“Hi, Aaliyah, it’s me, Katherine. From downstairs,” she whispered, making me snicker a little.
“Yes, I know—your name popped up on my screen. What’s going on? Why are you whispering?”
“Oh, because I don’t want anyone to hear me, but I needed you to know Jason is on his way up to you. Like he’s on the elevator. Like, right now.”
I stood straighter, alert. “What?”
“I just wanted to give you a heads up since I know you’re packing and all and—oh! Got to go.” She hung up the phone, leaving me there as if I were a deer in headlights.
“What is it?” Connor asked.
“Jason…he’s here. He’s on his way up now.” I locked eyes with him, alarm shooting out of every inch of me. “You need to go.”
“What? Where?”
“I don’t know, but you being here will just make it awkward. And I’m freaking out and sweating, and I, uh, I don’t know. Can you go into, like, the spare bedroom for a bit? Because I can’t face him and then also have him asking why you’re here. It’s all too much.”
Without any more commentary, he headed to the spare room and closed the door behind him.
Within seconds, the front door opened, and I was face-to-face with the man who’d stood me up on the most important day of my life. As he stood there, staring at me, he looked weak. Pathetic. Like someone I never truly knew.
“Hi,” he said as he crossed his arms. “What’s up?”
What’s up?
That was what he decided his first words to me in person should be? My blood began to boil as anger built up inside me. I had thought I would crumple the moment I saw him. I’d thought I’d fall apart and cry. Instead, I felt an intense amount of irritation.
“You didn’t tell me you were coming here,” I said.
“I know. I figured it might be best if I just surprised you by stopping by. My mom told me you were moving out today, and well…” He raked his hand through his hair. “Do you really think that’s a good idea?”
“Are you kidding me? Why in the world would I stay?”
“I don’t know, Aaliyah. This just seems pretty sudden, that’s all.”
He was talking as if I’d upped and decided to walk out on our relationship, as if I’d made a rushed decision to move on with my life.
“Jason, what in the hell are you talking about? You called off our wedding. There’s nothing sudden about me moving out. Honestly, I should’ve been gone a long time ago.”
“You don’t have to raise your voice.”
“I’m not raising my voice!” I snapped, clearly heightening my vocals at that very moment.
“See why I didn’t reach out to you after calling things off? I knew you would react like this,” he muttered.
“React like what? You know what, I don’t even know why we are having this conversation. It doesn’t matter. I’m moving on, and I’m assuming you’re doing the same. So, if you’d excuse me, I’d like to finish packing so I can get out of your place.”
“What if we didn’t, though?”
“Didn’t what?”
“Move on?”
My chest tightened. What in the world was he talking about?
He took a step toward me. “Aaliyah—”
“Stop,” I scolded, holding my hand up in front of me. “Don’t come closer.”
“Why do you have to be so dramatic all the time?”
“Excuse me?”
“You’re acting super emotional for no reason. Yeah, I messed up, and I get that, but that doesn’t give you a reason not to give me another chance.”
Was he drunk? High? Did he really believe there was any part of me that would want to give him another chance at hurting me again after he left me? I wanted to curse him out. I wanted to yell, and I wanted to scream, but I didn’t. I didn’t want to give him any more of me. I wanted it to be over.
“Jason, I’m going to finish packing, you’re going to move on with your life, and I’m going to do the same.”
“We took care of you,” he said. “When you couldn’t do things, my family had your back, not to mention the bills for your—”
“I get it, okay? Your family has gone above and beyond for me, and I’m grateful—but you can’t toss that in my face. I never asked for any of what you’ve done for me. If needed, I’ll pay all the money back.”
“As if you have the time to pay it back. It would take you years.”
Those words were meant to cut me deep, and they did. Just another reminder of time and how mine was limited, another strike to my soul that I’d spent my precious time on the planet getting into bed with someone like him.
“You and I are done,” I said, not showing the emotion he’d come so close to pulling out of me.
He stared for a second, studying every inch of me. He was waiting for it to happen, waiting for me to crack, but I wouldn’t. I couldn’t give him what he’d come for. It was as if he derived pleasure from watching me ache, so I stood strong.
“Your loss,” he said coldly. How had I ever thought that man was who I wanted to spend forever with that man? He was a monster. I’d climbed into bed with a monster simply because I was afraid of lying alone. “I should’ve never even listened to my mom about coming over here today. I knew it was a lost cause.”
“Your mother told you to come here?” Why would she do that? Especially after I told her it was best to cut ties? A last-ditch effort to try to get me to change my mind?
“Yeah. She tried to pressure me to get back together with you and—”
“Do you love me, Jason?”
He paused and arched an eyebrow. “Why would you ask that?”
“Because it appears you were trying to please your mother by being with me.”
He shrugged his shoulders. “She wanted you and me to be a thing more than I ever wanted us to happen. She thought you’d be good for me. That’s why she pushed it so much and offered me…” His words faded, leaving me wondering where his thought was going.
“Offered you what?”
“It doesn’t matter. It wasn’t even worth it. Clearly, this is over. Good luck with whatever kind of life you have left. Leave my key in the foyer.” He turned and left, slamming the door behind him. Even though he left, his words still struck me hard.
Whatever kind of life you have left.
At that moment, I felt nothing but regret for wasting more than a year of my life with that man. I couldn’t believe I’d ever fallen into his arms. The truth was, I had only stayed because I loved his parents. I loved the idea of family. I loved feeling as if I were a part of something concrete.
I’d fallen in love with a lie in order to hold on to the idea of fake dreams coming true.
“You okay?” Connor said, coming into the living room.
I turned to face him and nodded. “I hate him.”
“Good, because I do, too.”
27
Connor
“What in the world…” Aaliyah words fumbled out of her mouth as we stood in my apartment. It was the first time she’d been over since she decided to become my roommate, and the movers were just now starting to bring things inside. She turned around and faced me, stunned. “Connor. What the heck?”
“I figured we should’ve switched bedrooms. This one is bigger.” I’d moved all of my crap out of the bigger room, because I knew it was better suited for Aaliyah. She could easily spread out in the king-sized bed and relax to the fullest extent, which she deserved. Plus, the whirlpool tub was better in the master bedroom, and I figured she could use some peaceful nighttime soaks to unwind from the craziness of her current life.
“There’s no way I’m taking the master bedroom. It’s yours.”
“Well, I already switched all of my clothes over to the other two spare bedrooms so, unless you want me to do that again…which, please don’t make me do that again.”
“Why?” she whispered, shaking her head in disbelief. “Why would you do that?”
“I
wanted you to watch the sunrises and sunsets.”
She smiled and I loved that she was doing that. She walked over to the bed, where a large basket sat. Inside of the basket was a bunch of bath bombs, candles, and bags of Doritos along with a variety of snacks. I tossed in some of my favorites, too, to enhance the snacking experience. Plus, I tossed in a few blank notebooks and fancy pens, because what was a writer without a notebook and pens? Then, the television remote, because I figured that was the utmost important part of a bedroom experience.
On top of the basket was a note that read, “Welcome home, Roomie.”
Aaliyah’s fingers grazed over all of the items and she shook her head in disbelief. She then moved her stare to the two nightstands on each side of the bed that had vases filled with sunflowers.
“Those are my favorite flowers,” she said, stunned.
“Yeah. You casually mentioned it when you came to my office to give me roses.”
“And you remembered.”
I hadn’t enough nerve to tell her that I remembered everything she told me. From her favorite flowers to the wishes she’d written in Wish Alley two years prior. Aaliyah Winters was someone I wanted to remember for the rest of time. To that day, Halloween night was still one of my favorite memories.
“I’m having a hard time believing that I haven’t had a mental breakdown somewhere along the line, and you’re just a figment of my imagination,” she said.
I chuckled and crossed my arms. “Well, don’t become sane any time too soon. I kind of like existing in your imagination.”
“I like that you’re here, too.”
She walked around the bedroom, and then entered the bathroom. “Holy shit!” she came dashing out quickly. “Connor! Did you see that tub?!”
“Yeah, I saw it.”
“It’s a freaking swimming pool!”
“Don’t be dramatic. It’s more of a hot tub if anything.”
“There’s a TV hanging on the wall! Who has TVs in their bathrooms?!”
“People who exist in imaginary minds of a woman who is having a mental breakdown.”
“Don’t wake me up from this trip,” she joked, shaking her head back and forth. “This is too much. You’re too much.”
“My mother’s been telling me that since the day I was born. Now, let’s get all these boxes moved in, and then we can order in some dinner or something. We can even eat out on the rooftop if you want to watch the sunset.”
I turned to walk away, and Aaliyah called out to me. When I looked back at her, she stood still, and her brown eyes flashed with emotions as her perfect, full lips parted from one another. “Thank you, friend.”
“For what?”
“Existing.”
After the movers came and went, Aaliyah and I ordered food and headed out to the rooftop to enjoy dinner with one another. It didn’t take long for me to realize that Aaliyah was one of the healthiest people I’d ever come across, which surprised me a bit. Two years ago, she was downing chicken wings drenched in ranch as if she was a competitive eater, and now she didn’t drink or touch fried food. As I ate my burger and fries, she chowed down on a kale salad with some kind of lemony vinaigrette.
“For a long time, I thought you were an all-around perfect girl, but tonight you kind of killed that idea as you began eating kale,” I said, shaking my head in disappointment.
She laughed. “It’s not that bad. It’s actually good if you massage the dressing into the leaves and let it sit for a while. Plus, the grilled chicken is full of flavor. And my green drink—”
“Just admit you don’t like things that taste good, Red, and leave it at that. You’re eating grass and drinking grass.”
“Listen, do you know how much fat and unhealthy chemicals are in your burger and fries?” she asked.
I held up a stern hand. “No, and you better not tell me otherwise we will be roommates at war.”
“I’m just saying. What you put in your body has a big effert on your overall wellness. A bit of kale wouldn’t hurt you, Cap. Greens are your friends.”
“And a few fries wouldn’t hurt you either,” I said, waving one in her face. “Life is about balance. And, for your information, there is a slice of lettuce and tomato on my burger. And what is that I see?” I took the top bun off of my burger and dangled a piece in the air. “Is that an onion and pickles? I’m pretty much the healthiest man alive.”
She tossed her hands up in surrender. “Okay, health nut, my mistake. I need to be more like you.”
I held a fry in front of her face, and she took a small bite of it. Her eyes almost rolled into the back of her head, because Charley’s Diner seasoned fries were the best fries in the history of potatoes.
I smirked. “See? What’s life without a bit of deliciousness?”
She stabbed a piece of kale and held it in my direction. “Open up.”
I pressed my lips together and shook my head. “Nah-uh,” I said through my closed mouth.
“Connor! Fair is fair.”
I kept my mouth locked closed. “Life’sNotFair,” I mumbled.
“You’re so dramatic.”
“IKnowButThat’sWhoIAm.” I shrugged, she laughed and my God, I was so happy she didn’t marry that asshole.
She gave up and pushed the fork into her own mouth, allowing me to part my lips in victory.
“One day I’m going to get you to eat a kale salad,” she warned.
“Don’t hold your breath. If my mother couldn’t get me to do it, a beautiful lady won’t be able to do it either.”
“Don’t flatter me.”
“Don’t be so beautiful, then.” Her cheekbones shined through as she grew bashful. I threw a french fry her way. “Don’t blush like you don’t know you’re beautiful.”
“I don’t take compliments well,” she said, tossing the fry back my way, and like the professional fry eater I was, I caught it with my mouth.
“That’s because you’re too humble. You should stop being so damn humble. You’re the shit, Aaliyah. You work at one of the top magazine companies in the world as an editor, you are educated, you are a great person, and you are hot as fuck—”
“Don’t say hot as fuck,” she said, blushing even more.
I placed my hands on her shoulders and shook her back and forth as I hollered. “Aaliyah Winters you are hot as fuck and the whole world deserves to know it!”
“Oh my gosh, Connor shut up!” she whispered, covering my mouth with the palm of her hand. “You’re so extreme.”
She wasn’t wrong.
“I’m just saying. You are the shit, and you need to start acting like you’re the shit.”
“But I don’t feel like I’m the shit. I honestly feel…weak.”
“Who cares, though? Fake it till you make it.”
She raised an eyebrow. “What?”
“Life is created by habits. We teach the world how to treat us, and that all comes down to how we treat ourselves. I learned this at a young age. When I moved out to New York, I had one thousand dollars to my name, and no idea what the hell I was going to do. All I knew is I needed to act like I was a rich man in order to get through the doors of real rich men. I faked it until I made it. I walked into every room as if I belonged there. I drank whiskey with people who are billionaires. I attended galas and parties for the elite when I still only had pennies in my bank account. You know why I was invited?”
“Do tell.”
“Because I showed up as if it would be their loss if they didn’t invite me. Confidence is a repeated habit. Act confident in your own skin until it becomes your outer layer.”
She narrowed her eyes in thought. “Fake it until I make it?”
“Yeah, and don’t take life too seriously. Life is short, might as well learn how to laugh at yourself sometimes, too.”
“Sounds like you need to be my life coach,” she laughed. “I mean, let’s be honest, you kind of were my life coach on that Halloween night all those years ago.”
“Yeah,
which by the way, makes me extremely confused. Because afterwards, you were falling back into self-love. I thought we really had some breakthroughs that night. Color me shocked when two years later I find out that you were engaged to the bane of my existence. Like, how, Red?! How did you end up going from where we left off to ending up with Jason Rollsfield? As your temporary life coach, I was hurt by that discovery.”
She laughed lightly and shook her head. “What can I say? I didn’t have enough time to observe your knowledge. You were a flash of love for me, and then reality came back and I fell back into my old patterns. Maybe if I had more time to learn from you, it would’ve stuck better, but it was hard to hold onto something that came and went in a flash of an eye.”
“All right,” I said, rubbing my hands together. “We can start again.”
“What?”
“We are going to get back to our training. It will be easier now, too, seeing how you are my new roommate, and I can help you discover the parts of you that I already know exist. So, this time, it’s not about trying to get you to fall in love with me, it’s getting you to finally, truly, fall in love with yourself.”
“Are you serious right now?”
“As seriously as a heart attack.”
Her eyes flashed with momentary emotion, and for a second it almost looked as if she were going to cry? Did I say something wrong? It didn’t take long for that look to evaporate from her eyes and she gave me a lopsided smile.
“Why do I feel as if this is the best and worst idea in the whole wide world?”
“Uh, because it is the best and worst idea in the whole wide world.” I leaned in toward her. “Say yes?”
She nuzzled on her bottom lip, hesitating as she fell into deep thought. She released a weighted breath and shrugged. “All right…yes. I’m in.”
“Hell yeah! This is going to be fun. I do have a few questions for you, though. To help me figure out the best direction to take this challenge.”
“Like?”
“Do you care what others think of you?”
“Absolutely.”
“Are you a people pleaser?”
Eastern Lights Page 21
