A fling?
No, he didn’t have flings.
Was he seeing someone? Oh. I never thought of the fact he could be dating someone. I hadn’t seen anyone since we’d been at the dorms, but that didn’t mean it was reality. Our places were hot as fuck. Who would want to visit?
But the way he looks at me…looking didn’t matter. It was the actions that happened after it that did.
“What are you doing here?” he asked, his voice deep and almost angry. “At Central?”
The woman pointed to some other girls at the booth before responding. I couldn’t catch her words, but Freddie didn’t like her answer. He cracked his knuckles with his thumb as he shifted his weight from side to side.
“I don’t know what you expect, Maddie. You can’t just… spring this on me. There was a reason I didn’t respond to you.”
Shit. His voice had that edge of hysteria to it. I recognized the feeling and said to hell with it. Freddie was gentle and kind and never raised his voice, yet this woman made him break his character. I walked up to him and wrapped my hand around his. “Hey, sorry to interrupt this convo, but are you ready to head back?”
His gaze moved from my hand on his to my face, and I swore he took a breath and relaxed. The fact I could help Freddie settle himself gave me a bloated sense of pride. Like I could be there for him somehow. Like maybe I wasn’t in complete last place for his attention.
“Cami,” he said, my name on his lips like my favorite Taylor Swift song. He blinked hard. “Yes, sorry.”
“I didn’t know you were with anyone,” the girl said, a slightly accusing tone to her words. She eyed me up and down, the narrowing of her eyes making it real clear she didn’t appreciate the way I was dressed.
I flashed her a smile. I wasn’t going to lie and say I was with Freddie, but she could create her own assumptions. “We should get back and hydrate. A little too many parties tonight, you know?”
“You party now?” the girl asked, her brows rising into her hairline.
Freddie swallowed, his throat bobbing, and I moved my hand from his wrist to his back. I gently pushed him, and he cleared his throat. “We have nothing to talk about. There’s a reason I didn’t respond to you.”
“We had years together, babe. Please, just let me take you out and explain how sorry I am.”
Okay, so she was an ex. Was she the ex who made Freddie lack confidence? If so, I’d like to have a few words with her. But I remained quiet.
Freddie huffed, and something snapped in him. He put an arm around my shoulders and guided us out of Timmy’s, onto the sidewalk and under the moonlight.
“Fuck,” he said, releasing me the second we exited the door. He pulled on the ends of his hair and let out something between a groan and a grunt.
“You okay?”
“No.” He righted his glasses and eyed the ice cream in my hand. He had that intense stare again with the tight jaw, like he was trying to see through me. That sort of look had the ability to steal my breath away. “You’re dripping.”
He rushed over and took some of the napkins in my hand to start wiping the ice cream spilling down my arm. “I’m so sorry, Cami. You tried to show me your place, and I wanted to hear all about it.” He kept cleaning my arm and hand, bunching the used napkins in his hands. Seeing him clean me up made my stomach somersault in a warm, fuzzy way.
He clenched his jaw a few times before pointing toward a bench a few yards away. “Sit. Eat your ice cream before it melts, please.”
“It’s fine.” I shrugged, opened the plastic spoon with my mouth, and took a bite of the ice cream. I crossed my eyes at the flavor. “So good.”
He looked at the door and back to me, indecision still on his face. “Sit, please.”
“Sure, but we really can go back.”
“No. Not yet.”
“You planning to wait for that woman to come out?”
“No, I want you to enjoy your ice cream, and I’m hoping to convince you to let me try a bite.”
“That could be arranged.” I winked and went to plop down on the bench. The conversation was flirting with the edge of tense, and I needed to make it light again. He followed, his large frame casting shadows on the sidewalk around me, and he sat down right next to me so our thighs touched. His thigh was twice the size of mine and so warm. My fingers itched to touch him. Would he like if I trailed a finger over his leg? Would he shudder or pull me closer against him? I cleared my throat, forcing the sexual thoughts away. We were friends.
“You get a bite when you answer a question.”
“Using my own game against me?”
“Absolutely.”
He sighed, but his lips quirked up on the sides. “Fair. Ask me anything.”
“What’s the most useless talent you have?” I asked, pleased with myself for using his question when it was so obvious that I wanted to know the story behind the woman.
It was the right thing to do because Freddie slapped his knee and let out a deep belly-laugh. It was ridiculous and made me chuckle too.
“Quite a cackle there.”
“That was good, Cami. Thank you.” He reached over and patted my knee, squeezing it for a second before letting go. It was such a relationship gesture, one I’d seen Michael do to Naomi all the time.
My stomach did a whole back-handspring at the motion.
“Well?” I asked, keeping my tone light to not give away the zing he just sent through my body. “What is it?”
“I can make a clover shape with my tongue.” He opened his mouth and made his tongue curl into exactly that, a clover shape, and my god. I squeezed my thighs together as I thought about all the things he could do with that tongue.
If he could curl it… he had control over it.
I was going to burst soon. I just knew it.
“Wow, that is…I’m sure there are ways that’s useful, Freddie.” My face burned red as I stared at his lips. They were so full and inviting. Fuck. I was attracted to this man.
He cleared his throat. “Did you intend for that to sound dirty?”
“Yes.”
“Well, I appreciate the honesty.”
He didn’t move away from me on the bench. If anything, he scooted closer, invading me with thoughts of cable knit sweaters and walks in the forest. He just smelled so damn good and had a comforting air about him where I felt safe.
“Do I get it now?”
“Get… what?” I asked, looking up at his face just inches from mine. His glasses reflected the moon, but his dark lashes were still visible. I could almost count each one of them.
“A bite. I answered your question.”
“Yes, right, here.” I handed him the cup of vanilla like we were playing an aggressive game of hot potato. It almost spilled on him at the speed of my movement, but he righted the little cup and took a bite. There was something erotic about watching the spoon that was just in my mouth go into his as he swallowed.
His tongue touched my spoon.
“Oh, this is good. It’s sweet and creamy.” He licked his lips and handed me the cup back, not giving any indication that he was as turned on as I was.
The lick of his lips, the size of his hands, the intensity of his eyes…Freddie was becoming my own version of kryptonite. He stared at me expectantly, like he was waiting for me to talk. I cleared my throat and nodded. “My favorite.”
“I wouldn’t have taken you for a vanilla person.”
“Meaning…what?”
“You’re so colorful and full of life and sass. I don’t know, like rainbow sherbet or the chocolate explosion with a bunch of mystery pieces. Vanilla is so… plain compared to your personality.” He sat up straighter, running a hand over his jaw. “I really meant that as a compliment. Not sure if I hit the mark.”
“I took it as one.” I smiled up at him, but his attention was on the sky. He yawned, and I knew it was time for our night to conclude. I hadn’t been on a date—no, a night out with a friend like this in…ever. No exp
ectations. Just fun. I didn’t want it to end.
If he suggested pulling an all-nighter, I’d do it in a heartbeat. Even though I had practice in the morning and a ton of homework. Being with him like this was a vacation from my life, and a weight of sadness pulled my shoulders down.
He scrubbed his eyes, letting out a groan, and I held out my cup of ice cream again. “Help me finish so we can head back.”
He leaned onto his knees and frowned at me. “We don’t need to rush.”
“I’m getting tired,” I said, faking a yawn. “I have practice early and everything.”
He was trying to be a nice guy and stay out because he knew I wasn’t ready. At my words, he literally relaxed, like he was dying to return and end our night. I knew it wasn’t all about me, but the feeling of being second place lingered.
“Right, of course.” He took another large bite and handed it to me before standing up and staring at the door with longing all over his face. That girl in there mattered.
“You dated her,” I said, throwing away the cup and forcing my voice to not contain an ounce of attitude or sarcasm.
“Yup. That’s Maddie.”
“The one who said you were boring?”
“Bingo.” He shoved his hands in his pockets, sighed, and jutted his chin toward the direction of the dorms. I didn’t respond, just tossed the ice cream into a trash can and started walking.
A million questions raced through my mind, all of them starting with do you still love her? Did it matter if he loved his ex? The guy who wanted relationship sex and was clearly a commitment type of guy? It shouldn’t, but my feelings weren’t always rational.
Crickets chirped and lightning bugs danced all around us, and it smelled like it might rain soon. The summer was brutally hot and humid, and a good rain would wash away the temperatures for a bit. Maybe I’d keep the windows open if it stormed.
“I don’t know why she wants to talk. She texted me she missed me a few weeks ago, and I just…” He sounded exasperated and tired, which had to mean he wasn’t entirely in love with Maddie anymore. “Getting over her was hard, and now she wants to speak to me? I don’t understand.”
“You don’t owe her anything you’re not ready to give.”
“But we dated for three years.”
“No amount of time demands you have to put yourself in a situation that makes you unhappy,” I said, hearing the hypocrisy in my own words. I ignored the twinge in my gut about the dance team and kept going. “Seriously. It’s such a trap to assume, oh, I spent three years learning to kayak! I could never give it up! What a waste! Life isn’t about what you owe or don’t owe. If you don’t want to talk to her, then don’t. It’s that simple.”
“What if I do though?”
My heart sank like a rock in the middle of a lake. I bit the inside of my cheek to keep myself from letting out a noise of dislike. I didn’t care for Maddie for the sole reason she hurt Freddie.
The guy who wouldn’t let me flirt or bully him to leave me alone. The guy who gave me Skittles. The guy who brought me to a secret tunnel because I was upset.
Fuck Maddie for hurting this gentle soul.
I opened my mouth to say something that would hopefully be positive, but he beat me to it.
He waved his hand in the air, like an animated composer. “What if it’s serious? Or maybe she’s going to apologize sincerely this time? I’ve run through a thousand conversations with her where I have all my lines ready. That makes me pathetic, doesn’t it?”
“No, not at all.” I hated the knowing tone of his voice, like he thought he was speaking the absolute truth. “You’re not pathetic.”
“She hurt me and yet I’m worried I’ll upset her if I don’t hear her out.”
“Because you’re a good person and you care about her.” I couldn’t stop myself from reaching out and taking his hand. It wasn’t a full, fingers-intertwined type of hold, but it was a nice palm-to-palm. I squeezed his giant paw, and when he returned the gesture, my stomach did its own version of The Running Man.
“Tonight was something, huh?” he said, a new lightness to his rough voice. The dorms came into view as we crossed the street, and Freddie slowed to allow me keep pace with him. He didn’t try to let go of my hand once.
“Yeah.” I smiled at him, but he wasn’t looking at me. He stared at our hands to the point I wondered if I had something odd on the back of mine. His gray gaze met mine for a beat, a significant shift of the air causing my heartbeat to double in speed. I knew, without a doubt, that we were both caught up in a moment together.
Then he released my hand and used a key card to open the dorm door before holding it for me. His face went back to his standard focused look, without the sly smile or the sparkle in his eyes.
“Please, go ahead,” he said, ushering me with his hand again.
I went in and hated the shift. It was our hand holding. It’d thrown him off. Messed with him. I knew better than to do that when my usual flirtations were lost on him. Things felt different as we walked down our narrow, hot hallway. I wanted to say something to fix it, to make the fun banter come back, but nothing came to mind. I took my time putting my key in the door, fumbling with it as Freddie watched me. The lock made an awful screeching sound once the key slid in, and I turned it hard to the left. The door creaked as I pushed it open, a blast of hot hair hitting me in the face. I swore I could feel every breath Freddie took as he continued to watch me from a few feet away. I flashed him my best smile, hiding the weird combination of regret, sadness, and want. “Good night, neighbor.”
“Goodnight.” He still made no moves to go into his room, but I couldn’t handle the vibe anymore. I escaped into the hot-as-hell room and shut the door behind me. The stale air almost choked me, and I got all my fans running before I fell into bed.
I tried to fall asleep as I listened to the sounds on the other side of the wall, and that was when it hit me. I liked Freddie.
It had been so long since I had feelings for someone that the emotions were foreign to me. Content that I’d figured out why my stomach clenched, I told myself I’d worry about the implications tomorrow. Because I knew that emotional connections led to heartbreak, and I had enough going on. Too much hurt. Too much betrayal lately. Freddie had the power to crush me and risking my heart for him wasn’t an option.
But then again, he’d torn down those walls and made me believe in more. For every reason I convinced myself it might work, there were a million it wouldn’t, and I focused on those.
Freddie deserved the best, and that would never be me.
CHAPTER
TWELVE
Freddie
Maddie was at my school.
I knew she had friends here even after she’d moved away last summer, but her being back totally threw me off my routine. It didn’t help that when I wasn’t thinking about her motives, my mind drifted toward Cami and all the secrets I’d learned about her.
My gorgeous neighbor had shown me sides of herself that put a stupid smile on my face as I waited at a café for Camden. I heard her leave at the ass crack of dawn for what I assumed was dance practice, and I couldn’t go back to sleep. Not with my mind running a damn marathon with different images of Maddie, then Cami, then my favorite documentaries that I always put on to relax me. It was no surprise I was listening to them more than usual. With the distraction of Cami and picking an internship, my stress level was elevated.
But food never made the situation worse.
The café was perfect, plus Camden was my guy to talk to about feelings. He wore them like accessories and wasn’t afraid of them like me. He viewed every heartbreak and disappointment as an opportunity to learn while I hated them and went out of my way to avoid feeling anything less than content.
He was annoyingly positive about life.
“FB3,” he said, his normal way of greeting me. He plopped down in the chair, his messy hair hanging from his face, and he flagged a waitress over. “Please, give me the biggest co
ffee you have. Black. Like dirt.”
She nodded and took off. Then, he looked at me. “You pulled me from a morning class.”
“Wait, you’re missing class for this?” I asked, my voice getting all high. “Go, don’t miss. Jesus.”
“I’m fucking with you. I get a kick out of riling you up.” He laughed and thanked the waitress as she brought the mug. “You’re an angel. A beautiful, wonderful angel.”
She didn’t respond. Wise woman. It would only encourage him.
“Maddie’s on campus.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know, but it’s stressing me out.” I scrubbed my palms over my face. “I saw her last night.”
“Where? What happened? Dude, you can’t go back to her. She’s awful for you,” Camden said, the bite to his words hitting me in the chest.
He never liked her, and it had always bothered me. He came clean after she broke my heart into pieces, but it still burned. She wasn’t a horrible person. Just confused. We were allowed to be disorganized in our early twenties. How the fuck were we supposed to have it all figured out?
“We didn’t talk much. I was out with Cami and—”
“Cami Simpson? You were out with Cami Simpson? Dude.” He leaned back in his chair, his eyes wide and his smirk a little too much to deal with. “You hook up with her?”
“No.” My jaw tensed at his insinuation. His tone reminded me of how I’d misjudged her, and a rush of anger flowed through me. He didn’t know her at all. “We’re friends.”
“This is the same girl you thought was into you at Kyle’s party last year who left with another guy?”
“Misunderstanding. She’s not at all how she seems,” I said, ready to defend her honor to my closest confidant. “She’s… more.”
“Here we go.” Camden rolled his eyes and leaned his elbows onto the table. “You’re into her. A popular girl. A girl who is way too cool for your dorky ass. It’s Maddie all over again—which, tell me how last night went. Did you flip Maddie off?”
His words were like a bucket of cold water dripping over my shoulders. I was way too nerdy for someone like Cami, but I swore I’d seen desire reflecting in her eyes. Deeper than the typical flirting I witnessed all the time. It was more an understanding, like she saw me for me and preferred me that way.
From the Top (Central State) Page 10
