by Mary Martel
Flopping back on my bed I reach for a pillow to bury my head under.
It’s going to be another long, sleepless night.
*****
The next day
The worst fucking job ever belongs to me. I would rather be scrubbing toilets for a living than put up with this crap. A slight exaggeration on my part about my job being the worst one ever because I’m sure there are plenty of jobs out there that suck a whole lot more than mine, but I’m sure this is the worst one I will ever have to work. Or, at least, I hope it is.
“Like I said,” I repeat for the third damn time, “already had last call. Now the bar’s closing and it’s time for you to be on your way like everybody else.”
The belligerent drunk has the gall to grin at me, unrepentant.
I hate him.
I hate my freaking job.
Because it’s worth repeating, worst fucking job ever.
Latching on to my elbow he drags my body forward until my front brushes against his.
“Let me go,” I hiss while shoving at his chest trying to free myself.
His grin spreads wider and he leers at me.
“I’ll thank you kindly to remove your hands from Ms. Gracey’s person immediately,” a quiet voice filled with rage hits me.
Standing directly next to my side and the elbow the drunk man still clutches on to is Raylen, my new downstairs neighbor.
Now where had he come from?
The bar is half empty and growing even more so by the second. I would have noticed the small man’s entrance.
“Well, fuck me, it’s a bald midget,” the drunk grins cruelly.
Suddenly he lets go of my arm and shoves me back. I stumble on unsteady feet. Thankfully, Raylen is there to catch me before I fall.
“Thanks,” I mutter in embarrassment.
“Yo, what the fuck?” an angry female voice lashes out. “You need to leave or I’ll have the big man behind the bar forcefully eject you.”
The tiny force that is Rachel barrels up beside me opposite of Raylen.
The drunk man ignores her entirely, his sole focus on Raylen.
“The circus in town, midget?”
Squeezing my elbow gently Raylen gamely ignores the drunk, murmuring, “Come away from here, sweetheart.”
Sweetheart.
A horrible pain slices through my chest and suddenly I find it hard to breathe. That one word from the wrong man’s lips causes me to go light headed.
I can feel his concern for me radiating off him. I can feel it.
Concern mixed with quiet devotion and an unhealthy amount of rebalance.
Looking down into his brown, brown eyes I can remember looking into eerily similar ones set in a different face.
Darkness creeps in at the edge of my vision as a different man comes to life in my mind.
Comes to life just to die.
“You’re not a midget, you’re a Dwarf,” I whisper accusingly right before blackness consumes me and I’m swept away in it.
*****
“Shay, wake up.”
“Give her some space, Rach.”
I don’t want to wake up. I don’t want to open my eyes. I don’t want to face reality. I want to go home, crawl into my bed, curl up in a ball, and cry for eternity. Since I know I don’t have eternity, and if I did I sure as heck wouldn’t want to waste it on crying forever, so I figure I will just have to settle for the next six to eight months or so.
“Shayne, honey, can you hear me?” Ray asks in a sweet, but worried, voice.
It’s the worry that does it for me. I open my eyes to appease him.
They both rear back in shock at the look on my face. I can only imagine.
“Girl, what happened?” Rachel whispers.
What happened is I remember. I remember everything.
The thing I remember most is Ian telling me I had to leave and essentially ripping my heart right out of my chest, stabbing it multiple times, then forcefully shoving it back into the bloody hole he’d ripped it out of.
Oh yeah, I remember.
Fuck yeah, I do.
I need to find that Dwarf so he can tell me just what in the fuck is going on.
Ian, he let them take my memories of him, our time together away from me.
Anger boils just below the surface of my skin, looking for an outlet or a means to escape.
“Are you alright, Shayne?”
No, I am not.
Absolutely not.
Had I ever been alright?
I don’t think I have save for my brief time with Ian, and now even that’s gone, too.
I wish I could shove my memories back into the void they’d flooded out of because they’re too painful for me to bear.
A bitter laugh escapes past my dry lips.
I’d so badly wanted to remember and now I would give next to anything to forget again,
It’s not just my job that sucks, it’s my whole freaking life.
Chapter 29
Shayne
One Week Later
I quit my job.
Half an hour later I withdrawal every cent out of both my savings and checking accounts. Then I closed them. I’m left with a whole twenty-three hundred dollars to my name. Not much but it will definitely get me where I’m going.
Ten minutes after leaving my bank I buy boxes and packing tape from a hardware store. Fifteen minutes later I haul all the shit up to my apartment.
Then I pack my meager belongings. Five boxes. My life fits into five boxes and a backpack. Five boxes and a freaking backpack.
What a joke.
Then I haul my now full boxes and backpack down the stairs and load them up in the back of my Jeep.
Back up in my apartment I sit down at the kitchen bar with pen and paper and write Anna May a quick note. I tell her I won’t be back and she can either keep or sell my furniture, it makes no difference to me. I take my house key off my keyring, stuff it and the note inside an envelope, seal it, then I get the heck out of here. I lock the door from the inside on my way out.
And now, with my fist high ready to knock, I find myself standing in front of the door to Raylen’s apartment, hoping to all that’s holy I’ve made the right decision.
For the past week I’ve spent every waking moment going over every detail of what has transpired since that freak Sunglasses banged on my door. I went over everything over and over again, the good, the bad, and everything in between.
I dissected all of it. I kept coming back to the last time I saw Ian, what he’d said, and then Collette’s words after. Despite my lack of fondness for the Vampire I know she’d spoken the truth. I didn’t entirely understand her words, but I know in my bones they were honest.
Then I spent an ungodly amount of time (two days) weighing the pros and cons of returning. There were a lot on both ends. If I return I will return the mate to a King and essentially (I’ve no idea how it works because it’s never been fully explained to me) I would become a Queen to a whole slew of Supernatural beings. In fantasy being a Queen sounds like a pretty awesome job title. But reality is a far cry from fantasy. That route lay an unknown future holding the potential for pain and disaster. Hell, I’d only been there a handful of days and I’d experienced both in spades. And it had left me bleeding, both physically and mentally.
On the upside, I would get to spend my life at Ian’s side. This would be no hardship because I love him, and other than the last time I saw him, he’s shown me nothing but beauty. But I don’t think a life with him would ever be easy. A relationship between us would come easy, natural even, but never our life.
Another benefit would be being around people I wouldn’t have to hide my telepathy from, and if I stay I would have to hide it from everyone for the rest of my life. I don’t mind hiding it. It’s a skill I’ve grown quite good at over the years. It would be nice not to have to hide it, though.
I went over everything. Everything that had happened to me. Every person I’ve met since Sunglasses ass
aulted me and rocked my world on its side.
Then I thought about my deteriorating friendship with Anna May. The only real friendship I’ve ever had. I thought long and hard on this. I thought about how it really wasn’t all that hard to leave her behind the first time around. Yeah, it had sucked and I’d felt bad about it, but after a couple of days she’d rarely, if ever, crossed my mind.
Looking back on our friendship over the years I got why, it became glaringly obvious to me. Anna May is a spoiled rotten brat, and me, not having any real friends to my name when I met her, I made the perfect friend and roommate for her. I was always at her beck and call because she was my only friend. She never hesitated to manipulate me or guilt me into doing what she wanted me to do. And I went along with it because I had no one else in my life that gave a shit about me. I do now though, have people who give a shit about me. They may not be here with me now but they are out there. Out there and waiting for me.
Anna May had thought I’d been attacked by an animal and in the hospital for weeks recovering from said attack. I know she only thought this because someone had played around in her head, putting those thoughts there. But the fact remains that she treated me like a burden to her afterwards, and she didn’t even bother to ask me how I was dealing with any of it. She got pissed because I didn’t want to go out and party with her two days after I got home from the hospital.
I spent half a day coming to terms with the fact that all Anna May cares about is Anna May. It killed. If I’m being honest, it still does and probably will for a good long time. Eventually I will get over it. Or, at least I hope I will.
After every negative point I found myself counteracting it with all things Ian. Every word, touch, and smile he’d given me.
I barely knew the man but at the end of the week this didn’t seem to matter to me.
I’ve endured a lot in my short life and I’ve survived it all. But I’ve never really lived.
The way I see it now’s the perfect time to start. And my life will start and end with Ian by my side and Riley on the other.
There’s no other choice right for me other than Ian.
The door opens and the wide eyes of a surprised Dwarf greet me.
“Shayne-”
I cut him off and share, “Pack your things. We’re going home.”
*****
“Wake up, my Queen. We are stopping for the night.”
Firm hands gently shake my shoulder stirring me awake. Groggily I open bleary eyes and glance out the window into the dark night.
In thick voice laden with sleep, I ask, “How long have we been driving for?”
“Six hours,” Raylen chirps happily.
I want to kick him in the shin. The damn Dwarf has been nothing but ecstatic since we left. I don’t think I’ve ever met a person so full of energy before. It was driving me nuts. Finally, after an hour of “my Queen” this, and “my Queen” that every other sentence, I faked sleep. Somehow after faking it I must have drifted off to sleep for real. Thank goodness, because I couldn’t have put up with six hours straight of his mouth going on and on and on.
“Let’s go, my Queen.”
My Queen, my Queen, my Queen. It’s like he forgot my freaking name or something.
Mutely, I reach behind my seat, grab ahold of the strap of my backpack, and climb out of my rusty Jeep. He’s beside me the moment I close the door and he doesn’t leave my side as we enter the hotel.
“Take a seat while I check us in,” he instructs me.
I open my mouth to protest this but the look on his face stops me short. It’s a look that clearly tells me to shut up and not argue with him.
I close my mouth. If he wants to pay for our stay here, however long that may be, more power to him. If it were up to me we would be staying at crummy, more in my price range places that wouldn’t suck my funds dry and leave me to starve.
And I have no desire to starve. Besides, it’s good to be able to hold on to my meager funds in case everything backfires on me and I end up jobless, homeless, and broke as a joke. That would more than suck. It would also mean I’d end up alone with no Ian.
Hell, they might even mess with my head again and who knows where that would lead me.
A shiver steals up my spine. I do not want someone messing around in my head taking precious memories from me when I don’t know if I’d be strong enough to get them back a second time around. I am, however, very uncertain if I would even want them back a second time If Ian allows someone to do that to me again I’m not sure if I would ever be able to forgive him. I don’t forgive him now for the first time around.
“That will not be happening to you again, I give you my promise.”
“Stay out of my fucking head, Dwarf.” I angrily hiss.
Unapologetic, he shrugs, stating simply, “You need to put up a better shield in your mind.”
“I don’t know how,” I bite out.
“Why, you are an odd one, aren’t you?”
Oh my freaking God.
I cannot believe him. Raylen, the Dwarf, calling me an odd one. A freaking Dwarf.
“Come along now, my Queen.” Grabbing ahold of my hand he pulls me to my feet. “We can discuss this further once we are safely in our room behind closed doors.”
We won’t because I no longer wish to discuss this, not that I did in the first place.
Still, I snipe at him, “Yes, sir.”
Shaking his head he drags me behind him to a row of elevators.
Instead of taking the time to peruse my surroundings like any normal person would I’m stuck in my head, completely oblivious to the elegance around me.
“Can you teach me?” I blurt out.
“Teach you what, my Queen?”
We step into an open elevator car. I don’t answer him until after he presses the button for our floor and the doors slide shut.
“How to build a shield in my head. How to guard my thoughts against others. How to keep the thoughts of others out of my head. Can you teach me how to do that?”
Those warm brown eyes stare up at me in wonder.
“You can hear people’s thoughts?” he asks.
“You don’t already know that?” I reply in confusion. Doesn’t everyone know my secret? It had been made public knowledge in front of everyone in the throne room.
Clearly reading my thoughts, he states, “I was not present at the time. However, my brother was.”
“Your brother?” I stupidly repeat.
“Yes,” he murmurs. “My brother. Neelan.”
Oh God. Oh God. Oh no.
My chest seizes and a lump forms in my throat.
“I’m so, so sorry,” I force out past the lump.
Neither of us speaks for the remainder of the elevator ride. Finally there’s a ping and the doors slide open. Raylen steps out first into an empty hallway and heads left. I follow behind him in silence.
What does one say to someone whose brother died because of you? Sorry seems like such an empty sentiment even though I very much mean it.
Does he know it’s my fault his brother is dead? Does he blame me like I blame myself? Does he hate me?
Panic hits me full on, stopping me in my tracks.
Had I willingly left with this man whom I know next to nothing about other than the fact that he’s a Dwarf? I didn’t just leave with him, oh no, I told him I was leaving then I told him he was coming with me.
How stupid could I possibly be? What if he meant to harm me? What then?
I had stupidly assumed he moved in to the apartment below mine, Riley and Ian’s apartment, because of me. He knew who I was even before I knew what he was. I guess when I found out, when I remembered everything, he’s a Dwarf and living in the same place as me I figured he was there to keep an eye on me or something along that line.
But what if I’m wrong? What if he’d been sent by someone like Roland? What if he’d been sent to hurt me to get to Ian?
Everything happened so fast that I didn’t even think o
f the possibilities.
What’s the matter with me?
“No one sent me, my Queen. I sought you out of my own free will. I did this not to harm you but to help you and to protect you if need be. No one but Lars and Daisy even know I went looking for you. Now if we could please get inside our room we can order something to eat and we can discuss anything you like. I don’t know about you but I’m starved.”
It could be a trick. He could be lying to me. I have no reason whatsoever to trust him. But I do. Then again I’m stupid and naïve so what the hell do I know.
“Please.”
Hesitantly, I nod and continue to follow him. He stops in front of a door, pulls a keycard out of his pocket and swipes it through. A light flashes green and he pushes open the door.
A simple but very nice room greets us. Two beds. Flat screen television. A desk and chair. Mini fridge and microwave. The usual fare only a higher quality than cheap motel shit.
I could care less about any of it so long as there’s hot water when I take a shower and clean sheets on the bed for me to sleep in between.
“Yes, definitely an odd one.”
I don’t know whether to be insulted by this or to take it as a compliment. The damn Dwarf needs to stay the heck out of my head.
“What would you like to eat for dinner, my Queen?”
I think dinner had come and gone hours ago but I feel no need to voice this sarcastic thought out loud when I already know he’s snooping though my head.
“Don’t care,” I mutter. “I’ll eat whatever so long as it’s not a salad and doesn’t have onions in or on it. I also don’t drink diet or clear pop.”
We stand there awkwardly staring at each other before he hesitantly asks, “Do you eat meat?”
“Is that even a real question?”
He ignores this to ask, “Do you like pizza? Either that or fast food is probably our only option at this hour.”
“Again, is that even a real question? Seriously, are there people out there who don’t like pizza?”
He clears his throat, opens his mouth, and promptly shuts it again, seemingly at a loss for words.
“I’m going to take a shower. While I’m doing that you order our food. Then we’ll talk.”
