by A. K. Evans
“It makes no sense, right?” I countered. “I know. I get it. But something about it just hurts even worse than what happened back in high school.”
“Yeah. The thing nobody knows about,” she reminded me. “Maybe you should take this opportunity to do something about what’s happening between you two. I mean, maybe this storm, the accident, and all of us being stranded somewhere else is some kind of divine intervention or something. Maybe you and Mack need to sit down and talk about it.”
I didn’t know if I could do that. I didn’t know if I wanted to do that.
For years, I told myself I wanted nothing to do with him ever again. Now knowing that I was going to get that very thing I thought I wanted had me second guessing myself. Maybe Dakota was right. Maybe I should take the time to approach Mack and try to clear the air. Even if I couldn’t forgive him for what he did, maybe we could come to some sort of mutual understanding that at least made things easier for our friends.
“I’ll have to think about it,” I murmured.
“Are you serious? That’s great news,” she bubbled. “I didn’t think you’d ever agree to it.”
“I’m not agreeing to anything just yet,” I pointed out. “I said I’d think about it.”
“I know. And that’s better than not being willing to at all.”
I sighed. “Well, keep me posted on what’s happening down in Lily Canyon, and I’ll let you know what’s happening here. I really hope you guys are here with us soon.”
“Yeah, I definitely will. And we’ll be there as soon as we can.”
“Talk to you later, Dakota. Say hi to Ben for me.”
“Will do. Love you, Mar.”
With that, I said goodbye and disconnected.
Then I finished my breakfast, packed up a lunch, and got myself ready to go out riding. A day on the mountain would be the perfect way to clear my head and come to a decision about what I really wanted to do regarding Mack.
For the rest of the morning, I spent my time exploring the mountain. It was so massive that I knew I just barely scratched the surface of what there was to see and ride. Surprisingly, I had a great time, even if I was doing it alone.
And as I rode different trails and took in the beauty of the scenery—I hadn’t seen anything quite so breathtaking in all my life—I allowed my mind to drift to Mack. I considered Dakota’s suggestion.
Should I try to sit and talk with Mack?
It seemed I only ended up with more and more questions as I deliberated over what to do. What good could come of it? Would I wind up feeling even more hurt than I already was? Was there a chance that Mack might not even want to talk to me?
That’s what scared me the most about taking any action.
Because he’d made an effort yesterday. I made it very clear where I stood and shot him down. As awful as what he did years ago was, he was technically still a kid. I was a grown adult now, and I was holding on to this.
At the very least, didn’t I owe it to myself to get some answers? Didn’t I deserve an explanation?
Unsure that I’d actually drawn any conclusions one way or the other after a few hours, I finally walked into one of the lodges on the mountain for a late lunch. It wasn’t the main one I’d gone to yesterday, and it certainly didn’t carry the selection of food that one did, but it offered both skiers and snowboarders an opportunity to recharge, use the bathrooms, and grab a bite to eat.
I pulled my lunch out of my backpack and ate quietly at a table against the windows. When I finished, I didn’t stick around. There was so much more left to see, and the couple of hours I spent riding this morning had been the best time for me since I’d arrived.
But no sooner had I walked out and grabbed my board when I saw Mack getting off the lift. With a mountain this big, what were the chances I’d see him?
I had hoped he’d head into the lodge, but he didn’t. He moved right toward the same trail as me.
Strapping myself in, I ran through a few scenarios in my head. Should I just take off and pretend I didn’t know him? Should I say something and potentially embarrass myself if he reacted to me the same way I’d reacted to him yesterday? Should I offer a friendly smile and a wave?
I quickly came to the conclusion that saying something was out of the question. I was too scared. I was half tempted to offer the friendly smile, but deep down, that didn’t feel right. It wouldn’t be genuine because I didn’t have friendly feelings toward Mack.
So, I went with option number one. I was going to take off and pretend I didn’t know him.
And that right there was my biggest mistake.
Because for some strange reason, I could feel him behind me. I knew he was there, and I couldn’t handle it. As a result, I did something very, very stupid.
All morning long, I’d seen people take off into the wooded areas to take advantage of the fresh powder. I’d occasionally done something similar at a much smaller resort closer to home. Foolishly, I thought this would have been the same.
It wasn’t.
I’d gone off the trail and had been fine initially. In fact, I was feeling incredible as I rode through the champagne snow. But within minutes, I realized there was far more terrain to navigate than I had anticipated. To avoid a collision with one of the many trees, I scrubbed my speed a bit too much.
And then I was stuck.
Stuck in chest deep powder.
I used techniques I remembered Mack teaching me years ago to get myself free, but it was exhausting work. It took a long time. And it wasn’t long before I found myself trudging through the powder back toward the trail.
I’d gone so far off the trail, though, I had no clue how long it was going to take me to get back.
That was the other problem. It was incredibly difficult and strenuous work to get through the snow that I had to take frequent breaks. My body ached, and I just wanted to stop for a while.
But I couldn’t.
Because I had to get to the lift before it stopped running for the night. On this particular part of the mountain, the lifts stopped running at four-thirty in the afternoon. Recalling what time it was when I left the lodge, I knew there wasn’t much time left.
I started to panic, which only made struggling through the chest-deep powder that much more difficult. Tears leaked from my eyes, my goggles fogged up, and I felt absolutely defeated. Each step I took felt like I was sinking deeper and deeper.
And the only thought running through my mind when I was on the verge of giving up was that I hadn’t made things right with Mack. Now, I might not ever have the chance.
Five
Mack
“I need you to do me a favor.”
That came out as a desperate plea.
But I didn’t care how it made me sound. I was beginning to feel sick, and I needed help. I only hoped one of my closest friends was going to step up to the plate and do this for me.
“I’m not sure how much I can do from this hotel room with just under two feet of snow on the ground outside, Mack, but I’ll give it my best shot,” Ryder replied.
“You have to call Marley,” I ordered.
There was a long pause, indicating I’d surprised him. I guess I couldn’t blame him. Eventually, my best friend responded with some questions. “Why would I have to call Marley when she’s there with you? Did you two get into another fight? Am I going to have to get in the middle of something?” he asked.
“She hasn’t come back from snowboarding yet,” I informed him, feeling my nerves ratchet up.
“Okay. Is that a problem?” he countered. “And furthermore, why are you concerned about this? Weren’t you the one yesterday who was telling me you were done with her? That you were done wasting your time on her? I thought you didn’t care anymore.”
What an idiot I had been.
“You know that was a complete lie,” I informed him. “I’ll never not care about her. And like I just said, she hasn’t come back from snowboarding yet.”
Another pause en
sued while I was certain Ryder was attempting to figure out what was going on. “I still don’t understand. Is there a time limit on snowboarding?” he questioned me.
“Technically, yes,” I answered. “There are a couple of lifts on the mountain, and the few that run later stop running at four-thirty. Worst case, if she was on that last ride and rode slowly back toward this house, she’d still have been back here by five.”
“It’s forty-five minutes beyond that,” he noted. I could finally hear the alarm in his tone. At least he was starting to realize that this was something to be concerned about and that I wasn’t being completely crazy.
I shook my head, feeling frustrated. “Now you know why I’m asking you to call her,” I declared.
“What do you want me to say to her?” he asked.
“I honestly do not care,” I began. “Anything. I don’t care if you have to talk shit on me. You can tell her about what I said to you yesterday and just say you wanted to check on her since you knew that she and I are here alone together. It really doesn’t matter what you say. I just need to know that she’s okay. I’m worried about her. It’s late, and it’s dark out. Not to mention that the temps have dropped substantially. Trust me, Ryder, if I thought there was any chance that she’d answer for me if I called her, I’d do it myself.”
And I would. But based on the fact that my phone number hadn’t changed since I first got a phone, Marley would know it was me. Or maybe she wouldn’t. If she deleted me from her list of contacts—something I’d never been able to do with her—she might not answer because she didn’t recognize the number. Either way, I didn’t think I’d have any success with getting her on the phone and figured it was best to have someone she knew that she wasn’t upset with calling her.
“Alright. Let me call her. I’ll call you back,” he said.
We disconnected our call, and I waited impatiently. Unable to control the negative thoughts in my mind, I began pacing back and forth. My nerves were shot, I was starting to sweat, and I couldn’t ignore the sick feeling in my stomach.
This wasn’t good.
Barely a minute had passed when my phone rang.
Shit.
As much as I wanted him to call me back, I didn’t think him returning the call so quickly was a good sign.
“Yeah,” I answered.
“No answer,” Ryder informed me.
“Shit,” I hissed.
“It might not mean anything,” he reasoned, clearly trying to keep me calm. “Maybe she’s riding and can’t hear it. Maybe she’s on her way back.”
I shook my head even though he couldn’t see me.
This wasn’t right.
Something didn’t feel right about any of this.
“No. No, I don’t think that’s it,” I argued. “Marley wouldn’t stay out this late. Not when the lift closes down at four-thirty. Where the hell would she be riding at?”
Looking for any shred of hope or explanation, Ryder suggested, “Maybe she decided to stop at the lodge and get something to eat.”
“Marley?” I questioned him. “You honestly think the woman who loves cooking decided to eat at the lodge.”
He hesitated a moment before he muttered, “Point made.”
It was in that instance that I wished he would have had a different response. I was hoping that he would have shared something about Marley that was news to me, something I’d never learned about her that changed over the years we hadn’t been speaking to one another. At least if that had been the case, I could have relaxed a bit.
Damn it, this was all my fault.
“Fuck, I should have followed her,” I clipped.
“Followed her?” he repeated.
Continuing to pace back and forth, I ran my fingers through my hair. Frustrated didn’t even begin to describe how I was feeling. That was only one very small portion of it. There was also sick, nervous, angry, terrified, and a whole slew of other emotions. I was barely keeping it together at this point.
“I saw her this afternoon,” I began. “I’d just gotten off a lift when she came out of one of the smaller lodges. She took off down the trail ahead of me, and I followed behind her for a while. But then she veered off the main trail to ride the untouched powder.”
I recalled seeing her ride off that trail and feeling nothing but pride move through me as she rode the fresh powder. To think that more than fifteen years ago, she had a hard time going down a beginner hill and now she could do that was something else. Even if I tried telling myself I didn’t care, the truth was that I was so proud of her.
And now I was beyond pissed at myself. Because I should have followed her. If I had, she might have gotten angry with me—that was why I held myself back—but at least I would have known that she was safe.
What if something happened to her? What if she got hurt?
I’d never forgive myself.
“You think she got into some kind of trouble out there?” Ryder asked.
“I don’t know,” I admitted, my voice sounding hoarse as my throat was painfully tight. “I really don’t know.”
I had to do something. There was absolutely no way I could stay here in this house while it was possible that she was hurt somewhere. I felt as though I was crawling out of my own skin.
God, why hadn’t I sucked it up and said something to her this morning? Why hadn’t I at least apologized for what happened yesterday?
I knew why.
It wasn’t because I’d made a promise to myself last night that I wouldn’t do it. Even all the things I said on the phone to Ryder yesterday about being done with her and not ever wasting my time on her again had nothing to do with it. I was angry, bitter, and in the moment. I meant none of that.
My reason for not speaking to her this morning was because I had been caught off guard. After I’d gone back downstairs this morning following breakfast, I checked in with my friends to see what had happened down in Lily Canyon. I wanted to see where they all were with getting here and how bad the snow had been. Afterward, I’d pulled on my base layers and had prepared myself for a day of fun riding in excellent conditions.
But when I got to the top of the stairs, it hit me.
The smell.
The scent.
The aroma from her cooking. Marley used to cook and bake all the time when we were younger. Until I came up those stairs and was assaulted by the delicious smell of her food, I hadn’t realized how much I missed having her randomly make things for me. Nostalgia kicked in and longing consumed me.
There was so much that I missed, and Marley’s cooking was just a small sliver of it.
It was so hard to take in the scent, know that it would be delicious, and hold myself back from asking what she made. I almost did, and then I remembered that I couldn’t.
She had made it clear where she stood. Even if I had despised every single second of the way things were, I didn’t want to cause her to hate me more than I could already see that she did. I didn’t like seeing the reaction she had yesterday. The mere thought of being alone with me in this house made her uneasy. No matter how things were between us, I’d never, ever want that for her.
And if it hadn’t already been clear enough that Marley wanted nothing to do with me, seeing her sitting there at the island would have been. Not once did she glance up to look at me. She didn’t even tilt her head in my direction. To her, it was all the same if I was there or not. In fact, she probably would have preferred that I wasn’t there at all.
At this point, I didn’t care what she thought of me. I couldn’t sit around until I knew that she was okay.
Yesterday had been different. She left in her car. Yes, it was snowing, but at least she’d had the warmth of the car.
Now?
If something was wrong and she never made it to that lift, I knew there was not a chance she’d survive the night with the temperatures being so frigid. She might have been wearing Blackman Boards gear from head to toe—the best anyone could wear—but I still didn�
�t think she’d be okay.
“What are you going to do?” Ryder asked, interrupting my thoughts. “Maybe you should call someone.”
I began nodding my head furiously even though he couldn’t see me. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m going to get my gear on and head out. I’ll check the lodge, see if she went there. If not, I’ve got to get back out on that mountain,” I told him.
“Don’t go alone,” he advised. “Make sure you tell someone what’s happening. We don’t need two of you to be missing.”
He didn’t have to tell me twice. I’d already planned on doing that.
“I know I’ve made a lot of mistakes as far as Marley is concerned, but I’m not that much of an idiot,” I insisted.
“Call me as soon as you know something,” he demanded. “I want to know that she’s safe. I’ll wait to hear from you before I panic and start calling the rest of the crew.”
“Yeah, don’t do that,” I advised. If everyone else, especially the girls, found out that Marley was missing on this mountain, there was no doubt in my mind that chaos would ensue. Even though they were hours away, they’d not hesitate to get themselves involved. And as well-meaning as it would all be, I did not doubt that Beth, Faye, and Dakota would make this that much worse. So, I promised, “I’ll call you as soon as I know something, Ryder.”
I disconnected the call, set my phone down, and pressed my palms into the countertop while I took some deep breaths. The words I’d just said to Ryder rang in my head.
I’d done some stupid shit when it came to Marley, namely, allowing her to cut me out of her life without an explanation. But this had to top that. Even if I didn’t follow her off the trail, I should have waited at the bottom of it until I saw her approaching. At least I wouldn’t be standing here having to make phone calls to someone else who was hours away just so I could check on her.
It was a few minutes after six o’clock. I couldn’t waste another minute. I pushed myself away from the counter, moved toward the couch in front of the fireplace, and picked up my socks. I still had my base layers on, and the rest of my gear was drying over on the hooks by the front door.
