“How long did they say they would be?” I ask Evelyn who’s sitting on the other side of Grandma. She got a blanket and covered her to keep her warm. Why didn’t I think of that? “What would I do without you, Evelyn?” She furrows her brow.
“They just said they are on the way.” We suddenly hear doors shutting and running. Evelyn gets up to open the door, and two paramedics come rushing in.
“I don’t know what happened, or how long she has been like this. We just found her. Please help her.” I get in before they speak. I can feel the tears running down my face. Evelyn is in front of me in a flash and hugging me.
“Theon, they will look after her. Stay strong for her, okay? She needs us to be strong right now, baby.” I nod and bury my head in her neck.
“I’m trying. She’s all I’ve got, Evelyn. If she goes, I have no family. What’s wrong with me? Why are all my family gone? Why, Evelyn?” I whisper in her neck while the paramedics attend to Grandma.
“Oh, baby. Shhh, don’t say that. Let’s get to the hospital and find out what happened. Come on, Theon. Be strong, baby.”
One of them is wheeling in a gurney to put Grandma on. I look up. She looks lifeless. They gently put her onto a backboard then lift her up. They wheel her out to the ambulance.
“I’m going with her.” I look at Evelyn
“Ok, baby, you stay with Grandma. I’ll grab some of her stuff real quick and lock up. Then I will follow you. What hospital are you taking her to?” she asks the paramedics.
We arrive at Cedar-Sinai. They take her straight to the emergency room to see what is going on. I go to the desk and give them all Grandma’s details. It’s only just hit me how old Grandma is. You never think of your parents getting old, and you always see them as they were when you were a kid. She’s sixty-nine. It’s her seventieth birthday in three months. Where did that time go? She’s worked so hard holding down three jobs to look after me when she should have been winding down for retirement. This is all my fault. If I hadn’t been born, she wouldn’t have had to work so hard. Oh god, what have I done? I somehow walk to a seat and sit down, leaning forward with my elbows on my knee with my head in my hands. I can feel the tears trickling down my cheeks.
I sense her before I feel her sit next to me. My rock, the most beautiful person I know. She hugs me to her. She always knows what to do.
“Baby, are you okay? Have they told you anything yet?” I shake my head no. I have a lump in my throat.
“It’s all my fault,” I whisper so low, but Evelyn hears me I feel her stop breathing just for a second.
“Oh, Theon, why would you say that? None of this is your fault, baby.” She squeezes me to her harder.
“If I hadn’t born she wouldn’t have worked three jobs to look after me, to make sure I had what I needed. She’s my grandma. It’s not her job to raise me. That’s my fucking mother’s job, the useless, selfish bitch that she was. Grandma should have been winding down, not working so much. It’s all my fault, Evelyn.” I break down. Sobbing into her.
“Theon, look at me.” She lifts my face up under my chin to look at her.
“This is NOT. YOUR. FAULT!” she says sternly emphasizing each word. She’s looking me in the eyes.
“If anyone is at fault, it’s Susan and your father. Not you. You didn’t ask for this life, and if Grandma hears you talking like that, I know damn well she will clip you round the ears. You couldn’t possibly be to blame for any illness your grandma has. It was also her choice to bring you up and love you unconditionally. It’s life, Theon. We get sick. No one is to blame. Do you hear what I’m saying?” I look at her in awe. This woman in front of me, chastising me, is my life. I nod slightly, then lean in to kiss her lips. She pulls away.
“And another thing that upsets me. I know Grandma is your last blood relative, but, baby, I’m your family too, and you’re stuck with me for infinity, remember? Your first and last forever. You’re not getting rid of me ever, do you hear me, Theon? E.V.E.R!” She spells out to me. I hold her to me tight and just let her love pour into me. I love this woman with all that I am.
“I know you’re my family, beautiful. I love you for infinity. You know that. I’m sorry. This is the last thing you need, me falling apart, but I’m scared, Evelyn, so fucking scared of losing her. In fact, I’m terrified.” She squeezes me harder.
“No matter what, baby, just remember, I’m here for you, okay?”
We wait for what feels like hours, but when I look at the clock, it’s only been just over an hour. Every time the door goes, I’m looking to see if it’s a doctor or nurse looking for me but nothing yet.
“What’s taking so damn long?” I say to Evelyn. I’m going out of my mind here. I keep getting up and pacing or sitting shaking my leg, which I do a lot when I’m anxious or nervous.
“Mr. Tourney, do we have a Mr. Tourney?” I’m stopped mid-conversation by a nurse shouting my name. I jump out of my seat.
“Yes,” I say, walking towards her, dragging Evelyn by the hand with me.
“Can you follow me, sir?” she says and walks out of the waiting room. I follow her down the corridor. She stands at a room and knocks. We walk in, and there’s a doctor behind a desk. This isn’t good. I thought they were taking me to see Grandma.
“Please, Mr. Tourney, Mrs. Tourney, take a seat
“Where’s my grandmother? I thought I was being taken to see her. I need to see her. Is she okay? What’s going on?”
“My name is Dr. McDonald. I’m a heart specialist. I’ve examined your grandmother, and I’m sorry to say she’s had a major heart attack.” I freeze. Is he saying she’s dead? I can’t speak. I’m squeezing Evelyn’s hand hard. She puts her other hand over mine and rubs.
“Dr. McDonald, what are you saying? Has Theon’s grandmother not made it?” Oh god, she’s asked what I couldn’t. I just stare at him.
“She’s alive, Mrs. Tourney, but I have to tell you, it’s not good. The heart attack has caused a heart rupture. She’s stable, but …”
“What does that mean? A heart rupture?” I interrupt him.
“A heart rupture can appear if the heart’s muscles, walls, or valves are severely damaged during the heart attack.”
“What can you do to fix it?” Evelyn asks.
“The only thing is open heart surgery to try and repair the rupture, but at your grandmother’s age, this is very high risk. It also depends on the extent of the damage to the heart. I have to give you the facts as they are and … I have to tell you, she may not make it through surgery.”
“What is her survival rate?” I interrupt
“I would say with surgery there’s a 30% chance of survival. Without surgery, it’s just a waiting game I’m afraid. It could be days or weeks. I’m so sorry, Mr. Tourney. It’s a difficult decision you need to make. She is comfortable at the moment and stable. I will take you to her now, but I will have to press you for a decision on surgery. If you decide you want her to have surgery, we need to get her to theatre as soon as we can. Do you understand, Mr. Tourney?” Does he think I’m fucking stupid? Of course I understand.
“Yeah, basically, leave her to die on her own or take a very slim chance she survives with surgery. What will her quality of life be like if she survives surgery?”
“That’s hard to say. Until we see the extent of the damage, she’s going to be bedridden for fear of another rupture. Once the heart has been damaged and ruptured it makes it very weak. She could be okay to get in and out of bed assisted and wheeled around on a chair. She will need assistance with everything, probably with a home carer or in a hospice.”
“No fucking way is she going in a home!” I shout at him. He doesn’t even flinch. Evelyn puts her hand on my shoulder and squeezes to calm me. It works.
“Sorry, Doctor. If she needs care, she moves in with me, and I will hire nurses to look after her round the clock.” I look at Evelyn, not for her acceptance of this decision, but for her approval of Grandma’s surgery. She nods slightly.
/>
“I would like to proceed with surgery, doctor. I want to give her a chance. There is no way I can sit by her bedside watching every breath she takes thinking is this her last. She’s a fighter, and I want to give her a fighting chance. Can we see her now?”
“Yes, of course. I will take you to her room, and I will get everything prepped for surgery.” We get up and follow him down a couple of corridors. Evelyn has hold of my hand, and she squeezes it, making me look at her.
“Be prepared, baby. Grandma will probably be full of tubes. You made the right decision. She can’t fight it verbally, you have to do that for her, and let her fight physically.” I lean over and kiss the top of her head.
We stop outside a room, and Dr. McDonald turns to us
“There are lots of tubes and monitors attached to her. She is also very pale and looks very frail, but she’s breathing on her own which is a good sign. My team will be back soon to take her to surgery and also with a consent form for you to sign.”
“Thank you, Doctor. Please do what you can for her.” He holds out his hand to shake mine, then Evelyn’s.
“I will, Mr. Tourney. Mrs. Tourney.”
We enter her room, and I am shocked. I fall to my knees just inside the door, and I cry hard with my head in my hands.
“Oh god, Grandma, what happened? Why you? You’ve been healthy and active, why you?” I’m sobbing. Evelyn crouches down in front of me taking my hands from my face.
“Oh, baby, I’m so sorry.” She kisses my eyelids that are closed, then my mouth. She wipes my tears as they fall. I gain some strength from her touch. I manage to get up, and Evelyn stands in front of me, looking up. She cups my cheeks, making me look at her and not Grandma.
“Theon, you are my strong, beautiful husband, we can do this, okay? Together we can be strong for Grandma and give her the fight she needs. If she comes through surgery, we will look after her at home, but we have to prepare ourselves that she might be too tired to come out of the other end, but we are here together, stronger — united. Okay, baby?”
She reaches up and kisses me on the lips. What did I ever do to deserve this beautiful woman in my life? We walk over to Grandma’s bedside together. We stand either side of her and both have hold of her hands. We talk to her hoping she can hear. We reminisce about the wedding and all the trips we’ve been on together, and I remind her of things when I was growing up. We keep talking until the team arrives to take her to surgery. I sign the forms and kiss her for a long time on her forehead.
“I love you, Grandma.” They wheel her away. I look up, asking whoever is up there to look after her, and bring her back to me. But they don’t. She passes away on the operating table.
I’m twenty-two with no living blood relatives. I’m a broken man. Even with Evelyn by my side, it takes me a long time to get over losing my hero.
Present
THE DAY AFTER Evelina’s surgery I wake up with a start again. It’s the same nurse coming in to take Evelina’s vitals. I’m in the tiny cot that has given me a terrible backache. The covers are hanging off me, and although I have a naked chest, I have my PJ bottoms on this morning. She’s standing, staring at my chest, again. I cough to let her know I’ve caught her ogling me, and she looks at me startled. She’s all flushed. I just smile and raise my eyebrows at her. She quickly moves over to Evelina who is still sleeping.
She’s slept all night. I’ve woken up and checked on her several times throughout the night. She still sleeps as the nurse takes her blood pressure and temperature.
”Is this normal?” I gesture to Evelina as I stand on the other side of the bed.
“Is what normal?”
“Sleeping as much as this. She hasn’t woken up at all.” She goes to Evelina’s chart and looks through it.
“Dr. Cassidy has her on a mild sedative to keep her asleep. It’s so she doesn’t move for the first twenty-four hours and also to help with the pain.”
“Oh right, she never mentioned that, but it makes sense. How are her vitals?”
“Very good. All normal. The wound is looking good as well — no sign of infection.” That’s great news. I head to get a quick shower and change. No time to shave, in fact, I’ve got quite a growth going on, I haven’t shaved for a few days. Evelyn used to love it when it was soft on her skin. It used to tickle her.
Evelina’s still asleep. The nurse said they are not giving her any more sedatives, so she should wake soon. I need to grab some breakfast before she wakes. I hate leaving her. I hurry down to the restaurant. I’ll grab and go. I’m at the cash register paying, and when I turn to leave, I see Alana, sitting at a table, in a world of her own, nursing a coffee in her hands. I can’t ignore her. I move over to her table, but she doesn’t even notice me standing there.
”Hey, good morning.” I lean down to get in her line of sight. She blinks and startles.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I was miles away. Good morning, Theon.”
“How’s Caroline doing?”
She shrugs. “The same. It kills me. I feel so useless, helpless, and hopeless. She’s starting chemo this afternoon to try and shrink the tumor. I’m not looking forward to that. The twins are coming in to see her before she has it. They are lost without her at home. How’s Evelina doing this morning? How was surgery?”
“She’s been sleeping. They gave her a sedative so she doesn’t move around or pull the tubes, and to keep her pain free. She’ll be coming round soon. I need to head back in case she wakes.” I hold up my to-go food.
“I’ll eat this in her room. I hope the chemo goes well, Alana.” I leave her there. I feel shitty, but I need to be there when Evelina wakes up.
It’s a couple of hours before she starts to wake. I’m so relieved. I’m at her side, stroking her head when her eyes flutter open.
“Well hello, sleepy head. Nice of you to join me. I’ve been sitting here watching you sleep. How are you feeling, poppet? Can you speak? Do you need a sip of water?” She nods her head. I get the beaker of water and put the straw to her mouth. She takes small sips.
“Hi, Daddy,” she says softly smiling at me. I stroke her hair off her face. I can’t stop smiling. I’m so relieved she’s okay. These last few days have taken their toll on me, and I know we’ve still got a way to go.
“Evander will be here to see you soon, along with Grandma. Do you have any pain?”
“A little, Daddy. Was I a big brave girl?”
“You, my sweet baby girl, have been the bravest big girl I know. I am so proud of you.” My stroking her head is sending her back to sleep. She needs to sleep to help her heal.
The day passes slowly as usual. Evander arrives with Sonia, and they stay for a few hours. He is so relieved to see Evelina sitting up and awake when he arrives. I’m reading to her. She’s mad on Harry Potter, and I’ve been reading the books to her. I promise once she is home we will watch all the films. Evander goes back home with Sonia. I’m staying the night again. Evelina falls into a deep sleep. It’s only just after seven, but I think that’s her for the night. She did really well today. The wound is all clean, no sign of infection, and she hardly moaned about pain. God love her. I decide to go to the restaurant and get a coffee and something to eat and maybe go for a walk to get some fresh air.
I’m at the counter, deciding what to have when I feel someone behind me. I know who it is without turning around.
“Hi, Theon,” she says as she comes to the side of me.
“Hi, Alana, how are you holding up?” She looks down. “Hey, did everything go all right this afternoon with the chemo?”
“Yeah, that was fine. It’s knocked her for six; bless her. She’s out cold, so I thought I’d come and grab a bite to eat and a coffee.”
“Yeah, me too. Evelina is the same. She went out like a light. She’s slept a lot today, but that’s to be expected with the anesthetic and the sedative. Then Evander and Sonia were with her all afternoon so that wore her out. I’m glad she’s sleeping. It helps to heal.”
&nbs
p; “Yeah, I know the sleeping is good. I just worry so much, you know?” She looks tired and totally worn out. I feel for her. I know exactly what she means.
“Do I ever. Let’s get a seat, and we can have a chat. It might help to have someone to talk to.”
We find a table near a window. It’s so busy in here because if the kids are sleeping, the parents come for a bit of a break. Looking around, you wonder why they are here — why is their child here? It’s a children’s hospital, but it’s not all cancer-related.
“Are you okay, Theon, you look like you’re miles away?”
“Yeah, just looking around. There are so many people here, which means there are so many sick kids. It’s sad.”
“How was Evelina’s operation?”
“It went really well.” I smile for the first time since I got here.
“Dr, Cassidy was very pleased. We now wait for her to heal, then she starts on chemo for six weeks to make sure no stray cells escaped. After that, providing all is okay, she leads a pretty normal life. You have no idea the relief that was to hear.” She looks away with tears in her eyes. Oh, shit. I just realized what I said. Stupid man.
“Oh crap, I’m so sorry, Alana, what a stupid thing to say.” She looks up at me and smiles. Then she grabs my hand that’s on the table near my coffee.
“No, Theon. You are far from stupid. I’m truly happy, really. Why shouldn’t you be relieved? God, I know I would be. Never apologize for Evelina pulling through this. I wish her the healthy and happiest life. I wish you all that.” She squeezes my hand, and I look up at her.
“I wish it was the same for Caroline. In a way, I feel a bit guilty that Evelina is going to get through this, yet all the while, you’re still none the wiser. I hate that for you, Alana.” I put my other hand on top of hers and squeeze.
The Best Day of My Life Page 9
