by R J Nolan
Kim nodded.
"All right then." She turned toward the backseat. "Ready to go see Sam?"
Thor woofed, and his tail began to beat against the seat.
Jess knocked on Sam's apartment door.
Kim's stomach fluttered as the bats attempted to escape.
Her nervousness turned to amazement at her first sight of Sam. Her resemblance to Jess was uncanny. Sam's thick, black hair was shorter than Jess's but they shared the same tall, broad-shouldered build. Sam's striking blue eyes were an exact match to Jess's. She glanced back and forth between them. Although Kim knew better, she couldn't help but be amazed. They could pass for twins.
Jess grinned. "Hey, sis."
Kim turned her attention back to Sam. Sam looked as stunned as she felt.
Sam's gaze slid down Kim's body and back up to her face. "Holy smokes, Batman. She's gorgeous," she muttered under her breath.
Heat suffused Kim's face at the open appraisal.
Sam's gaze darted to Jess and she flushed. Apparently the comment had come out louder than she planned. She met Kim's eyes and smiled sheepishly. "Sorry."
Jess shifted the bag in her arms to one side and then shoved Sam's shoulder. "If you're through drooling over my girlfriend, how about letting us in?"
Sam's eyebrows shot up. "Girlfriend?" she mouthed.
"Sam. Anytime," Jess said, hefting the bag.
"Come on in." Sam stepped back and let them into the apartment.
As soon as Jess let Thor off the leash, he raced to Sam and greeted her enthusiastically. She hugged him, then sent him off to the large dog bed in the corner of the living room.
Sam settled on the loveseat. Her gaze bounced back and forth between Kim and Jess.
Jess put the bag on the coffee table, then chose the couch situated catty-corner to the loveseat. She offered her hand to Kim and drew her down next to her side. Jess smiled at Kim and rested their joined hands on her thigh.
Sam stared at her sister as if she had grown an extra head.
Kim wasn't sure what to make of Sam's reaction. Jess brought Myra to meet Sam — didn't she?
"This usually much more articulate person is my sister, Sam."
"Hey." Sam mock-scowled at Jess.
"Sam. I'd like you to meet Kim Donovan, my girlfriend."
"All right." Sam threw up her hands. "Who are you and what have you done with my sister?"
Laughing, Jess turned to Kim. "I've never brought a woman home to meet any of my family before."
Wow. The bats were back, stronger than ever. The admission filled her heart with joy and fear. This was even bigger than she had imagined — for both of them.
Kim smiled at Jess. "Well, I've never been brought home to meet anyone's family. So I guess we're even."
Jess's eyes sparkled. "Really? Never?"
The delighted look on Jess's face pushed the fear from Kim's heart. She leaned over and placed a kiss on Jess's cheek. "Never."
"Holy smokes," Sam said in an awe-filled tone.
Sam admired the spectacularly lit poinsettia trees that lined the walkway as she made her way back to where Kim and Jess waited. The botanical garden was wreathed in thousands of Christmas lights, turning its rainforests and bamboo gardens into a holiday wonderland.
Sam rounded the corner and spotted Jess and Kim sitting on a bench together. Jess's arm was draped around Kim's shoulders. Thor lay at Kim's feet with his big head resting on her knee. Sam grinned. Jess wasn't the only one enamored of Kim. Not that Sam could blame the big dog or her sister for that matter. Kim had turned out to be a delightful surprise.
Despite Jess's glowing praise of Kim, Sam had been a little worried. You should have known when Jess agreed to you meeting her. Kim had quickly put her fears to rest. It was clear that Kim cared deeply for Jess. While she was thrilled for her sister, Sam was a bit surprised at the envy that niggled at her. You're not girlfriend material, forget it. But now, seeing Jess with Kim, a small part of Sam began to wonder if that might not have to be true.
Sam pushed the thoughts away as she approached Kim and Jess. She smiled and passed out the cups of hot cider she was carrying.
"Thanks," Kim said.
"Yeah. Thanks, sis."
Sam nodded and sat down next to Jess.
Conversation lagged while they enjoyed their cider and the beautiful plants around them.
Sam got up and tossed her empty cup into a nearby trashcan and then sat back down next to Jess. "So what did Jess get you for Christmas? She never did say."
"A mini-fridge and —"
"You've got to be kidding?" Sam snorted. "She bought you a refrigerator... for Christmas?" She rolled her eyes at Jess and nudged her in the side. "Kim got you a cool portable video game console and you got her a refrigerator. What were you thinking?"
Jess's head dropped, and she muttered something under her breath.
Kim put her hand on Jess's thigh. She leaned forward and caught Sam's gaze and glared.
Sam flinched. She could swear she had seen Kim's eyes spark flames. Whoa. Okay, I got it. No picking on Jess.
"Actually, it was an incredibly thoughtful gift," Kim said. "Every time I put food in the refrigerator in the staff lounge, it disappears. Then I'm stuck with food from the vending machine." Kim grimaced. "Or going hungry. It's very busy in the ER and not always possible to get to the cafeteria. So a mini-fridge for the office was the perfect gift."
Jess shot Sam a "so there" look.
You're a lucky woman, Jess. Sam grinned at Jess and gave her a thumbs-up.
A gust of wind swirled the leaves on the ground around their feet.
Kim shivered.
Jess glanced up into the darkening sky. "We should probably head back to your place, Sam. Kim and I still have a two-hour drive home."
"Why don't you stay the night? You guys can help me eat all the goodies Mom and Aunt Edna sent. And we haven't gotten to play my new video game yet." She looked at Kim beseechingly. "Please."
"Jess?" Kim met Jess's gaze and raised an eyebrow.
Before Jess could reply, Sam took Thor's leash out of Kim's hand. "Talk it over. Thor and I are going to check out the lights," she pointed to an area about twenty feet away, "over there."
Sam walked over to the lighted display with Thor. She turned back and could see Kim and Jess in conversation but not hear what was being said.
She patted Thor. "Looks like you've got yourself a second mom."
Thor woofed as if agreeing, making Sam laugh.
Finally, Kim nodded and Jess leaned forward and kissed her.
Sam had noticed the easy physical intimacy between them earlier. She had been surprised to see it. The ease with which Kim breached Jess's personal space was one more thing that convinced her how very special Kim was. Sam had been out many times with Jess over the years in social situations. Jess always had an aura about her that seemed almost a physical barrier, keeping women at arm's length, literally and figuratively.
"So what's the verdict?" Sam asked when they walked up.
"We're staying," Jess said.
"Great." Sam turned to Kim. "Wait until you try the double chocolate fudge brownies Aunt Edna sent."
Kim's eyes lit up.
"You just said Kim's favorite word, chocolate," Jess said. She wrapped her arm around Kim's shoulders and hugged her.
Sam grinned at Jess. That's where you're wrong, sis. It's clear as day that her favorite word is "Jess."
CHAPTER 33
HANGING IN LIMBO between waking and sleep, Kim moaned as pleasure skittered along her nerve endings. She woke, luxuriating in the slowly building pressure between her legs. Jess's warm body pressed against her back. Her hand was under her T-shirt and Jess gently stroked her breasts and belly. She attempted to turn over, but Jess's arm tightened around her, holding her in place. "Good morning," she said, turning her head to meet Jess’s gaze.
Jess’s pupils were dilated, her arousal apparent. “Good morning to you,” she murmured. Her caresses tu
rned purposeful. She tweaked Kim's already rock-hard nipple.
Clenching her thighs together, Kim groaned. She wondered how long Jess had been touching her. She was so wet and ready for her.
"Shh... you need to be quiet. Sam's right across the hall."
Kim growled under her breath. Easy for you to say. Unlike Jess, who rarely made a sound louder than a whimper, Kim tended to be very vocal in bed.
Jess's hand slid into Kim's underwear. She petted her mound but went no lower.
Biting her lip, Kim buried her face in the pillow. She lifted her knee, hoping Jess would take the hint.
Jess lifted up enough to nip Kim's pulse point.
Kim jerked. A loud gasp escaped her lips.
"Shh," Jess said, her hot breath blowing against Kim's ear.
"Quit playing already." Kim grabbed Jess's wrist and pushed her hand farther between her thighs. She lifted her leg and planted her foot behind Jess's knee.
Jess's fingers moved down and stroked through abundant moisture.
Much to Kim's frustration, Jess avoided her clit.
Kim's hand tightened on Jess's arm. "Jess." Her thighs shook as the fire built in her core.
Jess hovered outside Kim's entrance. "What do you want?" she asked, her voice low and deep. She nipped at Kim's earlobe.
Heat shot down her belly. "Inside. Now."
Jess whimpered. She pressed home. "So wet." Her hips bucked against Kim's ass.
Groaning in relief, Kim tried to draw Jess deeper. Her inner muscles clutched at Jess's fingers.
Jess thrust deep: once, twice, three times.
Kim grabbed the pillow and pressed it to her face as her body went bow-tight with the force of her orgasm.
She slumped back into Jess, breathing hard.
Jess cradled Kim's body against hers while Kim regained her composure. "Okay?" she asked.
Kim nodded. Aftershocks rippled through her as Jess gently eased out of her. She lifted her leg from behind Jess's and then looked over her shoulder into Jess's grinning face.
"That was an ambush."
Jess laughed. "Are you complaining?"
"No. But..." Kim rolled over and kept going, forcing Jess onto her back. "Now it's my turn."
Before Jess could react, Kim straddled her hips. She put her hands on Jess's shoulders, pinning her to the bed.
Jess's body turned to stone underneath her.
Ah, shit. In the heat of the moment, Kim had forgotten. She scampered off Jess. "I'm sorry, Jess."
Jess sat up on the side of the bed, her back to Kim. "Forget it. It's no big deal."
That was a lie, and they both knew it.
This was not the first time Jess had withdrawn when Kim tried to take control during their lovemaking.
Nor the first time Jess had lied.
Kim touched Jess's back. Hurt blasted through her when Jess flinched. "Maybe it would help if you talked about it."
"There's nothing to talk about," Jess said.
Another lie. Painful memories swirled through Kim's mind.
"I'm going to go grab a shower," Jess said. She bolted from the room.
Kim stared at the door for long minutes after Jess left. An ache grew in her chest. She had hoped that now that they had admitted the depth of their feeling for each other, Jess would finally confide in her.
It wasn't as if Kim didn't have a very good idea what had befallen Jess. But she needed Jess to trust her enough to share what haunted her.
This wasn't about Jess's intimacy issues. They could work through those. This was about Jess's repeated lies and unwillingness to even admit there was anything wrong. I can't go through that again.
Jess gripped the sink so hard her fingers ached. She stared at her reflection in the mirror. Red-rimmed, wounded blue eyes looked back at her. Coward.
Every time, she swore this would be the time she would tell Kim. And each time, her mouth grew as dry as the desert. It felt as if sand filled her throat, choking off the words. Jess couldn't bear the thought of seeing the look of disdain in Kim's eyes and knowing she had lost her respect.
And you made it worse this time, by bolting out of there like your ass was on fire.
A knock on the door sent her heart into overdrive. She wasn't ready to face Kim.
"Hey, Jess."
It's only Sam. Jess grabbed the counter as her knees threatened to buckle.
"Yeah?"
"I've got coffee made. Is Kim up? Should I start breakfast?"
"She's awake. Why don't you ask her?" Especially since I don't know if she even wants to talk to me.
"Okay," Sam said.
Jess listened to the sound of Sam's steps down the hall, then the knock on the door, but she couldn't make out their conversation.
Fear lodged like a fist in Jess's stomach. How long would it be before Kim gave up on her? She gazed at her reflection but didn't find any answers.
Jess's hands fisted in her hair. No. Not this time. I have to tell her the truth about me.
What the hell is going on? Sam glanced over at Jess. She was staring at her plate as if it held the secrets of the universe.
Jess and Kim had been trying to act as if everything was fine, but neither of them was doing a very good job.
Everything had been fine when they went to bed last night. What happened?
"Would you like some more coffee?" Sam asked Kim.
Kim smiled, but her eyes were missing the sparkle that had been there yesterday. "Sure. Just a little."
"I'll get it." Jess shot out of her chair before Sam could move.
Jess poured Kim's coffee. She reached out to touch her, then pulled back, as if she was afraid her touch would be rejected.
Kim took Jess's hand and held it to her cheek for a moment.
Jess looked as if she was going to pass out from relief.
Sam met her sister's eyes over Kim's head. What did you do, Jess?
"I just need to take a bathroom break, then I'll be ready to go," Jess said.
"Okay." Kim stood next to Thor and stroked her hand down his back.
Sam had tried several times to take Jess aside and find out what was wrong, but Jess managed to avoid her.
She joined Kim by the door. "It was really great to meet you. I hope you'll come down with Jess again soon."
Kim met her eyes. "Thanks, Sam. I enjoyed meeting you too."
Sam glanced down the hall to make sure Jess was still in the bathroom. She bumped shoulders with Kim. "I know she's hard to handle sometimes. But please be patient with her. She really cares about you."
Tears filled Kim's eyes. "I will. I care about her a lot too."
Sam wrapped her arm around Kim's shoulders and squeezed. I don't know what you did, Jess, but fix it. Kim is one very special woman. You need her in your life.
CHAPTER 34
JESS GAZED DOWN into the woman's pale, emotionless face. Her eyes had a vacant look as if she had retreated to somewhere no one could touch her.
Her stomach roiling, Jess gripped the rails of the gurney with white-knuckle intensity. She had not reacted like this to a sexual assault case in years. The stress of trying to confess to Kim over the past month had stirred Jess's own dark memories.
She forced her gaze away from the patient and focused on Caroline Beck, a third-year resident, standing on the other side of the gurney. Jess inclined her head toward the door.
When Caroline joined her near the door, Jess spoke in a low voice. "Have you done a..." Jess silently cursed the tremor in her voice, "kit before?"
Caroline peered at Jess. "Yes. I know the procedure." Her brow furrowed. "I can do this."
Jess stuffed her hands in her lab coat pockets to still their shaking. Do your damn job. Years of practice allowed Jess to don her ER chief persona like a protective mantle. Once again firmly in control, she said, "I know you can. Get one of the female nurses to assist you." Her eyes bore into Caroline's. "Just the two of you in the room. No one else."
"Of course, Dr. McKenna." Carolin
e moved back to her patient.
Jess opened the exam room door and stepped out into the corridor. Humiliation tinged the relief she felt at being out of the room.
Caught up in her churning emotions, Jess didn't realize she wasn't alone.
"Hey, Jess." Kim was leaning against the wall just a few feet away.
No. Not now. Jess froze.
Kim stepped close. "You okay?" she asked, her voice soft and warm.
One look into Kim's loving blue eyes stripped Jess bare.
She was sure Kim could see into her soul, straight down to her deepest shame. Panic struck as swift and painful as an arrow's point. Jess spun on her heel and fled. She heard Kim call out, but her shame gave wings to her feet.
Jess paced around her office. You knew this would happen. It was just a matter of time. The demons of her past were slowly, but surely destroying her future. Myra had it right all along. You're damaged goods.
Despite the current situation, the past month had been the happiest Jess could remember. Each day, she fell deeper in love with Kim. They had not spent a night apart since Christmas.
But one thing had marred that happiness. Jess slammed her fist into her palm. No matter how hard she tried, she was not able to stifle her reaction whenever Kim tried to take control of their lovemaking.
The lie that there was nothing wrong had become a draught almost too bitter to swallow. Every time Jess uttered the lie, the light in Kim's eyes dimmed a little more.
Jess was trying. Just last week, she had allowed Kim to go down on her for the first time. Granted, she had had to be in the upper position, but still, it was an intimacy she had never allowed anyone before.
And still you lie.
Many times in recent weeks, she had longed for the courage to tell Kim what even Sam didn't know. But just the thought of seeing disdain and pity replace the love in Kim's vivid blue eyes made her sick to her stomach.
You're a coward. Why else have you been hiding out from Kim all afternoon?
Jess had avoided Kim since seeing her outside the sexual assault victim's room. She had not come back to her office until she was sure it was well past the time when Kim left for the day.
