From the Top (Central State)

by Jaqueline Snowe

  She blinked a few times and rinsed her mouth. “I can’t believe Coach chose me. I swore I thought it’d be you.”

  “Yeah, well, I did too.” I crossed my arms, already feeling my temples pounding with all sorts of emotions. Lack of sleep, anger, annoyance. “Put on these clothes. Drink some water. We leave in five minutes.”

  I wasn’t sure what I planned to do once I arrived, but I got ready just in case I decided to stay on the team. I was always prepared for anything.

  We got in the hallway finally, and she leaned onto the wall for support. “Could you lead warm-ups today? I don’t… I can’t.”

  My hands formed fists at my sides just as Freddie propped his door open. The look in his eyes had my stomach tightening because I was pretty sure he was upset. Not at me this time.

  For me.

  Time froze for a beat when Daniella waited for my answer, and Freddie stared at me with his mouth slightly open, like he planned to say something. I desperately wanted to know what was going on in his mind, but he blinked and took a step back, the moment splintering like a rock in the windshield.

  I knew better than to think that support would last long. It never did. Turning my back on Freddie, I sighed and faced my captain. “Sure, Daniella, I’ll lead warm-ups.”

  CHAPTER

  SIX

  Freddie

  Being an engineer brought me a lot of joy. There were black and white rules, non-negotiables where the world made sense. I thrived in a world of binary. Even my own rules that I created for myself. Camden and Michael gave me shit for them, like how I color-coded my highlighters with my Skittles or how I had a specific spot in the library that I preferred to study. Not like a certain table, but a certain position.

  Back to the window, the entrance in view, and on the edge because I was left-handed. I had to have my coffee black and a water bottle on hand. Getting set up took a few minutes, then I could dive right into my studies.

  I’d work for two hours, take a break, then keep going. Maddie used to make fun of me for being so regimented, and looking back, it was a red flag that she didn’t understand me. The ache in my chest returned, a dull throb of confusion. I didn’t love her anymore, but the wound was still there. The betrayal. The way I’d given her my heart and she crushed it.

  It’d put me off relationships for a while, and that was fine. I could focus on my schoolwork, where everything made sense and was easier. I got set up in my spot and wrote out my routine.

  It was the first day of classes, and most students weren’t hit with thesis projects or career-breaking assignments. The library was filled with nerds like me. My people. I assumed most of the students here were grad students because everyone seemed a bit older, but as I scanned the room, one wavy brown head stood out.

  Cami.

  The swoop my gut did made no sense. It wasn’t the appropriate response toward her. Polite indifference was best. I ignored her and went to my laptop, forcing myself to narrow down my dream agencies to ten. I’d work on my resume and submit intern requests for next semester…including the one with my uncle.

  My jaw clenched thinking about the text from my dad that morning.

  Dad: Can’t believe you’re going to be working with my brother. I’m so damn proud of you!

  God, the support and guilt was enough to make me insane.

  Sure, his office would be cool, but there were nine other choices that I could see myself picking. I kept a detailed list of the intern requirements, how to submit, the timeline, and anything else that stood out. Like the energy firm on the north side of Chicago had an office dog. That was awesome.

  A light laugh had me craning my neck, wondering what had made Cami happy. Was it the dance team? Did she still like it after not being named captain? If I’d learned anything after living with Michael, it was the dedication and passion that lived in sports. I couldn’t relate to being an athlete, but I saw the pain in her face when the redhead asked her to lead warmups. Cami had more expressions that I could count, and that flash of hurt lived in my mind, sending an uncomfortable urge to protect her through me.

  Protect Cami Simpson? The pretty party girl? Please.

  I tried to focus again, but I kept wanting to see if she was okay…for reasons unbeknownst to me.

  A tall guy who was easily my size leaned against her table, a football logo on his shirt. Of course.

  It was a football guy she left with at that party a year ago. The night I finally got the nerve to go out and flirt. I’d thought we hit it off, a lot. She was so easy to talk to. I was smart enough to not bring up past relationship baggage when flirting, but she made it so easy. She talked about her parents’ divorce while I shared about a bad breakup. She pushed me out of my shell in an hour—that wasn’t something that happened to me. Ever.

  An instant connection that had apparently meant nothing to her.

  Even at the memory, I swore my forearm burned from where she touched it that night with her delicate fingers. I gripped it, rubbing my fingers over the spot. She’d excused herself to get a drink, and I’d waited in the same spot for fifteen minutes, desperate and excited to keep talking to her.

  She never came back, and when I saw her, her arms were around a large football guy. Cami had flashed him the same teasing smile she used on me, only directed at someone else.

  The fluttering feeling I first got when seeing her disappeared, and I went back to my tasks. I’d gotten over the dismissal, but when I had to see her all the damn time in the dorm, the reminder of being second-best returned, making me think about Maddie and my shit luck.

  I turned my music up louder, drowning out the memories and weird emotions. I told myself I could eat Skittles after I got through half my agenda.

  Yes, I made an agenda every time I went to the library.

  The hour flew by as I narrowed down my list, six of the agencies in Chicago and four of them in the Central area. That felt like a good balance. A fair list to consider. My uncle’s firm kept jumping out at me, causing my stomach to tighten, but I pushed it away. Of course, I’d apply to it and likely get in.

  It was what happened after that had my palms sweating.

  I rolled my shoulders and glanced at Cami again, maybe to distract myself or because I was a glutton for punishment. This time, another guy was talking to her. She had on a pretty smile, but the lines around her eyes were tense. She had her arms crossed, and she kept pointing at her laptop.

  Something went off in my mind, and I couldn’t explain how I knew, but she was annoyed. Her posture was off, and her face…yeah, she was pissed. I watched her saying I’m busy, but the guy wasn’t leaving.

  My first assumption was that people came to the library for attention or for studying. It’d be easy to guess she wanted attention because she got it everywhere she went with her tight outfits and killer smile, but this time… I wasn’t sure.

  Her gaze moved from the guy toward me, and recognition and relief flooded her face. The fact she seemed happy to see me did odd things to my mind, and I lifted a hand in a wave.

  Then, shocking myself, I beckoned her over.

  She closed her eyes for half a second, her shoulders relaxing before she stood fast and gave him what I would call an apologetic smile. She didn’t even pack her stuff into her bag. She held it against her chest as she pointed in my direction. “I’m meeting a study buddy here, but it was nice chatting with you.”

  The guy slid his gaze to me, annoyance flaring in his eyes, but it dimmed once he eyed me. Dudes were strange and used physical attributes to judge too soon. He might assume I could kick his ass due to my size, but I couldn’t. Not even a little bit.

  Cami rushed away from him and walked toward me, the motion of her hips sending my brain to that weird place again. She wore cut off white shorts and a bright orange top that showed off her arms and collarbones. Her nails were blue and her lips bright red, making me wonder how she tasted.

  My stomach growled as she sat at my table, the familiar scent of peaches an
d vanilla crowding me. The library had a pastry counter, and I really wanted to go order something.

  She set her stuff down on the other end, knocking my Skittles out of order, and she tensed. “Shit, sorry, here—” She reached over and lined the candies up in the wrong sequence.

  I didn’t like Skittles in the rainbow color. I put them in my least favorite to most. My brother thought I was wack, but the reward system was fine for me. The more work I did, the bigger the reward. “It’s fine,” I said, stilling her hand.

  Seeing my extra-large fingers on top of hers spurred a tight feeling deep in my chest, but I blamed it on the change of routine. I tolerated sharing a study table with someone else. It was never a choice, but the gratitude on her face made it worth it.

  I pulled my hand back fast and felt my face flush an embarrassing red. I adjusted my glasses and found her watching me with her large, expressive eyes. “You can study here if you want.”

  “Please, yes.” She nodded and took in my notes and candy. “I won’t make a sound.”

  “I doubt that,” I said, blinking fast as I worried about her reaction.

  She smiled and narrowed her eyes, like we had a little joke. I found I liked that mischievous look on her face. It wasn’t one I saw often. “Fair, but I’ll try really hard.”

  “Good.”

  Our gazes met again, and a slight blush covered her cheeks. God, I wanted to know why. What was she thinking about?

  She pushed her hair behind her ears, the silver ring on her finger catching the light, and she sighed. “Thank you.”

  “For what?” I couldn’t stop watching her as she arranged her notebook and laptop. Pretty handwriting was at the top, and for some reason, it was so her. Bright purple pen and loopy letters.

  “Letting me come over here. I know I give off a certain…vibe,” she said, looking at the ground so her long lashes fanned on her cheek. “But I’m taking twenty-one credit hours this semester, and I really need to focus.”

  “Twenty-one? Why?” That was a lot. More than a full load.

  “Because at some point I missed a science class.” She gave a tight smile and pointed to her device. “It’s an online biology class which should be fine, but I’ve never taken more than fifteen credits. I need this to graduate.”

  “Oof,” I said, wincing. “That’s a bummer.”

  “Yeah, well, the saying bad shit happens in threes has been true. Between the apartment, this class, and not being captain, it’s a been the Bermuda triangle of bad luck.” She gave a self-deprecating laugh and reached into her bag for headphones. “That’s enough feeling sorry for myself. I’ll leave you alone.”

  “You’re not bothering me,” I said, wanting to figure out how to make her bad luck better. I felt the same but in different ways.

  “I told you I wouldn’t make noise, Freddie.” She snorted before looking at her notebook. Worry lines appeared between her eyebrows, and I had the strangest urge to reach over and smooth them out.

  Cami Simpson was utterly breathtaking, but witnessing her like this, focused and organized… it caused my heart to beat a little faster. I was privileged to see parts of her that the rest of campus didn’t, and in a weird way, it made me feel special.

  With a new lightness to my chest, I went back to work. We sat together, both doing our own thing for a good hour before she slid out her headphones and stretched her arms over her head. “Unnn,” she said, the sound something like a moan. “This chair is killer on my posture.”

  “Breaks are important.” Breaks are important? My god, could I be more of a loser?

  “You know, you’re right. Is that what your Skittles are?” She pointed to them with a wicked grin. “Do you share?”

  “No.”

  The lightness in her eyes dimmed, and I immediately regretted it. I cleared my throat, waving my hand in the air like it would wash the words away. “No, I meant, they aren’t my breaks. I do share them sometimes.”

  “How does one get on your sharing-Skittles list? I have a guess it’s a very short list.” She did that bewitching smile again, and my own lips quirked up. “Oh, I got a grin from the gentle, grumpy giant.”

  “Shut up,” I said, my ears burning hot.

  “It’s a nice smile. You should do it more.” She reached over but paused before her delicate little fingers touched a candy. She arched a brow, her lips still in a bewitching grin. “Can I?”

  “Well,” I said, adjusting my weight in the chair. “They’re a reward system. What have you done today?”

  “Oh, yeah, sure.” She squinted at her laptop. “I wrote down everything I need to do by next Monday with guesstimates of when I can work on them. Time management is one of my best skills, even though people don’t think that.”

  “With dance, I’d imagine you have to be good at that.”

  “Thank you,” she said, her eyes going all wide. “That’s what I’ve been saying. So, anyway, I made a chart for the week and briefly glanced at the syllabus for this bullshit biology class. I have weekly quizzes which seem horrible.”

  “Okay, you can have one.”

  “One? All that work for one lone skittle?”

  “That’s my rule.”

  “You’re a cruel, cruel man.” She took a yellow one and popped it into her mouth, her red lips enclosing around it and sending a million dirty thoughts my way. Like how her lips would feel on mine, how she’d taste, and how she’d move her toned body as I pulled her against me.

  Seriously, what the fuck? I wasn’t driven by lust. I’d acknowledge people I was attracted to, but feelings this strong? The fact Cami had crossed my mind so much that my fingers twitched to touch her collarbone? I wanted to see another sly look on her face or hear the sounds she’d make.

  It made no sense. I cleared my throat as my jaw clenched, regret weighing me down. I shouldn’t have invited her over to study. She was a distraction. She stared up at me, questions in her eyes as she gave me a little smirk.

  “I love the yellow ones. Everyone always chose the red or purple, but not me. The lemon ones? Mm. I’m the same with Starbursts too. Give me alllll the yellows.”

  “Do more work, and you get more,” I said, sounding absolutely barbaric. What was wrong with me? I should give her the bag, indulge her. Make her smile again.

  Her eyes flashed with something like interest, and she licked the corner of her lip. “Yes, sir.”

  Shit. The way she said it…sounded delicious. I put my headphones back on, refusing to think about all the ways she got my blood pumping harder. I had been completely wrong about Cami which was dangerous with a capital D. She was my physical kryptonite, but throw in this badass side of her? I was screwed.

  I could be friends with her without falling for her. I had to or else…well…she’d just pull a Maddie and break my heart.

  CHAPTER

  SEVEN

  Cami

  Three days later, sweat cascaded down my spine, the sun hit my face directly, and I chugged my bottle of water like my life depended on it. Hydration was important for my body, skin, and hair, but there was also something delicious about a cold drink after a dance sequence.

  Even if the routine wasn’t mine.

  “Seriously, like, why does she think this routine works?”

  “I know! And of fucking course she’s putting herself at the front.”

  Every muscle in my body tensed at overhearing two freshmen talk shit about Daniella. My blood boiled at the lack of respect. Not only from the way the girls talked about her but also over how Daniella led the team. We hadn’t bonded yet. There were no ribbon days or moments of her showing her leadership.

  My temple hammered like a little guy lived inside my skull and was renovating it with a jackhammer.

  “Come on, girls, one more time running through,” Daniella said, her voice lacking conviction. It was like she was a substitute teacher trying to commandeer another person's class. Horrible and uncomfortable.

  Coach Audrey met my gaze for a second, h
er knowing stare rooting me to the spot. How dare she try to make me feel guilty? Like this was my fault? I blinked and focused on the grass at my feet.

  She had to realize the decision to choose Daniella would gut me, so she had no right to want me to fix the situation she caused. If this were my team, this shit wouldn’t fly. But it wasn’t. It was Daniella’s to lead.

  I was too much a mess, a bad influence, a girl filled with mistakes to have that role. Okay, down in the pity party parade again? I shook my head to rid myself of the thoughts, and instead, I focused on what I had to do later. Studying and rewarding myself with Skittles. I’d gone to the library at the same time each night, and Freddie was there, smiling at me with his soulful eyes when I joined him.

  We didn’t talk, but he did bring an extra bag of Skittles for me to use. Just thinking about it made me smile, and I ran my right foot over the grass a few times, the tightness in my chest loosening just a bit.

  Audrey barked out instructions, and I bit back my smile.

  “Do you want to embarrass yourself at the game next week? If so, carry on. It’s not my face on the field wearing the school colors.” Audrey’s cheeks had red spots on the sides, and she redid her hair a few times, a sure sign she was stressed.

  Not my fault. Not my circus.

  Well, it was my team…just not one I was leading.

  Did that mean I was being too selfish? Was I letting my beef with Audrey get in the way of our team respecting Daniella? That didn’t sit right, and when Daniella called for us to get in formation again, I went right to the front.

  Three other girls did, but that was it.

  “Listen to your captain,” I said, the threat clear in my voice. I glared at the clique of girls who thought they were hot shit. Ego had a time and place, but this was not it. “Get in line now. It wasn’t a choice.”