Heavy footsteps followed me in the stairwell, and I went faster. Tripping on a step. “Fuck!”
“Shit, are you alright?” Freddie was right there. His damn large frame took up half the staircase, and I inched away from him. “Did you hurt your ankle?”
I half-sat, half-crouched on the bottom step, ready to bolt again before I stood to my full height. “I’ll be fine. My ankle will be fine.”
“Please don’t run away. Can we discuss this?”
“Now? No. Last week? Yes. Any other day this week when we were together, talking about our wants and dreams? Yes.” I sniffed, tears rolling down my face. “We d-don’t have anything else to say, okay?”
“What do you mean?” His face crumpled, his voice getting shaky.
“Answer me this. Did you get into a program in town?”
He hung his head before he nodded. “Yes.”
“Were you ever going to tell me? Wait.” I held up my hand. “I don’t care. I wouldn’t have known unless your family accidentally spilled it. This? You and I? We’re done. There’s no trust here.”
“You don’t mean that. Please.” He stepped toward me, his face shattering. “I fucked up, but I can explain. I got in my head, thinking about my dad and uncle, letting them down and you, and my future—”
“Freddie. I need a partner who includes me in their thought processes and trusts me enough for it to be real. I need someone to choose trusting me.” My voice broke on the last word, the utter weight of the truth causing my heart to crack.
He plopped onto the stairs, holding his head in his hands and pulling his hair. “I messed up. I really did, just… how can I fix it? How can I make this better? I love you, Cami.”
“You don’t love me.” I laughed, a bitter, horrible sound filling the air. I saw what love did to people who didn’t want the same things. This wasn’t love.
My chest heaved, and even though the anger still vibrated through me, I still fought the urge to crawl to him. While he might not love me, I loved him with my whole soul. That was what made the next part so hard.
“Please, leave me alone.”
With that, I continued down the stairs, but this time, he didn’t follow me.
CHAPTER
TWENTY-SIX
Freddie
With Maddie, it had been so easy to blame everything on her. She was the villain in our breakup story, and now that I experienced the other side of it, my stomach ached like I had the flu. It was a miracle I hadn’t thrown up from the pure panic and pain coursing through my body. I did this. I’d broken us.
I’d hurt Cami.
It’d been twelve hours since she left me on the stairs, and I didn’t know what to do. The finality in her voice, the way she looked at me with so much disappointment. She didn’t even believe me when I told her I loved her.
And I did. How could she not realize that?
Oh, because you lied about getting into a program in town. Kept it from her. Told your family and blamed her for it.
My life was spiraling. Today was the due date to make a decision for the internship too. The one that had been sitting on my shoulders all week, the worry of choosing one for the wrong motivations. Did I pick here for Cami or Chicago because… it would make my dad and uncle happy?
The one here wasn’t just pending anymore—I was fully accepted. And it was pretty great and even had more of an environmental focus. I rubbed my palms over my eyes until white spots danced in my vision. My parents had spoken like I’d already made my choice, like working for Uncle Martin was the only option. Even bringing up staying here was shot down. Especially after Cami ran out.
You want to throw away the future you’ve been building for her?
Was I a fool for staying here to try and resolve things with her?
My phone buzzed, and my dad’s name popped up.
Dad: breakfast?
Freddie: sure.
Maybe some coffee and fresh air would clear my head and help me stand up to him because that was the root of my issue—Chicago was only on the table because it had always been his dream.
I showered, put on a black shirt and jeans, and made my way to a breakfast diner near the hotel, letting my mind wander to when Chicago started being a frequent topic of conversation. High school? Countless dinners talking about my future where Camden would chat about having fun, going on adventures. They’d laugh at him while my future talk was serious, matter of fact.
My dad said I needed to put myself first, but relocating to a city…living with my parents at twenty-four? I didn’t make friends easily, and moving away to live in my childhood home sounded horrible.
I’d been fighting it the entire time, but I knew what I wanted, and it was to stay here. My body hummed with how right the choice was. But letting my dad down? My Uncle Martin? I was the damn kid who wrote apology notes to teachers if my lab-mate acted rude. I never disappointed anyone and yet… I’d hurt Cami.
If I was going to pick myself, then I was going to do it right, damn it.
Determined to finally make a choice about my future, I headed to meet my dad. My parents loved this hole-in-the-wall joint, and we ate here whenever they visited.
Usually, it was the four of us, but this time, it was just my dad waiting for me. He had his hands in his pockets, and his face was lined with worry. I didn’t blame him. I’d forced them all out after the incident with Cami, and I might’ve said some things I regretted, accusing them over actions that were only my own.
“Hey, Freddie.” He smiled, but the lines didn’t reach his eyes. “You alright?”
“Not really.” I shrugged. I’d waited outside Cami’s door for a couple hours that night, but she never came home. She’d probably gone to her sister’s, and I didn’t have it in me to text Michael. He’d call me a dumbass, and disappointing him would make it worse.
“Let’s eat. Then we can talk.” He squeezed my shoulder a few times, the gesture almost causing my eyes to sting. Then he opened the door and ushered me inside.
The smell of greasy hashbrowns washed over me, and we sat at a booth in the back. We both ordered the special--eggs, sausage, toast, and hashbrowns with a large cup of coffee.
My dad leaned back in his chair, sighed, and arched one brow. I swore he saw right through me, into my soul, and was about to call me out. But instead, he leaned forward and asked, “Why did you apply to your uncle’s company in Chicago?”
“Because it was always the plan. We’ve talked about it for years.” I swallowed down the harsh truth that it was his insistence all these years, but ultimately, I’d applied on my own. “Why?”
He frowned. “What makes you happy, son?”
“Wait, what?”
“What do you enjoy doing? Is it hanging with your moron brother? Your bud Michael? Cami? Or is it exploring new places on your own?”
Where was this coming from?
I sipped the bland coffee, his question running circles in my mind. I hated new places. I was an introvert and liked routines. Hell, I went to the same spot in the library every day because it was familiar.
Michael’s future was here coaching.
Cami’s future was here with her dad and sister and her connections to dance.
Camden would probably be in school forever—here.
When I thought about the future, I thought of trivia nights and study dates with Cami. I wanted Camden and Cami to give each other crap. I set the mug down and rubbed my temples hard. This was it. My chance. “I’d be happier staying here.” I tensed, waiting for his disappointment and remarks about how it was a mistake.
Silence greeted me. I snuck a glance at him, but his face remained unchanged. Curious, almost.
“Why?” he asked, his voice neutral.
I cleared my throat. “My friends. Cami. Camden. The things I like doing.” I swallowed the bitter pill that I’d let my fear about standing up for myself potentially ruin what I had with Cami. “I was so afraid of letting you and Uncle Martin down, I kept going with t
he plan even though my heart wasn’t in it. You’ve talked about it for so long that I didn’t realize I had another option.”
“You choosing what you want is never letting me down. I’ll admit I pushed it a lot, and for that, I’m sorry. I thought you were on board with it, but after last night… I could see your face. Your indecision. Freddie, I’m with you no matter where you live. Your mom too. Tell me you know that.”
I exhaled a shaky breath, relief flooding my senses and almost making me smile. “Thank god.”
He cringed. “Please speak up when it comes to your happiness. I love having two kids who are total opposites, but no more of the suffering in silence, okay?”
I nodded, my body relaxing against the chair. This conversation was almost unreal. Never did I think it would be this easy, but then again, too much had happened up to this point. “I should’ve talked to Cami about everything.”
He clicked his tongue. “You should’ve, yes. It’s a big decision, and while I agree it’s yours to make alone, if she’s your partner, she deserves to be a part of the conversation.”
“She said we’re done. There’s no trust anymore.” My throat tightened, and the smell of the food made me sick. “I saw her face…she meant it.”
“She met your family for the first time, and everyone knew the truth but her. How do you think she felt? Humiliated? Played? Son, she’s probably embarrassed too.”
“Fuck.” I scrubbed my face as panic fluttered through my chest. This pain was so much worse than when Maddie and I broke up. That had been like a stab wound. Sharp, aggressive, quick. This was like constant drip of pain, reminding me that I’d ruined it. There was no relief.
“It’s clear you two care about each other. I saw the way she looked at you. Now, I can’t speak for her, obviously, but maybe this isn’t the end.”
“She said it was.”
“She was hurt. Can you blame her?”
“No. I can’t. I told her I loved her though, and she didn’t believe me. I do though, so much.”
“Then show her. Plus, if you stay here, you don’t have to give up. Keep trying with her.”
The waitress brought our food, and our conversation stopped. I forced myself to eat as I thought of what I could do to show her how much I cared. How much I wanted a future with her.
Hearing her laugh and seeing her smile were my favorite parts of the day. How could I have been so stupid to not fight for that? I could send her flowers, notes, candy. I could apologize in person again and make her one of her favorite meals. Yeah, that might work.
But would she agree to come over? Or let me inside?
Probably not.
I spun my phone around on the table, the four messages I sent her still sitting there without a response. The game. I could wait for her after the game. I blew out a breath, forced a tight smile at my dad, and said, “Thanks for all the advice and for understanding my decision.”
“Of course.” He nodded. “Know what you’re gonna do?”
“Not really, but I gotta try.”
“Relationships are hard, and everyone has their own baggage. It’s figuring out how to work through the baggage and trusting each other that will really open everything up. She’s not Maddie. That’s very clear.”
“No, she’s not.”
“You’ll figure it out, I have no doubt.”
I sure fucking hoped so.
Attending the football game with my parents and Camden was the original plan, but instead of easy conversation and laughter, there was a bit of a dark cloud. Camden felt bad for mentioning the internship, but I couldn’t blame him. It wasn’t his fault. It was mine and mine alone.
Before, I’d attended games and secretly admired Cami Simpson from the stands. She was so fucking pretty, and she dazzled me. Now though? Her beauty was somehow painful. She smiled and radiated grace and joy, even though she had to be hurting. She was amazing and had been through so much, yet still did such a good job. She impressed me constantly with her dedication and hard work. And her mind! God, she was so creative and brilliant, and I’d gotten to know all sides of her, parts no one else did.
I had to get her back, to prove to her we were worth it.
“You alright, man?” Camden hit my shoulder as concern filled his eyes.
“I guess.” I gestured toward Cami and the dance team. They all wore two-pieced outfits, orange and blue shiny sparkles covering them. Her long legs and her toned stomach were on display. God, she was beautiful and talented. The way she trained each muscle to do what she wanted, how her body felt against mine, the sounds she made when we hugged. “Just trying to figure out how to make it better.”
“Even the game. That’s what I think.”
“What do you mean?”
“She was probably embarrassed as hell, you lying to her and her figuring it out in front of your family. What’s something you could do that’d even it out?”
“I don’t know.”
He left me alone after that, and instead of watching the game against our school rival, I stared at Cami. The way she kicked in the air, dazzling everyone with her smile. The way she laughed with the other girls on her team. She seemed so perfectly content, and while my gut ached, it made me so happy to see her happy with her team. That was where she belonged, and she had a place now.
I scratched my chest and counted down the minutes until the game was over. She told me once that they’d shower and leave the stadium through the south entrance, away from the players. I’d wait for her there and beg for forgiveness. It’d be step one.
We won with a last-minute touchdown, and the whole place went wild. Camden hollered, and my parents jumped up and down, hugging each other like it was the Superbowl. People went bonkers over college football. I didn’t get it. I liked the school spirit and the entertainment, but the tears? It was too much.
I had to be the worst student in attendance since I was so glad the game was over. That meant I could go find to Cami and try to fix this. It’d been too long without talking to her, and if I knew her…she’d want to go out after the game, and if she was feeling too much…she’d do something stupid.
I couldn’t have that. Things were going so well for her now.
“I’m going to wait for Cami. See if she’ll speak to me. You all go on.” I waved at my parents and brother and took off. I had no idea what I’d say, but I sure as hell hoped the words formed when I saw her.
My pulse raced as I wove through people. I had time, but I was so afraid she’d sneak out, like she’d know I was waiting for her. My size helped me navigate through the crowds, so I didn’t stress out with how many people there were. They were like ants, just everywhere.
After ten minutes of dodging and creatively moving through the crowd, I arrived at the southern part of the stadium where the girls would leave. I leaned against the wall and got out my phone.
Bullet point list, here I come.
I was so afraid of getting hurt that I ended up hurting you in the process.
I’m happiest when I’m with you
I’m staying here because my life is here
I love you
Jesus, what a dumb list. I had to do more to earn her trust back. I refused to be another person who let her down. She deserved the world, and I wanted to give it to her. The crowd thinned out, and some girls I recognized exited, one by one. Daniella, the redhead, briefly glanced my way, her face hardening before she moved past me. Shit.
This wasn’t good.
Another couple of girls glared at me. I rubbed the back of my neck as someone else leaned against the wall on the opposite side. She wore a navy-blue outfit and seemed familiar. I’d definitely seen her before, and I frowned, trying to place her.
Another girl came out, gasped when they saw the woman, and shook her head. The woman tried talking to her, but the dancer moved faster. What the hell was going on?
Time came to a stop when Cami walked out of the double-doors. Her hair was down, her face clear of all the show makeup,
and her dark brown eyes landed on me. Her lips twisted as she took a deep breath. She stepped my way, and my mind betrayed me.
Words disappeared. I couldn’t say a word to her. My feet grew roots into the ground, and my mouth glued shut. Fuck!
“Cami?” The woman pushed off the wall and approached her. She had dark circles under her eyes and the posture of someone guilty. She hunched forward and looked at the ground. “Can we please talk?”
Cami moved her gaze from me to the woman, slowly. Whatever emotion she had on her face shifted into anger. Her features hardened, and she gripped the strap of her bag tighter. “Why?”
“Because I owe you an apology in person. That’s all I need to do.”
Cami swallowed hard. “Coach--Audrey, you shouldn’t be here.”
“I know, I just…” The woman ran a hand through her hair, leaving it sticking up in every direction. She looked like a mess, and everything pieced together.
Cami’s old coach. The one who’d accused her of sleeping with her boyfriend. The coach who’d hurt Cami more than she cared to admit. I’d gauged that from the way she talked about what happened with a lilt to her voice.
Cami sneered at the older woman, and without thinking, I said, “She owes you an apology and then some.”
Cami chewed on her bottom lip, questions swirling in her chocolate eyes as she stared at me. I wanted to kiss and hold her, but this was more important. Dance had been a part of her life way longer than I had, and she’d earned this closure. “Talk to her,” I whispered, nodding like she needed encouragement.
Her knuckles were white, but she steeled her shoulders back and faced her old coach. “Okay. Five minutes. Then I have a party to go to.”
A party. A weight formed in the base of my gut as I watched the two of them walk away. She could go wild and… do whatever she wanted. She was free to do that, and there was nothing I could do.
She deserved this time with her former coach, that I knew. So, I texted her.
Freddie: If you need to talk after, I’m here for you. I’m always here for you, Cami. I hope you know that. Have fun tonight.
From the Top (Central State) Page 22
