The Volunteer

by J B Cantwell

  As we passed it by, I slowed, taking a quick glance inside. There was a small group of soldiers I didn’t recognize huddled around a table, a medium size explosive device being studied before them.

  Suddenly, I was back at Fort Jamison realizing that there was more than one group of soldiers. Some were special, like Alex. Some were set apart, as these people were now.

  What were they learning?

  A moment later, an official looking man stepped away from the table and slammed the door in our faces.

  Hector called out to us from behind. “Hey! Newbies! The staircase is in this direction! Don’t want to get lost down here. Trust me.”

  We turned and followed the sound of his voice.

  “What was that?” I asked Alex. Something was going on in that room, I was sure of it. Something the Service wanted kept hidden.

  “Don’t know,” he said, blowing it off.

  I thought about the secrets I needed to keep, even from him. I was buzzing, suddenly bursting with eagerness to formulate my plan.

  If they were being permitted to learn something we weren’t … well, that meant that not all hope was lost.

  Jane had told me about the two buildings outside of Manhattan that controlled the chips of everybody in a two hundred mile radius. She had insisted that we use an EMP to disrupt their signals, and now I saw why.

  To detonate an explosive device, like a C4 bomb, I would have to gain entry into the buildings and blow them up from inside, something that was highly unlikely I would be able to pull off without significant help and assured casualties on the part of the guards who monitored the buildings. I thought about the police officers who guarded the Manhattan Wall. They surrounded the thing, and even though they didn’t always do the best job, their presence there was intimidating enough to keep most citizens out.

  It would be the same, or worse, at the transponder buildings. At best, I would be able to get close enough to point an EMP device at the buildings. If everything went as planned, I wouldn’t die, and the chips and histories of everyone in Manhattan would be permanently fried.

  The idea was insane. Deliciously insane.

  I sped up, back in the direction of Hector’s voice. All at once I was starving again, and I couldn’t wait to make it to lunch. My brain buzzed with excitement as I jogged back through the hall to catch up with him and Tom. Soon I was walking right behind them.

  Alex jogged up behind me. “What’s the rush?”

  I ignored him.

  “What’s for lunch?” I asked Hector.

  “Same as ever sweetheart,” he answered. “Mash and squares.”

  “Good. I’m starving.”

  I pushed past him and opened the door to the staircase.

  Even though it had happened nearly a year before, the single phasing I had gone through back at Lake Saint Jean had resulted in an overall increase in my energy levels and strength. It had all but removed any pain in my left leg that had resulted from the break I’d suffered as a child, and instead of the pain that had dogged me for many years, now I felt energized.

  I took the stairs two at a time.

  “You might want to learn how to pace yourself!” Hector called from behind.

  I heard the sound of heavy footfalls behind me, and glanced back to find Alex hot on my heels.

  “Hey,” he said, grabbing onto my arm, forcing me to stop. “What are you running from?”

  “Just hungry,” I said. But that wasn’t the whole truth. I wanted to see who else might be up in the mess hall. Maybe we would catch the tail end of a different group’s meal. A more advanced group, like the one I’d seen through that open door. Maybe I could hear a few snippets of their conversations. Surely there must be soldiers here who knew more than just Hector and Kane.

  I pulled away from Alex, but this time I took the stairs at a regular pace. He sighed and followed me, and soon we had left the rest of the group far behind us.

  “So, what did you really think?” he asked after a couple minutes of climbing.

  “About what? The class?”

  “Yeah.”

  I chose my words carefully.

  “Well, I’m not going to lie. I was hoping we would be learning more. I thought we were coming here to build the weapons.”

  “Build them? Why so interested?”

  “Dunno. I guess it seems sort of … fascinating to me, the creation of the things versus the destruction.”

  That was true.

  “Huh. I would have thought that saving other soldiers’ lives might have ranked higher with you than engineering other people’s deaths.”

  “Yeah, well, maybe I’m a little tougher than you thought.”

  At this, he laughed.

  “Riley, you’re the toughest girl I’ve ever met. That’s not something I question, ever.”

  I turned to him, secretly happy with his assessment of my character.

  “So, what about you then?” I asked. “What were you expecting here?”

  He shrugged.

  “The same as you, I guess. But it’s no biggie. After last time, I’m not exactly screaming to get back onto the battlefield.”

  This threw me.

  “Really?”

  “Really.”

  “Huh. I guess I thought that Primes always wanted to be in battle. Isn’t that part of the deal?”

  He frowned and started up the stairs again.

  “I guess it was,” he said. “But that was before. It’s been a long time since I went through my first round of phasings.”

  I considered this, and for a moment I almost trusted him. Boot camp felt like it was a world away now, not to mention our lives before. Our lives together. Maybe things hadn’t changed as much as I’d feared.

  “Well, I’m glad to hear that you’re feeling normal again.”

  “So, what about you? Are you still sympathetic? You know,” he lowered his voice to a whisper, “to the cause?”

  Bingo. My good feelings for him drained out of me like sand through a sieve.

  “I’ve never been sympathetic. You’re talking about people who kidnapped me, who tortured me. I’m not sympathetic toward any of them.”

  “What about the people in New York?”

  I could barely hear him, his voice was so low.

  I shook my head in answer. In warning.

  Days before, when he had captured me in what remained of the old subway tunnel, he had helped me escape. He knew that I was in with the Volunteers then, that my chip had been altered. And had he told on me? Run to the authorities with the intel he had just gathered?

  No. At least, I didn’t think so. Instead, I remembered the kiss we had shared. After all the things he was telling me, about his mission, about how he was sent here to keep an eye on me, had that kiss been real?

  It had felt real.

  Would he really protect me when the chips were down? Had that changed? Or was he only watching over me because he had been told to?

  That was where I was caught, where my mind waffled back and forth between trust and suspicion. I wondered what it would take for him to win me back. I wondered if it would be as simple as another kiss.

  It would be stupid of me to think so. But I felt wired to trust him, my oldest and best friend. It wasn’t his fault, what the Service was making him do. And he was back now, back to himself, no longer a simple puppet warrior.

  But there were rules. There were expectations. And we were all of us responsible for our own lives, whether that meant lying or not.

  Ten minutes later I sat in the mess hall shoving my face with salty mash like it was the best thing I’d ever tasted. Alex sat across from me, staring at me like I was some sort of alien.

  “What?” I asked thickly.

  “Geez. Hungry much?”

  “Oh, shut up. I didn’t get breakfast, remember?”

  I had been disappointed to find the mess hall empty when we had arrived. But the smell of hot food, no matter how bland it tasted, was maddening. I’d asked f
or an extra large helping of the mash, and though it seemed that the man behind the counter was breaking the rules, he gave me an extra scoop of the stuff.

  Now, as I shoveled it in, my stomach was filling up fast. After I felt I couldn’t take another bite, I picked up one of the nutrition squares and took a tiny nibble from one corner.

  “So,” Hector said, coming to join us. “You guys know each other from home, then?”

  I couldn’t decide how I felt about Hector. Mostly annoyed, though his stupid behavior was almost comical.

  “Yup,” I said.

  “And you both ended up here?”

  “Yup.”

  “How did that even happen?”

  I shrugged, looking toward Alex.

  “He’s here to keep an eye on me,” I said.

  Alex eyeballed me, shocked by my honesty, no doubt.

  “What?” I protested. “It’s true.”

  Jeremy put his tray down next to mine as Hector laughed.

  “What did you do?” Jeremy asked as he and Kyle sat down at the table.

  “Oh, haven’t you heard? I’m a terrorist. Designation: Black.”

  “Not you,” he said, sitting down. “No way.”

  But he looked oddly frightened by my pronouncement. Could he really be sitting next to a Black? There was no way he could tell what the truth was with his chip disabled.

  “She’s lying,” Alex said. I wondered if he really thought that was the truth. That I hadn’t defied my government to the point of terrorism.

  Because I had.

  “Well, I guess you’d know better than anyone. You are my oldest friend.”

  He sighed, frustrated.

  “So,” I said, changing the subject. “How did you end up being stationed here?” I directed this question at Hector.

  “A year of being a good boy on the battlefield, I guess.”

  “And he’s no idiot,” Kyle said pointedly. “Of course, I’d venture to guess that none of us are. Though, one could argue that signing up for defusing bombs isn’t exactly the smartest move.”

  “Well, it’s not like we had a choice,” Hector said.

  “True.”

  “And so you two have been here for a while?” I asked.

  “Yup,” Kyle said. “This is year three for us. We just need to make it through to the end. Another 365 days and we’re free.”

  He looked oddly terrified as he spoke. Maybe he’d heard about the executions. Would he be seen as weak in the end, judged for his burns? He certainly wasn’t going to be a good poster child for joining the Service, and that fact made me think that his life probably was in danger. Maybe even more than mine.

  Maybe.

  It wasn’t long before our time was up, and we all made our way back to the barracks. I searched the halls, but there was no sign of the other soldiers I had seen through the doorway down below.

  Now that my stomach was full, I found I was exhausted. I flopped down onto my bunk face first, and settled in for a half-hour long nap.

  “What are you doing?” Alex asked quietly, sitting down on the bed opposite mine.

  “I’m sleeping,” I said, face stuffed into my pillow.

  “You should get up. Tanning could be in here anytime. You need to be ready.”

  I rolled over and glanced at the clock on the wall. 1245.

  “I’ve got time. Leave me be.”

  “No. What was all that in the mess hall?”

  “All what?” I groaned, rolling over.

  “About you being a terrorist. What were you thinking?”

  I smiled despite the warning in his voice.

  “I was just messing with them. Come on. You have to admit that Hector had it coming.” And, I secretly thought, Jeremy could use a little dose of fear as well. He was already starting to follow me around. I needed to get rid of him. Even now, he was eyeballing me behind Alex’s hulking frame. I put my arm up to cover my eyes.

  “You’re being stupid,” he said. “Careless. You have no idea what kind of trouble you can get yourself into by saying all that stuff.”

  I bristled and sat up in the bed to face him.

  “Don’t I? You think I don’t know what’s at stake here? You think I don’t know how much danger I’m in? You’re proof of it. My babysitter, sent here to watch my every move, listen to my every word.”

  I flopped back down on the bed and turned my back to him.

  “Save it.”

  He sighed behind me.

  “You need to learn to shut up,” he said.

  I ignored him, but I was so angry now that sleep seemed farther away than ever.

  There was no escape, though. He could follow me everywhere here. The mess hall. The barracks. The bathroom. Everywhere I went to try to escape him and his opinions, he would have access to me.

  And this, I thought, was the whole point of him being here.

  I closed my eyes stubbornly, resolved to at least rest if I couldn’t get to sleep.

  I wondered if I should take his advice, if I should keep my secrets closer to my chest. Then again, my secrets were so outlandish that it seemed to me there was no harm in sharing a few of them.

  My body started to relax despite my anger. I would consider his advice. He deserved at least that.

  But as I started to drift off, I wondered. How much of his advice was his own?

  Chapter Seven

  My dreams were odd, snippets of war weaved in with memories of my time with Alex over all the years that I’d known him. Guns firing. Alex laughing. Me running, my leg no longer healed, pain shooting up my thigh.

  I felt someone’s hand on my shoulder, and I snapped out of sleep. I looked up to find Jeremy shaking me awake.

  “You need to get up,” he said. “It’s almost time.”

  “Time?” I mumbled. “For what?”

  “For Fraser to come collect us.”

  “Oh. Yeah.” I yawned and stretched my arms up over my head. “Where’s Alex?” I asked, looking around.

  “He left half an hour ago.”

  “Left?” I sat up against my elbows, groggy. “What do you mean?”

  “I mean Tanning came in and told Alex to follow him. He didn’t say why.”

  Suddenly, I was as alert as if I’d been up for the whole day. I sat up.

  I had never found out where he’d been that morning. I had forgotten that he’d only caught up with us right when it was time to go down to the classroom.

  Where was he now?

  I stood up, my boots still tied tightly around my ankles; I’d been so tired that I’d never taken them off. I rubbed my eyes and turned to make my bed again. Jeremy sat down across from me on Alex’s bed.

  I glanced at the clock on the wall. 1325 hours. I had five minutes.

  “Why are you so nervous?” Jeremy asked, looking concerned.

  “I’m not nervous. I’m just … wondering where he went. That’s all.” I sat down on my bunk and faced him. Three minutes to go. “Did he say anything before he left? Did either of them?”

  “Nope.”

  “Huh.”

  “So, what is it with you two? Are you … together?”

  Ugh. Really?

  “It’s complicated,” I said.

  And it was.

  “So … not together?”

  “Listen, I’m sorry.” I was distracted, my eyes on the clock. “I’m, you know, not available.”

  He dropped his gaze, staring at his boots.

  “Oh. Okay.”

  “It’s nothing personal,” I said, beginning to explain as I stood up and moved toward the foot of my bed.

  “No, it’s okay. I get it. What are you doing?”

  I stood up tall at the edge of the bed, waiting at attention for Fraser’s entry.

  “Getting ready.”

  I didn’t want to waste any time.

  Then, right at 1330, the door to the barracks slammed open, and Fraser entered. Everybody jumped. Everybody but me.

  “Attention!” he bellowed
.

  There was a scramble as the other soldiers moved to the foot of their beds. Nearly everybody had been distracted by one thing or another. But Hector stood tall right across from me. He winked.

  I rolled my eyes and stared over his shoulder, my gaze blank, waiting for Fraser to walk by and inspect us.

  But no such inspection came. Instead, he stood to the side as Tanning entered the room.

  “Soldier Taylor!” he bellowed.

  My breath caught in my chest. For lack of anything better to do, I saluted.

  “Yes, Sir!”

  “Follow me. The rest of you go with Fraser.”

  I turned and walked his way without question, my heart pounding.

  This was it. This moment. Maybe they’d found me out. Maybe they thought Alex was working with me. It could be anything. Suddenly, I was no longer scared. Instead, I felt resolved, even insolent. But I would fake it. Just for him. Because maybe there was still a chance that I’d make it out of the Service in one piece.

  You don’t want out. You can’t carry out the plan unless you’re still in.

  I reached the door and stopped, looking directly into Tanning’s eyes.

  “Are you ready, soldier?”

  Yes. Yes, I was.

  I entered the nearly empty classroom, Tanning guiding me in.

  “Have a seat,” he instructed.

  Alex. Sitting right there in front of me. And he didn’t look good.

  I pulled up a chair and sat down beside him. It was hard to keep my attention on Tanning without checking on Alex first. But I knew what would happen if I broke protocol. I stared Tanning in the eye, waiting.

  “The reason I’ve brought you two here today is that there is a mission coming up, and soon. Taylor, I’m told you have some experience leading a team. Is that correct?”

  I looked over at Alex. What was going on?

  “Yes, Sir,” I said, looking back toward him again. “I led a team during the battle for Edmonton.”

  “That is what I’ve heard. I’ve been told that you did quite an exemplary job on that mission.” He paused, waiting for my response.

  “That is wonderful to hear, Sir. I had an excellent team with me.”

  I remembered Hannah and her attitude during that mission. Her refusal to follow orders.