Guilty as Sin

by Rita Hestand

  "Lookin' for Jack."

  "He's in the mine working."

  "Oh, who are you then?"

  "I'm Lester, want to come in and wait, he'll be back soon." She asked.

  "Thanks."

  "Would you like some coffee," Lissa tried her male voice on the man but he looked her up and down.

  "Sure thing."

  She had made some earlier and it was still warming on the stove, she poured him a cup from the pot and sat at the kitchen table with him. She did her best not to show any signs of being female, but it was a struggle. "You a friend of Jack's?"

  "Yep,"

  "Have you known him a long time."

  "I work for him. I keep the place clean and do the cooking and feed the animals." She replied. "No, I hadn't known him long."

  "No kiddin' does he pay you fer it?"

  "No, just room and eats."

  The man nodded. "So, how'd you meet him?"

  "I was kind of down on my luck when I met Jack, I was traipsing the woods and he stumbled onto me."

  "Where you from?"

  "Bozeman."

  "Oh yeah, that's a pretty lively town. Was there once back in '66. Full of whores and drunks."

  Lissa relaxed a little as this man swallowed her story easily.

  "Too rowdy for me." She told him.

  "It's that alright. If your prone to like the quiet life, it ain't the right place to be, that's for sure."

  "You a drinkin' man?" he asked.

  "I take a nip every now and then," she nodded.

  "Good, I got some in my flask, it's a home brew, try some."

  Lissa wasn't prepared for this, but she couldn't back down now. He'd get suspicious.

  "Sure," she took the flask and took a big swallow of it.

  When she handed it back to him, she coughed like crazy.

  He hit her a time or two on the back, "You okay buddy? It is a might strong when you don't drink much."

  She barely got her voice back, "You can say that again." Her voice almost failed her.

  He chuckled.

  "Ran into these two brothers up the mountain a ways, they make corn liquor all the time. Place smells like it too. I always get me some when I'm close."

  "I ain't had no homemade in a long while," Lissa shook her head. But the whiskey was roiling in her stomach.

  Finally, Jack came in and looked surprised that his old friend was talking to Lissa.

  "Well Corky, of all the people I expected to see. How you doin' boy?"

  "Pretty good. Got a timber load delivered to the mill, thought I'd stop off and see ya. Just getting to know your friend here."

  "You've met Lester, that's good. See he got ya some coffee. Well, I haven't seen you in a coon's age. How are things up the mountain?"

  "Same, old Fletcher he caught a log and got killed on the plume."

  "No kiddin', I hate to hear that. Did he have a wife and kids?"

  "Yeah six kids." Corky told him.

  "That's a shame."

  "Well, some of the fella's were foolin' around like they always do at eatin' time. Newcomb yelled it was on its way, but they were all hollerin' and Fletcher was a bit hard of hearing you know, so he didn't hear and didn't get out of the way. Darn thing kilt him lickety split."

  "That's a hard way to go."

  "I don't know about that, he was dead before we got to him. Then we had a strange kind of fella come askin' questions about a big man he hired to work for him, and he never came back, wanted to know if we'd seen him. He described him to us, but from the description none of us had ever seen him. The man looked mean and onry and smelled like a brewery. We sent him on his way, he wasn't too happy about it. He hollered he had more questions, and we told him we had work to do, and to go about his business somewhere's else."

  "So, sounds like you've had a lot going on lately."

  "Too much. We all went to the funeral, the boss shut down the operation for that. His kids sure took it hard. I guess he was a right good daddy to them."

  When Lissa got up to feed the animals she heard him ask, "How come you put him to work, Jack."

  "'Cause, I get dern tired of workin' all day and havin' to come in and do more. He needed a place to stay, caught him campin' out in the woods. So, I offered him a place an eats to do what I didn't want to do anymore."

  "Well I guess that's pretty good deal for you both then."

  "Yep, you know Shining Moon ain't around all the time and he don't do much in the house. He's an outdoor man if you ask me. So, I figured this fella might come in real handy. It's workin' out."

  "How is Shining Moon?"

  "Fine."

  "He ever get married?"

  "Nope, but you never know."

  "That's the truth. He'll go to that reservation and find him a squaw one day and bring her back here. Then you'll have to get rid of Lester as the squaw will take over."

  "Ya think?"

  "Yep, that's how it works."

  "Corky, I'm glad you came by, gonna stay the night with us?"

  "Nah, I gotta get back. You know I married, don't you?"

  "You're foolin' me?" Jack's jaw fell in shock.

  "Nope, I got me a squaw."

  "Well I'll be damned. How come?"

  Corky smiled now, "Had to find someone to keep my feet warm in the winters."

  Jack laughed.

  He walked Corky to the door and Jack bade him goodbye.

  Lissa came inside. "That was a surprise."

  "Yeah, good thing I came in when I did."

  "I was very glad to see you." She chuckled.

  "He's an old friend. We go back a ways."

  "He seemed nice. You feelin' alright, you look a little green around the gills."

  "He wanted me to try some of his homemade corn liquor and I couldn't refuse, so I took some. My stomach will never be the same."

  Now that she'd had her first taste of lying to people, she felt she could probably handle it from now on. Anything but home-made corn liquor.

  "That man that they asked to move on, that was my Pa. I'm sure of it, and the man he was asking about is the one I killed." Lissa told him.

  "Well, who's to say the man didn't just move on and forget about you? Things like that happen all the time. The only reason I could see your Pa askin' about him is that he might have paid him to find you."

  "I hope he believes what they said."

  "We all do, honey." Jack assured her.

  She got up and her head started spinning. She passed out.

  Jack got her to the bed and laid her across it.

  When Moon came in that evening, he saw her sprawled over the bed and asked Jack what was up.

  "Don't know, Corky came by and they talked a while and he left, and when she got up from the table, she fell over, fainted or something. But funny, I got a whiff of whiskey from her breath." Jack laughed.

  "I know what happened, Corky gave her some of his moonshine whiskey. God, poor little thing." Moon rolled his eyes.

  "You're probably right."

  "Well, we know who that came from, if Corky stopped by."

  Jack looked at him and chuckled. "I'll be damned. Guess she was proving to him she was a man and could hold her liquor!"

  "It isn’t funny," Moon admonished.

  "Aw… come on, it is so." Jack chuckled.

  Moon smiled, "Well, maybe a little."

  The summer was wearing away and cooler air came down from the mountains.

  Lissa had a chance to really get to know Jack. He showed her how to handle the wolves and not be afraid of them and they began to love her. Jack let her feed them most of the time now, so they would come to trust her.

  Moon became even more distant though and Lissa didn't understand it but kept quiet. She had no idea what changed him, but she saw the change, felt the change and was sorry of it.

  Because she knew now, she loved him.

  Seeing he was pulling away from her, she began to think about her own life. Should she go and get a job some
where and move out. She hated to, as she had become so close to Jack and the animals. If she could get far enough away from her father, perhaps she could start a new life.

  "Something has changed, Jack." She told him one morning when Moon went hunting.

  "What do you mean?" Jack asked.

  "Moon, he's not the same with me now." She told him.

  Jack studied on it a minute. "You're in love with him, aren't you girl?"

  "Oh, how I wish you couldn't tell." She shrieked.

  "Lately no, but, if he is pulling away it's because he sees no future in the two of you." Jack said quietly watching her face. "But I think he loves you too. Sometimes, two people come together and no matter what the odds, love each other. I believe he loves you too girl but thinks it's impossible."

  "Is it Jack? Is it possible to live happily and love freely when you are so different?"

  "You aren't different hon, you do have different skin colors, but that is all. Your hearts are the same."

  "How can one love and pull away? I think… it's time I should move on." She told Jack. "I wanted to talk to you about it, because maybe you can help me figure something out. I don't want to do anything rash, but you and Moon have a life of your own here, and I'm beginning to feel in the way. It is me the law is after and it puts you and Moon on guard all the time. You cannot relax."

  "Where would you go girl. They got posters on you?"

  "I need to study on it. Maybe I could catch a stagecoach and go a few hundred miles from here. I could get a job cooking, or scrubbing floors somewhere, and start making a life for myself." She told him.

  "That's nonsense, scrubbing floors!" he shook his head. "Besides, once they get a poster on you, it'll be all over the territory."

  "Well, I won't be a whore." She told him. "If I cannot give myself to Moon, I will not give myself to another."

  "I never thought you would girl." He looked stricken.

  "I hate leaving you, and the wolves, I've grown close to you." She patted his hand. "All of you, but you two have your own lives to live. I heard that Corky say Moon might bring himself a squaw from the reservation. Maybe if I wasn't here, he would. Then he could start a family, and everything here would be good for him."

  "How could that be good, if it wasn't the one he loved? I don't think leaving is the answer. Your disguise is obviously working, or they'd be at our door." Jack told her.

  "Me being here endangers you both. I don't want that for you, either of you."

  "You don't have any other kin, do you?"

  "Not that I know of. There are some back east, but I haven't seen them in years. I don't even know where they live, for sure. I wouldn't want to be a burden to them either. No, I think I need to find a life of my own, somewhere."

  "But a woman alone, that's never good."

  "You and Moon have taught me a lot about survival. I'm not afraid of being alone. Not anymore. The only fear I have is missing the two of you."

  "Let's not talk about this now. I don't think you should even be considering something like this. It's much too dangerous. With you here, Moon and I can protect you. I've got to get to the mine, but you stay put and we won't talk of this anymore." He told her that morning after breakfast.

  Jack wouldn't listen, wouldn't consider it. And Moon was so standoffish, she didn't want to talk to him about it. She'd have to figure something out herself and just do it.

  If Jack could see so easily how she felt about Moon, then Moon probably could too. They were family, she was merely an intruder. The longer she stayed the more likely something would happen. If she left, what could happen?

  Yes, she was determined to keep them from danger. If she left there would be no danger, their lives would go on as before.

  She had no money for a stagecoach, or train. She'd have to walk. Maybe walking was safer, easier to get out of the way in case she was spotted.

  The next time Moon left, she'd leave, she'd made up her mind.

  But a sadness overtook her. Everything she cared about was right here, these two men, the wolves, it was all she had. Sadly, they didn't belong to her. Later, when she was gone, she'd cry about it, but somehow, she'd survive and get over it. She had to.

  She'd been stronger than she realized. When her mother died, she'd cried for two days, but after that, she got up and went on. That was the last feelings she had until Moon walked into her life. Until then, she'd shut out the world and just lived her life as she had to.

  Once she was gone, Moon could live his life in peace. No one knew he was the one that killed Earl, no one would ever know. He could go on living his Indian ways and be happy with Jack. She'd miss Jack's jokes and fun times. But she'd find some way to make a life for herself.

  It happened a few days later, Moon announced he was going on a hunting trip with one of his friends. He'd be gone a week, he told them.

  Lissa did her best not to react. It was time to leave. A sadness surrounded her now. She couldn't say goodbye, they wouldn't let her leave. She had to leave a note, that was all she could do.

  Jack fixed breakfast that morning and they all sat around the table and ate, talking, laughing, having a good time. She washed the dishes, afterward and watched as Moon packed his gear, and Jack went to the mine.

  She fed the wolves and was standing on the porch when Moon walked out. Her eyes traveled him now, he was wearing his Indian clothes, that were so familiar to her. She couldn't take her eyes from him.

  "I'll be back in about a week." He told her.

  "Plan on getting some deer this time?" she asked her voice just a bit shaky.

  "That's the plan, it's getting cooler we'll need to build a smokehouse, I'm hoping to get some wild boar too."

  "Build a smokehouse, that would be good," she smiled. "Wild boar, they are mean as the dickens, you be careful."

  He glanced at her awkwardly. "I will miss you." He said softly.

  She didn't move, she nodded, "Me too, be careful."

  "Yeah," he nodded and turned away.

  Disappointed there would be no last kiss goodbye, she barely uttered, "See ya."

  He paused for a second, as though he thought about something, then walked away.

  She watched him until he was out of sight and waved when he waved.

  She glanced down at the wolves, pet them, fed them and kissed them on the head. They whined and she went inside to get her small bag of things. She had very little now, and even that was sad to her. Twenty-two years and one small satchel, she shook the negative away and headed for the kitchen.

  She left a note for Jack on the table. "Thanks for all you two have done for me. Now I'm doing something for the two of you. Tell Moon not to worry about Earl, no one knows but me, and I'll never tell. Thanks for teaching me so much about survival. Good luck to you both. Goodbye, Love Lissa."

  She looked around the cabin, smiled sadly and put her hat on, tucking her hair neatly inside and left.

  Since it was getting cooler, she headed south. North might mean snow and winter and she wanted no part of that.

  Moon had made her a pair of long mocassins boots and they were very comfortable. She took one of their blankets to keep warm with.

  She traipse through the countryside staying away from farms and ranches as best she could, not going near a road.

  It was a good time to leave, winter wasn't there yet, and it was cool enough to be comfortable walking in the woods. She wore her man clothes and put her blanket and supplies on her back.

  The first town she came to was small and she walked through it without much notice. But there was a poster in front of the jail of her and she walked on. She'd have to walk until she found a place that had no posters. Besides this town was too close to Jack's place.

  She stopped at several streams to drink and wash the dust from her face. She wouldn't have looked so bad if she hadn't cried half the time she walked. She was already missing Jack and Moon.

  The first night out she camped without any trouble. All the things Moon had ta
ught her like trapping a rabbit, had her finding food easily. She could also read signs in the dirt, what animal came by, how long ago and whether a horse had been around. If a horse had been close, then someone was on that horse, more than likely. She watched the stars at night to keep herself going in the right direction. She studied the weather too, watching for certain kinds of clouds to be leary of.

  The first two nights she cried herself to sleep, but she had to stop. She was glad she had given Moon his freedom back and he'd have a life now.

  But the loneliness surrounded her, and she had to keep her thoughts from Jack and Moon. They would be much better off without her, she assured herself. They had been very kind to her and now she was repaying them for all they had done for her.

  She passed many towns, most had her poster up. She decided she might have to head a different direction. But then she stumbled on Fort Hall and she'd never thought about staying at one before, but it might offer her a chance. Forts didn't usually carry wanted posters.

  She wandered inside. There was a drill Sergeant drilling his men on the field. There was a woman hanging wash out. There were children playing.

  A Corporal stopped her, "Excuse me, are you looking for the headquarters sir?"

  "Uh, yes."

  "Straight ahead and up the stairs there." He pointed.

  "Thanks," she called gruffly.

  She sighed and went into the office.

  "Can I help you sir?" the Colonel asked as she approached him.

  "I hope so," she said with a sigh as she flopped into the chair in front of his desk, then took off her hat and let her hair fall against her shoulders.

  "A woman? My God, I would never have known it. What can I do for you?"

  "I dressed this way to be safe on the trail."

  The Colonel's head flew up from his paperwork.

  "Well, my word. I suppose that was a smart thing to do, considering you are a woman. But why were you on a trail? Where did you come from?"

  "Colonel, I've been on a trail for two weeks, I've come over a hundred miles, could I have some water… " she stalled for time.

  "Of course, how thoughtless of me. You must be hungry and tired. I'll have someone see you to the mess hall then a room for you to rest, then we'll talk."

  "Thank you, Colonel, that would be wonderful."