Lawlessly in Love 3

by Mercy B

  “Cayman, you’ve been a gangster since I’ve known you. Don’t go out like a pussy. Man the fuck up.”

  I was hesitant about upping my pistol, but when I realized he wouldn’t go in without a fight, I aimed it at his head. “Cayman.”

  “That’s what you’re going to have to do, nigga. ’Cause, I ain’t getting in that bitch by myself.”

  “Your choice.” I cocked back and put a bullet into each of his feet, which caused him to stumble backward and into the hot acid.

  Visions of Cayman gargling off the acid before it took him under as he struggled against it nearly made me hurl. My nigga. That was my nigga for life, and I’d believed a pussy ass rat over him, and that shit would haunt me until my dying day. Not to mention ole girl. Her life was cut short just because she’d been at the wrong place at the wrong time and got caught up. I would forever be in debt to G, knowing that I’d taken away a precious part of her for no fucking reason at all.

  Standing from my seat, I imagined this was what the opposite end of betrayal felt like. Knowing that I had taken my nigga out was unbearable for me. Cayman had been riding forever. That nigga had my back when shit got hectic and when shit was lovely. Yeah, I had to get on his ass every now and again, but that came with the territory. I didn’t expect him to think like me or react to certain situations as I would either.

  “We thought we had Cayman when he got sick over that girl’s death. It really messed him up. We tried moving in on him then. He—”

  Swiftly, I pulled my gun from my waist and put a single bullet through Lancer’s head, ending both of our misery. I couldn’t stomach anymore information he had to give. The sooner I got home to my people, the better my night would become. He’d just fucked me up with everything that he’d told me. I took a final look at his sweaty, untamed, and filthy frame. He’d been in the same spot for so long that his shirt was no longer white. The button down was brown in color.

  “Fuck nigga!” I spat before holding a finger in the air and signaling for the crew to clean up the remains of my victim.

  Without a word, I placed my gun on the chair I’d been sitting in and then headed for the door. My car was waiting, still running, because I knew this job would be swift. I backed out of the uneven, rocky plain that the warehouse sat in front of and made my way toward the e-way. I took 35 until I was two exits away from my own and decided to take the street way from there. Never go the same route twice. It was a rule of mine that I abided by religiously.

  When I reached my home, I decided against going into the house and opted to remain in the car. For once, I was at a loss of words. My thoughts were jumbled and heart was heavy. Thoughts of my and Cayman’s past flipped through my mental as I stared up at the home that held two of my most precious valuables.

  It was fucked up how the game played you sometimes. After years of making the right moves, I’d been humbled by the deadly sins I committed to the people that both G and I loved the most. My nigga. My homie. Her best friend, her sister. No matter how I looked at shit, it was all fucked up.

  On the way home, I’d done something I hadn’t done in a while, and that was roll me a blunt. Taking care of Sophia, I had laid off on the buds because that shit wasn’t good for children. Period. I wasn’t taking any chances, but I knew that I’d need something to medicate after my meeting with Lancer. However, I didn’t know that I’d need it this bad. Pulling the blunt from the back of my ear, I exited my car and headed into the house.

  As I walked in, I lit the spliff and headed downstairs toward my hideaway. I wanted to toke on the blunt I was holding and a few more before I crashed for the night. With the way I was feeling, I would be turning up a bottle too. Shit was just all bad.

  An hour later, my eyes were as heavy as my heart. I capped the liquor that I gripped in my lap as if it were my bitch. I’d finished three blunts, which were all in the ashtray. Standing from my seat, hardly able to keep my balance, I made my way over to the dresser that held extra clothes. I wouldn’t dare go upstairs smelling like I’d just come from a strip joint.

  My plan was to wash my ass and get changed. Being that I could hardly function, that’s exactly what I did before going upstairs and sliding in bed behind Gauge. With my arms wrapped around her, I continued to repeat the same phrase even though she was asleep and couldn’t hear me.

  “I’m sorry, G.”

  And I was. Remorseful that I’d taken someone so precious from her. I’d never be able to forgive myself for that shit. Not knowing how much it affected my baby girl. But there was no logical way for me to confess to the murder of her best friend without shit for us being completely dissolved. Dishonesty was against my code of conduct, but there was some shit that was better left unsaid.

  The urge to confess to the murder had never even crossed my mind, knowing the ripple that it would cause between G and me. It was the reason that I kept my mouth closed when it came to the situation. I knew that in her heart, she didn’t believe that I had anything to do with the murder, but on some days, she made a nigga wonder. Whatever the case was, she’d never hear it come from my mouth. They could tie me down for life, and I still wouldn’t utter a word.

  My lawyer had done his job and made sure that my name disappeared from the case, and that was my saving grace. In no shape or form did I need to be involved or dragged into the—otherwise—suicidal disposal of Brielle’s life. With that, I closed my eyes and prayed sleep found me soon.

  Chapter 16

  Gauge

  I stared down at the man that I had grown to love, or a mere shell of him. In the last few months, he’d blossomed into something more promising, something more beautiful. As I debated the task of waking him, I recalled our wild and reckless beginnings. They were ones filled with turmoil and frustration. Yet it had all been reversed in a matter of months.

  While I wasn’t satisfied with the condition that I was currently in, I knew that it was the only reason Sosa had mellowed and exchanged his intensity for intentionality. Every move he made, now he considered me and Sophia. A man accustomed to living life in the fast lane, it was heartwarming to see him so satisfied with carrying his daughter in a fucking baby carrier in front of him as she went throughout the day with him.

  From the way that Sosa was snoring, I knew that he needed the rest he was getting. Sophia had run a slight fever through the night and kept us both up worrying. Finally, around three, we all went to bed with tired eyes and bodies. Thankfully, our little one was still knocked out as well. Instead of putting her in her crib, we wound up pulling out the bassinet and bringing it into the bedroom with us so that she was near.

  Instead of waking the sleeping beast for a helping hand, I swung my legs across the bed and slithered to the floor. Walking took a toll on my body, so I had been reduced to crawling around. However, I’d manage anything better than the lack of mobility at all. I felt like a baby all over again, and the thought often made me laugh. Learning to do everything that I once knew again was the most humbling experience I’d ever had.

  Slowly and steadily, I made my way into the bathroom and closed the door behind me. After I’d pulled down my pajama pants, I climbed onto the toilet and relieved my aching bladder. The vibrating of my cell phone startled me to the point that I nearly fell off the bowl, but I caught myself by grabbing onto the sink. It was reasons like this that I continued to require a bit of assistance from Sosa. It had only been two days since I’d learned that I could indeed walk, but my body still needed to be rehabbed before I was set free on my own.

  A slight smile crept onto my lips as I noticed my mother’s contact sprawled across the screen. Since the birth of Sophia, I’d only seen her a few times, though Sosa assured me that she visited me while in the hospital. As much as he hated her profession, I knew that if he took the time to get to know her personally, he’d have opposing views. I had to do the same for myself.

  I’d only been from the hospital for a week and some change, and she’d been out of town on a case, so our time to
gether was limited. But I was hoping that would soon change. If I had to admit it, I kind of missed her. With my most recent decisions that had been at question by Sosa and me, I felt as if I needed to have a word with her if nothing else. She must’ve been the only one to understand why I’d chosen not to accompany Sophia and Sosa when I left the hospital.

  “Destiny.” I connected the call.

  “Hey, sweetie. I’m calling to check in. I’m back in town and wanted to stop by for a visit. However, your father informed me that you’d decided to spend a few days with Sophia.”

  “Yes. I did.” I nodded as if she could see me.

  “Have you spoken with your father today?”

  It was only nine in the morning, and I had yet to receive a call from him. Yesterday, we had a jolly ole time on FaceTime as he joked about the emptiness of the house since I’d decided to creep out like a teenager during the night. Little did he know, I had no control over the time of night that I had left. Sosa had staged a fraudulent kidnapping as if he didn’t have enough marbles in his head to know that it was such a bad idea. Still, I couldn’t believe that motherfucker could be so ruthless when it came to what he wanted.

  “No. I planned to call him around noon. That’s when he goes for a break.”

  “Okay. Well. I know that it isn’t my business to pry, but something isn’t right with him, Gauge. Have you noticed anything different as of lately?”

  So it hadn’t only been me, but my mother had noticed my father’s displacement as well. His demeanor had been altered, and it seemed as if nothing that he did made any sense anymore. He’d picked up hours at work after working so many years to save up and stay home with me more. He’d raised me from a pup but barely came into my room when I returned from the hospital. Suddenly, he seemed too busy and too preoccupied to deal with me when he’d been my source of life since my mother walked out on me at birth.

  “I thought I was going crazy or overthinking the situation. Something isn’t right, but I can’t pinpoint it. I don’t know what could’ve gotten into him. I imagined dealing with my sickness must’ve been hard on him, so he stayed away to keep from—”

  “Nooooo… He’s expressed how he wished he could be there for you more and knows that he hasn’t been the father you’re used to. And don’t think like that. If work wasn’t consuming me and you didn’t have Sosa controlling your existence”—she let out a hearty laugh—“then I would’ve been there for you more. It’s just that there wasn’t much I could do with you laying in the bed in a coma. Now that you’re out of the hospital, we can make some things happen. You and I. First thing first, we’re going to find out what is up with your father. We’re inviting him to dinner tonight. Are you available?”

  “Yes. Are you able to answer FaceTime?” I asked, wiping myself and pulling up my pajama pants.

  “Yeah. Why?”

  “I want to show you something. You can’t tell my father. I want to surprise him!”

  “Okay. I’ll call you. Pick up,” she announced just before the phone began buzzing for her FaceTime call to be answered.

  “Watch this.”

  I gloated as I held onto the bathroom sink and lifted myself to the standing position. Then I let go of the sink and fanned the camera down my body so that Destiny could see me standing. I was expecting her to say something, anything. But all I got was silence. Her phone must’ve slipped from her hand, because I could only see the ceiling of her bedroom now.

  “Destiny,” I called out to her. “Do you see me?” There wasn’t much time left to stand. My legs were beginning to shake, but I needed her to see me.

  In a strange way, I felt like the kid that wanted her mother to acknowledge and witness her first steps, first words, first day of school, first date, and a plethora of other things that she’d missed out on. This was our opportunity to get things right, and I wanted her to be at my side while I learned everything over. She’d missed out as a child, but she didn’t have to miss out this time, not with me and certainly not with Sophia.

  She didn’t answer, but the sniffling in the background told me everything I needed to know. Yes, she’d seen me standing, and it had made her too emotional to keep the phone steady, which made it fall onto the bed. Now the ceiling profile all made sense to me. Hearing the emotion in her whimpers somehow brought me joy. It was inexplicable and caused my lips to curve up on both sides. I’d been waiting for this moment all of my life and hadn’t known it.

  “I’m going to let you go.” I knew that she needed a moment. “I need to find my way back to bed before Sophia wakes. Please go ahead and set up dinner with my father. I can’t wait to figure this thing out. See you tonight.”

  Night fell as Sosa wheeled me into the dimly lit restaurant. I’d been craving Saltgrass since I had awakened. The sight of my mother filled me with genuine joy, but the absence of my father made me question if he would show. Assuming she caught the concern etched on my face, Destiny leaned in and whispered in my ear.

  “He’s coming. He will be here in the next thirty minutes. He promised. I asked if he could spare us the time since we had catching up to do.”

  “Good.”

  “Sophia!” she gushed over Sophia, who was sitting in my lap. Reaching down, she grabbed her small frame and cradled her in her arms.

  “Sosa.” She nodded, remaining cordial.

  “What’s up?” he replied with little effort.

  “We have our seats already. I came back up here to meet you guys. You can follow me. Is everyone staying?” Destiny seemed thrilled by the idea, but that was not happening.

  “No. Sophia and Sosa are going to find themselves something to get into while we eat.”

  “Oh, okay. Maybe another time.”

  “Yeah. Aight.” Sosa spoke from behind as he pushed me forward. Sarcasm dripped from his voice. He had no desire to sit alongside my mother at any given time.

  We reached the table, and he went to work, placing me into the wooden chair and scooting it up to the table. “Comfortable?” he asked.

  “Yes. Thanks.”

  “Aight. We ’bout to be out this bitch. Call me when you’re ready. We won’t be far.”

  “Okay.”

  Without warning, Sosa grabbed Sophia from my mother’s arms and jetted through the vicinity with my wheelchair in front of him. He hated it, but I’d made him get me one earlier in the day as we shopped for new bedding. I hated the spreads he’d chosen and wanted them gone immediately.

  When Sosa disappeared, there was an uncomfortable and lingering silence at the table. My mother was the first to break it with a question I’d been asking myself. “What are you going to do with a man like that?”

  “Pray.” I shrugged, picking up the menu from the table. “It is all I can do.”

  “God is the only person to help you out in that situation. He’s got everyone down at the station pissed again.”

  “What did he do this time?” Partially interested, I browsed the menu to see what I would be ordering.

  “Got off on the charges. We all knew he would, but they were just happy to have him. There was honestly no evidence to hold him on. He literally slipped through the cracks. I don’t know why Lancer went behind my back and tried that anyway. No one can make me believe that he didn’t accept money from Sosa during their little meetings they had together. I found out about that from a coworker. If Sosa really wanted, he could have Lancer lose his badge for that alone.”

  After making my decision, I folded the menu and placed it on the table. “I have something I want to ask you that I want your honest opinion on. It has been nagging me since I woke up, and it placed a strain on our relationship to say the least. Do you think he did it? Do you think he killed Brielle?”

  Immediately, my mother sat back in her chair and sighed. I was afraid of what would come from her mouth, but I was prepared to hear whatever she had to say. “Gauge. Sweetie. Sosa did not kill Brielle. I’m 100 percent sure of it. If he had anything to do with her committing suici
de, I can’t say. With that much pressure on her, I can see how things could quickly get out of hand, but you never know in these situations. One thing I’m certain of, he didn’t pull the trigger.”

  “Thank God.” I blew out a fresh breath. My mother’s words brought me solace that only she could bring, being that she was so involved with Sosa’s cases. There was nothing he could ever say that would make me feel the relief that her words had.

  “Hey. I’m Reva, and I’ll be your server for the evening. Can I start you ladies off with something to drink?”

  “Give me something strong,” I blurted without shame. Life had done a number on me, and I needed something to put me on my ass for the night. It had been a long time coming.

  “And I’ll have whatever she is having.” Destiny smiled.

  “I got you, ladies. I’ll be back in a minute.”

  Reva walked off as my mother and I both settled into a comfortable silence. She was studying the menu, and I was wondering what both Sosa and Sophia were doing. My father crossed my mind as well, and I wanted to know how much longer he’d be. Pulling out my cell, I decided to shoot him a text to make sure he hadn’t stood us up.

  Chapter 17

  Sosa

  “Sophia. I know you’ve blown this diaper to shreds. I’m not even about to change this motherfucker in the car. We’re just going to have to go inside,” I fussed as if Soph could understand what I was saying. In the midst of finding parking, she’d taken it upon herself to take a shit. This girl was something else, I swore. “Come on.”

  Unbuckling her, I grabbed her diaper bag and her as well. “Wheeeew. Shit, mama. What the fuck ya old lady feed you this evening? I should take you in there and let her ass do the honors.”

  Sophia was rotten. That ass would need the entire wipe pail to come clean. With my nostrils flared and breath held, I pulled her from the car and began our walk toward the building. In the midst, I noticed Gauge’s father headed in the same direction. Something that had been heavy on my mind resurfaced, and I felt the need to approach him. Luckily, he’d noticed me too and slowed to get a glimpse of Sophia.