by Bree Wolf
Nathan smiled at him, unable not to admire the boy’s spirit. “That is not what I said.”
“But it is what I asked!”
Collin’s forceful words made Maggie flinch and she sank back into her armchair. Blair walked over then and came to sit on her lap, her little hands seeking her mother’s, holding them gently within her own. Niall remained withdrawn into himself, his face a mask of pain and anger. Nathan could not help but wonder what the boy looked like when he smiled.
Seating himself across from his son, Nathan leaned back, trying to relax. “Well, to tell you the truth, I haven’t quite thought about what it is I want because…because I never thought I’d have a say in this.”
Collin’s gaze swept over his face. “What happened?” he asked then, and a hint of apprehension tightened his shoulders. “What happened before I was born?”
Nathan sighed and, for a second, was utterly tempted to run from the room. This was the question he’d feared. The question that made him cringe. The question that reminded him of the kind of man he’d become.
The question that shamed him.
Swallowing, he glanced at Maggie, seeing the same thoughts upon her face. The same fear he’d felt when he’d thought about her and her husband. When he’d pictured her life with another. What would she think of him after she learnt the truth? And she had to for he would not lie. Not now. Not ever.
Lies had destroyed his life once. He would never give them power again.
And Collin had a right to an answer as well. “Perhaps I should start at the very beginning,” Nathan replied, not merely to excuse his own behaviour, but also to assure Collin−as well as Maggie−that the reason Nathan had abandoned him had had nothing to do with him and everything with Nathan himself. “I lost my parents when I was young. My sister had just gotten married and become a mother herself, and I felt as though I didn’t fit in anywhere. I had friends, though, good friends, Robert and Margaret.” His gaze shifted to Maggie for the duration of a heartbeat and he could see tears forming in her eyes. “They were like family to me.”
He swallowed and inhaled a deep breath, feeling his own blood begin to stir with all that had happened. “As we grew older,” Nathan continued, “I lost my heart to Margaret.” Sighing, he shook his head, remembering those innocent days long ago. “But we never talked about it. I couldn’t quite muster the courage to confess my love, and then she went to Scotland with her family for the summer.” His gaze swept over Maggie before it shifted back to the boy sitting across from him. “She never came back.”
Collin’s eyes widened. “Why not? Did she die?”
“No,” Nathan replied, relieved to have found a way to speak to his son. “She got married.”
“Oh,” was all Collin said, and Nathan thought to see a spark of empathy in his gaze.
Maggie’s face darkened, and she half-hid it in her daughter’s golden curls.
“I didn’t see it coming,” Nathan explained, for the first time putting into words how he had felt when his world had fallen apart. “For days, I thought it a nightmare I only needed to wake up from. From one second to the next, nothing was as it ought to be, as it had been. Everything had changed, and I couldn’t keep up. I felt lost and heartbroken…and angry.” He met Collin’s gaze and knew the boy understood. Was it not exactly the way Collin felt right now? Ever since he’d overheard Nathan’s conversation with Lord and Lady Ainsworth?
“First, the loss of my parents and then…her.” Nathan sighed, chancing a look at Maggie. Deep sadness lingered in her eyes, and she held little Blair tightly in her arms. “She broke my heart, and I thought I’d never recover. I vowed I’d never again allow myself to be vulnerable like that.” Inhaling a slow breath, Nathan leaned forward, elbows resting on his legs as he sought Collin’s gaze. “That is why I sent your mother away when she told me she was with child. I know it was despicable and unforgivable, but I need you to know that it had nothing to do with you…or her.” He gritted his teeth remembering the moment Kara had come to him with her news, joy lighting up her eyes. “I was terrified…and so I ran. It took me months to realise that what I had done was not only wrong and utterly cowardly, but that it also wouldn’t keep the pain away.” His hands curled around one another, and he felt his fingernails dig into his flesh. “It’s not that I didn’t want you, but…but I was afraid that one day somehow I would lose you as well and so I pushed you away, thinking that if I never got to know you, I would be safe.” A tear Nathan hadn’t even been aware of spilled over and ran down his cheek. “But I was wrong. I’ve thought about you every day for the past nine years.”
A heavy weight seemed to fall off Collin’s shoulders and he sat up a bit straighter; but, doubt still lingered. “Then why didn’t you come back?”
Off in the back, Niall shifted in his seat, a finger rising to wipe away a tear that was running down his cheek.
“Once I realised I’d made a mistake, I tried to find your mother,” Nathan explained, wondering how all of this had come to pass. He chanced a look at Blair and knew from the look in her eyes that somehow she was at the root of this. “But she’d already been married to your father by then. I knew he was a good man, the best.” At least, Nathan had always hoped as much and been relieved to never hear anything to the contrary. “I knew you and your mother were safe and taken care of and loved.” Holding Collin’s gaze, he shook his head. “I had no right to interfere in your lives, not after what I had done. I always kept an eye out for you though. I always made certain you were safe, but I didn’t think I had a right to more than that.”
“Then why did you come today?” Collin asked, his mind exceptionally sharp for such a young boy especially after the emotional turmoil he, too, had suffered through in the past few hours.
Nathan hesitated for a moment, but then thought that he should finish the story he’d begun. “Margaret,” he said, once again meeting Maggie’s tear-filled eyes, “the girl who broke my heart, I saw her again only a few days ago.”
Collin’s eyes grew wide, and he scooted farther toward the edge of the settee, his little hands wrapped around the armrest. “Here in London?”
Nathan nodded. “I couldn’t believe it, either. Suddenly, there she was on the dance floor. I thought…It felt like seeing a ghost.”
“Was she with her husband?” Collin enquired eagerly.
In the corner, Niall drew in a sharp breath, and Nathan wondered what it was like for him and his sister to listen to this story−Nathan’s love story with their mother−after losing their own beloved father. The scowl on Niall’s face spoke volumes.
Nathan cast him a weak smile. “No, she wasn’t. It seems her husband passed on a few years back.” The corners of Collin’s mouth quirked ever so slightly, and Nathan could not help but feel as though the boy felt a touch of relief on his account. It was clear now that he did not know that the woman who’d brought him here today was the very same one who still held Nathan’s heart. “More than that, she told me that she married back then because she’d thought me married.”
Nathan knew that he’d crossed a line the second Niall jumped to his feet. Without saying a word, he fled the room, his angry footsteps echoing across the foyer.
Maggie’s face was as white as a sheet as she looked after her son. “We need to leave,” she mumbled almost breathless and then she and Blair got to their feet. However, before they left, Maggie turned to Collin. “Will you be all right?”
Frowning at her, Collin cast a careful glance at Nathan, then nodded. “Is something wrong?”
Maggie stared at him for a moment before she forced a smile onto her face. “Nothing you need to concern yourself with right now. It was a pleasure to meet you.” Then she grasped Blair’s hand and headed for the door, turning to look at Nathan one last time before she vanished from sight.
Her eyes held blame, and Nathan finally realised what he’d done. He hung his head, torn between staying with Collin and going after Maggie.
“Are you all rig
ht?” Collin asked, caution in his voice.
Nathan sighed. “I said something I…” He shook his head. “Where was I?”
Collin frowned. “You said that she thought you’d married another? Why would she think that?”
“It was a lie someone told her,” Nathan said simply. “One lie; but it changed everything.”
“Without that lie,” Collin began, his gaze thoughtful, “would she have returned and married you?”
Nathan nodded, and his heart did a little somersault at the mere thought of it. But would she still want him now? After what he’d just done? “Yes, she told me so. She’d been devastated as well. We’ve both lived with regrets these past ten years because of a lie, because of dishonesty, because of the decisions of others.” Nathan shook his head. “That’s why I came to see your mother today. I wanted to apologise for all I’d done. I wanted to tell her that I acted wrongly and that I’m grateful for her strength and determination. She gave you a home and a family when I left her with nothing. I wanted her to know.”
Collin’s hand tightened on the armrest, and he looked up, a deep need resting in his eyes. “My parents lied to me as well,” he whispered. It was a statement, a fact…but it was also a request…and Nathan’s heart understood it without a moment’s hesitation.
“They did,” he confirmed for it was true, and if he had denied it, it would have been another lie. “They did lie to you, but they did so in order to protect you. Whether that was right or wrong is for you to decide, but they meant well. They were afraid for you, and they did what they could to ensure you would not be hurt.” He sought Collin’s gaze, wanting nothing more but to restore the boy’s faith in his parents and their love for him. “Talk to them, and I promise they will tell you the truth. They never meant to lie to you. They simply couldn’t think of a better way to ensure that my shortcomings would not affect you.”
A small smile curved up Collin’s lips as his eyes grew distant. “She said so as well.” He chuckled and looked at Nathan. “Blair told me to talk to you. She said adults sometimes lie because they think the truth will hurt too much. She said my parents lied to protect me. She told me to come talk to you.”
Nathan stilled. “You said you met her at the park today…how did that happen?” He remembered well the odd depth in Blair’s young eyes. There seemed to be a lot more to this girl than met the eye.
Collin shrugged. “She found me at the lake.”
Nathan inhaled a deep breath, deciding that half-truths were lies wrapped in a pretty ribbon. “I assume that Mrs. MacDrummond did not tell you that we know each other from long ago?”
Frowning, Collin shook his head.
“Her name is Margaret,” Nathan elaborated, noting the way Collin’s eyes began to widen as realisation dawned. “And it was her daughter, Blair, who spoke to me this morning about making things right. She’s the one who told me it was never too late to say you’re sorry,” he lifted his right index finger for emphasis, “and mean it.” Nathan chuckled. “She’s the reason I came to see your mother today. I wanted to start over and do right by you. At least as much as possible at this point.”
A deep smile touched Collin’s lips. “She sounded a bit like my granny back at Huntington House. My granny has a way of looking at things and then telling people not to be foolish and go and fix what needs fixing.” Collin laughed. “Blair reminded me of her. I think that’s why I did what she said.”
Nathan shook his head, laughing as well. “The girl has a very unusual way about her. She knew about…about you and everything even without me telling her.” He frowned. “I cannot help but think that she didn’t simply stumble upon you at the park.”
Collin nodded, grinning. “Do you think she has magical powers?”
Nathan chuckled; still a part of him couldn’t deny that what had unsettled him most about Blair was not what she’d known, but the way she’d looked at him. “It wouldn’t surprise me.”
For a long moment, father and son simply looked at one another, and Nathan suddenly felt as though somehow sometime down the line all would be well. It had been a long time since he’d felt anything remotely like it.
And it felt wonderful.
“I think I should go home,” Collin mumbled then as he slowly pushed to his feet.
Nathan began to nod, then paused. “Oh, I should probably have sent word to−”
As though on cue, voices echoed through the door from the foyer and then hurried footsteps moved closer. A moment later, the door was flung open and not only Lord Ainsworth, but also Mr. and Mrs. Brewer rushed in. While Ainsworth looked like a kettle ready to blow, the boy’s parents’ eyes were wide with fear, their faces tense, but the second they beheld their son, utter joy and relief replaced the fear that had lingered before.
Nathan dimly recognised the young maid named Kara he had known in the grown woman who rushed forward to pull her son into her arms, her eyes closing in utter relief. Identical emotions played over her husband’s face, a tall, but slender man with a calm demeanour.
So this was Collin’s father.
The man who’d married Kara when Nathan had sent her away.
The man who’d given Collin his name and protection.
The man who’d raised him and cared for him for the past decade.
The man Nathan owed his gratitude until the day he died.
For a second their eyes met, and Nathan finally received the answer to the question he’d asked himself that day of the Elmridge picnic when he’d first seen Collin with his family. Indeed, Mr. Brewer knew that he was not his son’s father, but it seemed that he truly did not care, for the relief Nathan saw in the man’s eyes spoke of a deep love.
One that naturally existed between father and son.
That was all that mattered.
“How dare you?” Ainsworth snarled as his thunderous gaze moved from Collin to Nathan. Then he strode forward in calm, measured steps before grasping Nathan by the lapels. “You come into my home and then you−”
“I didn’t!” Nathan rushed to say, knowing exactly what Ainsworth was thinking. Raising his hands in a peaceable gesture, Nathan put up no resistance. “I swear I did not take your nephew. He−”
“He didn’t, Uncle Derek,” Collin interrupted as he hurried to Nathan’s side. Seeing his son rush to his defence, Nathan felt his heart swell with something unfamiliar. Something warm and comforting. Something that whispered of a love he’d once known. A love he himself had given the man who’d raised him.
His own father.
“I ran away,” Collin admitted, then momentarily dropped his gaze in shame before his eyes darted back up to his uncle. “I’m sorry. But he didn’t do anything.”
“What do you mean?” Ainsworth asked his nephew, his voice now gentle as he released Nathan and then turned to Collin. “How did you end up here?” He cast a dark glare at Nathan, who shrugged to straighten his clothing.
Collin looked up at his parents as they strode over to stand by his side. His father’s hand came to rest reassuringly on his shoulder while his mother knelt down and took his hands. “I overheard what you said,” he mumbled, once again looking up at his uncle.
Then, for a second, his gaze darted to Nathan.
Although Ainsworth hardly moved, Nathan could see the tendons in his neck tightened as he realised that it had been his words to Nathan that had revealed the truth to Collin. His words that had sent him fleeing his home.
Of course, this was not about assigning blame. “A friend of mine found him at the park,” Nathan said softly, swallowing hard when all eyes suddenly turned to him. All eyes but Ainsworth’s; he continued to stare through his nephew, a hint of shock still on his face. “She was there on a picnic with her own children. When she realised who…” He breathed in slowly, then exhaled the same way. “She brought him here. I’m sorry. I should have sent for you right away. I was simply too overwhelmed when...” He shook his head, lost for words.
Mr. Brewer nodded and his hand on Coll
in’s shoulder tightened gently. Tears ran down Mrs. Brewer’s cheeks as she looked into Collin’s face, sobs still trembling from her lips. “Don’t ever do this to us again,” she pleaded. “We were so afraid. Please don’t ever run away again.”
Collin’s eyes blinked furiously as more tears streamed down his face and he nodded his head eagerly. “I promise, Mama. I promise. I didn’t mean to frighten you.”
“I know,” Mrs. Brewer assured him and pulled her son into her arms all over again.
Feeling like an intruder, Nathan stepped away and made to slink out of the room. As he crossed the threshold, he glanced over his shoulder and met Mr. Brewer’s gaze. The man gave him a grateful nod before he turned back to his family.
Brushing his hands over his face, Nathan walked away, overwhelmed by all that had happened.
“Are you all right, my lord?” Wendell asked as Nathan stepped into the foyer.
“I believe so,” Nathan said with a quick laugh. “I feel different, but I think that’s a good thing.”
Not quite knowing what to do with that statement, Wendell merely inclined his head and then made to leave. “If you don’t require anything at the moment.”
Nathan nodded, remembering the way he’d just spoken to his son. It had been more than he would have ever thought possible. More than he’d ever have deserved. It would be a precious memory for all the days ahead.
“I saw you at the Elmridge picnic.”
At the sound of Mrs. Brewer’s voice, Nathan spun around.
Her eyes shone in a clear blue, just as he remembered them. They’d once held joy and exuberance and whispered of a young girl, yet unfamiliar with the world. Now, she stood before him with a new sense of self, and Nathan recognised the strong woman she’d become. “Kara,” he mumbled before he could catch himself. “I…I mean Mrs. Brewer.”
“It was quite a shock to see you after all this time,” she told him as though they’d been friends once and simply drifted apart. “I couldn’t help but look at you again and again, trying to see the man I’d once known.” She stepped closer, her eyes once more searching his face. “You looked miserable even when you were smiling, and I knew then what I couldn’t see when we met those ten years back.”
