“I’ve been thinking,” Josh ventured. “About talking to Kira.”
Inwardly, Cole cheered.
“Yeah? That’s great to hear, Josh. What changed your mind?”
“I don’t know. But it got me wondering. Have you talked to her?”
Cole walked right into the trap before he had any inkling it was there.
“Me?”
“Yeah. About the nightmares, the bad days, the stuff you talked about that night I sprained my ankle?”
“No,” he admitted. “I haven’t talked to her.”
“Have you spoken to anyone?”
“I talked to you.”
“I’m not sure that counts,” Josh said.
“I talk—talked—to Brax sometimes. But back then I didn’t know how badly he was struggling with everything. There I was, just freely adding to his burden.”
“So now you’ve got no one?”
“Kira wouldn’t understand,” Cole said haltingly. “I couldn’t tell her everything.”
“Then you need someone to talk to who you can tell everything to. Or someone who already knows.”
Cole stopped walking, turning his gaze out into the woods.
“No one knows, Josh. They know the others were retreating and that they never made it back. But I couldn’t bring myself to tell them that they were so close that I could see them, hear them. That they got to the door.”
He heard a thump behind him and looked around to find that Josh had climbed off Thunder’s back and was standing there, staring at Cole.
“You’ve carried that by yourself, all this time?”
“I couldn’t share it,” Cole admitted. “Every time I tried to say it, the words stuck in my throat. And then it was too late.”
He suddenly found himself with an armful of omega as Josh wrapped his arms around him and hugged him tightly.
“It’s going to be okay, Cole,” Josh assured him.
“Yeah?” he asked, his voice cracking.
“Yes,” Josh said firmly. “It wasn’t your fault. It’s all going to be okay.”
It felt good to hear someone say it out loud. What he’d wished and hoped and prayed to hear. Now, if only he could believe it.
They walked Thunder back to the stables, Josh sitting down to rest his ankle while Cole took off the saddle and brushed him down. He patted Thunder’s flank reassuringly as he settled him back into his stall.
“You did good today, buddy.” He glanced over at Josh and added, “You too.”
Josh smiled at him, then yawned.
“We haven’t tired you out already, have we?”
“I told you, it’s all this fresh air.”
“Or maybe it’s the fact that you switched your coffee for tea again this morning?” Cole suggested with a grin.
“Maybe,” Josh admitted.
Halfway back to the house, when he saw Josh wince putting weight on his ankle, he swept the omega up into his arms.
“Your chariot awaits.”
“Don’t be silly. I can walk.”
“After you’ve had a rest.”
He carried Josh to his room and settled him down on the bed. When he tried to move away, the omega grabbed hold of his shirt and tugged him down, pressing his lips to Cole’s.
Cole returned the kiss, cupping his face gently. Josh’s fingers tangled in his shirt, drawing it up, and Cole helped him tug it off, going back in for another kiss.
Josh kissed him back eagerly, his hands roaming Cole’s back. Cole deepened the kiss, nudging his tongue against Josh’s lips until the omega parted them, letting out a low moan as their tongues met.
When Josh’s nimble fingers started to undo his pants, Cole gently covered them with his hand.
“What’s the hurry?” he said, panting for breath.
“You don’t want to?” Josh asked, wide-eyed.
“I don’t want to rush into anything,” Cole told him, swiping his thumb across Josh’s lower lip.
That was the wrong thing to say, as Josh pushed himself out from under Cole, drawing his knees to his chest.
“You don’t want me.”
“That’s not it—” Cole tried to tell him.
“I know I’m not good enough for you,” Josh said softly. “Not good enough to join the pack. But I must be good enough to fuck, right? Otherwise, why are you keeping me around, going to all this trouble to help me?”
Cole sat back on his heels, startled. “That, what you just said, that’s exactly why I don’t want to rush into anything. You think I don’t want you? That the pack doesn’t want you?”
“No one wants me,” Josh contended hoarsely. “You won’t even sleep with me.”
“Well, I’m definitely not sleeping with you just to prove a point,” he ground out.
“Why not?” Josh argued, his voice rising. “People have slept with me for far less incentive.”
“Because I’m falling for you. Falling hard. I’m not going to fuck that up by letting you think all I’m interested in is no-strings sex. What I want from you is much more than that.”
Josh opened his mouth to speak, then closed it, shocked to silence.
He tried again. “You—”
“I’m falling for you,” Cole said softly. “Falling in love with you. That is what’s happening here.”
He opened his arms, and Josh closed the distance between them, pressing close to Cole and hiding his face in the alpha’s neck.
“I’m sorry I yelled.”
“And I’m sorry I didn’t make my feelings clear. Look, it’s okay if you don’t feel the same…” Cole was very aware Josh hadn’t made any mention of the l-word. He wanted the omega to know there was no pressure, that none of the help they were giving was contingent on his feelings being returned.
“I didn’t think you’d want me like that,” Josh admitted. “I was afraid to let myself hope.”
“Then I guess we’re both fools,” Cole teased softly.
He eased them down to lie on the bed, pressing another soft kiss to Josh’s lips. They’d start with some honesty and go from there.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Josh wasn’t sure if it was the talking or all the kissing that made him feel better about things with Cole. Either way, he was beginning to see it as the start of something big, something real, and not just a passing fling. He didn’t push for more when Cole gave him a kiss goodnight, settling in his own bed with a sense of satisfaction.
He’d never met an alpha who hadn’t jumped at the opportunity to have him in their bed. But now he knew that it wasn’t rejection or lack of interest, but something altogether more novel. A respect for him, for what he and Cole might have together, that mattered more than how good Josh was between the sheets. Still, Josh hoped Cole wasn’t going to play the chivalrous knight card for too long. There was only so much sexual frustration an omega could take.
Oliver had promised to get started right away on pursuing the criminal case against Stewart. But he warned Josh that it could be a while before anything happened. Josh didn’t mind. He could be patient. His life was now filled with things worth waiting for.
So he was surprised when, only two days later, Oliver sat down with him and Cole to impart some news.
“This is moving faster than I’d prepared you for,” Oliver told him. “Liam passed on some of the details of your case to the relevant precinct, and they referred him to a special task force that’s been set up to look into these sorts of situations.”
It all sounded very cryptic to Josh.
“The bottom line is,” Oliver continued, “two officers from the task force would like to come here and interview you. They want to arrange a date for that, sooner rather than later.”
“When were they thinking?” Cole asked, while Josh was still trying to get his head around it all.
“Tomorrow or the day after. Of course, only if Josh agrees.”
“I still have a choice?” he asked. “Didn’t I already agree to this?”
“
You said you were amenable to cooperating in a criminal case against Stewart,” Oliver said gently. “You can change your mind about that at any time. It won’t necessarily stop the investigation. It just means that making a case against Stewart, one that can be pursued in court, is far less likely.”
“If you need more time to think it over…” Cole added.
“No.” Just hearing that he didn’t have to do it helped Josh make up his mind. “I want to do this. Soon, please.”
“I’ll call them right back,” Oliver said. “And see if we can arrange it for tomorrow morning. That way, you haven’t got it hanging over you all day.”
He slipped from the room, leaving Josh alone with Cole.
“For what it’s worth,” Cole said, “I think you’re doing the right thing.”
“I hope so.”
Sometimes he knew it, right down deep inside. Other times, uncertainty and doubt swirled around inside him, taunting him.
“How about we go out to eat this evening?” Cole offered. “Change of scene and all that.”
“Could we stay in?” Josh countered.
“Sure.” There was a teasing smile on Cole’s face. “You, me, hot cocoa, and a good book.”
“I was thinking takeout, loud music, dancing…”
“We might bring the cottage down on top of us,” Cole said with a grin.
“Worth the risk,” Josh replied, grinning back at him.
His stomach was like a ball of lead the next morning. Only two bites of toast and a few sips of tea made it past his lips. He could see the concern in Cole’s eyes, but the alpha didn’t voice it. Instead, he kept up a light conversation, distracting Josh as best he could as the time ticked ever closer.
Josh hadn’t been sure what to wear, but Oliver had told him to pick whatever made him comfortable. He stuck to jeans, an old, worn T-shirt, and a pair of sneakers that were falling apart.
“Dressed-down chic, huh?” Cole said when he saw him. “I like it. Understated, but there’s no way I’d miss you in a crowd.”
The praise and the way it was delivered made Josh tingle inside as they trekked over to the packhouse. They were early, and the driveway was empty, much to his relief.
Oliver met them at the door.
“Liam’s here. We wanted you to have some choice over who’d be in the room with you. And since we’ve heard everything already, we can help if anything’s missed, and we’ll know better when you need a break. If you want Cole with you…”
Josh had no doubt Cole would be there in a heartbeat if he asked him. But he also didn’t want to put Cole through that. For such a protective alpha, especially where he was concerned, some of it would be really hard to hear.
He turned to Cole and gave his best attempt at a smile.
“I think I’ll need someone on the outside, ready with moral support and chocolate.”
“Moral support, check. Chocolate, check,” Cole said easily. He hid his relief well, but Josh caught it all the same. “I’ll stick around the packhouse the whole time…”
Josh reached for his hand.
“No, there’s no point in having you stuck here going stir crazy while I’m in there doing the same thing. Go keep busy with the horses, or help Thorn out, or whatever there is that’ll help you feel useful. I have Liam and Oliver, they’ve got my back. I’ll be okay.”
“If you’re sure,” Cole said, his eyes searching.
“I’m sure,” Josh promised.
They leaned in and kissed, pulling away quickly, conscious of eyes on them.
“See you later,” Cole said.
“Not if I see you first.”
Josh followed Oliver to his office and took in the altered layout. The desk had been pushed against the wall, and a bigger, conference-style table was in the middle of the room. There were three chairs on one side, facing the large window that looked out into the garden. The two chairs on the other faced the entrance into the room.
“This way,” Oliver said as Josh looked around, “you’ll be closest to the door if you need to leave, but you’ll also be able to see outside the whole time, which will hopefully make it a little easier.”
It was a small thing, but it might make a big difference.
Liam poked his head in the door. “They’re here. I’ll go greet them and bring them in. Josh, do you need anything? We’ve got water and snacks on Oliver’s desk. And there’s tissues on that shelf right behind you.”
“Thanks, Liam.”
Josh grabbed a few tissues and stuck them in his pocket just in case, then sat down in the middle seat. Oliver took the seat to his left.
He felt a little on edge and anxious as they waited for the police to arrive. There was this throb of guilt inside him, even though he knew he hadn’t done anything wrong.
They heard a knock on the door before it opened again, and Liam came inside followed by two people in suits. The first was an alpha, a fact which sent Josh’s heart briefly into overdrive. The second man, shorter but older than the first, was an omega.
“Josh, Oliver, these are Detectives Fellows and Morgan.”
Josh stood and turned toward them, knowing he must have looked stunned. An omega detective? He knew omegas could join the police, but the idea that one of them could actually make a career out of it, could be promoted up the ranks, seemed as shocking as it was satisfying.
“We appreciate you coming all this way, Detectives,” Oliver said smoothly, shaking both men’s hands.
Josh maintained an awkward silence, envious of Oliver’s coolheaded response.
“It’s no problem,” Detective Fellows said. He was the alpha, and his gaze moved between all three of them, calm but watchful.
Detective Morgan seemed to be watching Josh almost as closely as Josh was watching him.
“We thought Joshua might be more comfortable on familiar ground,” he said. “Police stations aren’t generally built to put people at ease. Quite the opposite.” He held a hand out to Josh. “It’s good to meet you, Mr. Karsley.”
“Um, Josh is fine.” He shook the detective’s hand before sinking back into his chair.
The others took seats too, and Josh clasped his hands together, trying to hide how badly they were shaking.
The detectives exchanged a glance, and then Fellows addressed him.
“We know it wasn’t an easy decision for you to come forward, Josh,” he said warmly. “So we want to start by saying how great it is that you have. Even if it’s too much, and you can’t handle it all today, that’s okay. Some people want to get it all over and done with in one go. Others can only manage bits at a time. For some people, it’s more than they can take. No matter how hard they want to, for their own sake, they just need to let it go.”
“We’ll take our cue from you here, Josh,” Detective Morgan added. “If you need a break, just say so. If you want to skip a question and come back to it later, we can do that. We know it’s a lot, but believe me when I say that we have heard it all before. Don’t worry about shocking us, don’t worry about what we might think. Whatever you can tell us, in as much detail as you can remember, would be of immense help. Not just for you but for the others who were and still are in your position.”
Josh took a deep breath, let it out slowly, and nodded.
“I’m ready,” he told them.
The day was, for lack of a better word, grueling. It was like the longest script read-through combined with the tension of the most difficult to shoot scenes. The ones no one wanted to do over, so there was all that pressure to get it right the first time. Just as he had after his first meeting with Liam, Josh felt emotionally and physically empty. Like he could just sit and stare at a wall for hours, the world passing him by.
He wandered around aimlessly, looking for Cole. It took half a minute of staring at a clock for him to realize that, despite how he felt, it was still only early afternoon.
“Cole’s out with Thorn,” Brax explained when he and Oliver encountered Josh circling the first floo
r for a second time. “I called him, and they’re on their way back. Should be here in half an hour or so. Why don’t you go sit down in the living room? It’s nice and quiet in there.”
Josh wandered inside but couldn’t settle. He spotted sunshine through the window and opened the door out into the garden. There, he found Duke and Jack kicking a ball around.
“Play, Josh?” Jack asked, toddling after the ball.
“Um, sure,” he said, glancing at Duke who nodded and smiled.
After a few minutes of watching Jack squeal any time he so much as tipped the ball, Josh sank down onto the grass. He watched as the toddler lost interest in the game and started pulling up tufts of grass and dandelions.
Duke settled down next to him.
“How’d it go?”
“Okay, I guess. They asked a lot of questions, and I gave a lot of answers.”
“Cole was wearing a groove in the floor with all his pacing, so Thorn dragged him out on an errand. Zane went with them to play referee.”
Josh smiled at the image of them in the truck, Zane sitting between the two alphas to keep them at bay.
“Of course, he won’t need to do that much longer, now that you’re here.”
Josh, tired beyond belief, assumed that Duke was referring to him and Cole. “I guess he won’t. Lucky him.”
“Lucky for all of us,” Duke said. “Oliver is the best thing that happened to Brax, and the whole pack has benefitted. But you being our Anchor is the most amazing thing that’s happened to this pack since we lost the others.”
Josh blinked, feeling like he’d missed a trick.
“Anchor?”
“Sorry, that’s military-speak for Keeper. We weren’t sure at first, Cole especially. True Keepers are rare these days. It’s a stroke of luck that we found you. Or that you found us, I guess. Sorry, I won’t go on about it. I know you’ll have heard enough about it from Cole.”
“Right,” Josh said slowly, playing along. “But I guess you’ve all been talking about it.”
“Yeah. You are sorely needed. Oliver and the others are doing their best, but with four alphas in close proximity and the only omega in our midst a Defender? We’ve been tearing strips off each other. Having you there to even it all out will make a nice change.”
Keeper (The Lost Pack Book 2) Page 13
