the rag covering her mouth.

  “Get out,” I say to my crew. “I want to finish our business here. Bounce.”

  They take Truck. It’s time to seal this deal. The OG got what she wanted. She got my Nena. I don’t want to dwell on this deed. It hurts too much.

  “We need to move this along. We’ve already dealt with the Muñecas, and my crew is tired and hungry,” I say.

  “Why are you in such a rush? Your crew can chill here. Lie back.”

  I pull my knife out. There is real fear on her face. I quickly slice a cut on my hand. Before her soldiers can stop me, I make a cut on the OG. I force our hands to touch. The agreement is official. Now she can’t break it.

  “When I come back, Nena better be exactly the way I left her. Not a hair misplaced, not a brand on her skin. If not, I’ll be coming for you alone.”

  The iguana tears into my pants. I kick the iguana out of my way. He malfunctions. His tongue stays frozen. I walk out.

  Losing Nena hurts more than anything. I did exactly what my sister did to me many years ago. I abandoned her. I never thought I could reach this low.

  I encase everything soft within me with a coldhearted layer. It will be my new armor.

  CHAPTER 15

  HEARTBREAK KID

  What are you talking about? Where is Nena?”

  It’s been a few hours since we left the Gurl Gunnas. Truck needed the time to recover, so we stopped at a clearing. Shi and Smiley will not look me in the eye. Their anger is palpable. They tended to Truck’s injuries without saying a word. Ignoring me even. Now Truck is awake and her first words are accusations. We gave in, Truck thinks. She’s dead wrong. I made the right decision. I negotiated her freedom.

  “How are you going to give them one of your soldiers?” she yells. If Truck weren’t in so much pain, she would throttle me.

  “I did what I had to do,” I say, gritting my teeth. “I saved you.”

  “After what them Gurls did to me, you rewarded them for their actions? What kind of negotiation is that?”

  “You were unconscious. You don’t know what went down.”

  She grabs Smiley’s collar. “What happened?”

  Smiley sheepishly looks at her. “The OG wanted Nena.”

  “Naw. Not good enough.”

  She takes Smiley’s Codigo and punches in information. The others gather around her. I know where this is heading. Nowhere. I build up my mental defenses.

  “We can sneak in around the back. I think I know where they’ll keep Nena,” Truck says. “We’ll need to empty our tronics. It will be quick. They won’t even know what hit them. If we send Smiley in front, create a sort of diversion, then we can sneak around the . . .”

  The others are in on the plan. They don’t bother to question whether Truck’s motives make sense, whether or not it’s even a good idea. They’ve forgotten the mission and are willing to jeopardize how far we’ve come. I’m not letting that happen
. Truck has to come to her senses.

  “No,” I say. “My deal is sealed. I don’t break it for anyone. Nena will be fine. Now let’s move. Miguel, where do we go from here?”

  “You shut your trap,” Truck says to Miguel. He moves away from us. This is madness. We can’t act this way. Why aren’t they listening? The deed has been done. There is no turning back.

  “No one breaks a trade,” I say. “I made a pact with the Gurl Gunnas. My word is bond. This thing with Nena is temporary. We will get her back.”

  Truck stomps toward me, grimacing through the pain inflicted by the Gunnas. We stand toe-to-toe.

  “How dare you use Nena? I would have never given up an LMC. As our leader, your job is to protect us, not sell us out.”

  My hands form into fists. I don’t care if before me stands the only person I trust. I will knock Truck out if I have to. I quickly raise my clenched hand. My reaction is immediate. It’s what I do with anyone threatening me. Truck doesn’t flinch. If I throw this punch, I will cross a line. Our partnership will dissolve right here and now.

  Time stops.

  She glances over to my fist. What am I doing? Am I about to fight Truck? My hand goes down. Truck shakes her head in disappointment. She turns her back and takes a few steps in the direction of the Gurl Gunnas.

  “I’m going back for Nena.”

  “Stop, Truck. Listen to me,” I implore. I didn’t make this decision lightly. She has to understand. I run up to her and pull her aside, far away from Miguel. He can’t hear us. I talk to her as a friend and not Chief Rocka.

  “Truck, OG’s connected to Déesse,” I whisper. “We need her to be our ally.”

  “You don’t know what their relationship is, if it even exists. It could be a total lie.”

  “It’s not. Santo confirmed it,” I say. “We’ve got to play by their rules.”

  “What freaking rules? There are no rules in Cemi Territory. If there are none, then I’m going to make my own.”

  There’s no point in trying to persuade her. She’s made up her mind.

  “Weren’t you the one who kept telling me Nena was deadweight? We should have never accepted her in the LMC. Isn’t that what you said? Now you’ve changed your tune.”

  Truck’s face is red with anger. No one wants to hear the truth. “She might be deadweight, but she’s still family. What gives you the right to dictate who is of value in this outfit?”

  “I’m Chief Rocka, that’s what,” I say.

  She goes back to the others. My crew glares at me. Defiant. Are they ready to jump me? I will never apologize for my actions. Never.

  “How much farther, Miguel?”

  “We are close,” he says. “A five-hour walk.”

  “I’m heading toward the Ashés. It’s where we belong,” I say. “If you want to go back and get Nena, you’re doing it without me.”

  Smiley looks at Shi. Maybe this hasn’t been the first time they’ve questioned my authority. This is definitely the first time they are willing to cut connections. They’ve forgotten I’m the only one who holds the key to the Towers.

  “Speak your mind, soldier.”

  “The LMC will continue with or without you,” Smiley says.

  “Is that a threat?” I don’t care who I plow down. These girls, the Gurl Gunnas, the stupid Muñecas. I will get to the Ashés, finish this job, and end in the Towers as planned. No scrub soldier, not even Truck, will stop me.

  “Not a threat, Chief Rocka. The truth,” Smiley says. “We are with you until we can’t be with you anymore. Set the scenario straight. Are you willing to give us up too?”

  “Are you serious!” I yell. “You’re all going soft.”

  I see what’s coming down the road. It’s as real as Truck’s bruises. It’s all of us, working the Mega City streets. The LMC will no longer be the chosen ones. Just regular toilers. Why can’t they see that? There is a price to pay to align with the powerful, and right now we are paying our last dues.

  It’s useless. They only see I betrayed Nena. Even Shi, the quiet soldier who manages to disguise her feelings, can’t hide her disgust. I’m through explaining myself. I’m done.

  “Listen. You, too, Truck. The next soldier to doubt my move can do it with blood,” I say. “You feeling me? Shut it or crank the violence. Don’t come to me with any more dumb plans. I’m moving forward.”

  Smiley bares her golden grin, the same smile she gives to her worst enemies. The tense moment feels endless. It’s only when Shi places her hand on Smiley’s shoulder that Smiley backs down.

  I’m gutted. I can’t believe this is happening. Leaving Nena was the hardest decision I ever made. Truck questions me placing value on my soldiers. She’s doing the same thing to me. They are abandoning me as quickly as I left Nena.

  “This is it, then. Huh?”

  “We’re not deserting you, Chief Rocka,” Shi says. “We’re going back. We are sisters, family, and we look out for each other. Remember?”

  She repeats the exact words I said to Nena right before our meeting with the Gurl Gunnas. It’s a punch in the gut. I meant what I said. Every word. Life is not black-and-white. Why can’t they see sacrifices must be made to reach the top? I stare at them. They continue with their ridiculous plans. I am left alone. Again.

  Miguel makes a noise. An innocent sound. I yank his hand to follow me. He’s my guide, and I won’t give up. We walk until I can no longer hear Truck tapping on the Codigo. Walk as far away from them as possible. Miguel doesn’t say a word. When exhaustion sets in, I pick a building and push him in. There are remnants of furniture and mementos forgotten by a family who once lived there. This will do. We will rest here until I calculate my next move.

  “One word and I will bust open your whole face.”

  I need to think. My sisters have turned against me. How can they do that? We’re family. I’ve never lost sight of that even at the very moment I handed Nena over.

  The Gurl Gunnas outnumber them no matter how Truck tries to crunch it. She’s not thinking straight. Poisoning the others. She hasn’t even healed from the beatdown they inflicted on her. You don’t go back on a trade, ever. It’s dangerous what she’s doing. I couldn’t get through to her. To any of them. How did I reach this point?

  I pace up and down, not sure what to do.

  “They are acting out of anger,” Miguel says. “Perhaps what they need is time.”

  “I don’t have time.” I angrily brush away the tears.

  I never once cried at the training camp, no matter how many times I was punched. Before then? I bawled when my mother passed away. I was a kid. Did I cry when Yamaris left? I can’t remember.

  “You should be proud. The LMCs are a true family,” Miguel says. “They fight and love with every ounce. This passion flows from their leader.”

  I feel so lost that I’m willing to listen to Miguel. The tears flow even more.

  “There was a time when I didn’t believe in family. I only believed in myself. I lived that way for a long time,” he says. “It’s funny how you can convince yourself your actions are benevolent, especially when there are eyes looking adoringly up to you. Power is very seductive. You lose sight of what is important.”

  “Why are you telling me this? I have no control over my own crew.”

  “You are a nurturer. Families are not simply molded after us. They grow and contrast. They also test us. You are being tested now. Try to remember the good within your family. You have caring traits. You are not as hard as you think you are or as Déesse wants you to believe.”

  “Please, shut up,” I say. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  My head hurts. I don’t want to hear about family. I’m not a nurturer. I’m a fighter. If I learned anything from my blood family, it’s that people will always fall short.

  Miguel gets up and finds a chair to sit in. It doesn’t take long for him to doze off. I do the same. My eyes grow heavy, although my mind races.

  Yamaris returns to m
y thoughts. This ghost. I try to wake up. To move my body so to be free of this vision. The dream will not leave me. Instead, it morphs into another vision, one I don’t remember ever having before. We are in a field of green. The colors are practically neon. A grand open space, large enough to run. I don’t recognize it. My sister lifts me. The sun feels warm. The palms of my hands are sweating.

  She plops down on the dirt and directs me to do the same. She uses her fingers to make a heart on the ground. Inside the heart she guides my finger to write our initials. Y & N. The grass is so tall. I feel as if the green grass was made for us alone. A special place no one knows exists. We’ve played here before.

  Yamaris begins to snap her fingers. I try to snap mine and grow impatient for my failed attempts. “Practice,” she says. “Keep trying. You’ll get it.”

  She is much older than me. Things come easy to her. I have so much to learn. When will I catch up?

  Yamaris sings a song. I mouth the words.

  Help me find the sun. I will follow you, child. I used to know the way. I forgot it all. I used to be you, child. . . .

  We are now running. It’s raining. We are caught in the rain. We can’t stop laughing. She finds coverage under a large tree. Yamaris points to the raindrops on the leaves. This place is magical. I let the drops fall on my forehead. The rain creates a trail down my cheek.

  “I will love you forever, Nalah,” Yamaris says. “Forever and ever.”

  The dream shifts again. We are no longer outside. Yamaris stands in front of me, crying. She is scared. I am scared too. I grab hold. I won’t let go. I cry, beg her not to leave.

  “Nalah, we won’t be apart forever. I promise. We will find a way back,” she says. “It’s important you remember everything I told you. You can do this. We are counting on you.”

  What is happening? Remember what, Nalah? What did I forget?

  She turns away from me. A faceless person calls to her. There is no more time.

  “I love you, Nalah. Forever and ever.”

  Yamaris is gone. I am left alone. I scream as loud as I can, loud enough to rock my room. Loud enough so my voice can leave her a scar. Why did you leave me?