Damned If I Do

by M. J. Schiller

  "This is beautiful, Zoe. You did this?"

  "Dani and I did," she responded proudly. The metal was twisted into the shape of a sun, with pieces of colored glass incorporated all along the twirling rays bursting out from the center.

  "That would look great on the landing where the stairs turn," I said thoughtfully.

  She snatched it back. "Or in my bedroom." Then she gave me a rare, spontaneous hug. "Thanks, Daddy. This was fun."

  I caught Dani's gaze and she smiled, seeming to understand how significant the comment was. Parents didn't get words like that from their teenagers often. Dani looked away to give us privacy, but I wished she wouldn't have.

  We returned to the cottage and ransacked the game shelf in the closet, as it was still raining, discovering Sorry in the stacks. Tabby fell asleep on the way home and didn't even stir when I carried her in and tucked her into Zoe's bed. So, Scott, Zoe, Danielle, and me slid our pieces along the game board while the sun fought off the clouds. As the game ended, I walked to the slider and leaned on the glass, holding the curtain back with my hand. My other hand gripped my hip as I watched the sunlight set the jewels of water still clinging to the blades of grass afire, like some fairy world. Dani approached me from behind, circling my waist with arms and peeking outside from around me.

  "Looks like it might clear up for our sunset cruise across the bay."

  I turned in her arms and kissed her and she melted into me, blurring our edges.

  "I should get the spaghetti going," she said regretfully.

  "I'll help."

  The kids hunkered down on dinner like we didn't feed them all day—which we didn't really, besides an ice cream bar at the art studio—then we piled into the SUV and pointed it in the direction of Sister Bay.

  We parked at a metered spot on the street and moseyed out to our vessel at the end of the pier. I got in first and offered a hand to everyone else as they stepped down into its interior. The boat could seat sixteen comfortably, but we were the only ones aboard besides a family who had three girls, all under the age of five.

  Our skipper, a weathered-looking man who fit the part, backed us out of our slip and guided us past the rock wall sheltering the marina. I'd like to say the heavy, fishy smell saturating the air added to the charm, but it didn't. It was just stinky.

  The weather turned out to be beautiful, though it cooled off quite a bit when the sun dipped below the horizon. The bay was surrounded by woods and high cliffs, some of which housed former Native American cave dwellings that now harbored only bats and birds. Our guide took us near some shallow sand bars we were barely able to make out below the surface of the water. Many ships were wrecked in these spots, giving the area the name Death's Door, which later became shortened to Door County, probably by the tourism bureau, who wouldn't want any ill-wind to blow on their source of revenue. We passed around a book about shipwrecks and viewed photos of sunken ships laying a few yards off where we cruised.

  We traded seats on the boat like we were playing musical chairs, sitting in the stern, gazing out over the whale-tail-shaped wake we were creating, or in the bow, near the captain, who spoke into a handheld, square transmitter similar to the ones C.B. radios used to have. We took in the many beautiful homes along the shore. Most of the houses, though large, had simple designs, looking as though they were there since the dawn of time, scattered around the bay like a gathering of old ladies sitting on the side of the pool to dip their feet in the water.

  At one point, I looked to the stern to see Zoe and Dani speaking earnestly to each other again. The wind carried snatches of their conversation to me.

  It shocked me to hear Dani say, "I never went to any of the dances in high school."

  "You didn't?" Zoe exclaimed, her eyes wide.

  "Nope. No one ever asked me. One time, though, they held a girl-ask-guy dance. So, I asked Fred Wisman."

  Seeing Zoe wince, she quickly added. "I know the name doesn't sound like much, but Fred was hot, believe me. He was a junior and I was a freshman. Big man around campus. Class-clown, shorter, but carried himself with the utmost confidence. Gorgeous wavy brown hair and these amazing green eyes. And he was a swimmer, so he was built."

  Zoe's eyes glowed as she listened to the description and she smiled, clearly enjoying the confidential, girl-to-girl talk.

  "So, anyway... I worked up the nerve to ask him, but he already promised to go to another school's dance with the sister of one of his swim team members." Warming to her story, Dani continued. "But he asked if he could 'take a rain check' and took me out to dinner the next weekend. But, as it turned out, Fred wasn't really interested in me. As a person, that is. He was only interested," I could tell she chose her words carefully, "in me physically. You know what I mean?"

  Zoe nodded.

  "So-o-o," she said, "you shouldn't worry about not being asked to a dance last year. It will come in time. And, if a guy isn't interested in you because of the fabulous young woman you are on the inside, then he's not worth it. Okay?"

  "Got it, Dani," Zoe said, giving her a hug. She squinted at Dani, the setting sun making her face appear even more youthful. "Did you ever go out with him again?"

  "I wish I could say I didn't. But like I said, he was really cute." Zoe laughed. "And, I was really young. I think I was afraid to tell him no when he pushed me too far, because I thought the other girls he dated probably—okay, most likely, definitely—weren't telling him no. I'm not talking about..."

  "Going all the way?" Zoe asked helpfully.

  Dani nodded. "But, still, some other things I wasn't ready for yet. But, after a couple of dates, he moved on anyway. And I was relieved. Don't ever let a guy push you into something you're not ready for."

  I lost the rest of the conversation, but when Dani rose later to take a picture of the sun sinking, I came from behind her and slipped my hands around her waist. "Fred Wisman was a fool."

  "You heard that?" She cocked her head to one side and hunched her shoulders, and I got the feeling she was embarrassed, so I dropped it.

  We ended up sitting on the long bench in the stern by ourselves after a while, watching the sun sliding lower and lower, glowing copper-hot, made more brilliant by the moisture from the earlier rainfall. A trail of light stretched over the water, reaching for our ship as its fingers spread out. Dani leaned into me, my arms around her possessively as I thought about our time together slipping away like that sun coming closer and closer to being gone with each passing second.

  "Dani, I love you," I murmured reflexively in her ear. I wasn't sure if she heard or not, because she made no comment, nor did she stir, or tense, or show any kind of reaction.

  When we nosed the boat into the marina, the sun had disappeared, leaving pinkish-orange streaks across the horizon. The sky glowed warmly, a lingering memory of a beautiful sunset, though I knew after a time these last remnants would, too, grow cold and be replaced with the deep blue, fathomless nothingness of night. I wondered if this was how it would be for us after we parted tomorrow, bright memories fading with a comforting warmth, then losing their fire completely, replaced by darkness.

  We returned to the cottage and trudged to the pool for one last swim for the kids. Another family swam at first, too, but they eventually toweled off and headed out, leaving us alone. Dani's cell rang.

  "It's Sam," she said with a smile. "I'll put it on speaker phone."

  Without any preliminaries, Samantha started as soon as Dani clicked in. "What's up with Edie Brickell and that 'What I Am' song? Does she have a death wish or a thing for life guards? I mean she's asking someone to choke her for goodness sakes. And why add water to the mix? If they choke you, won't that take care of it? She's all, like, batting her eyelashes, pretending she's in trouble and begging people to not let her go in the deep end."

  Dani picked up where she left off with comic seriousness. "Yeah. And she's got that whole Popeye Complex going for her, telling people what she is, argargarg." She did a pathetic excuse for a Popeye laugh,
and I had to chuckle. "But you have to admit, it's a pretty good strategy to use on life guards."

  "Yeah. We should try that."

  "Yeah, sure. How's Kyle's leg?"

  "Good."

  "Has he gotten into any more brawls on your front lawn?" Dani asked, winking at me.

  "One or two. But only with people who piss him off. He got his cast off today."

  "He did? That's great."

  "And he's taking me out on a—get this—DATE."

  Dani glanced over to see if the kids were within listening range, which they weren't, even if they hadn't been whooping like a tribe of returning-home-from-the-hunt-warriors. "No shit. And after only a month and a half of shacking up."

  "We are not 'shacking up,' as you so tactfully put it, he is... recouping," she said airily.

  "Oh, is that what you kids are calling it these days?" she teased, her eyes dancing. She looked at me happily, her face colored with the warmth of her friendship and more beautiful than ever.

  "You should talk, running off with hot-little-roadie-boy to the icy depths of Wisconsin to do each other while your kids are—"

  "Umm, Sammie? You're on speaker phone and hot-little-roadie-boy is sitting right here and the kids are in the swimming pool next to us, and it's hardly icy in Wisconsin in June."

  "O-oh," she said slowly. Then, "Hi, Tucker," in a high, squeaky voice.

  I chuckled. "Hello."

  "Get me off the damn speaker phone, Dani," she hissed.

  Dani picked up, and all I could hear from that point on was her side of the conversation.

  "You mean the black one with the fringes? Ooh! That oughta knock his socks off. Are you wearing the shoes with the rhinestone straps? Good girl.... Relax, have a good time. This is Kyle we're talking about. This'll be like the best first date in all the world because you already know he's head over heels for you, but you've still got all that 'first-time-thrill.'...Samantha Nichole, HE IS NOT BILL. And history won't repeat itself, so you don't have to be scared of going through that hell again. And, even if anything should go wrong... you won't be alone this time. I'll be there to help you pick up the pieces, I swear.... I love you, too. Go have fun.... all right, bye."

  She smiled with a sigh when she disconnected. "Sorry. She's going out on a date with Kyle."

  "So I heard. They've never been out on a date before?"

  "Not officially. Kyle got his cast off today. That means he'll have to return to work. I wonder..." She stared off into space with a silly grin on her face.

  "What?"

  "Oh, I don't know. Nothing, I guess." Tabby padded over, wrapped in one of the hotel towels. "You ready to go back to the cottage?" She nodded, eyes chlorine-red and sleepy. Dani patted her lap, and Tabitha climbed up, wet suit and all. "We'll have to wait until Scott and Zoe are ready."

  "We're ready," Scott said from behind her, running a towel over his eyes.

  Chapter 19

  Samantha

  I had a date planned with Kyle, a real, honest-to-goodness, date. He told me in the waiting room when he came out of the doctor's office to go home and get dressed up—we would celebrate his emancipation from his cast, just the two of us.

  When I started to leave the office, and he didn't come with me, I turned around. "Aren't you coming?"

  "Nope."

  I looked at him blankly. "But you have no wheels, dumbass."

  "I know I have no wheels, darling. Now run along," he said with a smile.

  "You want me to leave you here, in the doctor's office, with no way home."

  "Correct." He smiled, raising an eyebrow.

  "But we are going out later?"

  "Yes. Be ready at seven."

  "O-o-okay."

  At six forty-five, someone knocked on my door. My jaw dropped when Kyle stood on my doorstep with a huge bouquet of roses.

  "I'm early." His eyes jumped around. "I couldn't wait." He stepped inside, nodded at Ryan, who stared at him from behind my shoulder. "Hey, Ry."

  "Hey, Kyle. Lookin' sharp, man."

  "Thanks," he muttered, his lips tight.

  And he did look sharp. It was the first time I'd seen him outside of jeans or zebra stripes. He wore a deep maroon, button-down shirt and black slacks.

  I smiled. "You brought me flowers?"

  "No, they're for Ryan," he snapped, then smiled. "Yes, I brought you flowers."

  I took them, wondering why he was so edgy. "You look nice," he grumbled, taking in my little black dress but glancing away. It wasn't the usual response I got when I wore that dress. I was looking for a more jaw-dropping, knees-quaking kind of response, but when I caught him looking back and sliding his eyes over me again, I was satisfied. I turned on my favorite black heels, the ones with a rhinestone ankle strap, and took the roses in to put them in water.

  "So, where are we going tonight?" I called above the water running into the vase.

  "You'll see," he said, surprising me by how close he was. I didn't realize he followed me into the kitchen. I walked the vase to the table he stood next to. I bent near him, purposefully being flirtatious. "You look very nice," he said, still sounding awkward.

  I smiled warmly, hoping to put him at ease. "Thank you."

  "So... you ready to go?"

  "Sure," I said, still trying to get a read on him. "Let's go."

  When we got outside, a sleek, black sedan was parked at the curb. "Wow. Nice ride. Where'd you hotwire it?"

  He held the door for me. "It's a rental," he informed me absentmindedly.

  While he walked around to the driver's side, I checked out the interior. Leather seats, a moon-roof—it was maxed out. "Do you always rent this high-end of a vehicle?" I asked when he sat behind the wheel.

  "No," he responded indifferently. He acted so odd. Without saying a word, he switched around stations, then turned the music off altogether. He was making me feel anxious. My palms were sweaty, and I kept licking my lips, peering through the windows, but not knowing what to look at. Outside of my neighborhood, he got on the highway heading north. I didn't think he would answer me if I asked again what his plans were, so I didn't.

  "So, Sam... you've never told me about your family. Do you have siblings?"

  He worded the question so stiffly and so politely I simply stared at him. "You want to know about my family?"

  "Yes. I want to know everything about you."

  "Since when?"

  His jaw worked. "Look. Do you think all I'm interested in is getting it on with you? That I can't be interested in other parts of you?"

  "Geez. Who pissed in your Starbuck's?" Did the doctor remove Kyle's sense of humor when he took his cast off?

  "Why do you have to make everything so difficult? I try to take you out to a nice dinner..." His voice trailed off in disgust. I noted he took the exit for Interstate 74 East, toward Peoria.

  Well, since he wasn't being Kyle, I decided it was even more important for me to be Sam, to use what Dani called my "innate predilection to be blunt."

  "Why are you acting so strangely?"

  "What? It's strange for me to ask you questions about yourself?" He looked at me out of the corner of his eye. I crossed my arms and leaned against the door, sulking. Sure, it had become obvious to me by this time I was falling in love with Kyle, but that didn't mean I was above manipulating him a little for my own gain. It worked like a charm. In mere seconds, he exhaled loudly and ran a hand through his hair. "Look. I'm sorry, Sam. It's just... Okay, so maybe I did things backward. Maybe I should have taken you out on a date before I broke my leg and moved in with you. You do realize this is our first real date, don't you?"

  "Yes, I realize that," I answered, not turning to look at him.

  He put his hand on my leg. "I'm sorry about that, Sam. A girl like you should be wined and dined, and I've never even taken you out to dinner." The amount of remorse in his voice surprised me.

  "You've taken me out plenty of times," I argued.

  "I've taken you and your kids out. I've never take
n you out anywhere or cooked you dinner or—"

  "You cook me dinner all of the time."

  "You and the kids. Not just you."

  "You'd... cook me dinner? Just for me? And... have, like... candles and stuff?"

  He smiled at me finally. "Yes. I want to do those things for you. I should have done those things for you."

  "Well, you couldn't help it some moron fell on you and broke your leg."

  "Come on, Sam. We haven't let my bum leg stop us from doing much else."

  I chuckled, remembering several humorous and memorable scenes in the bedroom where we had to work around his cast. I put my hand on his. "Kyle, I don't need all that bullshit. I'm happy just hanging out with you."

  "But you deserve more. I should have had long conversations with you about when you were growing up and what you want out of life, and stuff like that, before I ever attempted to seduce you."

  "So, knowing I preferred Skipper over Barbie would have made us tighter? Or knowing my Aunt Gert likes to knit and has hemorrhoids means you care about me?" I turned and leaned toward him, taking his hand in both of mine. "You know Elise's favorite color is purple, and she prefers baths rather than showers. You know what Jake's top score in Clone Wars is, and that he sleepwalks sometimes. You know Ryan sucks at washing the dishes, but he can always make me laugh. Knowing that is what is important to me—not being able to recite my family tree."

  He took my hand, finally relaxing and becoming more Kyle-like. "I'm sorry, Samantha. I guess I'm nervous." He brought my hand to his mouth and kissed my knuckles. "This being our first date and all."

  "Oh, is that it? That's silly. Our first date was like... in Colorado, after the hockey game."

  "When I took you to my hotel room?" he said with a raised eyebrow.

  The thought drove me to space out for a while, remembering every last fantastic detail. We'd had fabulous sex since then, but no marathon events like that. I cleared my throat, returning to the present. "No, before that, when we had drinks in the bar. We probably discussed my family then."

  He shook his head. "As I recall, we were discussing music."