Far From Destined: A Promise Me Novel

by Carrie Ann Ryan

“As safe as I can be.”

  “I’m not sure where I stand on that,” I whispered.

  “I’m trying to find where I stand, as well.” We were both silent for a moment before he spoke again.

  “Talk to me,” he whispered.

  “My ex is out of jail,” I blurted, and he stared at me, then leaned forward and cupped my cheek.

  I didn’t even know if he realized he had done it. I froze, not letting myself lean in to the touch, even though I desperately wanted to. I didn’t know what was happening between us, what I wanted, what I should feel. I just knew that I had to push him away so I could breathe. Because I was worried. And because he was…here for me.

  I couldn’t trust myself. I’d already made that mistake before. I couldn’t do it again.

  “Your ex.” He paused. “Joshua’s father?”

  I gritted my teeth when he let go. I felt bereft. “I used to call him the sperm donor, but that’s cruel, especially around Joshua. But, yes, Adam’s the one who got me pregnant.”

  “And he was in jail,” Macon said slowly.

  “Your brothers never mentioned any of this?” I asked.

  “No, I don’t even know if Cross and Prior know anything.” He paused. “Or if Myra and Nate talk to each other.”

  “Let’s not go there,” I added with a dry laugh, wondering how I could even find humor at all.

  “You’re right. However, my brothers haven’t talked to me about any of this. That is if Hazel and Paris have even spoken to them about your past. I don’t believe they would betray your confidence like that.”

  “Oh.” I let out a shaky breath. “That’s good.”

  “He was in jail, then?” he asked again.

  “Yes, he’s not a good guy.” I chuffed a laugh. “That is the least I can say about it. Let’s just say he was, likely still is, a horrible person. And I fell into him and didn’t realize who he was until it was too late for me to get out. He hurt me,” I said quickly.

  Macon’s gaze narrowed. “That’s why when you saw the blood on my knuckles after the fight, you reacted as you did.”

  “Partly.” I wasn’t sure if I was ready to dive into my true feelings on that, about how the idea of Macon hurt had sent me into a tailspin. “Adam wasn’t a good man when we were together. He still isn’t as far as I know. He didn’t end up in jail because of hitting me. Or doing whatever else he wanted to with me.” Bile filled my mouth at the words, but I didn’t want to go into detail. Thankfully, Macon didn’t ask.

  “Why was he in jail, then?” he asked softly.

  “Drugs. They got Adam on possession, yet he didn’t have enough on him to get any real time. Joshua’s six now, and he’s never met his father. I got out when I could, ran away, bleeding and in pain. But I got out. And now, well, Adam is out.”

  I hadn’t meant to say so much, but there was no going back now.

  “Are you safe?” Macon asked, looking around me as if Adam could show up at any minute. And, honestly, he could.

  Chills broke out over my arms, but I ignored them. I had to. “I don’t know. The detective on my case is an asshole and doesn’t care. There’s a restraining order in place, but a piece of paper isn’t going to help me if Adam shows up.”

  “And you and I are standing out here in the dark right now? What the fuck, Dakota?”

  “We’re as safe as I can be for now. Adam isn’t going to show up when you’re around,” I said, and Macon’s brows rose.

  “Excuse me?” he asked.

  “He’s a wimp. A coward. He hit me because I was weaker. And I know he likely would’ve done something to Joshua if he’d had a chance. I got away with my son, and I’ve kept Joshua safe all this time. But he’s afraid. Adam, that is. He was always afraid of those bigger than him. Of those who could hurt him.”

  “I don’t hit others unless I’m in a ring,” Macon said. “I’m no danger to you or Joshua.”

  Oh, he might not be a danger physically, but I knew he was a danger to my heart. But that wasn’t something I wanted to get into. I didn’t want to think about it.

  “All I know is that Adam is out there, and I don’t know what I’m going to do if he wants to see Joshua.”

  “We’re not going to let that happen.” Macon put his hands on my shoulders.

  I wasn’t afraid. I even leaned into Macon just slightly, needing his touch.

  And hating myself for it.

  “I’m not going to live my life in fear, but I’m also going to find a way to make sure that nothing ever happens to my son.”

  Macon looked at me then and nodded. “I’ll help. If you’ll let me.”

  I looked at him, at the way he threw himself into standing up for his family, for his friends. For Joshua. I looked at the long, lean lines of him, his broad shoulders, thick thighs, everything about him. And found it was hard to breathe. That was the problem when it came to Macon. It was hard to do anything when he was around. That was why I fought so hard to keep him away. Because I wasn’t sure I’d say no if and when the time came.

  He kept looking at me, and when his gaze moved to my mouth, my lips parted, and I tilted my head back. I was in heels, so I wasn’t too much shorter than him. I just had to go to my tiptoes, and he had to lean down a fraction, and then his lips would be on mine.

  I closed my eyes, and suddenly he was there, a breath away from me. When his lips pressed against mine, no words were needed. His tongue brushed mine, and I held in a moan, needing this. Wanting this. He kissed with such control, as if he were afraid to let the bough break and allow everything to burst forth.

  I didn’t blame him because I felt the same.

  This was a mistake. I had made so many bad decisions, had so many regrets, but I didn’t care.

  When my phone rang in my bag, I took a startled step back, nearly tripping on my heels. Macon’s hands were on my hips, keeping me steady. And he didn’t let go.

  I looked up into his eyes, his pupils dark and wide. He didn’t release me even as my gaze moved to his lips, locked on the wetness there. I saw the need in his expression.

  My phone trilled again, and I pulled it out of my bag, my hands shaking. Still, Macon kept his hands on me.

  “Constance?” I asked, my heart racing. Macon’s hands tightened on my hips.

  “This is Constance’s mother, Shireen,” the other woman said. “I’m so sorry, but I’m taking Constance to the hospital right now. We think it could be her appendix. Jeff is with Joshua, of course, but my little girl’s going to need her daddy. I’m so sorry to cut your night short.”

  I was already moving towards the parking lot, Macon on my heels. “No, I’m the one who is sorry. I’m on my way to pick him up. I hope Constance is okay.”

  “I’m so sorry, Dakota. Thank you.”

  “Take care of your daughter. I’m on my way. Thank you for everything.”

  I hung up, my hands shaking as I tried to put my phone back into my purse. Macon took it from me and pulled out my keys.

  “I’m driving wherever we’re going.”

  “I’m fine,” I said, knowing neither of us was likely going to talk about the kiss. Or maybe that was just me.

  “I’m driving. And I’m going to call Prior or Cross to come and pick up your car.”

  “Why not Nate?” I asked, my brain going in a million different directions, yet sticking on an odd fact.

  “Nate’s been having more headaches recently. He isn’t driving as much.”

  I didn’t ask, knowing it wasn’t my business. My mind was too busy as it was. “I can drive on my own, Macon.”

  “Maybe you can, but you don’t need to. We’ll take your car because the booster’s in the back and frankly, because both my brothers have my car keys.”

  “Really?” I asked as we made our way to my car, my hands shaking. I knew the fear wasn’t about Adam. And I knew that Joshua was safe. Regardless, I still needed to get home.

  “We’ve had to help each other out enough that we all keep a spare set of key
s for one another. Same with my sister. It’s just what we’ve always done.”

  “That’s smart. Nobody has my keys.” I didn’t like how sad that sounded. I did just fine on my own, something I needed to remind myself.

  “Make a deal with the pact sisters. Or even one of us. We’re here for you.”

  And then we were in the car, neither of us speaking. My knees shook as we made it back to my house. As soon as we pulled into the garage, I practically jumped out of the car, tension riding me.

  I did my best to calm my breathing, but before I could open the door, Macon grabbed me around the hips and pressed me to his front.

  “Macon,” I whispered frantically. My heart raced, but it wasn’t from fear. Though considering what had happened to me in the past, I was surprised I didn’t scream.

  But this was Macon.

  And why that would slow my heart rate and let me find my balance...I didn’t know.

  “Calm yourself. If you go in there like a momma bear looking for her cub, you’re going to freak out Joshua. And I bet you he’s already pretty upset after seeing his babysitter get sick. You know that kid loves Constance. He talks about her all the time. Just breathe. Walk into the house like everything’s fine. If you do that, you’re not going to scare him.”

  I closed my eyes and let out a breath, my hands shaking. I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream. I wanted to do something. But Macon was right. I let myself lean against him, closed my eyes as I rested my head on his hard chest.

  “Thank you,” I whispered.

  “You’re welcome. I need to do that sometimes. Little moments trigger me, and I need to breathe so I don’t stress others and make things worse. You’ve got this. Now, go hug your kid.”

  “Okay.” He’d opened up to me, and I knew that meant something, but I needed to see my son before I let myself dwell on it.

  “Let’s go inside. Joshua needs you.”

  I opened the door and walked into my home, doing my best not to weep in relief at the sight of Joshua sitting on the couch, rocking back and forth as Constance’s father read to him. My little boy was stressed and likely needed a hug. He was getting attention and being cared for by Constance’s father, but I needed to hold my son.

  “Mom!” Joshua said and leapt off the couch to run to me. I went to my knees and caught him, hugging him fiercely.

  “Hey, there, baby boy.”

  “I’m not a baby,” he mumbled, burrowing into my neck. “Constance is sick.”

  “She is. But now that I’m here, her dad’s going to the hospital, and he’s going to make sure everything is okay.”

  “Thank you, Dakota. We’ll keep you updated. Bye, buddy.” The man rubbed Joshua’s head before heading out without another word.

  Constance’s father was quiet but caring. And I knew he was worried. He would keep us updated. So would Shireen. I was worried about Constance, about what it would mean for babysitting duties and Adam...about Macon. Yet right then, I could only focus on the child in my arms.

  “We’ve got you, little man,” Macon whispered from behind me.

  “Macon!” Joshua said as if just realizing that Macon was in the room. He nearly pushed me away to scramble towards the man.

  I tried not to feel offended.

  “Hi, buddy.” Macon picked Joshua up, holding him tight.

  “You were with my mom?” Joshua asked, looking over his shoulder at me.

  I knew my cheeks had reddened, and I didn’t know what to say. Macon and I weren’t dating. But we had kissed—I could still taste Macon’s mouth on mine.

  Macon’s eyes darkened for a moment over Joshua’s head, and then Macon brought him to the couch.

  “I heard you had an eventful night.”

  “Constance threw up, and she was really sick. Her mom got worried, but then her dad said everything was going to be okay. But I’m still scared.”

  “I understand,” Macon said, and I tried not to take in the tableaux in front of me. Macon looking so large and yet caring with my little boy in his arms.

  Joshua had never had a father, and Macon wasn’t going to be it. I didn’t want to get married. I didn’t want a dad for Joshua.

  I didn’t want that connection.

  Only…was I making a mistake?

  “I think it’s past your bedtime,” Macon mentioned, bringing me out of my thoughts.

  I checked the clock and winced. “It is, little man.”

  “But, Mom…” Joshua whined, and I shook my head.

  “If I hear any updates, I will let you know. But Constance’s family is with her, and it’s going to be a long night. You need your sleep so you’re all strong and ready to go tomorrow.”

  “Can Macon tuck me in?” Joshua asked, wrapping his arms around Macon’s neck like a little octopus.

  I met Macon’s gaze, wondering what this feeling was inside me.

  Macon gave me a questioning glance, and I nodded. “Of course. He’s here. Now let’s see how he does with the whole bedtime routine.”

  “I’ll be good, I promise.”

  “Well, at least he made that promise for someone,” I said dryly as Joshua ran off to brush his teeth.

  “You sure it’s okay?” Macon asked.

  No.

  “I think Joshua just needs people around right now. It’s fine.”

  “And are we going to talk about what happens tomorrow?” Macon asked.

  “Nothing,” I whispered.

  Nothing happens tomorrow.

  “Are we going to talk about what happened tonight?” Macon asked.

  “I don’t know,” I whispered honestly. “I just need to make sure my son’s okay.”

  “We can do that. And then we’ll figure out what comes next.”

  With a tight nod, Macon followed my son to help with his bedtime routine, and I wondered just how this had happened.

  And what the hell I was going to do about it.

  Chapter 8

  Macon

  * * *

  Something soft was on top of me. A warm weight that cuddled closer, and my dick hardened at the movement. This had to be a dream. Because all I wanted to do was let my hands travel and gently cup her ass, make it so she spread her legs so I could piston into her as we both came.

  I was warm and sleepy and content.

  And not awake.

  “Macon.” My eyes shot open at the little whispered sound, and I turned my head to the right to see Joshua bent over me, his nose an inch from mine.

  I didn’t startle. I didn’t shout. My hands squeezed whoever’s hips were above me for a bare instant, and then I remembered where I was.

  After I had put Joshua to sleep, I had sat on the couch next to Dakota to make sure she was okay. We had talked, but not much.

  We must have fallen asleep, because now she was draped over me, neither of us even needing a blanket given the heat we produced.

  And, Jesus Christ. Her son had walked in on us.

  Not that we had done anything wrong. But I knew she wouldn’t be happy when she woke up.

  The fact that I hadn’t woken up by being startled, fists swinging, said enough about what I felt for these two—even if I couldn’t say or think the words. I would never hurt Dakota and Joshua and thank God my subconscious seemed to understand that.

  “Hey there,” I whispered, my voice morning-rough.

  I knew the moment Dakota woke because she stiffened in my hold, the hands on my chest digging into my flesh.

  She knew exactly where she was, but like I had, she probably wondered how the fuck we had gotten here.

  “What are you doing? Why is Mommy laying on top of you?” Joshua asked.

  “Um, we fell asleep.”

  “Hey, baby,” Dakota said before she scrambled off me.

  There wasn’t another word for what she did. Dakota pushed at my chest, nearly kneed me in the balls, and almost fell off the couch as she staggered to her feet. She straightened her shirt, pushed her hands through her hair, and blinked.

>   “I think we fell asleep. I didn’t even take out my contacts.” Dakota rubbed her eyes. “And we need to get ready for school and work,” Dakota added before looking down at her phone. “And, crap, we’re running late.” She cursed.

  I was up in an instant, standing on the other side of Joshua and Dakota. “I need to head to work, too. Sorry about that. I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”

  “I guess we didn’t mean for a lot of things to happen.”

  Something cracked inside of me, and I blinked at her, wondering what she could mean by that.

  She bit her lip. “I mean…let’s talk later?”

  Joshua bounced in front of his mom. “What about Macon? Doesn’t he need coffee like you? And breakfast. We need to make sure he gets breakfast.”

  I looked at the two of them, their little family, and I ached. I wanted to be a part of this. When the hell had that happened? I knew I had a thing for Dakota, a huge one, and I knew I loved this little kid like he was mine, but hell. How could I want this? I shouldn’t.

  “Maybe some other time,” I said, looking down at Joshua but knowing my words were for Dakota.

  I had just thrown down the gauntlet, at least a little bit. Maybe she’d figure out what she wanted with me.

  Because I wanted her.

  I remembered that kiss, the need I’d felt, and I wanted more of it.

  I didn’t remember falling asleep with her in my arms, but waking up with her there?

  I wanted more of that.

  And I knew it would be complicated. I knew it wouldn’t be easy. But I knew what I wanted.

  And now I just had to figure out how to get it.

  “We need to get ready for the rest of the day.” Dakota put her hands on Joshua’s shoulders.

  “Okay,” I replied. “But we’re going to talk.”

  “Yes,” she said softly. “We are.”

  I didn’t know what I saw in her expression, but it wasn’t denial. It wasn’t rejection.

  But neither was it acceptance.

  What I did see had to count for something, though.

  “You’re not going to stay for breakfast?” Joshua asked.

  I shook my head and then went down to my knee. Joshua came and hugged me tightly, and I inhaled, needing this moment. I wasn’t okay. I wasn’t completely healed. But for some reason, even though Dakota put me on edge, she and Joshua also settled me.