Wrong Side of Forty

by Jana DeLeon

  He leaned over and kissed her on the cheek, then sniffed, and she could see the tears pooling in his eyes. “That’s the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.”

  “That’s a shame. Manners are free. So is kindness.”

  He smiled. “You’re an incredible person, Marina Trahan. I am rarely surprised but you’ve surprised me. And since I can tell you’re sincere in your offer, I would love a pair of matching socks and if you have a couple of good romance books, that would be great.”

  She grinned and headed into the bedroom, dug around in the boxes for a minute, and came back with a box of socks and a stack of romances.

  “These are new,” Alexios said as he opened the box. “And so soft!”

  “I’m on my feet all day. The one thing I do not scrimp on is footwear.”

  He gathered the socks and books and looked at her.

  “I have great faith in you, Marina. That’s never been the case before. You’re not at all like the others, but in the ways that I believe will ultimately count the most, you’re so much more. Believe in yourself and the ring is yours.”

  He headed out the door and Marina drew the dead bolt. Her heart clenched for the strange man from another world, who would be sitting, invisible, in a box, while a stranger held his life in the balance. Cut off from his world, he didn’t even have the ability to make final declarations to his loved ones.

  She couldn’t even begin to imagine how he felt.

  Everything she cared about was at risk as well, but it was all at her fingertips. She could pick up the phone and call Avery just to hear her voice. She could be at her sister’s house in ten minutes, drinking wine and bitching about her day. She could sit in her recliner, watching television and scratching Snooze’s head.

  She wasn’t alone.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Halcyon stared at Marina, then pinched her own arm. She frowned and walked up to Marina and put her hand on her forehead.

  “What are you doing?” Marina asked, batting her sister’s hand away.

  “I’m trying to see if you’re running a fever.”

  “Why would I be running a fever?”

  “Maybe you’re ill?”

  “I’m perfectly fine.”

  Halcyon leaned in and studied her face closely. “Show me your boobs.”

  “What? No! What the hell is wrong with you?”

  Halcyon took a step back and crossed her arms across her chest. “I don’t believe you’re my sister. Those gods have taken the real Marina and replaced you with something else. You have a birthmark below your left boob. I figure they wouldn’t get that detailed with a clone. So…Mardi Gras up. Show me your boobs.”

  “Oh, for Christ’s sake,” Marina said, and yanked her tank and bra up so that Halcyon could see the heart-shaped birthmark under her left breast. It used to be right below her left breast, but after the day gravity happened, it became underneath.

  Halcyon gave the birthmark the side-eye.

  “What’s your favorite food?” Halcyon asked.

  “I tell everyone it’s pizza but it’s really Reddi-wip, straight out of the can.”

  Halcyon’s jaw dropped and she sank onto a stool. “It’s really you.”

  “Of course it’s me.”

  “But you showed up at the crack of dawn and told me I have to help you with clothes because you have a date tonight. Do you realize how that sounds?”

  “You thought I was an imposter because I have a date?”

  “Marina, this is you. You and Harold sort of fell into a relationship in high school without any romantic dancing beforehand. As far as I know, you’ve never been on an official date in your life. And now, you waltz in here and tell me you’re going out with a man you met a couple of days ago and you need something to wear.”

  Halcyon threw her hands in the air. “I had an easier time believing the magical ring story.”

  Marina considered. “I guess it is a bit out of character.”

  “More like out of this universe.”

  “I thought you’d be happy.”

  “As soon as I get over being dumbfounded, I’m going to be ecstatic.”

  “I haven’t even told you the best part.”

  Halcyon sucked in a breath. “You test-drove him already?”

  “What? No! Of course not. He asked me to be his date to the charity event.”

  Halcyon’s eyes widened. “Oh! At the LeDoux estate.”

  “Why do you think I said yes? This is my only legal opportunity to search for the ring there. Good God, I’m not ready to start dating and I’m definitely not ready to test-drive someone. But they can’t kick Luke out without looking bad so they’ll tolerate me because of him.”

  Halcyon tilted her head to the side and studied Marina for a bit. “You might not be ready to start dating but you’re attracted to Luke.”

  “Well, yeah. Sort of. I mean, he’s an attractive man and he helped Avery. It’s hard not to like him.”

  “I like him too. But like has nothing to do with attraction.”

  “Can we please not talk about that now? There’s another situation I need to tell you about.”

  She filled Halcyon in on her stalker and her sister grew more agitated as she explained. When she was done, Halcyon threw her hands in the air.

  “What the hell were the gods thinking? Aren’t they supposed to have everything figured out? They’re doing a crappy job of running all of this if they didn’t anticipate this happening.”

  “We didn’t anticipate it happening.”

  “We didn’t know the enemy could pop down to earth like Alexios.”

  “True. So they’re behind the eight ball, which isn’t good, but it doesn’t change reality. This guy is probably lurking everywhere, just waiting on me to find the ring. And when I do…”

  “He’s going to make his move.”

  “And if he gets the ring, then it’s all over.”

  Halcyon frowned. “How do we know that Alexios is the good guy? I mean, we only have his word. What if he’s working for the enemy?”

  “I don’t think so. Unless any of the others can send lightning down to earth, I have the singed carpet to prove that Zeus was listening to Alexios when he first met with me. Besides, you’ve met him and you’re a human lie detector. Do you think he’s working with the enemy?”

  “I would first like to point out that Alexios is only half human, so that might imply that my detector is only half effective. But you’re right. I think he’s exactly who he says he is. All that stuff with the condo and the socks and reading romance books is just too in-depth to be playing a role. Besides, I know acting when I see it.”

  Marina nodded. “So I need a plan. For if I find the ring, I mean.”

  “Right, because Stalker Boy will be lurking. Okay, what we need is a decoy. You’ll have it with you at all times and when you find the real one, you hide it under a boob and have the decoy in your purse. No one will look under your boob.”

  “Except you, apparently.”

  “That’s different. I once hid a joint under my boob and even made it past pat-down at the jail. Traded it to Deputy Franks for a turkey sandwich and a sugar cookie. I was so hungry.”

  Marina stared. “There is so much wrong with that story, I’m not even sure where to start.”

  Halcyon waved a hand in dismissal. “Later.”

  “Here’s another sticking point—Alexios said the gods can’t see the ring, remember? So if I pull out basic jewelry and they can see it, won’t they know it’s a fake?”

  “Maybe once you find it, the ring becomes visible again.”

  Marina considered this. “I suppose that’s as plausible as everything else, isn’t it?”

  “All you have to do is try not to give Stalker Boy the ring, and when he threatens violence, then cough it up but be all weepy and sad and shit.”

  “And I am supposed to just whip up a batch of weepy and sad? I don’t have your abilities.”

  “Think about Old Y
eller.”

  Marina stared at her sister in dismay. “That book sucked so hard. I had nightmares for weeks. Why on earth is it in the elementary school library?”

  “Exactly my point. There’s no way you can keep from crying if you think about that poor dog.”

  Marina sniffed. “Okay, maybe that will work.”

  “Maybe?”

  “Stop talking about it or I’m going to cry.”

  Halcyon grinned. “I think I have the decoy thing covered. Give me a sec.”

  She headed down the hall for her bedroom and Marina walked over to the kitchen window to look outside. The lady who lived across the street was out deadheading her flowers. Her husband was on the porch making fishing lures. Two houses over, a harried mother wrestled two young children into her car. That was it. All completely normal. But somewhere out there, Stalker Boy had to be lurking.

  Or was he?

  If Alexios had lost power, did that mean Stalker Boy was working without ties to their world as well? It would make sense. She assumed the use of power could attract attention. So if Stalker Boy was trying to fly below god radar, then he probably wasn’t zipping around Last Chance in an invisible condo. Which meant he was on foot unless he’d stolen something to get around. Or unless he could fly.

  She sighed. These were things that it would have been nice to go over with Alexios. But with him on lockdown, all she had was supposition and her own creativity to go on. And at the moment, her creativity was in overdrive.

  Halcyon hurried back into the room and handed her a ring. She lifted it to get a closer look. It was a single silver band with a large ruby framed by diamonds.

  “This is nice!” Marina said. “I can’t let Stalker Boy steal this. It’s got to be worth some serious cash.”

  “It’s fake. A good fake, but a fake, nonetheless. It was a prop for one of the plays we did last year. I have a bunch of stuff for the theater group stored under my stairs.”

  “What if he can tell it’s not real?”

  “Do you think they’re all jewelers? If you refuse to hand it over right away, Stalker Boy will think he’s getting the real deal once you do.”

  “You think so?”

  “I don’t see why not. I have a velvet jeweler’s pouch I’ll get you. That will make it look more legit and will be easier than a box.”

  “Okay. One problem solved. Now, about my wardrobe…”

  Halcyon blew out a breath. “I’m afraid that one is going to take a bit longer.”

  “Thanks.”

  “Just being honest. You’ve never needed that kind of wardrobe since Harold wasn’t exactly the type to rub elbows wearing a tuxedo. And given that I’m a good four inches taller than you and all my evening wear is made for high heels, everything I have would be granny length on you.”

  “Not to mention you’re thinner than me.”

  “That’s spandex. I’m a size 14, just like you.”

  “You’re wearing spandex right now?”

  “No, I’m wearing black jeans and shirt, and the shirt is loose enough and long enough to hide a bunch of stuff that doesn’t need to be seen.”

  “If only my inherited skills applied to weight loss.”

  “Tell me about it. I’d have you rubbing my fat butt every day, even if you didn’t want to. Dieting sucks.”

  “I tried South Beach for a couple weeks this spring.”

  “How did that go?”

  “I gained two pounds.”

  Halcyon shook her head. “That’s why women stop trying. I did that keto thing that everyone is raving about. Tracked everything I put in my mouth. I even skipped a cough drop when I had an allergy attack because of the sugar in it. One week later, I’d lost half a pound. The engineer was supposed to be doing it with me. He cheated with hamburgers, chips, cereal, and regular sodas and lost four pounds.”

  “How is that possible?”

  “I have no idea. But it’s the exact reason women quit dieting and why there’s no excuse for a guy with a roll around his waist. All they have to do is give up one beer a week and the weight falls off. Things like this, hot flashes, and pantyhose are why I’m certain God’s a man.”

  “Truth,” Marina agreed. “Could we hem something of yours?”

  “One of us might be able to, but it wouldn’t be me.”

  Marina sighed. “Sewing isn’t exactly my gift either. Working with fine fabrics probably isn’t the time to try my hand at it again.”

  “Do you have an iron?”

  “Yes. You don’t?”

  “The rare garment of mine that needs ironing goes straight to the dry cleaner.”

  “But how do you get the wrinkles out of your sheets?”

  “I don’t. Why in the world would I care about wrinkled sheets? I’m sleeping on them. You know, adding more wrinkles, especially if I have company. We really need to work on your priorities.”

  “If I start sleeping on wrinkled sheets would that make you happy?”

  “It would be a start. How much time do you need for hair and makeup?”

  “Including shower? Forty-five minutes, maybe.”

  “Okay, then get that done by five and then I’ll come to get you in a dress.”

  “It’s going to take an hour to get me in a dress?”

  “Potentially. Just get everything else done beforehand. It’s hard to breathe well in the spandex, and sometimes it hurts a little to lift your arms.”

  “It sounds like you’re going to give me a heart attack.”

  Halcyon shook her head. “We’re going to give him a heart attack.”

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Adelaide banged on Dottie’s door, tapping her foot as she waited for an answer. It was too early for house calls, but when it was an emergency, basic Southern manners didn’t apply. And this was definitely an emergency. When Dottie finally opened the door, she peered out at Adelaide with a frown.

  “What on earth are you doing banging on my door before nine o’clock in the morning?” Dottie asked.

  “You know you’ve been up since five. Can’t sleep late with an old bladder.”

  Dottie closed her eyes and sighed. “That is beside the point. Get inside before the neighbors see you standing there all disheveled.”

  “What are you talking about?” Adelaide said as she walked inside and followed Dottie back to the kitchen. “I just took these out of the dryer.”

  “Really? And when did the dryer cycle finish?”

  Adelaide shrugged. “Yesterday maybe. Monday. I don’t know.”

  Dottie waved at the breakfast table. “I just made a fresh pot of coffee and cinnamon rolls. I assume you’re interested?”

  “Hot damn! I came at the right time.”

  “I’m sure it wasn’t planned,” Dottie said as she sat the tray of cinnamon rolls on the table then poured two cups of coffee. “So to what do I owe the pleasure of your company?”

  Adelaide stuffed half a cinnamon roll into her mouth. “I need a favor,” she said as she chewed.

  “That’s both intriguing and frightening.”

  “I know. That’s why I’m here. Are you invited to that charity shindig at the LeDoux’s?”

  “Of course. I’m one of their biggest contributors. Preston never misses an opportunity to attempt to kiss my butt. He thinks, incorrectly of course, that he can convince me to support him in his bid for mayor.”

  “Ha! You’d vote for me before you’d vote for Preston.”

  “Unfortunate and also true.”

  “Are you going alone?”

  “I’m not going at all. I never do.”

  “I need you to go this year and take a plus-one.”

  “Given that this isn’t my scheduled week for resurrecting my dead husband, I’m not certain how I’d manage a date.”

  “Don’t give me that. You could have a date. You keep yourself up.”

  “I keep myself up for me. I don’t want a relationship with a man. That part of my life is over. Once you’ve had a great one, no
one else would ever measure up.”

  Adelaide nodded. “I can see that.”

  Dottie studied her for a bit. “You actually mean that.”

  “Of course I do. William was one of the rare good ones. I don’t like most people and even fewer men, but William was an exception. You picked well, Dottie. I don’t blame you for quitting while you’re ahead.”

  Dottie looked pleased and then gave her a curious look. “And there was never anyone who tempted you?”

  “Once. I was barely eighteen. He swept into town and swept me off my feet, if you can believe it.”

  “So what happened to him?”

  “He went back to his wife.”

  “Oh.” Dottie frowned. “I’m sorry.”

  Adelaide waved a hand in dismissal. “Like I said. William was one of the rare good ones.”

  “Wait—you never took another chance? You were only eighteen.”

  “I was old enough to know what I didn’t want, and that was it. Watched my momma put up with too much crap. It didn’t seem like a good fit for me. Figured I’d end up in prison while the cops dug up my backyard looking for a body.”

  Dottie sighed. “Why do you have to take everything to the extreme?”

  “Because then I can be pleasantly surprised when things don’t go poorly.”

  “There’s a certain dismal logic in that. Anyway, what is this favor?”

  “I want to be your date for the charity thingy.”

  Dottie shook her head. “Absolutely not.”

  “You didn’t even hear my reason why.”

  “There is no reason good enough for me to risk taking you as my guest to the LeDoux’s.”

  “What if Christ was returning?”

  “He wouldn’t go to the LeDoux’s.”

  “Fair enough. You know my cousin Luke is the new game warden, right?”

  “Of course. He’s one of the guests of honor, although I’m guessing Preston isn’t overly happy about that now, given that he helped Avery get out of jail.”

  “Yeah, well, he just added insult to injury. He’s taking Marina as his date.”

  Dottie’s eyes widened. “You’re lying.”

  “I’m a lot of things, but a liar isn’t one of them.”