Dealing in Dreams

by Lilliam Rivera

  She laughs at this. “You are definitely Zentrica’s sister.”

  Before I use my fist, I walk away. Why is everyone so keen on finding similarities between us when all I see is a vast gulf of differences? So what if we sound the same, if our hair curls in a similar manner? She is my enemy and I am hers.

  “Four A-E,” Graciela calls out.

  “Is that supposed to mean something to me?”

  “Four A-E was my apartment number in the Towers,” she says. “I was by far one of Déesse’s biggest fans. I soaked in the decadence while the toilers below adored me. The dreams the sueños create are sweet until they become nightmares.”

  “You’re an addict. You can’t blame your weakness to sueños on Déesse.”

  “I won’t go over the validity of what you are saying. Addiction is a disease. Déesse exploits it for control. I’m not the only person who was born this way. There are many others who are desperate to be true to themselves, to live on their own terms. So many hiding their truth in order to survive,” she continues. “When I struggled with my identity, sueños came into play. As I grew more popular and braver as Graciela, Déesse decided I was a threat. All of a sudden she started proclaiming female empowerment at the cost of every single male or other. There’s a long history of people like me, and she’s erased it.”

  I give up. Both she and Zentrica are meant for each other. They will continue to fabricate these narratives to pit me against Déesse. I won’t stand for it. We leave tonight. Déesse will crush the Ryders with the information I will freely give.

  “Is this about revenge?” I say. “You’re unhappy because you got kicked out of the Towers.

  Graciela tucks a string of hair behind her ear. She presses her lips. The gray skin from the sueños is no longer visible.

  “The people who you see here. The young children. The families. They came looking for us. It wasn’t easy. Déesse didn’t give them permission to leave the city, as she so generously did to you for your quest to find the Ryders. They left behind their daughters. Others left family members sick from sueños. We believe there can be a world that values culture and individuality. A just world for everyone. Can’t you envision this possibility?”

  They’ve really drunk whatever Zentrica has given them.

  “This is not an easy life, even here. I’ve spent years exploring who I am, battling addiction and uncertainty. At least I’ve finally created a home where I can be whole and live among people willing to accept me. I’m not the only one. There are many of us here who strive to make this life better for everyone, not just a few.”

  I try to walk away. She blocks my way.

  “Listen to me. I implore you. This hurt you feel will never go away but there are ways for it not to overtake your spirit. It is possible to surround yourself with love. Yes, love. I found a compassionate friend in your sister Yamaris and a protective warrior in Zentrica. You can choose a path different from the one dictated by Déesse.”

  “Bye, Graciela.” I say.

  Perhaps this place works for Graciela and Miguel. I’m not capable of allowing the Yamaris she knows to ever come to be. To allow Yamaris and Zentrica to co-exist would mean to make room for forgiveness and I can never do that. I do not belong here.

  Graciela stands there with a somber look.

  A bell rings. Dinner is about to be served. The classes are dismissed. Everyone heads toward the communal space. I see her. Zentrica leads a group of soldiers. Each soldier carries a box. I follow them while making sure to keep my distance. They enter a bohio. They don’t stay long. Everyone exits, including Zentrica. I wait until I’m sure no one is around.

  There are no locks. Figured as much. Their just world includes trusting everyone. Dumb. I enter and find the room is filled with stacks of boxes. There is barely any space to move. I open one box. It contains tronics. New ones. I open another box. Tronics. Old ones. Hundreds of boxes. Here it is. Their stockpile. They are waiting to use these babies on Mega City. I knew it. This script about culture and a “just” world is a line. They are no different from the crews in Mega City. I got my proof. I grab a couple of tronics and store them in my pockets. I don’t have enough room to steal one for everyone. It will have to do.

  It’s time to get our Codigos. The sun is setting. The others will soon be meeting at our bohio. I might as well pay my respects.

  Zentrica sits with an older man. It is the cook from earlier. He notices me and his whole demeanor changes. Of course. I should have seen it before. Papi. I’m transported back to my dream. He was in the room with Zentrica right before they left, his voice urging her to flee.

  I ignore him. He can stay in Cemi Territory without ever receiving the satisfaction of his youngest daughter thinking he exists.

  “We want our stuff back,” I say. “Our Codigos. Tronics. All of it.”

  Zentrica doesn’t stop what she’s doing. She continues to speak to Papi.

  I grab her arm. “Did you hear me?”

  Soldiers stand up, ready to take me down. She alerts them to keep to their position.

  “You will get your Codigos delivered to your bohio. You won’t get the tronics back.”

  “Too busy storing them for your revolution?”

  She shakes her head.

  “You can’t deny it. I saw the bohio. The boxes. What’s up?”

  My father speaks. “Let her go, Zentrica.”

  I laugh and laugh. This old man. This betrayer.

  “We are taking the tronics off the streets,” she says.

  “You expect me to believe that!” I say. “Don’t even think about stepping to Mega City. Your whole life and everything you stand for will be burned to the ground.”

  I say this loud enough so they can enjoy my words. I stare at Zentrica and my father. This will be my last vision of them. The two conspirators.

  • • •

  At our bohio, Smiley checks on the tronics I stole. They don’t have any charge. At least they will appear dangerous even if we can’t use them.

  “It’s time.”

  Shi pulls out her cap and marks the wall of the dwelling with our initials. We leave Zentrica a gift to remember us by.

  While Shi tags up, Smiley piles the furniture into the center of the room. The fire isn’t necessary. It’s another way for us to leave an impression. It takes a bit for the fire to catch on. Eventually I hear the crackling of the embers. We sneak out and soon hear a scream. The LMCs are leaving, badasses as ever.

  The Ashés scramble to put the fire out. While they do, we huddle together behind a bohio and wait for the remaining ones to leave their post. It won’t take long. Only a few more minutes and I will walk across the entrance to never return.

  “Let’s go, Chief Rocka.” Truck pulls on my arm.

  I take one good last look at the bohios and run.

  Zentrica wouldn’t send her people after us. Although we are on separate sides of the coin, she won’t stop me from leaving. Not now anyway.

  My crew keeps a strict watch. The stone archway is mere steps away. We keep bunched behind a tree, listening. I can usually find comfort in the darkness. Not here. What if the Ashés are waiting? Exposed as we are, they can end us.

  “We can’t stay here,” I say. “Let’s barrel through.”

  “Let’s do it, then,” Truck says.

  I walk in a steady pace. I don’t run. My determined stride will take me away from this place. The archway is in front of me. I need only to keep moving forward. The others follow close behind.

  This archway symbolizes a new way of living for these deluded people. Freedom. The stones appear almost as if they can easily collapse on our heads. I breathe a sigh a relief when the archway is behind us. Let them keep their stones. The Towers are my gateway.

  We walk until the sky seems to lighten. Breaking night comes to an end. It feels good to be with my crew. We walk as one.

  CHAPTER 22

  IN THIS CORNER

  Smiley spots them first. Two young men s
trolling hand in hand a few yards ahead of us. My first reaction is to take them down. Anyone poses a threat. It was Smiley who came up with the idea to approach them on a calm tip. We need a place to rest for a couple of hours. Girl Gunnas are coming up.

  “Let me check them out first,” Smiley says. “See if they’ve got a room for us.”

  Smiley takes off her menacing gold grill and tucks it into her pocket.

  Our journey away from the Ashé Ryders seems quicker now that I’m able to recall the landmarks from before. The sun is in full force. I’m hungry and tired.

  “I don’t know how she does it,” Truck says. Truck and I are alike. We prefer forcing people to do our bidding. It’s the impatience that drives us. Smiley, on the other hand, uses conversation to manipulate people to change their mind. It’s a gift. I guess both Truck and I should take lessons.

  After a while, Smiley shakes hands with one of the men. She’s struck a deal. I let out a sigh of relief. She jogs back with the lowdown.

  “Their Codigo broke. It’s an old version. They want to borrow ours for a bit,” she says. “In exchange, we get to use their shed for a few hours. Deal?”

  “Deal,” I say.

  We follow the couple as they lead us to their tiny home. Smiley does the talking while Truck, Shi, and I stick to the rear. We keep vigilant, just in case.

  “The Ashé Ryders leave the people in the surrounding areas alone,” says the one with long black hair. He gave Smiley a funny look when she asked him if his allegiance was with the Ryders. He seems way too eager to talk. His partner stays silent. He watches over us with the same apprehension I watch over him.

  “The shed is right this way,” he says. “Let me just remove a few things from there.”

  The shed is small. Nothing extravagant. I wonder how they managed to score their own place. Two men with no ties to a gang. How did that happen?

  I sit next to Truck while Shi deciphers the next route to take. Truck hands me a food pellet. She gobbles them down while I take a good look at mine. Whenever we crave real food we venture to the boydega clubs. It comes at a high sueño tab cost. This is the first time I might gag on the pellet. Is Zentrica’s judgment contaminating my taste buds?

  “Were you guys with the Ashés for long?” Long Hair asks. I am in no mood to socialize with this person or anyone else who is not from Mega. I glare at him until he gets the hint. Smiley tells him she will be out soon to show him the Codigo. She won’t leave them alone with it.

  The shed is perfect for what we need.

  “I don’t know. Maybe don’t mess with the hosts while we got it good,” Smiley says.

  My whole body jerks from the unexpected attitude. It’s not lost on me how it’s Truck telling the others what to do. They listen to her, although as far as I remember I’m still Chief Rocka. I am forced to step back in ways I’ve never had to before.

  “Watch that mouth soldier,” Truck yells at her.

  “Sorry, Chief Rocka,” Smiley eventually says. I won’t use my fists on Smiley even though my gut tells me to.

  “I’ll be back,” she says. Smiley glances over to Shi before leaving. It will take time for them to come around. We just need to get home. Once we see the Towers and are among our people, Smiley’s and Shi’s misgivings will disappear. I’m sure of it.

  “If we follow the same road, we can hit the Gurl Gunnas in a couple of hours,” Shi says.

  “Good,” I say. “Go rest. We won’t stay long.”

  After a while Smiley returns. She’s anxious to talk about the couple. How they are living on their own. How they’ve never worked at a papi chulo club.

  “They grow stuff and trade with the Ashé,” she says. There’s a hint of surprise in her voice. She can’t believe it. “It’s their home. They own it.”

  “Until it’s taken from them,” I say.

  Although my final word seems to drop the topic, I overhear Shi and Smiley continue to discuss this while they rest next to each other. Are they seduced by this place? Mega is mine. You need a whole army to protect a home. With Déesse, we have the best chance in creating a good life. Smiley and Shi are attracted to the newness of this place. Nothing new ever lasts. Eventually it is destroyed.

  Sensing my uneasiness, Truck lies close to me. When Shi and Smiley sleep, Truck talks.

  “Can’t believe Miguel is Graciela,” she says. “I thought she was dead.”

  Definitely not dead. Silenced. Déesse wanted her out, and as the boss she made it happen. Being a leader doesn’t mean making friends. I can’t stop overthinking things. Mega City is a capricious city. Has our short absence already changed the dynamics? Déesse wouldn’t renege on her offer to welcome us into the Towers. We accomplished what she asked of us. There is more than enough intel on the Ashé Ryders. I run the scenario again. Déesse won’t play me. Will she?

  I close my eyes. Truck settles down.

  “We’ll be home soon,” she says.

  Within minutes, Truck is snoring and I am left with questions.

  • • •

  The sound of pots clanking wakes us. The sun has set, and it is dark outside. We slept longer than what I had anticipated. I nudge Truck awake. The others follow suit.

  “We need to get to the Gurl Gunnas,” I say. “Let’s go.”

  We gather our bags. The two men walk out as soon as we exit the shed.

  “You are leaving,” the one with long hair says. “We prepared a little gift. Dried fruits mostly.”

  “Why?” Truck asks. She is on the same wavelength as I am. We can never trust men. I don’t care how generous they are. I will follow Déesse’s rule to always keep men in check.

  “Because we have more than enough, and if you find yourself in this area, we will be happy to trade again. I’ll be right back.”

  “I’ll wait, if you guys want to walk ahead,” Smiley says. Earlier she had explained how the couple wanted to find out about certain boydegas. Names of papis Smiley had never heard of before. Things of that nature.

  “No. I’ll do it.” I don’t want Smiley or Shi to continue to be enchanted by these two with their cute little home and their dried fruit. “I’ll catch up with you.”

  I follow him. The house is smaller than it looks from the outside. The first room has been converted into a bedroom and living space. There are flowers hung to dry on the wall. Old images are spread across a wooden table. The table looks too perfect. It was definitely produced elsewhere.

  “Be right back,” he says. He has the same vibe most of the Ashé Ryders had, this giving attitude. I will never get used to it. We all have ulterior motives. I can’t figure out yet what their motives are. Dried fruits. I don’t buy it. I nod, and he walks ahead to what I assume is the kitchen.

  I take a closer look at the images on the table. Drawings of trees and the waterfall Truck never reached. Artistic odes to their environment. If this is the art Zentrica teaches young kids, they will surely fail in life. When the LMCs tag up on the walls of Mega City, we are conveying a message. There is a beauty to our signature. No other crew uses the font we use. There is strength in the lettering. Boldness.

  Books are stacked against a window. Graciela said Déesse limits the number of books available in Mega City. Which books are considered a problem? Is there a list she keeps? I always assumed the Codigo contained vast amounts of literature and historical text. Whenever we needed to learn about something, we could find a way to download the information and read it for ourselves. Not that the LMCs ever read much. We were too busy fighting.

  The Gurl Gunnas don’t seem to have a problem finding literature. They burned books without hesitation. Books to them are valueless. In the boydega clubs, the written texts are mere props. It never stopped me from wanting to listen to Books read. I wanted to be transported to other worlds. Adventures that seemed possible even when the protagonist was male. I think Books enjoyed reading them. I’m an idiot. He was doing his job, living up to the papi chulo trading card I used to collect. Maybe I’ll be s
eeing him soon. So much has changed, for me anyway.

  I pick a book up and flip through the pages. The title of the book is Locomotion. It’s true I was schooled in the training camp. Taught to read and write there. The Ashé Ryders aren’t the only ones dominating education. I read the first few lines. It doesn’t take long for me to follow the rhythm of the piece.

  Sometimes I can hear my daddy

  calling my name.

  Lonnie sometimes.

  And sometimes Locomotion.

  Come on over here a minute.

  I want to show you something.

  And then I see his big hands

  holding something out to me.

  My eyes well up. I remember. My father used to read to me. I can see myself propped up on his lap and him turning the pages to a picture book. I haven’t allowed myself a moment to grieve the end of my family. The old man who stood there, watching me eat sancocho. What was their life before sides had to be chosen? Did Mami and Papi take walks holding each other’s hands? Was there love in this family?

  “It’s one of my favorite books of poetry.” The quieter of the two startles me. I drop the book. He bends down and places it back on the shelf. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. I’m guilty of scaring Beto all the time. He hates it.”

  “Why did you leave Mega?”

  My tone is full of anger. Why do these two get to share a home while I kill myself to get in the Towers?

  He is scared. He should be.

  “I didn’t want to be a papi,” he says. “I also didn’t want to hide how I felt for him.”

  “Déesse doesn’t care who you love. Only that you put in the work.”

  He pauses. He is nervous I will hurt them. I can. His partner enters the room with a bag of fruit.

  “This might be true for you, for women,” he says. “Not for us.”

  Only a few benefit. That was what Zentrica said to me about Déesse. Graciela said something similar. I take the bag of fruit he is offering. They don’t see me to the door.