Until My Last Breath

by Tiffany Patterson

  I inhaled deeply, turning my head to glare outside the window, and ignoring the offending noise to my right.

  Emma sighed just as heavily. “We’re still doing this, Aaron? Ignoring me when you know I’m right.”

  I heaved another breath, this time grunting.

  “That’s okay. Want me to tell you how I intervened, the first time you and Patience met? The real first time?”

  Reluctantly, my head pivoted, pulling my gaze in her direction. A satisfied smile crested on her pink lips, as if knowing simply the mention of my wife’s name would get my attention.

  “Talk,” I demanded.

  Emma rolled those brown irises of hers that reminded me of my birth mother.

  “That first time, you were so young. It was months after the accident, but you were so forlorn, so angry, and in so much pain. Not physically, you’d healed for the most part, but …” She trailed off. “You know the pain you were in. Getting into fights at school, not speaking to any of your brothers, especially Carter. I hated to see you like that. Your parents hated seeing you like that. So when Thiers made plans to have lunch with Robert that day, I helped you out by making sure he’d bring three-year-old Patience along. She was so cute,” Emma gushed, a satisfied expression crossing her face.

  “Deb was almost terrified for the little munchkin that walked up to you and practically pushed a book in your face. But I knew better. From the very beginning your little heart couldn’t say no to her.”

  I turned from Emma, watching the lights along the street come on as the night sky descended.

  “You’re headed to the manor.”

  I glanced at Emma, lifting a smug eyebrow. “You’re surprised? I thought you knew everything.”

  An even more pompous smile crossed her face. “Of course I knew. Just making conversation. I’ll see you after you speak with your father.”

  And with that said, she was gone a second later. I rubbed my forehead with the tips of my fingers, tension filling my entire body. My wife had barely spoken to me in three weeks. Clearly, she was still pissed, and I was starting to feel like maybe, just fucking maybe I’d made a mistake.

  “No one ever said you learned quickly,” my father stated as soon as he opened the front door of Townsend Manor. Although I still had the key and code to enter my childhood home, I offered my parents their privacy by ringing the bell. I’d also called him before leaving the office to let him know I’d be over to talk with him.

  “You actually have said I learn quickly. On numerous occasions,” I reminded him.

  He frowned. “I was referring to business when I said it. Now, I’m talking about relationships. Love. You can be … not as adept at learning in that arena.”

  I simply stared at my father. Anyone else would have gotten a fuck you but he was the man who’d raised me.

  “How do you know what I need to speak to you about is concerning my relationship?”

  He shook his head, as if knowing that was my next question. “See? You don’t even know how obvious you are sometimes. It’s after six o’clock at night. It’s getting dark. And you’ve put in a full day of work. You would’ve let anything business related wait until tomorrow while in the office. Personal, on the other hand, that is the only thing that would keep you from getting home to your wife and kids on a Friday evening.”

  Taking a step back from the doorway, he let me enter.

  “Mother?” I questioned.

  “She’s over Joshua and Kayla’s, helping with Victoria and Kennedy.”

  I nodded. Kennedy was sleeping over Joshua’s that night to spend some time with her cousin.

  I followed behind my father as he strolled down the long hallway of the main floor of Townsend Manor, toward his home office. As we entered, I glanced around the room, taking in the ways it’d changed over the years. Instead of the huge, cherrywood desk, he’d replaced it with a sleeker, glass desk, which had a phone, laptop, and a few books, business magazines, and papers on top. Of course, there were pictures of the entire family, prominently displayed.

  I watched as he picked one of the photos up. From what I could make out it was the photo we’d taken only a few months prior, at a Fourth of July picnic in the backyard of the manor. The image was of all of us, including all ten grandchildren.

  “This is my legacy. What I spent years building, long before you were even born.” His eyes moved from the framed picture in his hand to me. He turned the photo around so I could clearly see it. “Now tell me how you’re fucking it all up?”

  I grunted and the scowl I usually wore deepened. I didn’t respond as I sat down, still glaring at my father.

  “I’m waiting for an answer.”

  Again, my gaze bounced around the room. “Remember that day I told you and Mother I wanted to learn to read?”

  His eyes squinted, forehead wrinkled as he stretched his memory back all of those years to recall that scene. “Yes.” He nodded finally. “You came in here while your mother and I were talking. It was the day—”

  “I met my wife for the first time.”

  He looked at me, eyes widening just a small amount as he took in what I’d said. “I’ll be damned. So it was.”

  “She was my inspiration. I thought then it was because I was embarrassed by a girl five years younger than me, barely able to climb up onto the couch by herself, teaching me how to read. But …” I broke off, sighing.

  “It was more than that.”

  I nodded.

  There was a long pause.

  “So tell me how you’re fucking it all up.”

  “You sound just like Carter,” I grunted.

  My father smirked. “He’s a chip off the old block. Just like you.”

  I turned to my father.

  “Since you won’t talk, let me take a guess. Patience is pregnant.”

  He held his hand up, cutting off what I’d been about to say.

  “She didn’t tell me, not directly anyway. But it’s hard for anyone to keep a secret around here. Especially, when she’s running to the bathroom every hour to throw up.”

  I glared at my father, alarmed. “It isn’t that often.”

  “How do you know?” He quickly shot back. “My guess is you’ve been completely checked out of this pregnancy, because you’re scared shitless of losing your wife.”

  What the hell could I say to that? I wasn’t a liar by design. He would’ve known if I’d been lying anyway. So instead of refuting his claim, I grunted.

  “That’s what I thought. Listen, you, me, all of my boys, we’re all protectors. But the women we’ve married, they’re protectors in their own right. And trust me when I say the one thing you never want to get in between is a mother and her child.”

  Again, my father held up his hand, stopping my retort.

  “Let me tell you the one time your mother had to help me remove my head from my own ass over our children.

  ****

  Then

  Robert

  “Yes, Wilson, I’m still on the line with you,” I replied as I stared off into the distance, overlooking the trees on the far end of the lake that expanded for more than a mile behind Townsend Manor. I had taken off a few hours early from the office in order to get some work done at home, where it was quiet and I could concentrate better. However, I’d had a conference call set up. I’d decided to take the call out near one of the guest houses, using my newly acquired cordless telephone.

  I continued to listen as the head of my research and development for my technology division began telling me about some new technology involving computers. I didn’t totally understand the details, but he swore that the guys he knew were onto something big. He believed that within a decade this technology would permeate mainstream society, making computers in every household more than a dream, but a reality. And he believed this would majorly impact the energy, and every other, market.

  “Father!”

  I turned from the lake to face the almost five-year-old boy who excitedly called m
y name behind me. My heart squeezed at the sight of Carter running down the hill in my direction, his bowl-cut blond locks flapping in the window. And although he was still a few yards away, I could make out the gleam in his blue eyes that looked exactly like his mother’s. Just the way I’d envisioned in my dream eleven years earlier.

  Still on the phone, I stooped low when Carter reached me, picking him up and nuzzling his face with my own. His giggle warmed my chest, but I covered my lips with my finger, signaling for him to be silent and then pointing at the phone.

  A serious expression covered his face and he nodded, knowing that when I was on a business call, he needed to be as quiet as possible. I set him down and watched as he strolled over to the lake’s pier, toward the edge, but not too close.

  “William, we do not have a choice. Japan is kicking our collective asses with the level of superiority their vehicles and technology have over ours,” I stated into the phone, following the conversation, while still keeping an eye on Carter. He was playing with a formation of rocks he’d left out on the pier a few days earlier. He’d been playing with his cousin, Aaron. Those two were close when Jason would allow Aaron to come over.

  Listening to the conversation, I added my input when and where necessary. I began pacing back and forth as the conversation grew heated between my R&D guy and William, who was still on the board. The men disagreed about international expansion. I let them argue because I wanted to hear both sides of the aisle. However, I was close to making my decision, to continue forward with expansion. The world was getting smaller, and men like William were often opposed to progress, even if they didn’t realize that was what they were doing. Apparently, when I’d become CEO, William had believed I would simply continue on in my father’s footsteps, just without the leaks and scandals. He should’ve thought again.

  I sat back down in the wooden lawn chair I’d brought out with me, and opened my mouth to speak when a loud splash caught my attention.

  “Help!”

  I glanced outward toward the water and saw tiny hands flailing. My heart seized in my chest. It felt like everything was at a standstill. The memory of Carter refusing to complete his swim lessons due to his fear of the water came flooding back.

  “Gentlemen, I have to go.” With that, I hung up the phone, placed it on the table, and slowly stood, moving toward the edge of the pier.

  I clamped down on my base instincts that were screaming at me to jump in immediately and save my son. But I knew better. Carter knew how to swim. He was just afraid, and if there’s one thing I absolutely would not do, it was to let any of my boys live their lives in fear. As first born, he had an example to set for his brothers to come.

  “Father, help!” he yelled when his body bobbed up over the water again.

  I shook my head, causing more pain to myself than to him. “You can swim,” I stated in a calm voice. “Show me you know how to swim.” I folded my arms across my chest, more to stop myself from jumping in than anything.

  “I can’t! I’m scared!” he cried, arms flailing, water splashing everywhere.

  “Fear is a part of life, you will need to learn how to tame if you want to get anywhere. We’ve been through this.” My voice was raised and stern but I wasn’t quite yelling. “Show me you know how to swim.”

  I waited for one heartbeat, watching his head go underwater again.

  Breathing deeply, my eyes searched the lake.

  I took a step closer.

  I’d been comforted by the fact that this lake was manmade. It did not lead to any rivers or have strong currents that would keep him underwater for long. However, when another heartbeat passed and he did not emerge, I ripped off my shoes and prepared to jump in, berating myself … but I stopped.

  Just before I entered the water, Carter’s head came up again and his arms began moving in perfect sync with the freestyle stroke he’d been taught during his swim lessons. I counted each stroke he performed with precision. His breathing technique was choppy due to lack of practice, but when his hands reached the wooden ladder of the pier, I couldn’t have been more proud. I crouched down, reaching out to pluck his body out of the water.

  He was shaking but he was okay. Laughing out loud, I hugged him to my chest.

  “You did it!” I exclaimed proudly, pulling back to stare at him.

  To my surprise and horror, tears began streaming down his face and he let out a wail I hadn’t heard from him since he was a baby. Breaking away from my hold, he took off running, over the pier and up the hill, traversing the massive backyard, all while calling for his mother.

  It was then I knew I’d fucked up.

  ****

  Then

  Deborah

  “He could’ve died!” I screeched for the umpteenth time that night as I tossed Robert’s pillows and a set of blankets in his direction. I was so furious I couldn’t even look at the man.

  “He wasn’t in any real danger,” he tried to explain for the millionth time.

  But I was not listening to anything he had to say.

  “Get out! You are not sleeping in here tonight!” I pulled the door of our bedroom open to let him know I was serious.

  “Princ—”

  “Don’t you dare!” I yelled. “Do not try to smooth this over by calling me princess. Our baby boy almost drowned out there and you let it happen! How could you?” Blinking, I attempted to dry the tears that threatened to spill over. I was feeling a mix of emotions: fury, fear, sadness, confusion, and more. I’d never felt betrayed by my own husband before, but now …

  “Deborah, he was perfectly s—”

  “Robert, if you say one more word to me, I promise you I am heading to a divorce attorney first thing in the morning, and Carter and I are gone!”

  His gaze narrowed on me, the brown in his eyes deepening as he shook his head. This was the first time throughout this entire altercation that Robert actually exerted any anger.

  “You are not leaving me.” His voice was ominous but I didn’t care.

  “Get out.” I had no more fight in me. I just couldn’t be in his presence any longer that night.

  I don’t know what it was, but something made him take note and make the decision that was best for all involved. Slowly, he ambled to the door, pausing only a few inches away from me, staring down at me. Turning my head, I averted my face until he moved passed the threshold of the door.

  Only then did I push out the breath I’d been holding on to. I quickly swiped at the lone tear that fell, refusing to release any more.

  I paced around our spacious bedroom for a while, arms folded, hating the sight of my bed without my husband in it. It wouldn’t be the first night I slept alone. Robert often had business trips that he needed to make, but he did his best to keep them to a minimal when he couldn’t bring Carter and I.

  However, this was different. This was the first time I’d be sleeping alone in our large, sleigh bed while he was still in the same house. Townsend Manor was huge. If he’d chosen a guest room on the other side of the manor, I could go days without even seeing him. However, if I knew my husband, and I was certain I did, he’d gone down to his office to work instead of sleep.

  Shaking my head, I pushed those thoughts out. I didn’t want or need to think about him. My concern shouldn’t have been for him. Exiting the bedroom door, I strode down three doors until I reached the room that read “Carter” in big, blue letters. Pushing the door open, I entered, slipping in and closing it gently behind me so that not too much light got in, waking him.

  Startled, I gasped when his tiny voice surprised me, instead of the other way around.

  “Mother.”

  I moved closer, noting the time on the superhero clock on his wall. It was a little after ten o’clock at night.

  “Carter, what are you doing awake?” I’d put him to bed nearly two hours ago. And my son wasn’t a light sleeper.

  “Are you and Father mad at me?”

  I sunk down to the floor next to his bed, running
my hand through his soft hair.

  “We’re going to have to do something about this bowl cut,” I joked.

  Thanks to the superman night light that was plugged in not too far from his bed, I caught the frown that immediately formed.

  “I like my hair,” he insisted.

  I lowered my face so he wouldn’t see me smothering my laughter. He was sometimes adamant and stubborn even as a little boy. He reminded me of his father so much in that way. I sighed just thinking of all of the ways this kid was going to test me over the years. And Robert said we’d be having three more.

  Rolling my eyes, I made a disbelieving noise in the back of my throat. The way I was feeling, Robert would be lucky if I kept him around long enough to raise the little boy we already had.

  “To answer your question, no.” I shook my head. “Your father and I aren’t mad at you.”

  “But you’re angry at each other.”

  I sighed, shamefaced. “You heard us yelling?”

  He nodded.

  I’d tried to keep my voice down, but every time Robert spoke all I could think about was a terrified Carter running, screaming and crying that he’d fallen in the lake. He was so distraught that I couldn’t make out what he was saying at first. I had, however, realized that he was soaking wet, while he’d been dry when I’d let him go outside to see his father once we’d arrived home from work and school. He’d been so excited to learn that his father was home, he begged me to let him out to see his dad, even though I knew Robert was on a conference call.

  By the time I’d realized he’d fallen in the lake, I’d assumed Robert was the one who’d fished him out. However, as Robert came barreling up the backyard hill, I realized that he was bone dry, or nearly so. He couldn’t have jumped in the water after Carter. It still didn’t fully register with me what had occurred. I knew how scared Carter was of water and swimming, so I thought he may have slipped, Robert quickly pulling him out, and Carter was just upset about the scare he’d had.

  It wasn’t until Robert opened his mouth and told the entire story that I’d become furious.

  “Are you going to get a divorce?”