He ran a hand over his head, and she recognised the action as something he did when he was thinking. ‘No,’ he said finally. ‘They still are. But I guess at least I know I’ll be there for you now. We all will be. So, you know, you won’t have to go through whatever you go through alone.’
It took her a while to figure out how she felt about his words. About the fact that he assumed he would be there for her. That they all would be there for her. It was as if he knew exactly what her biggest fear was, and was speaking directly to it.
It melted her damn heart.
But it couldn’t, she told herself. Because it wasn’t real. She wasn’t only deluding herself into believing that it was.
‘So that made you comfortable enough to tell Anja about us?’
‘Well,’ he said, leaning forward, ‘we both noticed you haven’t been yourself the last few days. She asked me about it yesterday and I told her that...it might have been because of me.’
She stared at him, and then she laughed. ‘You are so full of yourself.’
His eyebrows lifted. ‘You’re saying I’m wrong?’
‘I’m pretty sure I told you that you were in the car on our way here.’
‘So I don’t have anything to do with the way you’ve been acting lately? Nothing?’ he repeated, as though, somehow, repeating it would change her mind.
It didn’t, but it did point out that while he wasn’t entirely the reason for her pulling away, he was certainly a part of it.
‘There’s too much going on for me to simplify it like that,’ she replied softly. ‘And you telling Anja makes it...worse.’
‘Why?’
‘Because now she has another reason—’ She stopped herself from saying the words. From saying that Anja knowing about whatever had happened between her and Dylan would just give her another reason to abandon Jess when it was all over.
She’d been surprised when Anja had spoken to her earlier, and her first thought—her first fear, she knew, remembering how her throat had closed—had been that.
And even though her friend had told her she was fine with it, could Jess believe her? And if she could, how would that work? Would she date Dylan and be forced to see how little she meant to their family day after day?
‘Jess,’ Dylan said, his expression telling her that he’d been trying to get her attention for some time. ‘What’s going on with you?’
‘Nothing.’
‘It’s not nothing,’ he said, and slammed a hand on the table. She resisted a wince, and met his eyes evenly.
‘You don’t have to believe me. But I’m not going to tell you. No matter how hard you slam your hand against the table.’
‘I’m sorry,’ he said, but his jaw was still clenched. ‘You’re just so damn stubborn. It’s frustrating.’
His brows were knitted together, the anger clear in the planes of his face. And all she could think about was how cute he was when he was angry. She sighed at the flutter in her stomach.
‘Don’t feel like you have to entertain me for the afternoon. I wouldn’t want to frustrate you more than I already have.’
‘Jessica.’ It was said on a soft exhale of air, and again she watched Dylan rub a hand over his face. ‘I don’t know what I’m going to do with you.’
‘You don’t have to do anything with me.’
‘Except that I want to.’ His hand fell down to the table. ‘Hell if I know why, but I want...you.’
Her heart thudded, and she gripped the napkin that had been beside her hand tightly in her fist. ‘Is that why you told Anja? Because you want me?’
‘I told Anja because I wanted to be honest with her. You encouraged me, remember?’ She nodded, unable to speak. ‘So I decided to go for it. To put everything on the line. And it’s been working. Really well. We’ve finally made...progress. Real progress. In our relationship, and with Mom. So when she asked me, I thought I’d be—’ he shrugged ‘—honest.’
She couldn’t argue with his logic. Not when she could see how freeing it had been for him. ‘I’m glad it’s been working for you. I just wish you’d come to speak with me before you told her. Or, at the very least, warned me that you had told her.’
‘I am sorry for that. But I meant what I said earlier. I didn’t think she’d actually talk to you.’ He shook his head. ‘I should have known that she would, though. You’re best friends.’
She didn’t reply. Not when he made it sound so simple—so special—and she didn’t know if it was.
‘There’s somewhere I want to take you.’
‘What?’
‘You said I didn’t have to spend the afternoon with you, but as soon as I found out we’d be alone I knew I wanted to. So you don’t have much of a choice.’ He grinned at her, and called the waitress to get the bill.
‘Are you kidnapping me?’
‘Do I have to?’ he said wryly, and she couldn’t help the curve of her lips.
‘It probably wouldn’t look good for you, kidnapping a pregnant woman.’
‘I could do it,’ he said sombrely. ‘For the greater good.’
She snorted. ‘What greater good? Keeping your afternoon plans?’
‘Exactly. Now, are you going to come with me, or do I have to resort to Plan B?’
‘And you called me frustrating,’ she replied, rolling her eyes, and got up with Dylan as soon as he paid the bill.
He chatted as they walked and, since that wasn’t the kind of word she’d thought she’d ever associate with Dylan, it made her think that he was nervous. The thought was just as unwelcome as when she’d thought him angry and cute, but this time she didn’t push it away.
Instead, she chose to indulge herself.
She was walking along the beach with a handsome man. A man who’d said he wanted her. The thrill she’d forced away before went through her spine now, and she relished it. It wouldn’t be long before reality set in again. Before she was forced to face it and the fact that Dylan would tire of her eventually. He would figure out that wanting was temporary, and needing soon replaced it.
And no one had needed Jess in a long time.
So, for now, she would enjoy it.
Jess looked up when Dylan stopped walking, and for the first time noticed that they’d reached the pier.
‘Are we going to be...watching the boats go by?’ she asked when the seconds passed and he didn’t say anything. It was the only thing she could think of, since there was no one around except a large boat at the edge of the pier and others in the distance.
‘No,’ he replied. Were those nerves she heard in his voice? ‘We’re going to watch for whales.’
‘Really?’ She perked up. ‘That’s awesome. Can you see them from here?’
‘No,’ he said again, and now she definitely heard the nerves. ‘But we can see them from the boat.’
He nodded in the direction of the boat she’d noticed earlier, and she frowned. ‘You mean we’re going to...sit on that boat and watch the whales? I guess that would work, but—’
‘No, Jess. We’re going whale-watching in that boat. With it doing what it’s supposed to do. You know, sail.’ He lifted a hand, and then dropped it again. ‘I hired the boat for the afternoon.’
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
‘YOU HIRED...?’ JESS’S voice faltered. And then she said, ‘You hired a boat for this afternoon. For...a day trip? With a couple of people?’
Her reaction was making his spur-of-the-moment decision seem like a bad one. And he hadn’t thought it was. At first. But from the moment they’d left the restaurant, he’d been thinking exactly that. She was not dissuading him of that notion.
‘No, for the two of us. I wanted you to be comfortable, and I thought that it might give you a break from thinking about...whatever’s going on with you.’
He held his breath as she considered his w
ords.
‘I have one question for you,’ she said after what felt like for ever, turning to him. The wind fluttered through her hair, making the wavy strands of it stir. He felt the movement mirrored in his chest.
‘What?’
‘Are you going to take your shirt off?’
It took him a moment to realise she was teasing him, and the only reason he did was the saucy grin she gave him that had different parts of his body stirring.
‘Only if you plan on watching me,’ he said in a growl.
She pretended to think about it. ‘Well, there is an art to it.’ Paused. ‘And I have become somewhat of an expert on watching you without your shirt on—’
He cut her off with a kiss. Quick and hard. And pulled away before he could be tempted into savouring the taste of her lips—or the surprise on her face. Instead, he took her hand and led her to the boat.
He helped her on board, and then handed her a safety vest before putting on his own. When he was done, he nodded to the captain and they were off.
He’d been teasing her when he’d told her she should watch him. Which was ironic now, considering that he couldn’t keep his eyes off her. She was captivating. She grabbed his arm whenever she saw something—or thought she saw something—her face alight with excitement. And clasped her hands together when that something turned out to be a whale.
They were lucky enough to spot a seal at one point, too, and the absolute glee in her expression made every reservation he’d had about taking her on a boat trip worthwhile.
‘I can’t believe I’ve never been on one of these before,’ she said as the captain turned the boat around. She accepted the water he’d got from the bar, and drank from it thirstily before continuing. ‘It feels like it should be a compulsory experience for everyone at least once in their lifetime.’
‘I’m glad you enjoyed it,’ he said with a smile, and sat back, enjoying his own drink.
‘Oh, don’t be so smug. There was very little chance I wouldn’t have enjoyed it.’
‘There was enough of a chance. What if you got seasick? A high possibility, considering you’re pregnant.’
Her hand immediately went to her belly. ‘I didn’t really suffer from motion sickness before, and I’m happy to say carrying this little guy or girl hasn’t changed that.’
‘How has it been?’ he heard himself ask.
‘The pregnancy?’ He couldn’t pretend he hadn’t asked. He nodded. ‘Good, for the most part. I was exhausted the first trimester. Still am, though it hasn’t been quite as debilitating since.’
‘Do you enjoy being pregnant? You don’t have to answer that if you don’t want to,’ he said quickly when she frowned.
‘No, it’s not that. I just haven’t really thought about it.’
The hand on her belly started to move, and he watched as she drew little circles, over and over, around her stomach. It wasn’t the first time he’d seen her do it, but it was the first time a small, unknown part of him had stirred.
‘It hasn’t been a bad experience so far,’ she said. ‘I know it can be, so I’m one of the lucky ones who doesn’t puke at every opportunity. So, I guess physically I don’t mind it.’
‘You don’t mind that your body won’t ever be the same again?’
She gave him a look. ‘Is that really the question you’re going with?’
He felt heat creep onto his face. ‘I didn’t mean it like that.’ And then he wondered what ‘like that’ meant, and the heat become fiercer. ‘I just... I don’t know. Forget it.’
She laughed and, mingled with the sound of the water crashing against the boat, it sounded magical. ‘Oh, I know what you meant. It was just too good an opportunity to miss.’ She tilted her head, and then looked out at the sea. ‘It’s not that I don’t mind it. I just keep thinking that it’ll be worth it.’
‘Even though it isn’t your child?’
She looked at him, and it almost made him regret asking. But she answered him.
‘Yes, I think so.’ There seemed to be a long time between her answer and the next words she said. ‘Anja was...devastated after the miscarriage.’ She lifted a hand. Let it drop. ‘That doesn’t even seem like the right word to use. It’s too...neat. Tidy. It doesn’t describe how she sobbed every day for two weeks. Her entire body wrenched from it.’ He saw her fingers curl, tighten. And couldn’t blame her when he looked down and saw his fingers had done the same.
‘Giving her the chance to have the child she wanted so badly without going through the fear of that again...’ She lifted her shoulders. ‘Yeah, I guess it is worth it. Even though it isn’t my own.’
‘You really love her, don’t you?’
‘I do.’ Her eyes filled and she looked away from him. Even when he took her hand and squeezed.
The rest of the trip was quiet, and Dylan worried that Jess had pulled back into herself again. By the time they reached the pier again, he knew that he was right. But he didn’t say anything about it as he helped her off the boat, and said his thanks to the captain.
‘We should get back to your mom’s place,’ Jess said softly when they reached the edge of the pier.
‘Sure,’ he said easily. ‘I know a shortcut. It cuts across the beach though.’
‘I don’t mind,’ she replied after a second, and shifted, looking down at her shoes longingly.
He smiled. ‘Need help?’
She gave him an embarrassed grin. ‘Would you mind?’
‘Sure.’
He bent down and helped her out of her shoes. While he was there, he took off his own and soon they were walking down the beach.
The sky was a soft orange-yellow colour, an indication of the time of day. It had been a nice day, he thought. One of the few they’d get before winter came in full force. Even now he could feel the chill of the cool autumn air, and looked at Jess, wondering if she was getting cold.
But her face was turned up to the sun, her eyes closed, and his feet stopped. Hell, his entire world stopped. She looked like an angel. The light made her bronze skin glow, highlighted the brown of her hair. For the first time he saw the almost blonde strands in between the dark brown, and the discovery had him reaching out to her, taking her hand before he knew what he was doing.
She opened her eyes and turned to look at him, and the easy expression on her face turned guarded. ‘What? What is it?’
‘You’re beautiful, Jess.’
Her face went red, and he kept her hand in his, not allowing her to turn from him. She wouldn’t push him away this time.
‘Don’t do this, please.’
‘Do what?’ he asked her softly, tugging at her hand so that she came closer to him. ‘Are you asking me not to tell you how beautiful you are? Because I’m not going to stop doing that, Jess. Not when you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.’
‘Yes, that,’ she said exasperatedly. ‘You’re making it harder.’
‘What are you talking about?’ But she only shook her head.
It angered him. And anger had him taking her hand and putting it around his waist. He reached his other hand around her waist, and now she had no choice but to look at him.
‘You’re driving me crazy, Jess. You have been from the moment we got into that car to come here. You give me cryptic answers to simple questions, and there’s pain in your eyes, damn it.’ He tightened his hold on her, afraid of what letting go might mean. ‘Do you know what it does to me, to see you in pain?’ He barely waited for the slight shake of her head. ‘It kills me. I don’t know how it happened, but I care about you and I can’t seem to escape how much I want it to be the same for you.’
‘You don’t mean it, Dylan.’ Vulnerability crept onto her face, and for the first time he saw more than pain. He saw fear.
‘How can you tell me I don’t mean what I feel?’
‘B
ecause you can’t,’ she whispered. ‘How can you feel that way about me when my parents, who’ve known me my entire life, don’t?’
He felt her arm drop from his waist, but she didn’t move away from him. Because of it, he could see the sheen of tears in her eyes.
Because of it, he could brush them away from her cheeks when they fell.
‘It’s only a matter of time before you, and Anja, and Chet realise there’s something about me that’s...that’s unlovable. You’ll realise that I’m no longer useful once this baby is born and I’ll have to pick up the pieces of my heart when I’m no longer in your lives.’
Her breath shuddered from her lungs, and she rested her head on his chest. It completely undid him. The simple action. The complicated emotions. He held on to her tightly. As though somehow he could squeeze those insecurities—those absolutely ludicrous insecurities—out of her.
But her words had cleared up a lot for him. She was afraid the people she loved most in the world would abandon her. And it made sense, too, since the people who were supposed to love her most in the world had.
And she was scared about her surrogacy. For once, he thought, she’d had a natural reaction to her unusual situation. And now he knew where his hesitation had come from, too. From a fear that she would be hurt. That giving the baby she carried to someone else would damage her in a way she wouldn’t be able to recover from.
But her fear was much less selfish than that. She was scared Anja wouldn’t want her any more. And in that moment Dylan suddenly realised how much Jess loved his family. His thoughts went back to everything she’d said about carrying the baby, about doing it for Anja, and he realised that she already was a part of his family. She just hadn’t realised it yet.
But, most importantly, her words had made him realise how wrong she was. Because she was lovable.
Because he loved her.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
IT WAS INCREDIBLE, the things Dylan could get her to reveal. She looked up into those eyes that saw everything, into the arresting features of his face, and knew she didn’t have a chance against the onslaught of emotions.
Tempted by the Billionaire Next Door Page 14
