by TJ Fox
The other person that came in with Dr. Lee is setting up on the side of B’s bed. It isn’t an entirely quiet process, and with so many people in the room and the lights back on full, it’s enough to wake B. I notice him stirring and don’t want him scared by all the strangers in the room. I go over to the bed and take his hand to let him know that I’m still there.
B starts to scowl, either because of the bright lights or the pain. As his eyelids flutter open, I lean over. “Hey, B. You’re awake. There are some people here that need to take a look at you. You good?”
He opens his eyes and looks around. “Teri. Is Dylan here yet?” Please not yet.
“No, sweetie, but Riff and Simone are. Guys, come over and say ‘Hi’ to your brother.”
Riff walks up and tousles B’s hair. “Hey, B-Rad. You went and got yourself sick, huh? It’s cool. These guys are here to fix it for you.”
Simone squeezes in between us, so she can lean down and give B a hug. “You had me worried for a minute there, B-Rad. I’m glad you’re here getting taken care of.” She gives him a kiss on the forehead and steps back. Both she and Riff go sit down giving the doctor and technician room. Through all of that, B hasn’t let go of my hand, and he has Dean squeezed tight under his arm.
“B-Rad, cool name by the way, I’m Dr. Lee, and this is Darren.” She motions to the tech on the other side of the bed. “We are going to need to have a peek at your tummy. Darren is going to put some cold gel on it, but it won’t hurt, then he is going to rub that,” she points to the wand thingy Darren is holding up, “through the cold stuff. It will put a picture up on the TV, so we can see what is going on inside.”
B squeezes my hand harder and looks at me. I nod. “It’s okay. I’m here. Remember?” He nods at me then looks back at the doctor.
“Okay.” It isn’t very loud, but it’s clear.
“Great. We are going to need to pull up your gown.” Dr. Lee turns to everyone else in the room. “Can I ask everyone but Teri to step outside for a few minutes? You can come back in as soon as we are done.”
After everyone leaves, Darren holds the blanket at B’s waist while Dr. Lee pulls his gown up and out of the way. Darren squeezes some gel over B’s stomach, and B shivers and lets out a little whimper.
“It’s pretty cold, I know. Sorry about that,” Dr. Lee says as she watches the image that is starting to show up on the screen.
The pain is obviously starting to kick back in because B is starting to cry a little again. Even so, he lies quietly squeezing my hand while they are pushing around on his stomach. The tech finally pulls the wand away and wipes B off with a towel.
Dr. Lee comes back around the side of the bed. “I’m going to push around a little bit, so I can feel what is going on. I’m sorry, it isn’t going to feel good, but I won’t take long.” B nods, but the tears are coming a bit faster, and he squeezes me harder.
Just a few minutes later, the doctor is done and washing up. She and Darren talk for a moment off to the side. Dr. Lee comes over to us as Darren pushes the cart out the door. Everyone else files back in once he is gone.
“It’s definitely appendicitis. He’s going to need surgery. I don’t see anything unusual, and it isn’t ruptured, so it can be done laparoscopically. He will be asleep for the procedure. Unless we find something unexpected once we start, the surgery won’t take long and has a relatively quick recovery time, which means a short hospital stay. I’m going to get everything scheduled and have someone get you the forms you need. Someone will be by to get him ready shortly.”
“Teri, I don’t want to. I’m scared.” B cries and pulls on my hand.
I lean down to him and kiss his head. “B, you’re brave. You can do this. Everything is going to be fine, I promise. Dr. Lee is going to take care of you.”
“Will you be there? I don’t want you to leave.” It ties my heart in knots to hear him so worried about being left that he is begging me to stay.
“No, sweetie. I can’t be in there with you because it isn’t safe for you. I will be with you for as long as I can before you go in, and I will come to you as soon as they let me. I’m not going anywhere.”
He drags in a sniffling breath and brushes at his tears, not caring about the IV in that arm. “Okay.”
“Brave little man, B. So proud.” I run my hand through his hair.
Dr. Lee steps out, and Jules comes over. I notice Simone wiping under her eyes before she turns to Riff. He puts his arm around her shoulder then tilts his head back and looks up at the ceiling. They look completely wrung out. Jules puts her hand on my shoulder, pulling my attention back to B.
“B, this is my friend, Jules. She came to help us all out and make sure we’re taken care of while we take care of you. Awesome friend, huh?” I smile down at him, trying damn hard to cover my own nerves and worry.
“Hi, Jules. Teri is taking care of me good, so I’m glad you came to take care of her. She said you can be scared and brave at the same time, so I’m bein’ brave, but I’m still scared. I don’t like doctors or hospitals.” He sniffles a little but doesn’t cry.
Jules nods. “She’s smart like that. I can see how brave you’re being. Did you know I had my appendix taken out when I was in high school? I hurt so bad before the doctors took care of me. I just cried and cried. Teri had to hold my hand the whole time. After it was all done, I felt so much better, and I got to eat lots of Jell-O and ice cream after I got home.” She is grinning by the end of her story.
His eyes brighten. “Really?” He looks over at me, so I nod. “Awesome. Do you have a scar? Will I have one?” His worried look shifts between us, and his little dark blond eyebrows scrunch down in the middle.
“Sure, but they aren’t very big. You can hardly see them anymore. They took mine out the same way they are going to take yours, so you will probably have the same kinds of scars. Maybe even smaller.” She shows him the approximate size by putting her thumb and finger close together.
“Cool. I have a scar on my head, but you can’t see it ‘cause my hair covers it.” He is pointing to the side of his head.
“A mean kid at the park threw a rock at me when I was on the swing. I had blood runnin’ everywhere. It was so gross and scary! And Dylan yelled at the kid for being a bully and made me get stitches.”
I hear the door open and look up to see Rae taking a clipboard from someone before closing the door. She walks over and hands it to me.
“If you can fill these out, they’ll get B-Rad going. The only concern is any allergies or history with anesthesia.” She turns to Simone and Riff. “Do either of you know if B-Rad has any allergies or any kinda previous surgery or experience with that kind of thing? Maybe even a family history of issues?”
Riff swallows hard and clears his throat. “No, I don’t think so. Our mom went through a couple different surgeries, and I don’t remember there being a problem. The only thing B-Rad’s had were those stitches. Nothing for any of the rest of us.”
Going with a dose of caution, I note that as unknown, then after a glance back at Rae, sign the marked spots. I can feel eyes on me and am pretty sure that Riff is watching me like a hawk. Seeing me signing forms instead of Dylan has got to be confusing for him. I shut those thoughts out, keeping my focus on B. The questions are building, but they are just going to have to wait.
Rae takes the clipboard when I’m finished and pats me on the arm. “I’m gonna take care of these for you and try to be back before they take him up.”
“You don’t have to do that. You must have other work to do, and I’m keeping you from that.”
She shakes her head at me. “Honey, I was off work an hour ago, and I’m not leaving anytime soon, so don’t you worry about me.” More quietly, so only I can hear, “You need all the help and support you can get right now, and I’m more than willing to do what I can. Just let me do my thing, and you worry about these kids. Yo
u hear?”
Dammit, don’t cry. Do. Not. CRY! Breathe. Again. “Thank you, Rae. So much.”
She pats me again and turns to leave.
“Teri, is it gonna hurt?” B’s quiet voice draws my attention back to where Jules was keeping him company. I take his hand again.
“No, B. They will give you some medicine that makes you sleep and keeps things from hurting. You’ll fall asleep, and then the next thing you know, it will all be done. You’ll probably be sore, like when you got your stitches, or when you play extra hard, but nothing too bad.”
He’s looking up at me as I talk to him, fear and worry and pain etched on his face.
“Will Dylan get here before I go to sleep?” Such a simple question, but one that threatens to break what little composure I have left. I have no clue how to answer that, so I do what I try very hard to never do. I lie.
“I’m sure he is trying to get here to you, but I just don’t know.” Like the brave little guy he has been through all of this, he just gives me a small, sad nod like he knows I’m lying and is just letting it go because it’s what he wants to believe.
I’d like to believe it too.
Heavy quiet hangs around the room. Jules goes back to the chairs and motions for Simone and Riff to sit down with her, reminding them that it might be a little while before they come to get B ready. I sit on the edge of the bed next to B, still holding his hand while he lies there quietly. We are all in this strange holding pattern, waiting for the next round of whatever is going to come flying at us.
The stress of the night is taking its toll on me. Exhaustion is dragging at my remaining energy. If I wouldn’t come across as utterly deranged, I’d probably curl up on the bed next to B and sleep. Maybe we all would, by the looks of everyone in the room. Everyone is dragging.
The quiet reigns until the room suddenly becomes a hot spot for nurses and techs coming and going, getting B ready to move. They will be taking him upstairs to the surgery floor where we will be able to wait in a nearby waiting room. Everything moves quickly once they start.
Riff and Simone hug their brother and tell him to do good, and that they will see him when he is all done. Jules, Riff and Simone follow behind B and me as we transfer to the other floor. They will meet me in the family waiting room, since I will stay with B until he’s taken back for surgery.
I sit with B while they finish prepping him. We don’t talk much, but just sit together, holding hands. When they come in to give him the medicine to make him sleep, I give him a last kiss on the head and remind him that I’ll be there when he wakes up. I can’t help but take in his sweet features as he drifts off. The nurse motions to the door with her head, and I finally let go of him. I grab his bear because I know it can’t go in with him, then follow her out.
“Bathroom?” Just a few minutes, that’s all I need to get myself together before I have to face the other two. She points me down the hall after also giving me directions to the waiting room.
I make it inside the bathroom, turn my back against the wall, bend my knees and slide to the floor with my head in my hands. B’s bear is crushed against my chest, as I start sobbing hard. I cover my mouth to muffle the sounds. The overwhelming surge of emotions engulfs me, threatening to drown me, as I find myself alone for the first time since I stepped out of my car in front of Dylan’s house earlier this evening. Or was it yesterday? I no longer know, nor do I even care. All I know is that I’ve got to force it all back inside because I now have two other kids who will be looking to me for answers. Answers about an impossible situation that I’m not even entirely sure is real. I allow myself this brief moment to let go.
Finally, I think I have it together enough to face the next big upheaval, so I drag myself up and over to the sink. Washing my face with cool water helps to wake me up but doesn’t do much for the redness or the slightly puffy look around my eyes. Nothing I can do about it, but I’m feeling calmer and more rational than I have in hours.
I dry my hands, and on a sort of autopilot, I pull my slumped ponytail out, trying to smooth the flyaways that are sticking out all over the place, and then put it back up. With one last glance in the mirror, I grab Dean and turn to open the door.
Chapter 7
The waiting room seems like the standard for all hospitals, though the chairs look a little more comfortable here. I haven’t spent much time in hospitals. Most of what I have seen was the inside of a delivery room with Jules when she had her kids, not the waiting room.
Rae is standing just inside with another woman. They see me and come over. “Teri, hon, this is Betty. She’s a social worker here at the hospital.”
Betty is tall and thin and dressed in jeans and a nice t-shirt. I would have thought a job like hers would have required a more professional dress code. Her dark hair is pulled back in a clip at the back of her neck.
She reaches over to shake my hand. “Rae has given me a few details about what is going on. I’d like to take a few minutes before we talk to the kids to get a better handle on everything. There are protocols, and I want to make sure there aren’t any problems. I can have Rae explain to your friend and the kids that we need to talk if you’d be willing?”
Tucking the bear under my arm, I shake her hand. “Sure, but… I don’t want to leave the kids alone and I would like for Jules to come with us.”
Betty looks at Rae in question, and Rae nods. “Rae can sit with them while we talk. She is a part of my advocacy team for children here at the hospital.”
“Alright, then. Let me get Jules and grab my papers.”
We walk over to where Jules and the kids are sitting, and Betty introduces herself. “My name is Betty Knowles. I’m a social worker here at the hospital. I need a few minutes to speak with Teri. You already know Rae.” She motions in her direction. “She will sit with you while we are gone. Do you need anything? Something to eat or drink?”
Simone and Riff both have worried looks on their faces. I can see they want to ask questions, but just shake their heads no.
“If you change your minds, don’t hesitate to ask Rae. We won’t be long.” She turns and motions for me and Jules to follow her. She leads us out of the room and down the hall. We go into what looks like a break room, and she takes us to a table off to the side.
“This is everything that Dylan left for me.” As I sit down, I hand over the envelope with the papers from the lawyer and the letter he wrote to me. Jules sits in the chair next to me and Betty is across on the other side of the small table.
She pulls everything out and takes her time looking through it all, making some notes on a tablet she brought with her. She hands everything back to me once she has finished and folds her hands on top of the table. I pass the stack to Jules, so she can finally get a chance to see what’s going on. She reads as Betty is talking.
“I just want to clarify. Jules is your friend, correct? Not family?”
I shrug. “She, her husband and the rest of her family are my family, but no. They are not blood related.”
Betty takes a moment to think this new information over. She seems to come to a decision and nods, almost to herself. “Alright. There are several things I have to consider. One is the immediate needs of B-Rad and his medical care. That is addressed with the medical power of attorney, so not a priority, as he is being adequately taken care of. Next is my concern regarding Dylan. He has left these kids in a way that could be considered abandonment, but the guardianship papers place that into question because they show his intent wasn’t to leave them alone. I’ll get to that, but I’m more concerned at the moment with this letter he wrote to you.”
The knot in my stomach is churning. At some point, I’ve crossed my arms over Dean, hugging it to my middle. My arms tighten as she talks, squeezing the bear even tighter. I hear Jules gasp next to me and I look over to see her crying over the letter Dylan wrote.
Betty pauses to l
et her finish, then she pulls the letter in front of her. “I have some concerns about what he has stated. If what he has said in here is true, and I think we may be able to confirm some of that since he has apparently provided you with permission and contact information for his doctor, he may be planning on harming himself.”
Sitting back in my chair, I feel Jules wrap her hand around mine. I shouldn’t be surprised at Betty’s interpretation of the letter, but I just didn’t make that connection. I can’t believe I missed that obvious thread. I was more focused on him not being here for the kids, and not the reasons why, other than he said he was dying. I have been thinking about it as a vague eventually, maybe, sometime thing. Not, he is going to actively seek it right now.
“Dammit! I honestly didn’t think of it that way. Should I have said something sooner?” I feel sick. The worry that had slipped to the back of my mind when Riff and Simone showed up comes raging back to the front. I look over at Jules. There is such heartbreak and sadness in her expression.
“Do you really think he would hurt himself? Just to clarify. You are talking about him attempting suicide. Right?” Jules doesn’t hesitate to try and clarify exactly what is being said.
I turn back to Betty and she tilts her head. “Yes, that is the concern. Teri, there is nothing more you could have done. We began looking into this as soon as Rae contacted me. There is still a very real chance that this letter is not factual, but we need to treat it as such. I have contacted the police and requested they perform a welfare check with the added concern for self-harm. They will go to his known residence and place of employment and get back to me.”
I swallow back a wave of nausea and squeeze the bear up against me. After tonight, it should have been one of the first questions that popped into my head, whether or not he was lying, but it just didn’t. Even now, it isn’t something my mind wants to accept. With each new thing, each new fact, it is like another blow to my heart.
“I would like to get your perspective on that, though. His letter makes it sound like this is the first he has mentioned it, but had he said anything, or did you see anything that would indicate he has been ill?”
