L.A. Metro

by R J Nolan

  "So does she go home to your family on Christmas Day?" Kim asked.

  "No. Sam volunteers to work both days of the holiday as well. She feels the same way I do about that."

  "How about you? I didn't see a tree at your place either." Jess's brows furrowed. "Or have you changed your mind about going home for Christmas?"

  Her mother had called and tried to guilt her in to coming home. One Christmas with her mother shoving eligible men at her every chance she got had been enough to remind Kim why she never went home for the holidays. Even if it meant spending Christmas alone, she would not go back to Michigan.

  "No. Definitely not," Kim said, unable to keep the bitter tone from her voice. That wasn't the only reason she wouldn't go home for Christmas. She refused to let her mother taint what were some of the best memories of her father. Despite the painful emotions thinking of him stirred, his love of Christmas and everything associated with it was something she had chosen to keep alive.

  Kim laughed, trying to lighten the mood. "Fair warning. I'm with the 'you have to have a tree for it to really feel like Christmas' camp." Come on, ask her. "I've been meaning to ask you if you'd be interested in going with me to pick one out."

  Jess smiled. "Sure. I'd like that. It would be fun."

  Go all the way. Ask her for what you really want but have been too chicken to ask. "And decorate it... if you wanted."

  "Really?" Jess's eyes sparkled and her face lit up.

  So maybe it isn't just Sam who loves Christmas. I don't know just how, but I'm going to make this special for you. "Of course. How can Santa bring you presents without a tree to put them under?"

  Jess grinned. "Now you sound like Sam."

  "Well, then obviously, she's a very smart woman." Kim laughed.

  "Um..." Jess lowered her gaze. She picked at the seam of a couch cushion before finally looking up. "Would you like to meet her sometime?"

  Kim's jaw dropped. This is huge. She had wondered if Jess would ever feel comfortable enough to introduce her to Sam. It wasn't hard to see how nervous Jess was about making the invitation. Help her out.

  "I'd like to meet your sister." She put her hand on Jess's leg. "Whenever you're ready."

  "She wants to meet you too," Jess said.

  She's talked to her sister about me? It had not occurred to Kim that Jess would talk about her. Other than the fact that Sam was a police officer, up until today Jess had told her next to nothing about her sister. What has she told her? About Memorial? Or just that we're friends?

  When the muscles under her hand tensed, Kim was pulled out of her musings. She looked down at her hand, surprised to find herself stroking Jess's thigh.

  She started to pull away only to be stopped by Jess sliding her own hand over and entwining their fingers.

  Passion-darkened silvery-blue eyes met hers.

  Arousal shot through Kim at the look of want on Jess's face. Kim leaned forward to claim Jess's lips.

  Jess met her halfway.

  Her tongue slid into Jess's mouth. Mm, I could kiss her all day.

  The kiss deepened as Jess's tongue wrestled with hers.

  Breathlessly, they broke apart.

  Kim pressed her forehead against Jess's collarbone. "You are such a good kisser," she said, trying to catch her breath.

  "You're not so bad yourself."

  "Not so bad." Kim lifted her head to mock scowl at Jess. "What kind of compliment is that?"

  "A not so bad one?" Jess laughed.

  She poked Jess in the side. "I'll show you not so bad."

  A little half smirk twisted Jess's lips.

  Kim swooped in and captured Jess's lips in a searing kiss.

  She smiled into the kiss when Jess moaned. Oh yeah. Much better. Kim rose up on her knees and pressed their breasts together. Her long held yearning to touch Jess would no longer be denied.

  Jess's arms wrapped around her waist.

  Using her dominant position, she pressed Jess back on the couch as she continued to kiss her hungrily. Kim groaned into the kiss when she settled firmly on top of Jess.

  The warm, pliant softness of Jess's body turned to stone underneath her.

  Jess wrenched her mouth away from the kiss.

  Her heart pounded in her chest.

  She pushed the oppressive weight off her chest and sprang off the couch.

  Once free, it only took a second for Jess's brain to catch up with her wayward body.

  No. Not with Kim.

  Kim's stunned face looked up at her from the couch. She pushed herself back into a sitting position.

  A red wave of anger flowed over Jess. Her fists clenched to her sides, she moved away from the couch.

  Goddammit! One day. One day and you've already fucked it up. The reaction had become ingrained over the years. At this point, it was purely instinctive. It had nothing to do with Kim. You shouldn't be in this relationship. Kim deserves better than you.

  Kim gently touched her arm. "Jess. Are you okay?"

  Jess jumped. She was so intent on beating herself up, she hadn't noticed Kim approach.

  Her anger drained away. She forced herself to meet Kim's gaze. Shame weighted her shoulders. "Yeah. Sorry."

  Jess could see the questions in Kim's eyes but she didn't have any answers for her. At least not any she was willing to give. You have to tell her something. She's a smart woman. And don't forget a psychiatrist. A damn good one.

  She offered her hand and waited for Kim to take it, then entwined their fingers. "Would you sit back down with me?"

  Kim nodded. She sat down next to Jess on the couch.

  Blowing out a breath, Jess tried to come up with something to say. "I'm sorry about that. You caught me by surprise. Um... I don't like to be on my back."

  Kim's eyebrows shot up. She started to say something, then seemed to reconsider. She took a deep breath. "I'm sorry I did something that made you uncomfortable." Kim squeezed her hands. "Would you like to talk about it?"

  "No. There's nothing to talk about." The lie tasted bitter in her mouth.

  "All right, Jess." Kim pulled her hands back and clasped them together in her lap.

  Shit. Shit. Shit.

  Jess knifed her fingers through her hair. "Listen, would you mind if we skipped the movie tonight?" Feeling exposed and vulnerable, Jess didn't think she could deal with Kim in her bed tonight — no matter how innocently. "I was thinking it might be better if I went ahead and drove down to San Diego tonight. It would give Sam and me more time in the stores tomorrow." Coward.

  "Whatever you want." Kim hesitated. "Would you prefer I called a cab?"

  What? Pain stabbed her heart that Kim would think her capable of doing something so low. "God no. Of course I don't want you to call a cab. I'll take you home."

  Unsure of her reception, Jess reached out tentatively. Her hand trembled. When Kim didn't pull away, she gently cupped her cheek. She stroked Kim's face with her thumb.

  Kim offered a timid smile.

  Jess made a slow approach, giving Kim plenty of time to refuse the kiss. She sighed as their lips gently brushed.

  "I'm so sorry," Jess whispered.

  She kissed Kim again, both of them sighing into the contact.

  Jess pulled back and looked deeply into Kim's soft blue eyes. "Are we okay?" she asked, her voice trembling.

  "Always." Kim sealed her declaration with a gentle kiss.

  CHAPTER 24

  KIM WALKED TOWARD the nurses' station, chart in hand. She needed to complete Mrs. Ingram's discharge summary.

  Penny smiled brightly at her as she approached. "Hi, Dr. Donovan."

  Nodding distractedly, Kim set the chart on the counter. She flipped it open and began to work on her discharge note.

  "Finished with your case?"

  Obviously not, since I'm working on the chart. "Not quite." I should've gone into the staff lounge or Jess's office. While Penny tended to try and chat Kim up whenever she got a chance, she had been particularly persistent this morning. Kim di
dn't have the mental energy to fend her off today. Don't take your anxiety and insecurities out on her.

  But there was a reason Kim had chosen to work at the nurses' station. She didn't want to take a chance of missing Jess — if she ever showed up. She glanced up from the chart and scanned the surrounding area — again. Where the heck is she?

  Kim had not seen or spoken to Jess since their date on Saturday. In retrospect, she should have realized that Jess's need for emotional control would transfer over into her intimate encounters. But at the time, Kim had not been thinking at all.

  After the incident on Jess's couch, a myriad of questions had swirled through her mind over the remainder of the weekend. The big unanswered question was what or rather who had hurt Jess so deeply. None of the answers she came up with were pleasant ones. Panic had been clearly evident on Jess's face when she bolted from the couch. Jess's need to be in control obviously stemmed from a trauma much deeper than a bad breakup.

  Now, on their first day back at work, Jess was nowhere to be found. Not finding Jess in her office when she arrived, Kim had asked Penny if she had seen her. Apparently Jess had been in the department before she arrived and then left. Penny didn't know where she had gone, only that Dr. Franklin was covering for her. Jess was frequently absent from the department for meetings, but as far as Kim knew she had nothing scheduled for this morning. The longer Jess was absent from the ER, the more Kim's anxiety escalated. Did she change shifts so she didn't have to work with me? Memories of Anna floated through her mind. She bit her lip when an even worse possibility occurred to her. Has she changed her mind about us?

  Kim was brought back to the here and now when someone stepped close, well into her personal space. Hope flared for an instant, then vanished. Without looking, she knew it wasn't Jess. The tingling sensation on the nape of her neck that always signaled Jess's presence was missing. She stepped to the side, away from whoever it was. She turned to find Penny.

  "Hey, Dr. Donovan," Penny said with an exuberant smile. "Didn't mean to startle you."

  Penny was still standing too close for Kim's comfort. She moved back a step. "What can I do for you, Penny?" she asked, making sure to keep her tone and manner professional.

  The smile on Penny's face faltered a bit. "Could I talk to you?" Her gazed darted around the nurses' station. "Alone."

  A warning bell sounded loud and clear. Now what? She had a feeling whatever Penny wanted she wasn't going to like it. Kim now realized her repeated excuses to avoid accepting Penny's off-hand invitations to lunch had been a mistake. As was her hope that Penny would get over what seemed like a school girl crush. She should have just told her, thanks, but no thanks, right from the start.

  "Sure. Why don't we go into the lounge?" No way was she going to be alone with Penny in Jess's office. She really did not want to alienate the woman. Penny was an integral part of the smooth running of the ER, and Kim was sure Penny could make her life miserable if she put her mind to it.

  "Great," Penny said, an expectant smile on her face. "Come on." She reached for Kim's hand.

  Shit! Acting as if she had not seen the gesture, Kim snapped her fingers and then spun back toward the counter. "Forgot my chart." She grabbed the chart off the counter and hugged it to her chest like a shield.

  Penny held open the door to the lounge for Kim.

  Looking around as she stepped inside, Kim was disappointed to find the lounge empty. Time to face the music. "What did you want to talk to me about?" She walked over to the couch that rested against the back wall. Kim intentionally bypassed the round table in the center of the room. The chairs could be pulled too close together. She sat down on one end of the couch and placed her chart on the center cushion. Her hand rested on the chart to keep Penny from moving it.

  Penny looked down at the chart and hesitated. With a sigh, she moved to sit down on the opposite end of the couch. She tugged at her pants, then the bottom of her knit shirt. Her hands twisted together in her lap.

  An uncomfortable silence filled the space between them.

  Kim was more convinced than ever that Penny was trying to work up the nerve to ask her out. Let's get this over with. "Penny?" She was already preparing herself for what to say to let Penny down gently.

  Penny's gaze darted toward the door, then back to Kim. She took a deep breath. "My BFF scored tickets to the Bed Heads." She grinned, peering at Kim expectantly as if waiting for an excited reaction.

  Who or what the hell are the Bed Heads? "That's nice," Kim said with all the enthusiasm she could muster. Which wasn't much.

  Penny's expression fell. "You don't like them?"

  "Honestly, I have no idea who they are."

  "Oh." Penny looked at Kim for just a moment as if she was seeing her in a different light. She shook her head. "Well, I know you'd love them. They are just the bomb. And Beba's voice is so..." A dreamy expression filled Penny's face.

  BFF? The bomb? What adult talks like that? This was not how Penny talked when conducting ER business.

  Kim shifted on the couch, drawing Penny's attention back to her.

  "Anyway, my girl's boss wouldn't let her off on Saturday." Penny scowled, then her expression brightened and she smiled. "Would you go to the concert with me? We'll have a blast."

  Keep it simple and concise. "Thank you, but no," Kim said.

  "No?" Penny echoed.

  Kim shook her head. "No, thanks."

  Penny's shoulders slumped. "Oh... okay. I guess it is last minute. I should have asked you sooner."

  Wouldn't have mattered a bit, but you don't need to know that. The tight knot in Kim's stomach started to ease. That wasn't so bad. "I should get back to work." Kim reached for her chart.

  "Wait!" Penny slid across the couch. Her progress was stopped when her knee hit the chart on the cushion between them.

  Kim removed her hand from the chart and crossed her arms over her chest. She didn't want to give Penny an opening to try and take her hand again. I knew that was too easy. She sighed.

  "Are you free next weekend? How about dinner?" Penny's eyes lit up. "Afterward, we can go clubbing."

  Kim glanced toward the door. Normally, the staff lounge was a busy place. Today, of course, had to be the exception. No help for it. Just get it over with. You tell people things they don't want to hear every day. Problem was, she knew Penny well enough by now to know that no matter what she said it was not going to be well received.

  "I appreciate you putting yourself out there to ask. But my answer is still no."

  "But I thought..." Penny flushed. "You're not gay?"

  "Yes. I'm a lesbian."

  Penny flinched at the word lesbian. Her gaze darted away from Kim for just a moment before returning to hesitantly meet her eyes.

  Kim was curious about the strange reaction but remained focused on the issue at hand. She chose her words carefully. While she didn't want to hurt Penny, she didn't want her to continue to ask her out either. "I respect the job you do here in the ER. I think we work well together. But I'm not interested in anything else. I'd prefer to keep our interactions on a professional level."

  Tears filled Penny's eyes. She sprang from the couch and bolted for the door.

  Ah, damn. Kim stood but resisted the urge to call her back and try to comfort her. She knew it would just make things worse.

  The door to the lounge swung open just as Penny reached it.

  Unable to stop her forward momentum, Penny plowed into the person coming through the door.

  Bates grabbed her biceps to keep them both from falling. "Watch where the hell you're going," he snarled.

  Penny wrenched away from him and ran out the door.

  "Stupid cow," Bates said. He started when he spotted Kim, then smiled. He stepped into the room and let the door swing shut behind him. "Hey, Kim."

  Kim gritted her teeth. Although she knew she should call him on using her first name without her permission, she decided to ignore him. After the confrontation with Penny and continued worry ab
out the situation with Jess, she was not up to dealing with Bates at the moment. She moved toward the door. "Excuse me. I've got work to do."

  Bates remained in place, effectively blocking the only exit.

  Great. Just when I thought this day couldn't get any worse.

  "What's got Penny's panties in a twist?" A speculative look filled his face, and then he laughed. "You finally tell her you're not a freaking queer like her?"

  His words landed like a spark on dry tinder. Kim's temper flared. "Dr. Bates —"

  "It's okay, Kim." Bates smirked. "I knew all along it was just a ruse to keep a bunch of loser guys from pestering you." His eyes swept down her body. "You're way too gorgeous to be a dyke."

  The flare burst into flames, rendering Kim momentarily speechless. Her hands clenched at her sides.

  Bates slithered closer. "Don't worry. It'll be our secret." He tried to touch her face.

  Kim batted his hand away. It took every ounce of her professional training to mask her blazing anger. She had to handle this calmly. An emotional outburst would put her in the wrong. "Do not ever touch me again," she said in a flat, ice-cold voice that would have done Jess proud.

  Bates backpedaled. His retreat was stopped by the wall next to the lounge door. He raised his hands beseechingly. "Come on, Kim. Don't be like that —"

  "Stop right there." This ends here and now. "First: You will address me as Dr. Donovan."

  Bates's face turned red and he started to interrupt.

  Kim cut him off. "Quiet. Second: I am not your friend, nor am I interested in dating you. Not now —" she pinned him with a hard stare, "not — ever. Don't ask me again. If you persist, I will file a comp —"

  The lounge door started to swing open.

  Terrell slid to a halt. His gaze bounced between Kim and Bates.

  Bates hissed. "Get lost, Terry."

  Terrell shot Bates a sharp look. He pushed the door open fully and blocked it from swinging shut with his foot. "Dr. Donovan?"

  Great, an audience. Just what I don't need. She spared a glance at Bates. He looked like he was about to rupture something. Okay, maybe a strategic exit wouldn't be such a bad idea. He definitely got the point.