Instead, silence followed her words before she blew out a breath. ‘It wasn’t easy,’ she told him. ‘It wasn’t simple. But Anja trusted me, too. And—’ Jess lifted her shoulders ‘—being able to trust your family, knowing that they’ll be there for you, that they’ll do what’s right for you, even when it’s hard for them? That’s what family’s supposed to do.’
She stopped speaking then, her eyes studying his face, telling him that she had more to say. He wasn’t wrong.
‘That’s why you’re really upset, Dylan. Because your parents broke your trust. They left. Even though your mother was still there,’ she continued, ‘she wasn’t there. Not in the way you needed her to be. And I’m sure...what you found out about her made that feel even worse.’ Dylan felt the agreement inside him—felt the truth of it—but he didn’t speak.
‘You’re angry at her because of it. And at your father, for all the horrible things he put you through. But you’re also angry at yourself. For leaving,’ she said when he looked at her, and he wondered how she knew things he hadn’t even admitted to himself. ‘So if you need to deal with that by being angry with me, go right ahead. But realising it and facing the anger you have is going to help you fix what’s wrong with you and Anja.’
She left then, but he didn’t follow. He needed time to think, especially since Jess had just added to the list of things he needed to think about, easily summarising feelings he’d struggled to figure out for the longest time in just a few minutes. By the time he made his way back to the house, Dylan knew just how right Jess had been.
And damn if that didn’t complicate things.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
DAYS LATER, ANJA told Jess that she, Chet and Dylan were taking a trip to the coastal town of Langebaan to see their mother. The news was unexpected, as was her insistence that Jess go with them.
‘No,’ Jess said, feeling ambushed. She was still staying in Anja’s house, working, thankfully, which helped her keep her mind off Dylan and the inner voice telling her it was time to move on. She’d avoided Dylan as much as she could, which was possible since Anja mostly went over to his house after work. She stayed there for hours and when she came back looked exhausted and emotional. They were sorting it out, Chet had told Jess one night, since he was her only companion for the time Anja was away. And sorting it out was a process, Anja had told her the following day at work. It hadn’t been easy since their issues extended far beyond what either of them had known, but they were working through it. And now the final step was to speak to their mother.
Jess’s efforts to avoid Dylan were now in vain since he stood on the other side of Anja’s lounge, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. She suspected he was going for a nonchalant look, but he only succeeded in looking broody and sexy and Jess cursed the pregnancy hormones for making her notice.
‘You don’t need me there,’ she said, looking from Anja to Chet. She studiously avoided Dylan. ‘I’m just going to be in the way.’
‘No, you won’t be,’ Anja told her. ‘My mom wants to see you again. And, you know, the baby,’ she said, which was a real punch in the gut for Jess. How could she say no?
Her eyes flickered to Dylan, and then back at Anja again.
Oh, yes, that was how.
‘It won’t be comfortable for me to sit in the back of your car,’ Jess protested, clutching at straws now. ‘Either of yours,’ she added, looking at Chet.
Both of them had trendy little cars that were incredibly impractical for a pregnant woman—and for a family. Anja was planning to trade in her car before the baby was born, but there was no way she’d be able to do it before this impromptu little trip.
‘We’ve already thought about that,’ Anja said, her enthusiasm a stark contrast to the fatigue she’d shown over the last few days. Jess could feel her resistance weakening. ‘Dylan will drive up in his car. He’s agreed for you to drive with him.’
‘Has he now?’ she asked, and cocked an eyebrow at Dylan. He gave her a smile that made her want to punch it from his sexy mouth.
‘Yeah, and he has more than enough space. Besides, Jess,’ Anja continued, her voice softening. ‘None of us want to leave you here alone.’
And, with that, her resistance broke all together. ‘Fine, but don’t think I don’t know you were working me.’
‘I was not,’ Anja said in mock insult. ‘If I was—and, I repeat, I was not—I would have mentioned how much we consider you to be a part of our family, and that any family trip would be incomplete without you.’
With a laugh, she ducked out of the way of the cushion Jess threw at her.
Though she’d been joking, Anja’s words had stayed with Jess in the days before they took the ninety-minute drive to Langebaan, a tiny town on the West Coast of South Africa. It had made Jess realise how much she wanted Anja’s words to be true. And that had made her wonder—or panic—about whether she’d offered to be Anja’s surrogate because she so desperately wanted to be a part of that family.
Of any family.
At the time, it hadn’t even occurred to Jess. She’d only offered because she’d wanted to help, and it had been a real, tangible way for her to do so. She loved Anja—more than the employer she was, or the friend she’d become. She loved Anja... Well, Jess imagined she loved Anja like she would a sister...
Except she’d never had a sister—or any sibling—so how could she possibly know?
Now she worried that she’d become Anja’s surrogate because she’d wanted to protect that love. Her love. Her feelings. Because surely Anja couldn’t turn her back on Jess when Jess had carried her child? She couldn’t stop caring about Jess, or toss her away like Jess’s parents had...
Unless she could.
Because Jess would have served her purpose then, wouldn’t she? She would have done what she’d offered to do, and given Anja the child she’d always wanted. What would keep Anja from turning from Jess then? What would keep that bond she thought she shared with her friend from crumbling?
Jess had already learnt that she didn’t have much purpose in her life. The degree she’d worked so hard towards was useless. No matter how hard she’d tried, her parents didn’t want her. And if she didn’t have a purpose—if she was useless—why would Anja want to keep her around?
Jess sucked in her breath. Told herself not to cry.
But the tears came anyway.
* * *
‘I know this might not be exactly how you would have liked to travel,’ Dylan said wryly. ‘But we could at least try for some civility.’
He felt Jess shift beside him, but kept his eyes on the road. It was bad enough that he was stuck in such a confined space with her. He wouldn’t look at her, too, and have that sexy and sweet look she had going for her distract him even more.
He’d been annoyed when his sister had told him about the plan. Partly because he’d had to put Daisy in a doggy hotel while they were away. Partly because he’d had to leave his house and he’d just grown comfortable living there again.
But mostly it was because he really didn’t want to speak to his mother about the past. But as soon as Anja had found out that their mother had known about their father’s gambling problem before they’d been born, she’d been determined to find out why their mother had decided to have them.
Though that determination had only come after the shock, the tears, the hurt, he thought. And knew that they were only in store for more of the same.
But they’d been making progress, and for the first time he’d been able to articulate why he’d left. Because he’d felt as if their mother had betrayed them. Broken their trust. Because she’d abandoned them by reacting the way that she had to their father’s abandonment, even though she’d known what she’d signed up for.
Because he hadn’t wanted to add the pain of knowing all that—pain he knew the extent of—to Anja’s grief. Because he hadn’t been able
to deal with his own grief over a man who hadn’t deserved it.
He hadn’t mentioned his fear that maybe he’d abandoned Anja just like their parents had. Didn’t want to in case Anja didn’t feel that way, and he’d put it in her mind. No, he’d rather keep that to himself. And, even without disclosing it, Dylan felt...hopeful. Hopeful that maybe their family could move past the hurt, the abandonment, the betrayal.
And perhaps that was why he’d agreed to take the trip. For the sake of closure. And as for taking Jess along...what was he supposed to do? Say no? That would have for sure sounded his sister’s alarms, and he knew that she already had her suspicions about his relationship with Jess. He suspected the only reason she hadn’t asked him about it was because she’d had the conversation with Jess, and she’d chosen to trust her friend’s word on it.
Good thing, too, or the progress he and Anja had made might have been wiped away.
‘I’m sorry,’ Jess replied, interrupting his thoughts. ‘I didn’t realise civility required words.’
‘Well, we have over an hour left of this trip, so if you’re happy with being quiet for the rest—’
‘I am,’ she said quickly, and he frowned.
They weren’t on the best terms, he knew, but this withdrawn, sullen person wasn’t the Jess he’d got to know. She wasn’t even the one he’d fought with that night that felt like so long ago, or the one he’d had the terse but somehow productive conversation with in the woods.
‘Are you okay?’ he asked.
‘I thought we were going to be quiet?’
‘And if I thought that you wanted to be quiet because you were annoyed with me, I would have been. Except that isn’t the case.’
‘You’re an expert in my emotions now?’
‘No, but I’m a good businessman and that requires being able to read people.’ He glanced over, and then looked back at the road. ‘It helps that I do know you.’
‘I think you’re overestimating your knowledge,’ she said, but he could sense her resistance was waning.
‘Or underestimating it,’ he replied quietly. ‘What’s wrong?’
He saw her shake her head and then bite her lip. He didn’t push, didn’t say anything else since he understood her hesitation. Understood that he was responsible for it. They’d been put in a hell of a situation, he knew, but his behaviour hadn’t helped.
He’d overreacted. Or he’d just reacted, he thought, to his trust being broken while he was still trying to deal with his mother breaking his trust. While he was still trying to deal with all the other things Jess had pointed out to him.
So he needed to apologise for taking it all out on her. And perhaps now was the time that he did.
‘Look, if it’s about what happened with us—’
‘It’s not.’
‘No?’
‘No.’
There was a beat of silence while he processed that, but then he said, ‘Well, I wanted to apologise anyway. I reacted too harshly about the baby. It wasn’t entirely...your fault.’
‘Entirely,’ she repeated, and he felt her gaze on him.
He sighed. ‘I felt betrayed, Jess. I told you that.’
‘And I told you why I couldn’t tell you.’
‘Yeah, and I understand that. But—’ his grip tightened on the steering wheel ‘—but I wish you’d told me. Warned me.’
She didn’t reply immediately. ‘I... I couldn’t just tell you. Firstly, I barely knew you. And when I started to get to know you,’ she said as he opened his mouth to protest, ‘Anja had already asked me not to say anything to you about it. So I didn’t.’ She cleared her throat. ‘But I am sorry for my part in...in hurting you.’
He nodded, but couldn’t bring himself to say anything. He appreciated her apology. Her loyalty to his sister. But... Well, he’d wanted Jess’s loyalty, too. To him.
And that was the real problem.
‘If it makes you feel any better,’ she said quietly, ‘it wasn’t simple for me. I wanted to tell you. It felt...wrong not to. But—’ she lifted her hands ‘—I couldn’t betray Anja’s trust. So I settled on telling you the baby wasn’t mine and hoped that it would help you, I don’t know, understand.’
Dylan felt some of the pieces that had broken inside him come together again. ‘I...appreciate that. Thank you.’ He paused. ‘And I’m sorry, too. For reacting the way that I did. I shouldn’t have...been so blunt. I didn’t mean what I said about you not being a part of the family.’
She nodded, and the words were the last they said for another few kilometres.
‘It wasn’t just about you, you know,’ he heard himself say into the silence. ‘It was difficult for me to hear it because—’ He broke off. Told himself to get it over with. ‘When I found out my mother knew my father was an addict before she had us, it felt like a betrayal.’
‘When did you find out?’ she asked softly.
‘A few days before his funeral.’ He took a deep breath. ‘They’d put all my father’s stuff in a box at work after it was clear he wasn’t coming back. Gave it to me when I first started. I put it in a storeroom and never looked through it until I got the news that he’d died.’ Dylan paused, took another breath. ‘When I did, I found meticulous records of his expenses dating back long enough for me to see how he’d paid off the house. How he’d set money aside for the staff, for us. And how he’d used everything else to fund his habit.’
‘That must have been hard.’
‘What was worse was that it proved my father had his problem long before we were born. Before my parents had even married. And when I confronted my mom about it—’ he lifted a shoulder ‘—it didn’t go well.’
‘Oh, Dylan,’ she said on an exhale. In those two words Dylan heard everything that Jess wanted to say. That she understood his reaction now. That she was sorry it had happened. It soothed something deep inside him.
‘Does Anja...?’
‘Yes,’ he replied when she trailed off. ‘I told her about it a few days ago. Hence this little family trip.’
‘Are you okay with that?’
He took a moment to think about her question. About how she’d known to ask it. ‘I’m not thrilled. Things were...awkward when I saw my mother at Christmas, and we didn’t even end up speaking about it.’
‘Maybe things were awkward because you didn’t speak about it.’
‘Maybe,’ he murmured.
‘So this trip might be exactly what you need to move through it.’
He let the words settle in his mind. Felt the hope of it fight back against the burn of betrayal. Maybe things would get better after this trip. Maybe, after finally being honest with one another, they would become a family. A real one, without the weight of betrayal and hurt and resentment hanging over them.
But hearing Jess’s opinion spoke to his biggest regret. And now all he could think about was how things could have been sorted out so much sooner if he’d just come home.
Or if he’d never left.
‘Things seem to be better between you and Anja now,’ she said into the silence.
‘Better, but not the same.’ He ran a hand over his beard. ‘It’s going to take some time.’
‘Of course it will. But progress is progress.’
‘Except—’ He stopped himself before he could say what he’d been thinking.
‘Except?’
‘It’s nothing.’
‘Oh, so you’re going to keep quiet now?’ she asked dryly, and he felt his lips lift.
‘Annoying, isn’t it?’
She grunted, and his smile widened into a full grin. And perhaps it was that that had him saying, ‘I can’t believe she didn’t tell me about the baby. About any of her fertility issues.’
‘It was...hard for her to talk about.’
‘But we’re family. And we were close before
...’ He let the words linger. They were another reminder of the mistakes he’d made.
‘She thought she was a failure,’ Jess said. ‘I don’t think she wanted to tell you and have you believe that of her, too.’
‘What? Why would she feel that way? Why would I believe that?’
‘Because she wasn’t thinking logically. She was only thinking about how she couldn’t do the one thing that she was supposed to be able to do as a woman.’ Jess shrugged. ‘I was there, Dylan. She was so hard on herself.’
The words made pain splinter through him. ‘I wish I was here. I wish I could have helped her through it.’
‘I know.’
‘I shouldn’t have left, Jess.’
It ripped from him, the admission.
He was suddenly incredibly grateful that a business crisis had delayed Chet and Anja’s departure and they weren’t travelling behind him and Jess. Dylan had agreed to go ahead with Jess so that they wouldn’t have to tell their mother they would be late. It meant that he could take a few minutes to regroup, to recover from whatever had made him tell Jess the thing he worried about most.
He took the next exit, which led to a pit stop that he only realised was familiar after they stopped next to the small café. They’d stopped there on family trips, he remembered, when they’d taken the short journey to visit his mother’s family. He didn’t dwell on why the familiarity of it was suddenly comforting, or why he held out his hand when he got out of the car, waiting for Jess to take it.
All he knew was that he felt better when she did. More so when they stopped in front of the little pond next to the café, birds frolicking in the water, making the most of the sunny autumn day.
They stood in silence for a long time while he figured out why he’d stopped. But Jess spoke first.
‘Do you know why you left, Dylan?’
‘Yes.’
‘Why?’
So he told her all the reasons he’d figured out himself over the past weeks. And when he was done she squeezed his hand.
‘It’s normal to turn away from the things you can’t deal with,’ Jess said. ‘We all do it.’
Tempted by the Billionaire Next Door Page 12
