Wandering Witch: The Journey of Elaina, Vol. 2

by Jougi Shiraishi

“……” For some reason, a part of me still wanted to believe she was lying, but her words started to sound a little too real. “That’s…all part of your acting gig, right?”

  “It’s all real.”

  “……Oh, quit pulling my leg.”

  What a joke.

  That’s the setup, right? …Right?

  “Sorry to disappoint, but I’m telling the truth. If you still don’t believe me, why not try getting bit by one of the ghouls outside? You should have all the proof you need then.”

  “……”

  “I’ll say this as many times as it takes. This isn’t a joke.”

  “……”

  “Our country has been overrun by ghouls,” Anna delivered matter-of-factly with a tight smile on her lips.

  I couldn’t believe it.

  The ghouls running rampant through town are real? Seriously?

  The very first thing I did after that was get my broom as far away as possible.

  Now that I was up to speed, this country’s unique circumstances didn’t actually seem to be all that complicated. If one was to tell it clearly and concisely, it would be something along these lines:

  Rewind to a little more than a week ago. One of the mages living in this country said, “Why is our country doing business using fakes? It would be much better if we went with the genuine article.”

  But the citizens had their own opinions about that:

  “Isn’t using the real thing just asking for trouble?”

  “I don’t understand how we’re supposed to catch the ghouls in the first place!”

  And so on.

  In response, the male mage laughed. “Don’t worry. I’ll use my amazing powers to control the ghouls.”

  So the next day, he brought a number of ghouls with him.

  “Hey, look! These ghouls are totally real!”

  The people were overjoyed.

  “Amazing! Just what you’d expect from a mage!”

  “I see… I didn’t realize real ghouls were this nasty…”

  “You can tell the ghouls we have right now are cheap imitations.”

  “People will be even more excited if we use real ghouls.”

  “No objections here.”

  The man spoke to the people, who had erupted with glee, nodding vigorously. Then he let their approval go to his head.

  He stuck both hands into a ghoul’s mouth and forced it open before saying, “By the way, all the ghouls have had their teeth removed. Ghouls infect living people by biting them, right? By taking the teeth out of the equation, they won’t be able to infect anyone! In other words, this arrangement allows us to use real ghouls without fear of being attacked! Plus, ghouls can live forever even if we don’t give them any food! Meaning that there are no hidden maintenance fees! How about it? Surely you’ve never heard such a good idea!”

  The populace was exuberant all over again.

  “Incredible! Mages are the best!”

  Their hoots and hollers consisted of the same thing as before.

  Of course, the man let it go to his head again.

  He held his arm out to the ghoul and then took it a step further, forcing the spirit to bite down on his own neck as he let out a high-pitched laugh.

  “Look! No matter what the ghoul does, it’s meaningless! I’m unscathed! How about that! Isn’t it just perfect?! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!”

  “Aan…”

  “Uuh…”

  “Ooooh…”

  And then right after that, the country became infested with ghouls. The end.

  As far as what actually happened, to make a long story short, the mage was bitten by one of the toothless ghouls who appeared to be docile, but to his surprise, the bite was effective. Apparently, contact with a mucous membrane was all it took.

  “The plan looked perfect on paper, but it came apart at the seams,” Anna concluded.

  “…So is it safe to say that all the characters in this story were idiots?” I asked.

  This was my main takeaway.

  Anna replied, “There’s an error in your interpretation. You see, I’m not an idiot.”

  “…Well, never mind that. The fact of the matter is that you two are the last remaining survivors of the ghoul epidemic, right?”

  “There’s an error in your interpretation. We’re not the only survivors.”

  “And by that, you mean…?”

  I tilted my head in confusion, and Anna continued, “Well, as far as we’ve been able to confirm, as of right now, there are actually hundreds of survivors. Look out the window. From here, you should be able to see messages that they left.” She pointed to the broken window behind me.

  When I turned around, I could see nothing but clear skies overhead. What lovely weather.

  “…Hmm.”

  Gazing out at the ruined cityscape from the window, I understood what she was trying to tell me.

  I hadn’t noticed them while I was flying through the city, but there were signs hoisted all around town with things written on them, like “Help!” and “We’re alive” and “There are children here. Please rescue us!”

  “Customers were in here as usual on the day the male mage brought the real ghouls. Which means that some of those day visitors also became ghouls.”

  “I see.”

  “As long as there are still survivors, I’d like to go around and help the people that made those signs, at least…”

  “…That seems like it will be quite difficult.” I looked down.

  I made eye contact with a group of ghouls. Ahhh.

  Anna sneered at me as I glared back at the ghouls below us, fed up with them. “Oh, it’ll be easy enough to break through that bunch.”

  “That many? How?”

  As I tilted my head, a metallic clunking noise cut in between us. By which I mean, Mr. Helmet came over.

  “You know, we were academics researching the ecology of ghouls back when this country was still functioning normally. Incidentally, Anna is quite distinguished among researchers, as she’s known by the nickname the Ghoul Artisan.”

  “I don’t really care about that, but why are you wearing a helmet and armor?”

  “It’s cool, right?”

  “Amazing.” But smelly.

  “Right? So back to what Anna was saying—”

  According to Mr. Helmet, Anna had been the number one crafter of imitation ghouls. One could say that, generally speaking, she knew all there was to know about ghoul behavior.

  Anna snorted “Hmph” as if this was no big deal. “Well, if we had a specimen, maybe one of the ones that are crammed in directly beneath us here, I could easily make something for ghoul countermeasures. To that effect, I made this.”

  She held a small bottle up to me.

  “…What is that?”

  Connected to an atomizer on top, the bottle was filled to the brim with a dark-red liquid. It looked somehow dirty. It looked like it smelled bad.

  “This is ghoul-repelling perfume. Those creatures won’t cannibalize their own kind, no exceptions. So if we can give off the same scent as their buddies, it should be possible to avoid the ghouls. Their sense of smell isn’t amazing, so they shouldn’t be able to sniff out the truth. That’s how I came up with this little invention. If you use this, the ghouls won’t attack you for as long as the scent lasts. It’s perfect.”

  “…Oh. That’s amazing.”

  “It’s also my get-rich-quick scheme. Heh-heh-heh…”

  “……”

  Even if a country is in ruins, it isn’t completely destroyed so long as a bold, shameless commercial spirit lives on. This was the first time I realized that fact.

  I could only hope that this woman was not the same type of person as the male mage, or whatever he was.

  “Uh-oh. What’s this? So you don’t believe me? Well, relax. Its effectiveness has already been proven. The two of us tried going out into town together after putting on the perfume, and the ghouls didn’t even notice us. I’m not going to scr
ew up like that stupid mage.”

  ……

  “In that case, why didn’t you go rescue the townspeople still in hiding?”

  “There’s a major reason. A troublesome fact came to light when we went out into town.”

  Anna gripped the perfume bottle, looking dejected, and Mr. Helmet continued for her.

  “The mage who brought the other ghouls to this country is now a ghoul himself, and…well…he’s incredibly powerful.”

  “…What does that mean?”

  “It seems he’s a mutant form, and that ghoul mage is supernaturally strong. To make matters worse, the perfume has no effect on him. Even when we hid among a herd of ghouls, he sniffed us out and chased us around. Ugh!”

  Mr. Helmet stamped his feet in frustration. So noisy.

  “Dammit… If we could just do something about that ghoul mage…! If only he weren’t around…! We would be able to go around and help everyone…!”

  Anna was glancing at me to gauge my reaction.

  She thinks she’s so slick.

  ……

  Is she seriously trying to use me?

  Indifferent to my sixth sense of impending doom, Anna continued talking. “The mage turned ghoul is a powerful enemy, unlike the average ghoul. He’s very muscular, and for some reason, he doesn’t wear a shirt. To make matters worse, he carries a sword in each hand. We tried mimicking him and carrying swords, too, but we didn’t stand a chance against him. If only we had someone who was capable of striking at him from a good distance away, we’d definitely be able to take him down. Then we could go around helping people.”

  My terrible hunch was proving to be right. Then, suddenly—

  “…Mm?”

  Something strange occurred to me.

  Hey.

  Hmm?

  Muscular? Half-naked? A sword in each hand?

  I had seen someone who checked those boxes somewhere before. To be more specific, just after I had entered the country.

  “…Um.” I trotted over to pick up the broom I had tossed aside earlier and peeled off the strip of cloth wrapped around the bulge on the end. “By any chance, did the ghoul mage have a face that looked something like this?”

  Liberated from the fabric, the ghoul…or his head anyway, spit out the stone that had been stuffed into his mouth and turned toward the two of them, groaning a greeting. “Ngaa…”

  “……”

  “……”

  The two were silent for a moment, then looked at each other.

  And then, bang! They exchanged a booming high five.

  “You’re the greatest!” said Anna.

  “I get that a lot.”

  As it happened, I didn’t bring him down from a long distance, but from no distance at all.

  Right before we headed out, as Anna was sprinkling perfume over herself and Mr. Helmet, she said, “Ready? Here’s the plan. First, the two of us wearing perfume will go out into town. You’ll give us directions from up in the air, Miss Witch. From there, you should be able to get a good view of the houses that seem to be waiting for rescue, right?”

  The smell of the ghoul repellent perfume was already in full effect, so stinky that just a whiff made you wonder if they had covered themselves with excrement.

  “Uuuurp…”

  By the way, Mr. Helmet actually did cover himself with excrement. His legs were sloshing with it.

  Gross.

  “All right, Miss Witch. Next, it’s your turn.”

  “Um, thanks, but I’ve got this, so I’ll be fine.”

  I gestured to the ghoul head stuck to my broom and turned Anna down.

  Our rescue operations began in a casual fashion.

  “I can see a house with HELP! written on it after you turn that corner. And there are five ghouls on the road,” I said, giving directions.

  “Roger.” The two nodded and headed down the road.

  To my surprise, the perfume seemed to be working, and the ghouls didn’t pay any mind at all to the two of them, letting them pass by with a moan.

  So they were able to rescue the hidden citizens without difficulty.

  “Thank you! I didn’t think anyone would come rescue us!”

  “You guys stink.”

  We had rescued a couple.

  Anna showered the embracing couple in perfume without mercy. They promptly threw up.

  And so the rescue operations continued.

  I would give directions from the sky, guiding the horribly smelly people to salvation. However, the rescued—the people who had survived until now, without exception, were all people with hopeless backstories.

  For example—

  “Heh-heh… So this is the last bottle, huh…? Heh-heh-heh…”

  There was someone who was practically drowning in alcohol.

  “Guh… I’ll take on these ghouls! You all go ahead!”

  There was someone who suddenly started spouting nonsense.

  We came to rescue you; what are you talking about?

  “The ghouls are no match for us, seriously.”

  “Totally; it’s an easy win. They move so slow.”

  “Anyone who’s afraid of ghouls is a total coward, for real.”

  “Woot-woot!”

  We found a group of carefree teens loudly hooting. It was a total mystery how they had survived this long.

  “She’s not here! My sweet little Madonna has been missing since yesterday! Madonnaaaaaa!”

  There was also a rich-looking middle-aged woman searching for her dog that had suddenly disappeared. I knew her type. On top of being completely useless, these people were seriously prone to dangerous flights of fancy, so I was opposed to taking her along, but in the end, the woman came with us.

  “Nooo, I’m scaaared. I hate ghouls and stuff.”

  There was a woman with a voice so sickly sweet, I thought my ears would rot just from listening to her. They rescued her, too, of course. And then she was sprayed from top to bottom with perfume and covered with excrement. Yaaay.

  “……”

  Before I knew it, we had rescued ten people.

  What was it about them? I got the feeling that the only people left alive were the hopeless ones who normally would be the first to die.

  Of course, our rescue operations didn’t have a one hundred percent success rate. We’d visited a few houses with the intent to rescue the people inside, only to discover that we were too late.

  “Hey! We came to…help…”

  “Aaann…”

  “Unn…”

  The people who politely came out to meet Anna when she briskly opened the door had already turned into ghouls. About ten of them.

  “…Damn. Looks like this house is a bust.” Anna clicked her tongue in frustration, like something had gotten on her nerves.

  It was around that time that she and her companion began to lose it.

  “…Another bust, huh.”

  Whenever they found residents who had already turned, or when the numbers of the survivors swelled, Anna and her partner would become arrogant.

  “Hey, hey. They’ve turned into ghouls. Let’s hunt them down right away, shall we?”

  Finally, when they found yet more ghouls in one of the houses on the rescue mission, they began slashing with their swords.

  “Niiiiiice! More ghouls! Hunt them down! Don’t let a single one escape!”

  In the end, it turned violent.

  “……”

  Pretty soon, I had trouble telling who the real ghouls were.

  I wouldn’t mind some perfume for repelling fanatic ghoul hunters.

  The ten survivors gathered in front of the gate.

  Standing on top of rubble, Anna looked down at them.

  “Once you pass through this gate, you’ll be able to return to the outside world. Anyone who wants to escape, you may do so right now.”

  Standing next to her, Mr. Helmet finished her speech. “We intend to remain here and rebuild. We can’t allow our country to remain a base of
operations for ghouls. We’d like to resurrect it as a theme park.”

  “If there are any among you who want to stay with us and spearhead the rebirth of this country, your assistance would be greatly appreciated. Won’t you work together with us to resurrect the greatest theme park ever? If you would like to volunteer, please raise your hands.”

  The survivors just stood there silently. A few inhuman figures shuffled around them and between them, groaning “Uaagh…”

  Finally, one man raised his hand.

  “S-say…if we work for you, will you give us some of that perfume?”

  As for who it was, it was the man who had been deep in his cups.

  Anna nodded readily. “Of course.”

  “In that case, I’ll do it! Heh-heh… I’m already getting addicted to the smell of that perfume, you know… I can’t give it up… Heh-heh-heh…”

  I suddenly got the feeling that he was a dangerous individual even before this whole disaster.

  One after another, people started following him and expressed their support for Anna’s mission.

  “I’ll do it, too! I haven’t found my darling Madonna yet!” said the rich lady searching for her dog.

  “I’ll go, too!” said the girl with the too-sweet voice.

  “Woot-woot!” hooted the rambunctious group of teens. They probably didn’t think much of it. I’m sure that they were leaving everything up to the mood of the place.

  Finally—

  Every person in that place raised their hand and got on board with Anna’s plan.

  “Hooray, Anna! If we have this many people, we can definitely revive the country!” Mr. Helmet was extremely pleased with the situation.

  “Heh-heh-heh… The reconstruction will go off without a hitch, and once the country is resurrected, I’ll be a billionaire… Heh-heh-heh…”

  Anna was mumbling some disagreeable things to herself.

  …She’s dead set on making money.

  Right before I left the country, I got Anna to take off the ghoul’s head.

  “So it turns out you’re the only one who’s going to leave the country, huh?”

  Anna yanked it out with her bare hands, chucking it far away.

  The head fell to the ground in front of the group of carefree youngsters who kicked away as they Woot-wooted.