by McKayla Box
More laughter.
“But more than anything, I'm just gonna miss having a guy in my life who I knew I could depend on,” Trevor says. “No matter what. Jake was the most loyal person I've known in my whole life and I was lucky to call him my friend. I've, uh, cried a lot since he died and it still really hurts. I'm still pretty messed up. But it does help to talk about him. It helps to be out here because this was his favorite place. I know that if I ever need to talk to him, I can swim out here and find him.”
It's quiet for a moment and all I hear is the ocean lapping against our boards.
“I'm not gonna say as much,” Brett says. “I'm not good at talking. And what Trevor said pretty much goes for me. But, uh...I loved Jake. I wish he was still here because he made me laugh more than anyone else in my life. Didn't matter what kind of mood I was in, he could always make me laugh. He could also be a serious pain in the ass.”
Everyone laughs.
“But it never stuck,” Brett says. “It never stuck. I really miss him.”
And we go around the circle and I end up learning things about Jake that I didn't know before.
He loved cats.
He hated spaghetti.
He volunteered at a kids surf camp.
He gave away his old surfboards.
All of these people have stories about him and they all miss him in a way that I thought only Trevor and Brett and the rest of us do. He had a much bigger impact on people than I realized and I wish I'd known that when he was alive.
There's a lull and I clear my throat.
“I, uh, I didn't know Jake very long,” I say. “About a year. I moved here last summer. And at first, I didn't like him very much.”
There's some laughter.
“But then things changed and I actually got to know him,” I say. “And I did think of him like a brother. Not like how some of you have described, but just as a guy who cared about me. I know a lot of people have mentioned how funny he was, but he really was one of the funniest people I've ever met. And I wish I could hear him tell one more joke or make fun of one of my friends one more time. A lot of times, I'm the only girl out on the water, but I always knew he was watching out for me, not letting anyone hassle me. I hope he's watching us right now and that he hears me because I don't think I ever thanked him for being my friend when others weren't. So I just want to say...thanks, Jake.”
Trevor squeezes my hand.
A few more people speak and then it goes quiet.
“Okay,” Trevor says. “I think that's about it.” He looks to the horizon. “And the timing is pretty much exactly right, as the sun's doing it's thing out there.” He looks to the sky. “Jake, buddy. We love you and we miss you and we'll see you again. Aloha, brother.”
A few others chime in with “Aloha, brother” and then we drop hands. A few people are crying, but most people seem happy. Not that he's gone, but that they've remembered him in this way.
And, I have to say, I feel the same way.
There's something tangible about sitting in the ocean and remembering him. It doesn't take away the pain or the frustration.
But it does feel like something.
It does feel like something.
THIRTY SEVEN
“Jake would've loved this,” Trevor says.
It's near midnight and the party has morphed. It started as more of a tepid celebration after we paddled in. People hung out, they introduced themselves, they shared food they brought. It's like a bizarro-potluck. But it's cool and I get to talk to most of the people who were out in the circle with us, along with some people who stayed on shore, but were his friends.
After a couple of hours, though, the older people leave and they're replaced by a younger crowd, mostly kids from school. The numbers swell and it looks to me like it's close to five hundred people. The music is blaring, the alcohol has showed up, the fires are burning, and people are having a good time.
“I hope so,” I say. “It feels kind of weird to be having a party when he's dead and when we're here for a memorial.”
“But that's what it's supposed to be about,” Trevor says. “It's a celebration. We've done the funeral and all of that. All of the stuff that sucks. The idea with the paddle out and the circle is to find the good.”
I put my hand on his arm. “I think we did that. I think you did that.”
“Everyone did that,” he says. He leans over and kisses me. “Thank you.”
“For what?” I ask.
“For everything,” he says. “The list is long.”
“You don't have to thank me,” I say.
“I want to.”
I kiss him. “Fine.”
He laughs. “I win.”
“Whatever.”
“I'm just gonna say it because Jake would've,” Gina says as she walks up to us. “Get a fucking room.”
We both laugh.
She's with Maddie and Bridget and all three of them are holding red cups.
I look at Gina. “How are you?”
She thinks for a second, then nods. “I'm okay. Not great, but I'm...okay. This helped. Watching you guys out there on the water was cool. Seeing all of these people here for him is pretty cool.” She looks around. “I mean, I know all of these fuckers aren't here for him, but you know what I mean.” She holds up her cup. “This helps, too.”
We all laugh and Trevor stands up. “I'm gonna go find Brett.” He looks at me. “You cool?”
“I'm cool,” I say.
He winks at me, turns, and walks away.
Bridget drops onto the towel next to me. “Well, that makes things feel normal, too.”
“What does?” I ask.
“Seeing you two make googly eyes at one another,” Maddie says, sitting down on the other side of me. “That's what we expect to see from the two of you.”
“At the very least, googly eyes,” Gina says, sitting down next to her. “Since you won't get it on in public for us.” She pauses, frowning. “I guess I am feeling a little better.”
We all laugh and it feels really good to laugh with them. I feel like we've cleared some sort of invisible hurdle and I can breathe a little easier.
We get up and walk the beach for a little while, talking about everything and nothing. Friends. College. Jake. Food. It's the best I've felt in weeks.
We reach the north end of the beach and when we turn around, that good feeling disappears in a hurry.
Because Shanna and Athena are standing there.
THIRTY EIGHT
Athena wrinkles her nose at us. “I knew it smelled down here.”
Shanna laughs a bit too hard. Jessica and Lisa, who I didn't realize were standing behind them, giggle, too.
“Like rotting fish,” Shanna says, then laughs way too hard at her own joke.
She's drunk off her ass.
“Definitely slimy,” Athena says.
“I am so not in the mood for your bullshit,” Gina says.
“Good to know,” Athena says.
“I'm serious,” Gina says. “I will fucking crack you in the face, Athena. We do not need your shit tonight.”
“Why the fuck are you even here?” Maddie asks. Then she snaps her fingers. “Oh, that's right. Probably scamming free alcohol and looking for some easy dick to ride, right?” Maddie smiles. “Looks like you got the alcohol part done, but are still having trouble with the dick. Hard to blame guys who don't want to stick it in you nasty bitches.”
“Fuck you, Maddie,” Athena says.
“Nope, not me either,” Maddie answers, grinning.
“You're not even funny,” Shanna says. As she says it, she stumbles to the side.
Drunk. Off. Her. Ass.
“It is going to be a pleasure to never see any of you ever again,” Bridget says. “I can't imagine being as hateful as the four of you are.”
“I can't imagine being as ugly as you are,” Jessica snaps.
I roll my eyes. “It's like fucking middle school.”
“Oh, I
wish I'd known you in middle school,” Athena says. “I wish. I would've made sure to run you out of Sunset Beach before you even knew what hit you.”
“Yeah yeah yeah,” I say. “You're super scary and tough and you hate me and whatever the fuck you say.” I laugh. “This is all so tired. And it's incredible that you're still playing this game when someone died.” I look at her. “Someone I know you were friends with because you were with Trevor. You're fucking gross.”
“You're fucking gross!” Lisa yells.
“Good one, Lisa,” Gina mutters. “I mean, at least try and use some words that you didn't already hear somewhere else. You're like one of those toys where you pull the string to hear it talk.”
Lisa scowls.
“Yeah, I was friends with him,” Athena says. “Because I was with Trevor. And I'd still be with him if you weren't around.” She smiles. “And when you leave town? I'm gonna be with him again.”
I smile. “Sure. Keep dreaming.”
“It's not a dream, bitch,” she says. “It's gonna happen. Just need you outta the picture.”
I'm not sure why, but her words aren't getting to me. They aren't drawing blood like they have in the past. Maybe it's because I know Trevor and I are in a good place. Maybe it's because I really am just tired of her nonsense. Or maybe it's because she just sounds far more desperate than dangerous.
“You throw everything you have at him,” I say, moving around her. “It still won't be enough. But good fucking luck.”
I expect her to respond with something juvenile, something insulting.
Instead, she grabs my hair.
She jerks me backward. The back of my skull feels like it's been set on fire. I trip and fall onto my back.
I see the other girls go flying in different directions as Athena crashes down on top of me. Her knees land in my stomach and the air rushes out of me. She's grabbing at my hair and I'm trying to get hold of her arms. The expression on her face is manic. I'm trying to push her backward and I tilt my head away from her hands.
Behind me, I see Gina take Shanna by the arms, swing her around, and send her stumbling in to the ocean.
Athena lets out a wild banshee-like scream and tries to throw all of her weight down on me, but the movement sends her off-balance. I shove her hard to my left and she topples off of me. I scramble to my knees and shove her back down before she can sit up. I crawl on top of her and without thinking, I put my hands around her throat.
And I squeeze.
She claws at my arms, but my hands are like steel locks on her neck.
And I squeeze.
She starts slapping at my hands and kicking beneath me.
And I squeeze.
Her eyes bulge as her face turns crimson.
And I squeeze.
She has brought nothing but frustration to my life since she showed up. Nothing. And she's never showed an ounce of regret or remorse. As my fingers dig into the soft skin around her neck, I remember everything she's done to me. Everything.
She starts choking and she's flailing beneath me.
“Presley!” Bridget says above me. “Stop!”
I don't stop.
“Presley!” Bridget yells. “Stop it!” She grabs my shoulders. “Don't do this! Please! Don't!” She pushes me hard to the side.
And the spell is broken.
My hands unclench and I pull them from Athena's neck. She gags as her own hands flight to her throat. I roll off of her and she turns to the side in the sand. My fingers throb.
“I thought you were going to kill her,” Bridget says, gasping for air.
I look at my hands. “I was.”
And that thought chills me.
Because I was.
I'd finally reached my breaking point.
If Bridget doesn't stop me, I would've choked the life out of Athena.
“Jesus,” I whisper.
I look around. Jessica and Lisa are on their knees, their hair out of place, their eyes wild. Maddie and Gina are standing next to them, looking just as disheveled. I'm not sure who won their battles, but I'm betting on my girls.
I look around, but I don't see Shanna. The last image I have of her was Gina swinging her around by the arm toward the water.
I push myself off the sand. “Where's Shanna?”
We all look around.
I don't see her on the sand.
I don't see her walking.
I don't see her anywhere.
But that doesn't feel right. She was drunk. Gina was flinging her around. She wouldn't have just left.
And then I scan the water.
It's hard to see in the dark. I don't see much more than black water and lines of white foam as the waves roll in.
Until I see something floating in the white water.
Face down.
I sprint into the water, hopping the dying waves on the shore. I can see her now, her body floating on top of the water, like a human-shaped inflatable. I fight through the thigh deep water, then dive in, figuring I can swim faster than I can run. My arms rip through the water and my legs kick furiously.
I reach out and grab her by the ankle as my feet hit the sand. The water is waist deep. I pull her toward me and roll her over.
Her eyes are closed and her mouth is open.
Bridget splashes into the water next to me and grabs the other side of Shanna. We move as fast as we can to the shore. Gina and Maddie crash into the water and help us get her to the sand.
I drop to my knees and push her onto her side.
A small amount of water leaks out of her mouth.
She's not breathing.
I pull her onto her back, pinch her nose, and breathe into her mouth. Four times. Then I sit up.
Nothing.
“Fuck!” I yell.
I pinch her nose again, breathe into her mouth four times, then sit up.
Her body spasms and a fountain of water spurts from her mouth. I push her onto her side and she coughs out even more. She curls up into the fetal position.
I sigh.
She's alive.
She coughs some more and spits out a ton more water.
“Is she alright?” Gina asks.
I nod. “Yeah. She'll be fine.”
“I didn't know you knew CPR,” Bridget says.
“I learned it a couple of summers ago,” I tell her. “I was a lifeguard at a pool. I don't even know if I did it right.”
“She's alive,” Maddie says. “Whatever you did, it worked.”
I nod.
Shanna rolls onto her back. Her face is covered in sand and water and saliva. Her eyes are open and she's looking around. She's pale, but otherwise looks fine.
I stand up and look back up the beach. Jessica and Lisa are their feet. Athena is sitting up, still rubbing her throat.
I start walking up the beach and look at them. “Go help your friend.”
Jessica and Lisa look at one another.
“Is she...okay?” Lisa asks.
“I don't know,” I say. “But she's alive.”
They look at one another again.
Athena rubs her throat.
I stop in front of her. “Don't ever speak to me again.”
She glances at me, but doesn't say anything.
That's good enough for me and I head back toward the party, happy to be done with Athena and Shanna and all of their bullshit.
Forever.
THIRTY NINE
“I don't get why you have to leave so early,” Gina says.
“Places to go, people to see, shit to get done,” Maddie says.
I'm standing with Bridget in Maddie's driveway. Her car is loaded up full with her stuff. Gina is leaning against the back bumper.
“What if I don't let you go?” Gina says.
“You're literally going to be fifteen miles away from me,” Maddie says.
“I've never been that far away from you!” Gina objects. “Maybe at birth. But I think that was it!”
Maddie shakes her
head and I can't help but laugh.
Maddie is actually leaving early because she's been accepted into an honors program that requires her to be on campus a week earlier than everyone else. She's the first of us to go and I'm not sure any of us are ready for it.
Bridget walks up to Maddie and throws her arms around her. “I'm going to miss you so much.”
“Same,” Maddie says, hugging her back. “But I'm a phone call away. And you'll be home for Thanksgiving.”
“Yep,” Bridget says, stepping back and wiping her eyes.
“Oh my god,” Maddie says. “Do not cry. Because then I'm gonna cry. You can FaceTime me tonight, alright?” She shakes her head. “My girls are such babies.”
We all laugh.
She motions for me to come hug her.
I do.
“Try to actually go to class once in awhile,” she says, wrapping her arms around me. “Don't spend all your time surfing.”
“I'll try not to,” I say. “I'll miss you, Maddie.”
“Not as much as I'll miss you,” she says. “I'm gonna miss watching you kick ass on people left and right.”
I laugh and let go of her. “Stop.”
“And I want CPR lessons over the break,” she says, pointing at me.
“Sure thing.”
She looks at Gina, who is still leaning against the bumper.
“I'm not saying goodbye,” Gina says, her arms folded across her chest. “I'm not.”
“Get off my car, bitch,” Maddie says. “Come hug me or I'm gonna have to drive over your ass.”
“No. You can't go.”
“You've got twenty seconds because my parents are gonna be out here and you know how impatient my dad is,” Maddie says.
Gina sighs dramatically. “This is bullshit.”
Maddie walks over to her, pulls her off the car, and hugs her.
Gina's arms hang at her side.
“So help me, bitch,” Maddie says. “If you don't hug me back, I'll block you from my phone.”
“You wouldn't dare.”
“Watch me.”
Gina throws her arms around her and they stand like that for awhile.
I know it's different for her than for me or for Bridget. We're a foursome, but they are really a twosome. They are best friends within our foursome and that isn't a bad thing. I know how badly Gina is going to miss Maddie. And I suspect Maddie will miss Gina more than she's letting on.
