Fearless

by R. G. Alexander

  “It’s not fair how damn pretty you are.” Rig lifted Rory’s legs up until he was gripping the back of his own thighs, presenting himself for his two lovers. “Or how flexible.”

  “He is gorgeous,” David sighed.

  Rig kissed David’s neck. “He’ll look better full of you.”

  Yes. I need it, David. Please.

  David’s cock was fully erect and the sight of it made Rory shiver. “Stop me if I hurt you,” David said, his brown eyes dilated with arousal. “I mean it.”

  Rory wouldn’t promise anything. He didn’t care if it hurt. As long as it was real. As long as it was David. “David,” he rasped. “Please.”

  “Fuck.” With Rig beside him, guiding him with low, seductive instructions, David started to work himself inside Rory, through his clinging heat, stretching him so wide his back arched off the bed in response to the pleasure/pain.

  Yes!

  “Look at that expression. He’s loving this. All these years and he’s never let go before. Think about how long you’ve wanted this, David. How long you’ve both wanted this. Don’t hold back.”

  Rig was the devil, and Rory was willing to sell his soul for this moment. He’d wanted it forever. To know how it felt to be split open and reformed around that unforgiving rod of flesh.

  David is inside me.

  When their hips were finally pressed together David froze, his chest heaving as he struggled for the air he couldn’t seem to get enough of. “Tight. Fuck, that’s the tightest…Jesus. I can’t—God, that’s so…”

  Rory clenched his ass and David growled. “Unless you want this to be over now, you need to stop teasing.”

  He stopped.

  David leaned into him until Rory’s legs were over his broad shoulders, until his erection was pressed into David’s hard stomach and they were close enough to kiss. His eyes were blazing and hungry. Just like Rory’s dreams. “Is this what you needed, Rory?”

  He gasped out a yes and David rolled his hips, not thrusting, just rocking deep inside him.

  Christ. “Oh God.”

  They both cried out at the indescribable sensation. So close they were one person. Not empty. Not alone. “Kiss me,” Rory begged, not caring that he was shaking like a leaf.

  He lifted his head off the bed and captured David’s mouth with his own, wanting him inside him in every possible way. Loving him in every possible way.

  David dragged his hips back a few inches before sliding in again and rocking. Circling. Over and over again, so slow they were both covered in a fine sheen of sweat from holding back. Sweat that Rig licked off both of them as he touched and kissed and encouraged them through every stroke.

  “That’s right, Rory. Take all of him. So sexy. Fuck, I could come just watching you.”

  It was the sexiest thing Rory had ever experienced in his entire debauched life. And he knew without a doubt this was more than fucking.

  Love you. I love you.

  He wasn’t sure how long it went on. How he stopped kissing David long enough to breathe and share a kiss with Rig. He wasn’t sure of anything but the sudden need to come. A need David was in perfect synch with as his thrusts began to speed up, his rolling hips now grinding almost painfully.

  “David.” Rory was nearly incoherent. “Make me…”

  “Yes,” David growled as their skin slammed together, wet and loud in the still bedroom. “Come for us, Rory. Let me see it. Give it to me.”

  “David, I—” He shouted himself hoarse, body bucking as the climax hit him from so deep inside it felt like it was ripping him open. He came with his entire body, every nerve, every cell, every drop of his come splashing onto his stomach and chest with the force of his release.

  David joined him as Rory clenched around him tight enough to bruise and brought him over the edge. They clung to each other, trembling and touching, kissing until the crashing waves turned to ripples. Until they could think and feel and see again.

  It was Rory’s first time making love.

  It changed everything.

  Chapter Eight

  He walked through the door and scowled at the sight that greeted him. It looked innocent enough. Rig and David were cuddled on the couch watching television while Duck and Goose napped under the coffee table.

  Lucky them, he thought spitefully. Enjoying all the perks of his cousin’s luxurious home while he smelled like antiseptic, sweat and wasted time. “Have a nice day, kids?”

  They sat up slowly, both of them staring at him as if he were a ticking time bomb. His poker face was slipping again and he wasn’t sure who he was supposed to be. What did they want from him? Fun Rory? Lover Rory? Buddy Finn?

  He couldn’t tell. A day of dealing with his father’s nurses and dodging awkward family questions had gotten to him. It was exhausting. “How was your day, boys? Have fun?”

  “We missed you,” David started carefully. “Rig almost went to the hospital to haul you back for a break but I distracted him with your favorite, mindless vampire angst. I thought you’d approve.”

  Rory didn’t even glance at the show. Last night he’d experienced something so life altering he didn’t know how to comprehend it. It scared him, how perfect it had been. How right it felt.

  He was letting himself believe. It was a recipe for heartbreak, but he couldn’t seem to stop himself. It was so much better than his dreams.

  Then this morning, Noah and Wyatt had shown up and dragged him back to the hospital to talk to staffing about at-home care options for Elder. Noah could only stay for a few hours because he hadn’t found someone he trusted outside of the family to look after baby Zachary, and Wyatt got twitchy every time he had to sit in the waiting room for more than fifteen minutes, so Rory had been put in charge. Again.

  Somehow, it had taken all day.

  “Are you hungry?” Rig asked, standing and walking towards him as if he might take him into his arms. But Rory wasn’t ready for that yet and he stepped to the side. Out of reach.

  “I’m fine.”

  David was getting that pinch of skin between his eyebrows that meant he was irritated. Good. It pissed Rory off that they looked so relaxed together. Like a couple. Like two people that didn’t need him or his crazy Daddy issues.

  “If you want I can leave the two of you alone again. I don’t want to intrude.”

  “Okay, enough. Stop being a dick.” David stood too, crossing his arms in aggravation. “We offered to go with you to the hospital, you asked us not to. We texted you around lunch offering to bring you some of these damn leftovers and again you said no. So we listened, and we’ve been sitting here in someone else’s house with our thumbs up our asses all day, waiting for you to call to check in or come home.”

  “We didn’t actually have anyone’s thumb up anyone’s ass,” Rig added, his lips twitching. “In case you really were jealous and not just suffering from low blood sugar.” He lifted both his thumbs and waggled his eyebrows.

  Rory stared at him unblinking for no more than a minute before he felt the ice melting inside him like warm rain. He started to laugh. “Thanks for the clarification. When it comes to your thumbs, I never know.”

  David smiled and rolled his eyes. “Are we done with the Unwelcome Wagon? Can we just eat and hang out now until someone gets horny?”

  “We’ve created a monster,” Rig informed him, eyes sparkling.

  “No,” Rory corrected. “He was born with that monster. He just finally knows what it’s for.”

  David kissed him and dug his fingers into his ribs at the same time. “You okay?”

  “Yeah.” But now he really did feel like a dick. “I’m glad you two got to relax today. I need to know someone’s enjoying their vacation.”

  Rig came up behind him and wrapped his arms around him, holding onto David’s hands so they were all connected. “We missed you, but we did have a few interesting conversations.”

  “Really?”

  “Mmmhmm. About potential threesome positions and the fine
and underappreciated art of rimming. If only he’d turned the camera on. That video would be a hit.”

  David rolled his eyes. “That’s not happening, Rig. Essie would probably pass out from shock.”

  Rory grinned. “Your sister can’t be shocked, David. She’s not as innocent as you are.”

  Hunger flared to life in his gaze and he moved closer to Rory. “I’ll show you innocent.”

  He stepped out of their embrace with a sincere but apologetic smile. “Later. I stink at the moment. I need a shower to wash off this day.”

  David looked disappointed, but he let him go. “We can wait.”

  “We’ll warm up the last of the leftovers,” Rig called as Rory headed for the stairs. “I need to call Nonna and tell her to stop letting the family make deliveries. I’ll forget how to cook and then we’ll all go hungry.”

  “I can cook,” he heard David say as he reached the second floor.

  “Popcorn and frozen burritos don’t count, Mills.”

  “Hey.”

  Their laughter eased the tension in his shoulders, and he was in an even better mood after his shower. He came down in sweats and a t-shirt, ready to relax and revel in his two lovers when Duck and Goose both started to howl like the world was coming to an end. “What the hell is wrong with them?”

  He jerked in surprise when the front door opened and Jen came rushing in, followed closely by Declan and Trick. She bent to pet the dogs before spotting Rory at the bottom of the stairs.

  “Mom called,” she told him as she met him halfway and wrapped her arms around him. “We’d barely unpacked when she got a hold of us, so we just turned around and came right home.”

  Rory felt a chill in the room that he couldn’t account for, and he wrapped his arms around his waist. “I’m sorry,” he said. Because that was the right response to people who’d been forced to cut short an island vacation.

  She leaned closer and whispered in his ear. “I’m sorry for interrupting your vacation, but Mom wanted me close by for Dad. In case…”

  “Yeah. In case,” he echoed numbly. “That makes sense. Uncle Shawn is having a rough time. He’ll want you there.”

  He could feel Rig and David staring at him, as if waiting for something. A look. A smile. Anything. But he felt like he was stuck. Like the floor was quicksand and he was sinking fast.

  “Look, Declan. It’s the three pickles. I think they solved their problem.”

  Declan glared at Trick. “I’m going to enroll you in a sensitivity class tomorrow, I swear.”

  “Tried that. It didn’t take.”

  Jen bit her lip as she leaned back to study the still-frozen Rory. “Rory? What’s going on right now? Has something happened? What’s wrong?”

  “Hey,” David distracted her, taking a few steps forward and nodding at Jen’s bookends. “Thanks so much for letting us stay here and hang with Duck and Goose. My sister will be thrilled with how much love they’re getting.” He paused awkwardly. “I think we’re going to pack up and head over to my place so you can have your house back. There are some leftovers in the oven. Italian. You’re welcome to them.”

  “Please,” Rig added with genuine humor. “We were never going to finish it all on our own.”

  “Thank you.” Declan smiled at both of them and reached out to shake their hands. “David, right? And Rig? Thank you both. But I don’t want any of you to feel like you’re being kicked out. We didn’t think to call and give Rory a heads up or anything. You should stay and eat with us.”

  Rig started up the stairs and subtly palmed Rory’s spine. It was meant to comfort, he knew. But it hurt. Everything hurt and he was starting to shiver. He wasn’t sure why.

  “Don’t worry about it, and David’s right. We don’t have much, so we’ll be out of your way pretty quick. Rory? Let’s get our bags.”

  Rory packed on autopilot and cleaned himself out of the room. He hugged his cousin and her bookends before he walked out the door, noticing the meaningful glances they kept sharing when they realized he wasn’t going to speak to them at all.

  He knew it was rude but he couldn’t help it. He wasn’t ready for them to be back. He wasn’t ready for his time here to be over. He wasn’t ready for anything.

  Don’t you remember, Rory? You don’t get what you don’t deserve.

  In the driveway, David started planning. “Since Rig’s place is still packed with his family, you can both follow me to my apartment and we’ll order Chinese or something.” He looked up at the house. “I am going to miss those dogs though. I should have taken more pictures for Essie.”

  “I’m going to miss the shower,” Rig added. “I know Rory will too, right?”

  Rory’s keys jangled as his fist clenched. “I think I need to go to Younger’s,” he announced before he could stop himself. “My brothers have been gathering there, dealing with family stuff that I’ve been avoiding.”

  “Okay. We’ll still order enough so you can eat it when you get back to my place.”

  Rory finally looked up and he could see it in both their expressions. They knew he was scrambling. They knew him too well. “No, I mean I’m going over to my brother’s for a few days. Probably the rest of the week, since he has a pullout I can use.”

  “I have a bed,” David countered. “There’s no reason why you can’t stay with me.”

  Why was he making this so hard? “I’m not exactly fun to hang around with right now, David. I’ll be at the hospital more than I would if I were on the clock so… Let’s just stick with this plan and I’ll call and let you know how it’s going in a few days.”

  “Don’t do this.” Rig didn’t shout, he didn’t beg. He stood as if he were bracing for a fight but his voice was calm. Almost gentle. “They came home. That has nothing to do with what’s going on with us. A few days wasn’t enough.”

  David tried to reach for him but he shook his head sharply. “I need time to think,” he said, repeating David’s words from what seemed like so long ago. “I need you to give me time.”

  He paled. “You aren’t thinking clearly. Your father—”

  “Isn’t the issue.” Liar. “I can’t handle this right now. Do I look like I’m equipped to handle any of this?”

  In that moment he couldn’t see a way for the three of them to work after today. Not in the real world where he worked odd hours, lived in a hole in the wall and had a fucked up relationship with his father.

  He’d never be enough to make them happy. He couldn’t make anyone happy. Not outside of the bedroom. He didn’t know how.

  “Wait,” David said, his voice rasping with pain and more than a trace of anger. “We can help you. I know you have a lot going on but—”

  Rig put his hand on David’s shoulder and squeezed hard, stopping him. “He said he needs a few days, Mills. He’s being honest, which is exactly what we asked him to be. He’s not writing us off. He’ll deal with this, and when he needs us he’ll call.”

  I’ll never be the one to write you off…

  But he wouldn’t call. Not right away. He really did need time to think. To find the courage to face the part of himself he was still hiding away. To stop fearing David and Rig would see him as he really was and discover that he wasn’t worth what they were both offering without condition or hesitation.

  They deserved better. And he would do whatever was necessary to give them what they deserved. Even if it broke his heart.

  ***

  6 days later…

  Rory was staring out of the back of the ambulance, book dog-eared beside him, sandwich forgotten in his hand as he tried to put everything out of his mind. Meditation might be a racket. That or the therapist he’d paid to see twice in one week and this Chopra guy’s book were both pranking him.

  Loud music, wild sex and a good work of fiction took his mind off his troubles. Trying not to think about them only made him think of…everything all at once. There was a packed club of problems jostling for attention in his head and none of them appreciated bei
ng ignored. His brain was as stubborn as he was.

  He missed Rig and David like crazy. He’d wanted to call them at least five times a day and sleep between them every night, knowing that tomorrow would be better. Neither of those things was possible. Not right now.

  Not tonight.

  He startled when his partner sat down beside him. “Hey Walter.” He tried to smile, but as usual the insightful man saw right through him.

  “What’s going on, Finn?”

  “I was meditating. It’s nothing.”

  Walter noticed the book beside him and read the title. “Meditating? Isn’t that supposed to relax you? You don’t look relaxed to me.”

  Rory shrugged. “Hence, the attempt at meditation.”

  Again with the hence.

  Walter nudged him with his elbow. “Come on, I know something’s up and I’m not the kind of guy to let it go. You might as well spill the beans now. My woman will withhold her affections if I don’t come back from this shift with one of two things. A daring tale of emergency bravery or a sexy story from her favorite study buddy.”

  “Macy is a bad influence,” Rory said jokingly. “Two years ago you acted like I was going to dry hump you every time I opened my mouth. Now you want all the juicy gay details. For shame, Walter. For shame.”

  Walter held up his hands and panted like a dog, spoiling the effect with a loud laugh. “She has got me trained, it’s true. And between you and me, I couldn’t be happier with the treats I get for being good.”

  “Too much information. And I already know more about your honeymoon than I ever needed to so don’t even start.” Rory shook his head ruefully at his friend.

  Walter had gotten married nine months ago, and Rory would have thought he’d invented the institution. He’d been in charge of planning the wedding, and he’d loved it more than any gay or straight, man or woman Rory had ever known.

  He’d been forced to listen to every detail during their shifts, from the flower arrangements, to the music, to the toasts. And though he’d been present for the entire blessed event—even dancing with both the bride and groom—he still had to listen to a blow by blow of every minute of Walter’s special day. Every day. For a week.