Wrong Side of Forty

by Jana DeLeon

  “Really? The YouTube handle is KissMyOldButtPrestonLeDoux. Who else would it be?”

  “I’m just glad she did it. Now Preston has no choice but to drop everything against Avery or he’s going to watch his precious go down the same path he was trying to send Avery down.”

  Halcyon shook her head. “Quite a night. Okay, I’m done with the peroxide. None of these are deep, but I can put Neosporin on them if you’d like.”

  “No, thanks. They’ll be okay. Will probably itch like crazy more than anything.”

  Halcyon sat on the barstool next to Marina and took a sip of the wine she’d poured them earlier. “I hate to bring this up given everything else that happened, but did you find out anything on the ring front?”

  “No. I even got Dottie to wrangle Janice into giving us a tour of the house.”

  “Really? I bet that pissed her off.”

  “Oh, I’m sure, but she was too afraid to say no to Dottie so she tolerated me. But we went through every tacky room in that house. I even touched the furniture when Janice wasn’t trying to sneak a glare at me, but I didn’t get anything. Not even a twinge.”

  Halcyon sighed. “I don’t understand how anyone expects you to find this ring with so little information.”

  “And so little time.”

  “Yeah. We can’t forget that part.”

  “It’s hard to when the world could literally end tonight.”

  Halcyon stared. “I thought Alexios said a week.”

  “He said ‘give or take’ a week.”

  “Oh. That’s not good. I love you but I don’t want the most exciting thing I did on my last night on earth to be rubbing peroxide on your butt.”

  “I was kinda hoping for a better finale as well.”

  “Then why didn’t you have one? Instead of picking me up, you could have played doctor with the hunky game warden.”

  “My luck, I’d find the ring after playing doctor and then I’d never be able to face him again after being so easy.”

  “Good Lord, what century do you think we’re in? It’s okay to enjoy sex with a hot guy—even one you don’t know that well. It’s not like you need to remain pure so our father can get more cows in exchange for your hand in marriage.”

  “I know. I guess it still feels too strange for me. Harold was the only one. I never did this whole sexy-dance thing.”

  Halcyon gave her a sympathetic look. “I get it. And I swear I’m not trying to push you into doing something you’re not comfortable with. I’m just reminding you that it’s not only okay to want sex with a man you’re attracted to, but it’s expected. I’m not saying you have to act on anything but you should at least stop denying your feelings.”

  Marina pursed her lips. “That’s fair and really wise. Okay. I’ll admit that I’m attracted to Luke. A lot. But I’m also afraid that some of that might be—what do you call it—rebound?”

  “That’s possible although I don’t think so. Luke is a good-looking guy and he’s smart, confident, and nice to top it off. It would be harder to not be attracted. And I know that him helping with Avery might seem like something that could cloud your better judgment because of all the emotions wrapped up in it, but I just don’t think that’s what’s going on here. He’s a good guy, Marina. I would bet my alimony on it.”

  “That’s huge.”

  “You know what you have to do, right?”

  “Get sluttier?”

  “That’s one solution but I was actually thinking you needed to find the ring. The only sex you have cannot be with Harold. That’s just not right. And you’re just not a one-night-stand sort of girl. You need more time to get comfortable with the idea.”

  “Trust me, if I knew where to find the ring, I’d go grab it right now. For a lot of reasons. Not just being destined to have spent my life with only okay sex.”

  Halcyon sighed. “I wish I had an idea. Good Lord, I’m the creative one. I always have ideas. But this time…nothing.”

  “I know. But this isn’t exactly a normal situation. I mean, it’s not like we have experience with magical objects or saving the world.”

  “Nothing beyond Disney and all those Marvel movies.”

  “Somehow, I doubt that applies.”

  “Speaking of superheroes, did you call Avery?”

  “Oh yeah. As soon as I got done giving my statement. I knew someone would send her that YouTube link. Sure enough, she’d just played it right before I called.”

  “What did she say?”

  “Plenty. Some of it I didn’t understand but the things I did understand, I probably wouldn’t repeat.”

  “That’s my girl. Did you tell her about Preston dropping the charges against her?”

  “No. I don’t want to put that out there until I’m sure, and I think I want it in writing. It was hard enough to keep her from coming home to take on Chastity again. If Preston reneges on his promise, I don’t want her to know about it.”

  “Yeah, a murder charge would be way harder to defend than an assault. So what are we going to do about the ring?”

  Marina shook her head. “I wish I knew.”

  Marina sat in the rocking chair on her front porch the next morning with a thermos of coffee. Snooze lay next to her, enjoying the tiny breeze that would probably disappear soon. Her back ached from the fall she’d taken the night before and some of the nicks from the glass smarted a bit, especially those on her rear. But there were no other lasting physical effects.

  The emotional effects, however, were huge.

  So many things had happened to her over the last several days that sometimes Marina felt as if she had whiplash from it. She’d spent more time reacting than making qualified decisions, and that didn’t sit well with her. Granted, all of this didn’t exactly fit under the banner of rational, so she needed to cut herself somewhat of a break. But she also needed to get things under control. She needed to take some time to think. To process. To consider all the possibilities. All of this drama was clouding her mind, making it harder to concentrate on finding the ring. She needed to clear things out.

  Some of the decisions she’d made were rock solid—like leaving Harold. Others might not have happened if she hadn’t been in the thick of a personal crisis. Like quitting her job or going to a party at the LeDoux estate, which was essentially inciting a riot. Granted, that riot would lead to the charges against Avery being dropped but it was still so out of character for her.

  So was this really the new Marina? Or was she so emotionally charged that she was doing things she otherwise wouldn’t do?

  It was a hard question to answer, especially when she was still in the thick of things. She’d thought about talking it through with Halcyon but she knew her sister. Halcyon’s response to every decision she’d made would be to give her a high five. As far as her sister was concerned, Marina’s newfound attitude was long overdue.

  And maybe it was that simple.

  Maybe it was time to stop overthinking everything. Given that she wasn’t even sure she’d wake up this morning and Earth would still be the same, there was probably no better time to stop overthinking than the present. Why waste precious minutes?

  She sighed. It was all so confusing.

  She heard a vehicle approaching and looked at the dirt road. Halcyon probably wasn’t even awake yet and even Adelaide would have given her a heads-up before driving out. Avery darn well better be at school, so the only person she could think of who would drive out this way, this early, was Luke. And she wasn’t sure she was ready to see him, because she still hadn’t worked out how much of her attraction to him was genuine and how much was because of the emotionally charged situation he’d stepped in the middle of.

  She was shocked to see Harold’s car round the corner.

  What the hell did he want?

  She deliberated between walking inside and locking the door behind her or walking inside to get the shotgun. Finally, she decided he wasn’t even worth the walk and she would just tell him to leave. If
the past week had shown her anything, it was that Harold was a coward before anything else.

  He pulled into her driveway and sat there for several seconds, not moving. Finally, he climbed out of the car and trudged her way, hands in his slacks pockets and staring at the ground. When he got close to the porch, he looked up at her.

  “Is it okay if I come up there?” he asked.

  “Suit yourself.”

  He hesitated for a moment but finally walked up the steps and took a seat on the bench next to her. Snooze gave him the stink eye, farted, and went down the steps and under the house. Marina had the overwhelming urge to follow suit.

  “What do you want, Harold?”

  He blinked, clearly not expecting her to be so abrupt.

  “I wanted to talk to you,” he said.

  “Then do it. I’ve got a lot of things to do. As you can well imagine.”

  “That’s why I’m here. I want to apologize.”

  “Seriously?” Marina didn’t know whether to laugh or simply slap him.

  “I know I’ve caused a lot of trouble. Chastity was a really bad decision.”

  “She dumped you, didn’t she?”

  He flushed a bit and Marina figured she’d hit the nail on the head. Not that it surprised her. Harold was never the great love of Chastity’s life. There was only room for one person there and Chastity had inserted herself in that slot a long time ago.

  “We agreed that the relationship wasn’t going to work,” Harold said.

  “Ha! You just now realized that? You’re just another middle-aged cliché, Harold. Thinking a woman half your age is interested in anything but the size of your wallet. Did she find out we’re broke? Or did she finally get tired of you not jumping in to help her beat up your wife or daughter?”

  At least he had the good sense to look embarrassed, but Marina didn’t even care. She’d given this man everything and he’d repaid her by destroying all their lives. And over what?

  Nothing. Nobody.

  “I made a mistake,” he said. “I fully admit that. I don’t know what I was thinking. Chastity could never be you.”

  “Got that right. There’s not enough class in the world to get her to my level.”

  He shook his head, clearly frustrated. “Marina, I’m trying to tell you that I’m sorry for everything and I don’t want a divorce. I want you to move back in. I want to be a family again.”

  “You mean move back and clean your house and cook your dinner and do your laundry? No thanks. I paid my dues. I’m done.”

  He blinked. “It’s our house. I never should have said the things I did.”

  “No. You shouldn’t have. I didn’t deserve them, but since you knew you were dead wrong, you spouted a bunch of crap because you felt guilty. Well, you know what? Live with it. I hope you go to your grave knowing that you pissed away the best thing that ever happened to you.”

  “I already know that,” he said, his tone now pleading. “I love you, Marina. I want us to be together.”

  “What’s in it for me?”

  His eyes widened and he stared.

  She nodded. “Don’t have an answer, do you? You know why? Because there’s nothing in it for me. I gave everything and took nothing. You took everything and cheated. Why on earth would I want to go back to that? I’m so much better off on my own.”

  His jaw twitched and she could tell he was angry. This wasn’t the way he’d expected the conversation to go.

  “It’s that game warden guy, isn’t it?” he asked.

  She laughed. “I figured you’d go there. You can’t wrap your mind around the fact that I’d rather live in this shack in the middle of nowhere than be married to you another day. And that guy is the reason your daughter isn’t still sitting in jail. So the next time you see him, instead of sneering, you might want to try saying ‘thank you.’ He cleaned up your mess. And did it for no reason other than he hated what was happening to Avery, whom he’d never even met before that day. Doesn’t it tell you anything, Harold? That a perfect stranger had to defend your daughter against your crap decisions? Do you see how far off the rails this has gone?”

  He opened his mouth to speak but Marina put her hand up.

  “You know what, don’t say another word,” she said. “I don’t care about any of them. Get off my property or I’ll get my shotgun. And if you think I won’t open fire on you for trespassing, take a second to remember who my mother is.”

  It was probably the comment about her mother that got him because he jumped up and hurried down the steps.

  “And Harold,” she called after him. “I still expect to receive that twenty grand you agreed to. So I suggest you look into a mortgage on that hideous house you love so much. I’ll have my attorney contact you.”

  He didn’t even look back at her when he jumped in his car and tore out down the road. Marina watched the dust collect behind the Mercedes as it rounded the corner and felt her chest tighten just a little. She’d done the right thing. She knew that. But it still wasn’t as easy as she thought it should have been. She’d never know for sure if Harold had ever loved her but she knew she’d loved him once. She just didn’t anymore.

  And all of that made her sad.

  She slumped back in her chair and pondered the scant number of relationships she’d had over the course of her life. The best one, of course, was with Halcyon. The sisters had been tight from the first moment their father had shoved them into a playpen together, and it had always been the two of them against the world. But even though she loved her sister with all her heart and was certain Halcyon felt the same, Marina had been surprised lately to realize all the things they’d never said to each other. That they rarely talked about the most serious things they were dealing with.

  She supposed it was because neither wanted to create friction or lower morale within the only great relationship they had. But for Marina, it was also because she didn’t want Halcyon to know how much she struggled with certain things. She’d always been the calm, strong one when it came to just dealing with day-to-day life. She didn’t want her sister to know that some days she’d taken a drive in her car just to cry without anyone seeing her. Or that sometimes she went days without sleeping because an overwhelming feeling of restlessness nagged at her.

  Then there was Letitia. The problems Marina had with her mother had embarrassed her so badly that she didn’t want anyone to know the extent of the issues. Sure, some things got around but few people would have had the balls to go tattling to Halcyon about Marina. So she’d remained ignorant on the extent of Letitia’s bad behavior. And when they were kids, Halcyon wasn’t allowed to visit Marina’s house, so she never saw firsthand how Letitia treated her.

  Constance hadn’t liked Marina and she’d hated Letitia, but she’d let the girls play together at her place because it was what their father wanted. Now that she was older, Marina understood that Constance hadn’t really loved their father, either. She wasn’t capable. But she’d wanted him and that desire had kept her doing his bidding. By the time he passed away, the sisters’ relationship was cemented so strongly it would have taken dynamite to blast them apart.

  Mostly, when she and Halcyon got together, it was to have a good time. Share some drinks and some gossip and generally escape all the things they were forced to deal with. Even when it was a bitch session, it was something fairly innocuous, like how big a butthole Patricia was or how Halcyon kept having to tell the local busybodies to butt out of her theater productions. So maybe it was as simple as neither of them wanting to drag their serious baggage into the only escape time they had.

  And then there was Avery. She loved her daughter to pieces but they were still at a somewhat awkward place—where Avery was trying to be an adult but wasn’t really there yet and Marina was trying to let her be an adult and sometimes failing. She supposed that was the normal dance of any mother and daughter, especially at this stage of life. And Marina knew she’d always be Avery’s mother and would never be able to stop the
desire to make things better, but she was also looking forward to the time when they could be friends.

  Then there were her parents. And boy was that a load.

  Her father had died when she and Halcyon were only ten but she remembered him as being fun. Also irresponsible. He went months without acknowledging he had kids, then he’d show up one day with presents and play for an afternoon only to disappear again right after. Marina was fairly certain he had loved her but she was equally certain that he had no desire to be a parent. She’d cried when he died and still missed him sometimes, but her day-to-day life hadn’t really been affected by his death.

  Her mother was the first and biggest of her relationship failures, and Marina had spent so many years thinking that was her fault. That’s the way Letitia had conditioned her to think. If only she’d been prettier or taller or quieter or smarter or whatever the adjective of the day was, then her mother would have loved her. Her entire childhood had been overshadowed by her attempts to gain her mother’s approval, and even once she’d gotten old enough to realize that was never going to happen, she’d never been able to completely cut the umbilical cord until recently.

  As Letitia had gotten older and nastier, Marina had finally admitted to herself that she’d never been anything to her mother except the scheme that hadn’t worked. Letitia had lied about being on birth control so that she could get pregnant, figuring a baby would woo her father away from Constance and turn him into the white-picket-fence guy. It was the worst plan ever. For anyone. But especially for the children who only existed as a strategic move by a selfish adult.

  Marina knew all of this because Letitia had told her the story when she was a teenager. Repeatedly. And in great detail. Her mother’s point was that Marina didn’t want to make the same mistakes she’d made and be saddled with a whiny kid for all the good years of her life. That’s exactly how she’d put it. “Saddled.” Letitia had never let Marina doubt that the best years of her life had been stolen from her because she’d had to raise a child.

  So that relationship was finally where it needed to be. As shallow as a teaspoon of water.