Woof Woof Story: I Told You to Turn Me Into a Pampered Pooch, Not Fenrir!, Vol. 1

by Inumajin

  I pray this sword will break like the previous ones did every time they hit me. With all my might, I envision the dragon’s hard scales shattering Zenobia’s giant sword.

  My hopes are—crushed.

  Scales and flesh tear as the sound of a terrifying attack rings out.

  “GUGYAAAAAAAAAAA?!”

  It woooooooorked?!

  Why did it have to be real this time?! Why couldn’t her ancestors have slipped up and handed a fake heirloom down through the generations?!

  The dragon takes a tremendous amount of damage as its hard scales tear under the ruthless attack.

  “GUROOOOOOOOO!!! (O-owwwwwwwww!!!)”

  A copious amount of blood spills from its face as it leans back.

  “GURRROOO…?! (Wh-why? Why do you attack me…?!)”

  Because your words aren’t getting through!

  “Woof! Woof! (Hey, you! Can’t you speak human?! She doesn’t understand you! Tell her that you don’t want to fight!)”

  My legs are frozen solid. I can’t move at all!

  You can do it, dragon! Do it for me!

  “GARORO?! (What?! Oh dear! I haven’t spoken with a human in so long, I forgot to speak her language! I can, though! I can speak human!)”

  “Woof! (Good! Then explain it to her!)”

  “Um, eg hef ekki ovin! Vio sukarufm fa meo!”

  “Woof?! (What the hell was that?!)”

  Can’t you speak human at all?! Where is that language even from?!

  “Chanting a spell?! I won’t let you!!”

  Zenobia’s nervousness must have melted away with her effective first attack. Now she boldly slices at the dragon’s legs.

  “GAROOO!! (Ow! Wh-why?! Is this not the language your people speak?! I’m sure it was the same one I used a thousand years ago!)”

  Of course a one-thousand-year-old language won’t woooooooork!!!

  The language of a country changes whenever its rulership changes, and only in special cases does a country’s language stay the same after one thousand years.

  A dragon’s sense of time is terrifying.

  “If I keep pushing, I’ll be able to kill it!”

  The aura emitting from Zenobia’s giant sword is getting stronger and stronger. The sharp killing blows are wounding the beast.

  “GUROOOOOO! (O-ow! S-stop! Hey! That hurts! You! …Th-that’s enough…!)”

  As the dragon is cut, its pain increases until I hear its patience finally give out. Then it snaps.

  “GAROOOOOOOOOOOOO!! (That’s enoooooooouuuuuuuugh!!)”

  Zenobia’s sent flying by the pressure of the wind caused by the dragon unfurling its wings.

  “Gya?!”

  She doesn’t have a moment to stop it. She flies past me, and her back crashes into the wall of the cave; then, she slowly slips down.

  The giant sword slips out of her hand, and she lies unmoving among the rubble.

  She’s completely unconscious.

  “Arwf?! (No way! With just one hit?!)”

  “GAAAAAARUOOOOOO!! (I will forgive thievery! I will forgive urine! But I will not forgive multiple attacks against my person when I am being perfectly civil! Prepare to be punished!!!)”

  I am as completely stunned as the dragon behind me is completely furious.

  It’s clear that Zenobia was at fault, and what the dragon says is absolutely true. She couldn’t understand the dragon but nevertheless walked all over its generosity. It’ll probably eat her. Zenobia’s terrible luck has reached its peak.

  “Woof… (I say that, but I still can’t leave her…)”

  I feel like I can finally move again, and I step in front of the dragon to protect the unconscious Zenobia.

  “GAROOOOO… (Move. I have no quarrel with you. I am merely going to punish this woman.)”

  The dragon’s eyes are bloodshot with rage, and its breathing is ragged.

  It’s enraged.

  “Woof, woof? (Look, I’m not saying I don’t want to do the same myself, and there’s a lot going on here… But how much do you plan on punishing her?)”

  “GUROOOO… (Until she learns her lesson. I shall inflict as much damage on her as she has done to me.)”

  A human like Zenobia would be ripped apart if she received attacks as bad as those left by that giant sword.

  “Woof, woof. (But she’s already unconscious. Surely we can call it even and you can let us go now…)”

  “GAROOOOO…… (I shall not allow it. I will not allow my maiden body to be harmed like this while the aggressor walks away unpunished.)”

  Wait, you’re female?

  And did you just call yourself a maiden…?

  “Woof, woof! (Please! Let this slide!)”

  “GAROOOO… (I already told you no. Unless you wish to be punished as well, move.)”

  “Bark! Bark! (I’ll do something about her! So please!)”

  “GUROOOOOO… (You are persistent! I have no qualms with you! Now move aside!)”

  “Woof, woof! (Please reconsider! Please reconsider! Please be leeeeeeeeenient!!)”

  GRRRRWWWWWWWWWWWWL!!

  Whoops, my beam came out.

  My desperate plea turned into the white beam of light that comes out of my mouth.

  The unintended attack is aimed directly at the dragon’s face.

  “GURRO!!! (Watch it!!!)”

  Just before the beam hits, something like a magical barrier appears in front of the dragon and deflects it. The beam shoots off at an angle and blasts through the cave wall to the outside.

  “GAROOOO! (Using ultimate destruction magic right from the start?! That would have killed someone other than myself!)”

  The true nature of the beam has been revealed at an unexpected moment.

  So that was magic. Sorry, but it’s not exactly helpful information.

  More importantly, it seems my efforts at persuading the dragon to back off are back to square one.

  This is bad.

  “GAROOOOOOOO!! (That is how you reply when I said I would spare you?! You are as guilty as the human! I shall devour you both!)”

  The dragon takes a deep breath, and several magical circles appear around her mouth.

  “GAROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!!”

  A spiraling blue flame streaks toward Zenobia and myself.

  “GRRRRRRRRWWWWWWWWL!! (I DON’T WANNA DIIIIIIIIIIIIE!!)”

  I return a howl beam that cancels out the blue flame.

  “GAROOOO… (To think there is a destructive magic even stronger than my own…! You’re a dangerous one! That flame would have reduced mountains to a lake of lava!)”

  “Woof, woof! (Y-you’re the dangerous one here, blowing people away! Did you want to kill us?!)”

  “GARO! (You’re the one who tried to kill me first!)”

  “Woof! Woof! (Shut up! You thousand-year-old shut-in! Stop whining about being hurt!)”

  “GARO! (Wh-wh-wh-wh-who are you calling a shut-in?! I go outside! At least once every hundred years to let my scales dry…)”

  “Woof, woof! (You’re a hard-core shut-in! Keep this up, and you’re going to start growing moss! You thousand-year-old spinster!)”

  “GAROOOOOO! (Wh-wh-why did you have to say that?! Spinster is a most terrible insult to call someone! How dare you! How dare you! I won’t forgive yoooouuuu!)”

  Our tumultuous bickering overlaps as we exchange beam and blaze.

  The flame melts boulders, and the light blows open another hole.

  The aftershock of our attacks makes the cave crumble.

  “Wheeze…wheeze…”

  “Gafooo… Gafoooo…”

  We both run out of breath at the same time and glare at each other, exhausted.

  “GAROO… (Wh-why do you do so much to protect a human maiden such as that…? You are clearly a Fen Wolf, are you not? One thousand years ago, your kind would do terrible things to the humans. Furthermore, this would have never happened if that woman had not started this fight. Why don’t you rid yourself of such a terrible human…
?)”

  The tired blue dragon Lenowyrm makes a convincing argument.

  “Woof, woof… (…You’re probably right. Zenobia’s normally got it in for me. Actually, she’s already tried to kill me twice. And she probably won’t learn from me saving her and will likely try to kill me again.)”

  She is a complete and utter meathead.

  “GUROO… (Then why…?)”

  “Woof, woof… (Yeah, I’m wondering that, too. She’s probably going to get really frustrated and cry when she wakes up and finds out I’ve saved her. She’ll say, ‘Why you?’ and ‘I’m so pathetic being saved by a monster.’)”

  I can easily see her breaking down and crying.

  “Woof! (I really want to lick Zenobia’s crying face with her tears and snot mixed together. That’s enough reason for me to save her!)”

  My expression is completely serious as I announce this.

  “…………”

  “…………”

  A slight breeze blows in from the hole in the cave.

  “GA, GAROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!! (P-PERVEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRT!!)”

  “GRWWWWWWWWWWWWL!! (SHUT UUUUUUUUUUUUUP!! DON’T UNDERESTIMATE A LICK-A-HOLIIIIIII-IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIC!!)”

  We both voice our strongest roars yet in a terrible flash and a thunderous tumult, which clash together until my whole vision turns white.

  The final, blinding white light and blue inferno swell when they meet; then the energy disperses.

  The aftershock carves into the cave, burning it away to nothing until the entire place is destroyed.

  The violent torrent of magic emits a blinding ivory radiance that forces my eyes closed.

  Then, the light slowly begins to fade, and when silence returns to the cave, I open my eyes. There before me is the dragon covered in black smoke.

  Its giant body is curled up into a ball like a great black boulder.

  “GUROOO… (I lost…)”

  The earth rumbles, and the blue dragon Lenowyrm collapses.

  The wound-covered dragon feebly opens her mouth.

  “GAROOO… (I never thought the day would come when I would lose…and to a pervert, no less.)”

  Don’t call me a pervert.

  It’s in a dog’s nature to want to lick things.

  “GUROO… (Well, I certainly have lived a long life…)”

  She lowers herself onto the ground and quietly closes her eyes.

  “GUROO… (I am satisfied. Now you may finish me off…)”

  “Woof. (No way. Sorry for killing the mood, but I’m not gonna murder you, okay?)”

  This whole fight started from a misunderstanding, after all.

  So Lenowyrm was it? It doesn’t look like she wants to fight anymore, so there’s no point in continuing it any further.

  “GAROOO… (You are sparing my life? Do you not desire the honor of being a dragon slayer?)”

  “Woof. (I don’t know anything about that. What’s a pet gonna do with something like that anyway?)”

  What I want is to spend my days eating, sleeping, and getting spoiled rotten. I don’t care about anything beyond that.

  How many times do I have to say this? Pet life is the best life.

  “GAROOO… (You are not just brave but also compassionate and humble. I shall no longer call you a pervert but a fine creature…)”

  I feel like I’m getting hit on by this thousand-year-old spinster dragon.

  But I’m not a furry, so I’m not happy about that at all.

  Also, don’t call me a pervert.

  Anyway, I hope her injuries are all right. She’s covered in cuts and burns. It looks really bad.

  “GUROOOO… (Hmph. This is nothing out of the ordinary. These wounds shall heal on their own once I have rested. I very much enjoyed our battle.)”

  “Woof, woof. (I’m not planning on doing that again, but I suppose you’ve been all alone in this miserable place for a while. We should hang out next time.)”

  It was easy to tell just from talking to her. Lenowyrm’s not a bad dragon at all.

  We caused her a lot of problems, so maybe next time I’ll bring her some of old man James’s cooking as a gift.

  “GAROOO… (You are mean to call it a miserable place. You are at least half responsible for destroying my nest.)”

  “Bark. (…Yeah, sorry about that.)”

  “GAROOO… (Ha-ha-ha, I am joking. I am going to sleep now. Feel free to take whatever you like from here. The would-be dragon slayer deserves a fitting prize, after all.)”

  With that, Lenowyrm curls up and closes her eyes.

  “Bark. (Later then, Lenowyrm. I hope we meet again soon.)”

  She waves her giant tail in response.

  I laugh at how much that lazy gesture reminds me of myself. Then, I go to wake Zenobia.

  “Arww, arww. (Zenobia, wake up. It’s licking time.)”

  I poke her shoulder with my nose, but she doesn’t stir at all.

  I already found the bag with the wyrmnil, so now all I have to do is wake Zenobia up and go back home.

  “Arww, arww. (You’re not going to like me licking your face. Though I’d rather lick your face when you wake up crying. Wakey, wakey and let me lick you.)”

  “Mewl… (Oh, Routa, you do have some wicked inclinations…)”

  I suddenly hear a cat behind me.

  I’m so surprised, I jump.

  “Arwf?! (Wha—?! N-Nahura?!)”

  “Mewl. (Yes, it is I, Nahura. My mistress told me that you should be done about now, and so I have come to get you.)”

  It looks like she was there from the start as she climbs up and sits on my back.

  She ignores my surprised expression and calmly cleans her face.

  “Woof, woof?! (By ‘come to get us,’ do you mean chase us out?!)”

  “Mewww. (Oh, no, not at all. You cannot possibly make it back on foot. We will use a type of spatial magic. Using you as an anchor to fly through space…meow.)”

  Magic’s amazing. Who would have thought you can travel somewhere in an instant?

  Also, her added “meow” to the end of the sentence still feels forced.

  “Woof, woof. (Nahura, you really are an amazing cat.)”

  “Mewl. (Why, thank you. My magic is limited to three coordinates, though. Mistress’s workshop, Gandolf’s house, and you.)”

  Me?

  So you can mark individuals with it?

  “Bark…? (…You didn’t get my permission for that, did you…?)”

  Doesn’t that mean she could appear in front of me anywhere, at any time?

  Even a pet needs privacy!

  “Mewl! (It was mistress’s orders… Please forgive meow!)”

  She lifts her paw in front of her face and waves it like one of those lucky cat statues.

  You’re soooo cuuuute. I forgiiiive yoooou.

  Damn it. You’re a tricky one, Nahura.

  “Mew. (Well then, shall we return? I would prefer we leave before we wake up the scary dragon sleeping over there.)”

  “GARROOO… (I can hear you…)”

  “Mew! (Waah! Let’s go now! Chop-chop!)”

  Nahura starts at Lenowyrm’s sleepy voice and leaps onto Zenobia’s lap.

  “Meow. (Time to move. I hope you haven’t forgotten anything.)”

  A white light expands from her body. I wonder if everything within the light will get instantly transported.

  I have the bag. I’d rather leave the sword, but unfortunately, it’s right next to Zenobia.

  “Meeeeoooow!”

  Nahura lets out a high-pitched meow, and the scenery warps like haze on a hot day.

  A moment later and we’re no longer in the dark cave but the large garden of the mansion.

  I can see the familiar garden, the large trees, the sparkling fountain.

  The home I know all too well.

  “Woof… (It really did only take a moment…)”

  The sun had already risen high into the sky while we were fighting. The sunlight is really bright
, though it’s probably because I was in that dark cave mere moments ago.

  “Welcome back. I see it went well.”

  Hecate the witch is waiting for us, holding the wide brim of her hat.

  “Woof, woof? (Is this the wyrmnil? Is there enough?)”

  “It is indeed, and you have plenty.”

  I hand over the bag brimming with wyrmnil.

  “I shall begin refining the medicine immediately. Nahura, could you please examine Zenobia?”

  “Mew. (Yes! I understand, meow.)”

  “Woof, woof. (Thank you, Hecate.)”

  “Leave it to me.”

  I watch Hecate gracefully leave, then I dash to my lady’s room.

  Sorry, Zenobia, but I’ll have to lick your crying face another time.

  I sprint down the corridor, past a maid (she angrily shouts that I shouldn’t run inside), and don’t stop until I get to her room.

  “Woof! Woof! (My lady! I got you medicine! You’ll be better in no time!)”

  I use my front paws to open the door and dart inside.

  “Oh my, Routa. Wherever did you get to? The young lady was so worried about you.”

  The maid Miranda stands up from her chair.

  She must have been watching over Lady Mary this whole time. There are bags under her eyes.

  “Woof! (I’m sorry!)”

  I apologize to her and then put my front paws up on the bed to peek at my lady’s face.

  “…Routa?”

  She opens her eyes, the fever still apparent.

  “Routa…!”

  She soon gets teary.

  “Where did you go…? You weren’t here… I was so worried…!”

  She wraps her arms around my neck and pushes her face into me.

  Her body is so hot, it feels like it’s on fire.

  It looks like it’s time for some of Hecate’s fever medicine.

  She looks exhausted.

  It breaks my heart to have left her in a state where after only half a day she’s already this lonely.

  “Arww, arww. (I’m sorry, my lady. But I had to get medicine to make you better.)”

  “Routa… Routa… Don’t leave me again……”

  “Arww. (I won’t. I promise I won’t go anywhere.)”

  I remain in her embrace until Hecate’s medicine is delivered.