Love's Journey

by Carrie Carr

  Having never received a compliment from her father, his comment startled her. "Umm, thanks. Martha's taken good care of me." She uncrossed her legs and leaned forward. "I don't want to hear another nasty remark about her, do you understand? She's the only family I ever really had."

  "I guess I deserved that. I know I wasn't much of a daddy to you, girl, and for that I'm truly sorry."

  "Why?" Lex's voice cracked on the single word. "Was I such a terrible person? What made you decide I wasn't worth loving?" The question had been on her mind for as long as she could remember. Hoping she'd finally get an answer, Lex waited until his tired hazel eyes rose and met her gaze.

  "I--" Rawson began to speak, but choked on the rising emotions. "I did love you," he rasped. "I know I never did show it much, and I never could bring myself to say it, but I have always loved you, Lexington." He silently cursed the tears that threatened to spill from his eyes. "I didn't know anything about raising a little girl. And, when you got older, you reminded me so much of your mother, it nearly killed me."

  Lex bit her lip to keep from crying. "Do you know how long I waited to hear that from you, Dad?" She stood and crossed the room to the window, looking out at the bleak winter landscape. "I spent most of my life trying to be good enough for you. I thought if I was smarter, or stronger, or the best at everything I did, you'd love me." She sniffled, but refused to turn around and face him. "Nothing I ever did pleased you. And when I needed you the most, you left me."

  Rawson's heart broke at the pain he had caused his daughter. He could see by her stiff posture she was trying to control her emotions. "I don't know what to say."

  "I went through my life thinking I had no family. My grandmother died thinking I hated her." Lex spun around and pointed an accusing finger at the silent man. "How could you do that to me? How could you lie to a little girl, saying that her family was dead? You sorry bastard!" She started to leave the room, but Rawson grabbed her arm.

  "Listen to me." He spun her around, fearful of the look in his daughter's eyes. Rawson quickly released the hold he had on Lex's arm. "Please."

  Looking as if she wanted to hit him, Lex paused. "Go ahead." She retreated to a chair and sat, looking at the floor.

  Scrubbing a shaky hand across his face, Rawson walked to his chair and sat. "I was afraid," he admitted quietly. "Afraid if you knew Victoria's parents, you'd want to live with them."

  "What did it matter? You didn't want me around anyway," Lex argued. "At least that's how it felt to me." She watched in surprise as a tear fell from her father's eye, and he wiped it away angrily.

  "You were the only link I had to Victoria, Lexington. You were a miniature version of her, with my mouth and attitude. As much as it pained me to see you, I couldn't bear the thought of losing my only daughter. I never meant for you to be hurt."

  Lex felt her anger dissipate. Sitting in front of her was an old man she never knew. "I believe you. I don't know if I can ever forgive you, but I believe you." She stood and walked to the door. "I'm not the little girl who would do anything for her father's acceptance. Not anymore, Dad. I've finally found someone who has shown me what love is all about." Lex started to close the door behind her, but stopped. "You're welcome to stay as long as you want." With that the door closed quietly.

  Rawson watched his daughter leave. I think I blew it, Tory. He cradled his face in his hands and wept for his loss.

  CHARLIE AND MARTHA met Lex in the den when she returned from talking with her father. Amanda sat on the bed, her legs covered with a colorful quilt. "What's going on, folks? What are you doing out here so late, Charlie?"

  "It's mostly my fault," Martha admitted. "I was going to tell you earlier, but with your father showing up and all--"

  "Has something happened?" Lex sat next to her lover and took her hand. "Amanda?"

  Amanda squeezed Lex's hand. "Janna called earlier. She and Barbara were having dinner and overheard Mother talking with a strange man."

  "He must have been strange, to be seen with her." Lex jumped when her leg was slapped.

  "I'm serious, Lex." Amanda shook her head. "Evidently, he works for her. According to Janna, he's planning on doing something to try to separate us."

  "She called our office, too. So I thought I'd take a little drive out here and check things out," Charlie explained.

  Lex turned around and faced the sheriff. "Come on, Charlie. You know I can take care of things here." She stood and placed one arm around him and the other around Martha. "But since you're here, why don't you two go watch a movie? No sense in wasting a trip. If it'll make you feel better, I'll check things out in the morning."

  Chapter Twenty

  "I'M SORRY, LIZ. This woman leads a charmed life, and she has too many friends with the local law enforcement." He pulled a fat envelope out of his coat pocket and handed it to the fuming woman. "It's all there, but you can count it if you want."

  Elizabeth took the offering reluctantly. "I must have my daughter back with me. You promised to help me." She allowed the fake tears to spill from her eyes. "Don't I mean anything to you?"

  The handsome man ran a gentle fingertip over her cheek. "Come on, babe. We both know it was just sex. Good sex, but only sex. You are a little hellcat in bed."

  "Well, I've had better," she retorted. "My pool boy showed more enthusiasm."

  "I'll bet. But how many years ago was that?" He caught her hand before she could slap him. "Tsk, tsk. Your temper's going to get you into trouble, sweetheart."

  "You bastard!"

  "How did you know? Anyway, I've got to run. There's a plane to Europe I've got to catch, and I've got a bit of a drive ahead of me." He walked over to the door and opened it. "Give it up, Liz. Your daughter is happy, and you have more money than you'll ever know what to do with. Go buy yourself a boy toy and have a good time." His laughter trailed down the hallway.

  She slammed the hotel room door closed. "Coward!" she yelled. "How am I supposed to get my baby back with that woman around?" Elizabeth threw her glass of wine against the wall. "I suppose I'll have to take matters into my own hands." Smiling at the red stain as it dripped to the floor, she laughed. "Of course, I don't know why I didn't think about it before. It's just so simple."

  Elizabeth tapped a blood-red nail against her front teeth as she worked out the details in her mind. "Yes. That will work beautifully." She grabbed her purse and left the room.

  RAWSON HAD BEEN at the ranch for three days before he revealed the reason for his visit. Everyone was sitting in the kitchen, trying to get enough energy to leave the table after a huge lunch. Martha was at the sink washing dishes, listening with half an ear to the conversation behind her. Lex brought the dirty dishes from the table to the sink.

  "You never did say what brings you back this way," Travis probed. He and Rawson had come to an uneasy truce the day before, and he was curious as to why his son-in-law had returned after so many years.

  Lex stopped clearing the table and stood nearby. "I'm a bit curious, myself." She shook her head and continued to carry dishes to the sink. "Probably after money, as usual," she grumbled to Martha, who swatted her on the rear.

  "Hush up. You show respect, young lady, or I'll take a spoon to you." The housekeeper glanced over her shoulder to make certain no one at the table was listening. She gently grasped the younger woman's chin, forcing the blue eyes to look into her own. "Lexie, I know you're carrying around a load of hurt, but you need to let it go. Try to enjoy the fact your daddy is back, and leave the past where it belongs."

  "I'll try," Lex promised, "but that's a lot to ask of me."

  Martha caressed Lex's cheek. "I know. You have a good life now. Don't let the bitterness ruin that."

  "I won't. I can promise you."

  "Good girl. Now get back over there and keep Amanda company. I think she's chompin' at the bit to be up."

  "Yes, ma'am." Lex kissed Martha on the forehead and stepped away from the sink. She resumed her place at the table and draped her arm across t
he back of Amanda's chair.

  Rawson studied the expectant faces around him. "I reckon you all deserve to know why I'm here." He locked eyes with his daughter. "I hate to admit it, but money was part of the reason."

  Lex quirked one eyebrow. "Part of the reason? There's more?" She flinched as Amanda poked her in the ribs.

  "I'm sure what Lex meant to say, was she's glad you're back, no matter what the reason." Amanda turned her head and glared at her lover. "Right?"

  "No, she didn't. I think she said what she meant. Thanks for trying, Amanda. Yes, I'm low on money again." Rawson admitted. "I also realized about a month ago just how much time had passed since I'd seen my kids, and I missed them."

  His daughter laughed humorlessly. "Gee, it only took you, what, eleven years to figure it out?" Lex stood up. "Give me a break. After all this time, you just now missed us?"

  Amanda grabbed her arm. "Sit, please?" She waited until her partner was seated and tried to keep the conversation going. "Have you seen Hubert yet?"

  Rawson shook his head. "No. I've haven't talked to him for a few years. I didn't know exactly where he'd be, but I knew Lexington would be here at the ranch."

  "You made sure, didn't you?" Lex accused. "You placed the responsibility for it, and everyone involved here, solely on my shoulders."

  He sat back in his chair. "I knew you could handle it, girl. There was never any doubt in my mind."

  Lex clenched her fists under the table to control her temper. "You never even asked if it was what I wanted, Dad." She calmed somewhat when she felt Amanda's hand grasp her leg and squeeze gently.

  He waved his hand in the air. "You didn't know what you wanted, Lexington. I spared you the trouble of trying to figure it out for yourself. You'd have come back, eventually. Ranching is in your blood."

  "It would have been nice to be given a choice. Not wake up on my birthday to find you gone, and papers that put me in charge of the ranch on the table." She glared at her father. "The fight with Hubert afterward almost put me in the hospital."

  Travis had sat quietly through the whole exchange. "He hurt you?"

  "Yeah. He said I tricked Dad into signing the papers, and proceeded to beat the crap out of me. Martha heard the noise and came running, and whacked him with a cookbook until he ran."

  Martha blushed. "I couldn't find my broom. I thought he was going to kill poor Lexie before I could get him off of her." She shivered at the thought. Lex had been lying on the kitchen floor with blood everywhere. Hubert straddled her waist and repeatedly slammed her head against the floor.

  "It wasn't quite that bad," Lex told the shocked faces around the room. "His high school ring had cut the side of my face, and my nose was bleeding. It looked a lot worse than it was. But he lost three teeth, and I think I broke his nose and a couple of his ribs."

  Rawson shook his head. "I'm sorry that happened, Lexington. But it made you stronger, didn't it?"

  "That's the biggest load of bullshit I've ever heard!" Travis bellowed, unable to keep his temper in check. "Is that how you justify leaving a young girl in charge while you went off to play?"

  "Like you're any better than me, old man?" Rawson challenged, standing and leaning his weight on his hands on the table. "You spent most of Victoria's childhood in a boardroom or visiting oil fields."

  Travis laughed. "I was never gone for months at a time, Rawson. And I certainly didn't leave my wife a few weeks after my child was born."

  "You must not have had meddling in-laws, like I did," Rawson countered loudly. "I couldn't get away fast enough."

  A loud whack caused both men to stare at Lex, who had slammed her hands on the table. "That's enough." Her voice shook with suppressed anger. "I will not have our house turned into a battleground." She stood and pointed an angry finger at her father. "Don't you dare raise your voice at my grandfather. I'll write you a check, and you can cash it in town."

  "How dare you!" Rawson yelled her. "Don't you take that tone with me, girl."

  "I'll take whatever tone I want with you, Rawson," Lex growled. "It's my house, and my rules."

  He walked around the table until he was face to face with his daughter. "I gave you this damned house. Is this how you repay me?"

  Lex stepped back, afraid she was about to take her anger out on her father. "I never asked for it."

  "What the hell was I supposed to do? What could I have given you?" Rawson yelled, grasping her shoulders.

  "Your love," Lex whispered hoarsely, tears falling freely from her eyes. "That's all I ever wanted from you." She shook off his hands and fled from the room.

  Rawson watched Lex's departure. "I think I'd better leave."

  "No, not yet." Amanda caught his arm and held it. "Let me go talk to her." She was at the table in her wheelchair, and spun the vehicle around and wheeled herself from the room.

  AMANDA STOPPED IN the doorway of the sitting room. Her lover stood near the piano, studying the pictures on the wall. "Mind if I come in?"

  "No. It's your house, too."

  "Thanks." Amanda maneuvered the wheelchair into the neat room. "Are you okay?"

  Lex ran a shaky hand through her hair. "Yeah." She sat on the piano bench so they'd be more at eye level. "You didn't have to chase after me."

  "I know. But I was worried about you." Amanda wheeled closer and touched Lex's arm. "Your father is talking about leaving."

  "Figures."

  "Lex, listen to me." Amanda waited until she had her partner's attention. "I think there's something else wrong."

  "Like what?" Lex asked, trying to keep from sounding too interested.

  "Didn't you notice?" Amanda pointed to the wedding picture of Rawson and Victoria. "Look how strong and tan he is in the picture. The man sitting in our kitchen is pale and thin."

  Lex wasn't convinced. "So? Rodeoing is a hard life, sweetheart. You don't always know where your next meal is coming from." She was afraid to think about what could be causing his new appearance. "I haven't seen the man in over ten years. People change."

  "Maybe. You said yourself it's been a long time since he's been home. Why now? If he wanted money too badly, he could have just called or written. Isn't it what he's always done in the past?"

  "Yeah," Lex admitted grudgingly, "but--"

  "Do me a favor?" Amanda asked.

  Lex looked at her lover cautiously. "What?"

  "Just talk to him? Calmly. Maybe try to find out more about why he's here." Amanda squeezed the arm beneath her hand. "Please?"

  "Why should I? What good will it do?"

  "What would have happened if I hadn't given my father a second chance? I would have lost the relationship I have with him now."

  "Completely different circumstances, Amanda. At least you knew your father loved you."

  "And yours loves you. He's just not real sure how to express it."

  Knowing she'd lost, Lex blew the hair away from her forehead in disgust. "I don't think so." When she saw Amanda open her mouth to reinforce her argument, she raised a hand in surrender. "I'll talk to him. But I'm not going to guarantee anything."

  Amanda smiled as Lex stood up. "Thank you."

  "Yeah, yeah. Don't thank me just yet." Lex stood in the doorway. "Do you need any help?"

  Amanda shook her head. "No. I think I'll just sit here for a while."

  Lex quickly crossed the room and kissed Amanda soundly on the mouth. "I love you."

  "I love you, too. Now go talk with your father." Amanda patted Lex on the rear and watched her leave the room. I hope I didn't just make a huge mistake.

  LEX STOPPED IN the kitchen doorway, seeing Travis and Martha were alone in the cozy room. "Umm, do you know where he went?"

  "He's gone to the barn," Martha reported. "Told us he needed some fresh air. Are you all right?"

  "Yeah, I'm okay. I want to talk to him for a minute." Lex waved at the pair and grabbed her coat by the back door. Hope he had enough sense to put on a coat. Crazy old fool. She shoved her hat onto her head and hurried from
the house.

  Her boots quickly covered the well-traveled path to the barn, and in moments she stood in front of the huge wooden door. Well, here goes nothing. Lex opened the heavy door and closed it behind her, standing inside the doorway until her eyes could adjust to the dim light. She saw her father leaning against one of the stalls, and mentally steeled herself for the ensuing conversation.

  "Nice bit of horseflesh you've got here," Rawson commented, nodding toward the stall.

  "Thanks. I raised Thunder from a colt and saddle broke him myself." Lex stretched over the railing, scratched the dark horse's nose, and gently said, "Hey, big guy."

  "That's impressive, Lexington." He turned around to face her directly. "But even as a little tyke, you could do just about anything you put your mind to." Rawson grimaced suddenly and bent slightly at the waist.

  Lex reached over to help him, but pulled her hand away as he straightened up. "Are you okay?"

  "Yeah. Old rodeo injury. The cold brings it out." He made a show of looking around the barn. "You've done a lot to the old place, girl. Did you spend all of your inheritance?" Rawson's voice was matter-offact, without a touch of rancor.

  "No. I've made some sound investments over the years. Not to mention the money I've made by training and selling horses." Now that she was attuned to it, Lex noticed her father's appearance. He looks as if he's aged twenty years. Maybe Amanda was right. "I'm going to the back pastures in a little while to drop some hay. Would you like to come along?"

  The look of surprise on Rawson's face was priceless. "Umm, sure. You need the help?"

  "Nah. But I'd enjoy the company." She patted him on the back. "Come on. Let's go find you something a bit warmer to wear than your old denim jacket."

  They walked back to the house in silence. Lex left her father in the hallway while she raced up the stairs to rummage for a heavier coat.