Caribbean Paradise, Miracle Family

by Julie Danvers

  He took a manila envelope from underneath the suit coat he’d been holding. As he moved, she thought she noticed again a slight awkwardness, as though he was used to moving with more bulk. Another worry crossed her mind: Was he here because something had changed with his own health? Had the cancer, perhaps, returned? His skin was so pale. On the beach, she’d thought he had the look of someone recovering from a long illness, and now, as she examined him with a professional eye, she wondered if that illness had been quite recent. Or perhaps was still ongoing. Despite having just met Theo, she felt a pang of concern for him. She might not know him at all, but his hazel eyes seemed so kind. Now that he was sitting across from her, he was close enough that she could make out flecks of gold in them.

  Shocked as she was to see him here, she had only to look at him to see that he’d been through some suffering. And yet, she couldn’t help noticing that for all his awkwardness his hands were steady and graceful as he opened the manila envelope and removed several documents. His eyes met hers, and their expression was hopeful, but determined. And he’d come such a long way. It couldn’t hurt, she thought, to at least find out why he was here.

  “All right, Mr. Moore,” she said, gently emphasizing her use of his last name. “Why don’t you start by proving that you’re who you say you are.”

  His relief was palpable. “Easy enough,” he said, handing her the documents from the envelope.

  She took the papers with trembling hands, and spread them before her on the table.

  Among other things, there were letters from the fertility clinic where she’d undergone treatments explaining the whole mix-up: how they’d intended to use sperm from a vetted donor, but had accidentally used Theo’s frozen sperm instead. She remembered those letters all too well. She’d received very similar letters herself, with their apologies and explanations.

  Willow remembered how shocked she’d been upon first learning that the clinic could make such a mistake. If she’d have wanted to she could have pursued legal action, but in the end, she’d decided that having a healthy baby was all that mattered, all she wanted. She didn’t need to complicate that. And Theo’s choice not to get in touch made that even easier. Once she’d learned that the insemination had been successful, she’d even given the clinic permission to contact Theo. And again, when Maisie was born, she’d given her permission for Theo to meet her. But he’d never responded.

  Although she could see that the clinic had followed through: the envelope held a copy of the letter to Theo, informing him that he was the father of a healthy baby girl. There was even a copy of an ultrasound picture that she recognized. She had the original picture, framed, in her bedroom.

  Even if Theo hadn’t brought along all of this documentation, Willow would have known that he was telling the truth about being Maisie’s father. All she had to do was look at Maisie. The little girl shared so many features with Theo that seeing him was like seeing the missing pieces of a puzzle. Willow kept her eyes fixed on the documents: there was a copy of a photo ID of Theo, a work badge that identified him as a research oncologist at Regent’s Hospital in London. He had longer hair in the picture, which made the features that he and Maisie shared even more evident. Willow had always thought that Maisie got her wavy hair from her, but the color, a light, sandy brown, was clearly Theo’s. And Maisie’s height—now there was another mystery solved. At three years old, Maisie was already half a head taller than every child in her preschool class, and as she took in Theo’s frame, Willow could see why.

  Theo was, indeed, Maisie’s father.

  Or at least, he was her biological father. He was a sperm donor, she reminded herself. Not a father.

  She looked again at Theo’s work badge from Regent’s Hospital. “You’re an oncologist?”

  “Yes. I mainly do research, though I like to work with patients when I can. But there’ve been certain...unexpected changes that made clinical work difficult. In a way, I suppose that’s how this all starts.”

  “Go on,” she said.

  “About four years ago, I was diagnosed with melanoma. That’s why I froze my sperm in the first place. My doctors advised that I take that step because chemotherapy can sometimes have an effect on fertility. I’ve always known that I wanted to be a father, so freezing my sperm was a safeguard.”

  Pieces were beginning to fall into place. She’d known, from the staff at the fertility clinic, that Theo had cancer, but his choosing not to get in touch meant she had no idea how he might have been getting on. And looking at Theo now, it was clear that the cancer wasn’t far behind him. She estimated he was about thirty pounds underweight for his height and frame, and his sandy brown hair was quite short, as though it were just starting to grow back. She couldn’t help feeling sympathetic. Cancer could be devastating, and the treatment took almost as much of a toll on the body as the illness itself.

  “When I got the call from the clinic, informing me of the mix-up, I didn’t know how to feel,” he continued. “At first, I was outraged. It was such a grave mistake on their part. But then, as I got used to the idea, I realized that it might be for the best.”

  For the best? For a moment, she wondered if the Caribbean heat was affecting him. But then she recalled all the times she’d had that very same thought over the past three years. The mix-up was for the best, because if things had happened any other way, she wouldn’t have Maisie.

  But Theo couldn’t have that perspective. He’d barely met Maisie, by his own choice. “How could you think such a serious mistake was for the best?” she asked.

  “I know it sounds strange. But I’d always wanted to have children, and at the time, there was no way for me to be certain of whether that would ever happen. It might not have been how I’d ever pictured becoming a father, but it meant the world to me to know that she existed.”

  This definitely didn’t fit with the impression of Theo she’d formed over the past three years. She’d pictured a man who wanted to put the clinic’s mistake as far behind him as possible, dealing with the situation by ignoring it, and eager to avoid any commitment she might ask of him. He certainly didn’t need to worry about that: legally, he had no claim to Maisie; his name wasn’t on her birth certificate. His lack of contact with her had informed that decision. Willow needed nothing from him. But he spoke as though Maisie meant everything to him, even though he’d chosen not to know her.

  She wondered if she would have felt differently if she’d known he was fighting cancer all this time. But that, she thought, was the heart of the problem. Theo had never reached out to explain his situation at all, until now.

  “I wish I had known all this sooner,” she said. “The fertility clinic told me about your medical history, but that didn’t explain why you didn’t reach out. As I never heard from you, even after you’d had two opportunities to be involved, I assumed you either didn’t want a child, or didn’t want Maisie.” She tried to keep the note of accusation out of her voice. She sympathized with Theo’s situation, she really did, but part of her wondered...what kind of man ignored his own child for three years? Even under the most extenuating circumstances?

  “I can see why you might think that,” he said, his voice tinged with emotion. “I hadn’t planned to be involved, even though I wanted to be there very much. Staying away from Maisie is one of the biggest regrets of my life.”

  “Then why didn’t you ever try to meet her? You could have explained your situation at any time during the past three years.”

  He gave an emphatic shake of his head. “No, I couldn’t. It was hard enough being sick. I couldn’t stand the thought of an innocent child—my child—being exposed to that much stress. And if treatment didn’t...go well, then I didn’t want to put my child through the grief of losing a parent.”

  He seemed to be trying to speak with a casual air, but Willow noticed the catch in Theo’s voice as he acknowledged the possibility that treatment might not
have been successful. There was so much unpredictability over the course of cancer treatment, so many times where all anyone could do was wait to see what happened next. Theo had been afraid for his life, she realized, and he’d had to make a difficult choice.

  “I can’t imagine what it would be like, to deal with cancer and then to learn you’d unexpectedly had a child,” she said. “You made the decision you thought was best. So why come here now, after all this time?”

  “Because I’m finally in remission. I started looking for you and Maisie as soon as I learned the good news.”

  A wave of relief washed over her upon hearing the word remission, and she realized she’d been anxious to know if his treatment had been successful. The relief she felt was real, even though she’d only known him a few moments.

  But her thoughts were in turmoil. Everything Theo said was in direct opposition to the assumptions she’d made about him over the past three years. On the rare occasions she’d thought of Theo, it had been with cynicism and some resentment for his complete lack of interest in Maisie. It wasn’t that she necessarily wanted his involvement; it was simply that his apparent dismissal of her daughter amounted to a rejection of the person she held most dear in the world. And now she was learning that his circumstances hadn’t been what she’d thought they were. For if what Theo said was true, then he hadn’t been ignoring Maisie. He’d been trying to protect her.

  And now, three years later, he was in remission, and he was here, hoping for...what exactly? Did he expect to have any sort of relationship with Maisie? His next words confirmed her fears.

  “I want to get to know my daughter,” he said. “I know I have no legal recourse, but I am her father, and I came here hoping to find some way to be involved in her life.”

  She was overtaken by a wave of feelings, including protectiveness toward Maisie, and jealousy at the thought of anyone else involved in their close bond. When she’d become pregnant, she’d never imagined sharing Maisie with anyone else. The thought of having another parent involved in her daughter’s life was completely at odds with everything she’d envisioned for the future. She certainly hadn’t imagined having to deal with a man she barely knew arriving, unannounced, and declaring himself the father of her child. Not someone who, while pale and underweight, also had a devastatingly handsome smile and a pair of clear, hazel eyes that reminded her of the green and gold pebbles in the tide pools on the beach outside her home.

  But no matter how interesting Theo’s eyes were, his presence on the island would only be distracting for her, and for Maisie. Theo was a complicating factor that they didn’t need.

  Her life was proceeding just as she’d planned, and she didn’t need any surprises now. Theo was right: he had no legal standing as Maisie’s father. His name wasn’t on her birth certificate. If she told him to leave, he’d have to go.

  But Theo seemed so hopeful, and he’d been through so much. A part of her wished she could tell him that after all he’d been through, of course he was welcome into her and Maisie’s lives. But however much she might sympathize with his situation, it didn’t change the consequences of his decision. She had to think of her daughter first. Theo Moore was, by his own choice, a complete stranger to Maisie, despite their biological connection.

  Still, he’d been in such an awful position, suffering all the uncertainty that came with facing a deadly illness. She didn’t want to crush him completely, especially when he’d been in such a hard situation. She decided to let him down as gently as possible.

  “I can understand why you feel it’s important to get to know Maisie,” she said. “It sounds as though it was very hard for you to stay away from her, although you did ultimately make the choice not to be involved.”

  “Because I wanted to spare her from any grief.”

  “I understand you were trying to do what you thought was right. But...it doesn’t change the fact that Maisie is three years old now, and has no idea who you are. How would you even explain your relationship to her?”

  His jaw tightened. “I’m her father.”

  “You might see it that way, but how can she? She doesn’t know you at all.”

  “Which is exactly why I’m here. To form a relationship with her. To be the father I haven’t been able to be all this time.”

  “But how would that even work? Practically speaking, I mean. Maisie and I have our lives here, on St. Victoria. Your life is waiting for you back in London. Four thousand miles away.”

  “I will find a way to make it work. I came here planning to do whatever it takes to be in my daughter’s life.”

  “I can appreciate your determination, Mr. Moore. But you aren’t thinking through the practicalities. How long were you even planning to stay in the Caribbean?”

  “My return ticket is open-ended. I can stay for as long as necessary.”

  “But how long were you planning to stay?”

  “I wasn’t sure how you’d react to my arrival here. I thought perhaps...a week?”

  “And then what? You’d fly back to London, while Maisie grows up here. You’d see her, perhaps, once or twice a year. I don’t want to be harsh, Mr. Moore, but I have to protect my daughter, and I don’t want her getting attached to someone who’s just going to leave after a few days. And I really don’t want her to get the impression that a father is someone who visits once a year.”

  “Then I suppose the way forward is clear. There’s no other choice, really.”

  She breathed out in relief, glad that he could see how impractical it all was.

  “I’ll simply have to move to St. Victoria.”

  Her eyes widened. “You can’t just decide to move to the Caribbean on a moment’s notice.”

  “Why not? You decided to move here yourself.”

  “Yes, but I had researched positions abroad for nearly a year, and then chose the situation that I thought would be best for raising my daughter.”

  “And I’m trying to do the same. I’ve spent the past three years trying to do what’s best for my child by staying away from her. And now that I’m finally in remission, I’m not going to waste my chance to be part of her life. This isn’t an impulsive decision, it’s an easy decision.”

  Theo was either reckless, crazy or...or, perhaps, he was as desperate to be involved in his daughter’s life as he claimed to be.

  He could also simply be telling her what he thought she wanted to hear, just as Jamie had. But Jamie’s eyes had never blazed with determination the way Theo’s did now, and his jaw had never been set with the same firmness.

  She’d trusted Jamie, because she’d known him for years. But even though he’d said he wanted children, he’d never taken any action to back up his words. Theo, though, had tracked her down with limited information, and had flown four thousand miles with nothing more than hope for a chance to know his daughter. And even though it was hard to reconcile his presence now with his decision to stay away for so long, having cancer was one hell of an extenuating circumstance.

  But could she trust him to be reliable? To be a suitable person for her daughter to have in her life? Without knowing him at all, how could she be certain of anything?

  She thought it over for a long moment. Finally, she asked, “Why is Maisie so important to you?”

  “What do you mean, ‘why’? She’s my child.”

  “But do you know for certain that she’s your only chance to have a child? Now that you’re in remission, you could take a fertility test. Suppose you learned you could have other children? Would you really want to spend your life on a small island in the Caribbean, when there might be other options for you?”

  He held her gaze for a long moment. “First of all, regardless of any children I might have in the future, Maisie is here now. Even if I were to have other children, she’d still be my daughter, and I’d still be determined to have a relationship with her, in whatever capac
ity you might allow.

  “Second, the results of a fertility test won’t be reliable until I’ve been in remission for at least a year. I don’t know if Maisie is the only child I’ll ever have, or if I’ll get another chance. But I don’t need to wait another year to decide if I want to know my daughter. I’ve already had three years to think about her growing up without me, and I won’t spend another minute without her if I can help it.

  “And third, even though I haven’t been with Maisie, she’s been with me. Or at least, the idea of her has. Even though it was painful to think of her growing up without me, knowing that she was out there got me through some of the hardest days of my life. No matter what happens in the future, Maisie will always be important to me.”

  Willow almost believed that he meant every word. Almost. She had misgivings about whether he understood the commitment involved in being a parent, and whether he’d thought through what it would mean to make a permanent move to the Caribbean.

  But he seemed determined to give it a try.

  He’d had two chances to be involved in Maisie’s life, and both times she’d thought his absence had spoken volumes. Could she give him a third chance? Especially now that she knew everything he’d gone through, just to be here, at her kitchen table?

  His presence was a complication that she didn’t want in her life. But something prevented her from telling Theo to leave. Maybe it was the sympathy she felt for all he’d been through. Maybe it was the determination in his voice and his expression. Or maybe, in spite of all the alarm bells going off in her mind, she wasn’t done appreciating the exact shade of hazel in Theo’s eyes.

  Whatever the reason, she found herself saying, “If you’re going to stay here, you’ll need to find a job.”

  “I’m an oncologist.”

  “That’s wonderful. I’m a nurse myself. But oncology is a profession, not a job. How are you going to earn a living here on St. Victoria? You’ll need to have something that pays a salary and gives you a reason to stay here.”