“You seem tired,” he says.
“It’s been a wonderful day, but long, and lately, I haven’t been sleeping the best.”
Julian chuckles. “We have been talking all day and all night.”
I wrinkle my nose. “Texting isn’t quite the same as talking. I miss your voice.”
“I am always with you, even when we part.”
“Is that your hint that we should part now?”
“I’m afraid so.” He kisses the tip of my nose and then both of my shut eyelids before kissing my lips. “You make me so very happy.”
“Happiness is fleeting.”
“Happiness wishes everyone happy,” he counters.
“Yes. I want my friends to be happy. My parents… That depends on what is required to make them happy.”
“Have you tried to talk to them about Constantine?”
“No. I’ve been avoiding talking to them and avoiding Constantine too.”
“I thought you wanted to see why they wanted you with him.”
“Probably for his wealth. Why else did Mother bother to tell me that he’s rich?”
“I don’t know, but understanding why they want you with him will help you to understand them.”
“I’m not sure I want that,” I protest. “Mother has done some terrible things. No doubt Father has too. If the purpose of this exercise is to grow closer to them, that won’t help their cause any.”
"You don't need to focus on their past. Learn what your parents want for the future, not just for you."
"Julian." I shake my head sadly, even though I'm smiling at his massive heart. "Nothing will make my family the same loving one you have."
“But—”
“It’s all right.” I inhale and exhale out my mouth, biting my lower lip. “You haven’t told your family about me.”
“I will if you ask me to.”
“But only if I ask.”
He hesitates. “As much as I want to think they will be supportive, I don’t want…”
"You don't want them drawn into the conflict. I understand. I just wish I could meet your family. Your mother, it has to be close to when she'll deliver the twins, right?"
“Yes, very soon.”
“I suppose werewolves are born human?” I tease.
“Yes.”
“When do you first shift?”
“Usually when we’re about one. Sometimes, a few will shift before they can walk more than a few steps. It’s outside of their control, the shifting, and it’ll usually happen at night during a full moon.”
“That makes sense,” I murmur. “It has to be adorable, seeing the little baby pup.”
“It is.” He laughs, joy in the sound.
I struggle to smile, but it might come out more a grimace. Our children he said once, and I want that. I do, desperately, but there’s a chance I might not be able to. Just because I’m part demon doesn’t mean I’m fertile. Vampires aren’t meant to have children.
If Julian would be with a normal werewolf like Bellanore, he could have a wife and the pups he clearly will adore. He could remain with his pack, and he wouldn’t have to live in fear of disaster or war. No threats. Just peace.
But while he would love his pups, without a doubt, would he grow to love another? Or have I ruined his chance at happiness? Long-lasting happiness?
“Romelia.” Julian presses me against him. “Stop.”
“Stop what?” I ask, trying to keep my tone light.
“Stop worrying and fretting that you aren’t enough for me. You are.”
“You deserve everything your heart desires.”
“And I have that because my heart desires you.”
We kiss then, desperate, eager to make a connection, and when it feels like it’s becoming too hard to bear, we kiss one last time, and we part.
Immediately, once I’m past the guards, I head straight for the castle, straight to my bed. My fingers tremble as I touch my lips that are just now slowly receding from being puffy and swollen.
Julian is the source of my love and my misery. Is that the way of love? Is it always a double-edged sword? I don’t think Mother cares for Father the way I do Julian. I’m not sure she’s capable of love, or that Father is for that matter.
Are there degrees to love? Levels to it? Because the depth of my feelings for Julian takes my breath away and frightens me.
My thoughts don’t stop for quite some time, but eventually, sleep overtakes me, and I drift away into dreamland.
Julian is there. But of course he is. We're married in a quiet ceremony, although it seems to just be the two of us, so who marries us, I don't know, but everything is so utterly perfect. Within two months, I'm delighted to tell Julian I'm pregnant, and everything is so very perfect.
Considering the good news, Julian takes me to meet his parents. His father has dark eyes, the same dark hair as Julian, but he has his mother’s eyes. She smiles at me throughout the introductions, and I go to follow Julian to meet his siblings when she grips my arm.
“The babies in your belly,” she says sweetly, “they’re abominations.”
I gasp, trying to get my arm free without jerking, not wanting to hurt her, but her grip tightens to the point that she’s hurting me. Another gasp leaves my throat, and I want to call out to Julian. I don’t, though, wanting to spare him from the knowledge that his mother isn’t as kind and doting and accepting as he thought she would be.
But then she picks up a large butcher’s knife, and I scream for Julian. I call out to him until my voice is raw. My throat burns, filling with blood from screaming so hard, and then I’m screaming for a whole other reason.
Julian never comes.
The scene shifts, and Julian and I wed all over again. This time, though, I do not become pregnant. Each month goes by, and Julian asks if I am, but I have to tell him no time and again. Soon, I just shake my head at his question, and then he stops asking.
Julian becomes so very depressed as the years go by. His siblings find other werewolves to marry, and soon, they have litters of children, more than even their parents, and Julian spends all of his time with his nephews and nieces. I try to go with him for the visits, but eventually, I’m told I’m not wanted, that I couldn’t give him what he wanted most.
“A family isn’t just two people,” he snaps at me one day.
He slams the door behind him.
That night, he doesn’t return.
Again, the scene shifts. This time, it’s not I that Julian weds. He marries Bellanore, and they have pups. For whatever reason, I’m there in the room when they marry and that night and when she delivers their first babies—triplets. To my shock, they each hold one, and I hold the third, and that’s when I realize that somehow, the werewolves have the vampires as slaves. I’m their slave, and I have to watch over their children and clean their house and do everything they ask of me all so that they can be free to do as they wish, to live their lives as they see fit.
My eyes fly open, and I sit up in bed. My white sheets are stained with blood, not from bloody tears. No, throughout my dreams, I clawed at myself, tearing into the flesh of my stomach. I felt so much anger at my uterus during my second nightmare that I attacked myself. I gave myself the same wounds Julian’s mother gave me during the first, and I have to admit that I thought about ending it all during the third.
Which future will become our reality? Because it's naïve to think there will be a happy ending to our love story. This is a tragedy, and I cannot allow myself to give into hope. It's the cruelest emotion of them all, crueler even than love when that love cannot be.
Chapter 25
Romelia
I am in a terribly foul mood that morning. Tyra chats happily with me about this or that, and I try to be a good friend and listen, but I can’t concentrate. Likewise, when Julian texts me, I can hardly bring myself to text him back. I know we agreed that we wouldn’t put our relationship on hold, but I can’t help feeling that we are doomed, that we are star-c
rossed lovers, and that things are going to end disastrously wrong.
This morning, I drain not one, not two, but three goblets. Tyra eyes me but doesn't make any mention of it. Soon, we're off to our morning classes. Not that I pay much attention in Conversion. I don't care for the class at all.
But then, I surprise myself by approaching Professor Trevor Devonshire.
He glances up at me from his tablet, and his thin lips curl into a tight smile. “Ah, Romelia Covenshade. Are you here to ask how you can improve your grade?”
“I actually have a question for you.”
“Go on.” His smile falls into a terrible frown.
My stomach clenches. “Conversion is simple enough when the object is a human, but what about other supernatural beings? Witches? Demons? Angels?” I pause. “Werewolves?”
“Romelia, if you would have paid attention in class, you would have learned all of this already.”
I blink a few times. Did we really go over this? How did I miss it?
The professor glares at me. “You are not going to improve your grade by having me answer questions already discussed. That only reinforces how desperately you need help. Perhaps taking this course again over the summer will be the only way you can learn the material properly.”
“If you could answer my question—”
“The test you took two days ago was on this material. I do not think your grade will be very high at all if you are asking me about this now.”
I gape at him. My mind has been in such a fog recently that I don’t even know what I’ve been doing in class. Did we have a test two days ago?
“No,” I murmur. “Two days ago was Sunday. We have the weekends off just as humans do. You’re lying to me!”
“To accuse a professor of lying is a dangerous thing,” the professor says.
“Why won’t you answer my question?” I blurt out. “I’ve read the textbook you assigned. There is nothing within its pages about converting other paranormal beings. The answer isn’t there.”
He just stares at me without blinking, a smug little smile on his face. He enjoys watching me squirm, a fact I do not like. At this moment, he reminds me of Father, which does not make me like the professor more. No, I like him decidedly less, and I had never been a big Professor Trevor fan to begin with.
"Fine. I will find the answer myself," I tell the professor, and I leave the classroom in a huff, barely making it on time for my next class.
Can this day get any worse?
As it turns out, the day does get much worse. At lunchtime, my mother calls.
"Romelia, some of your professors have called me and alerted your father and me to your grades. I must say that we both are very disappointed in you."
“Mother, I—”
“Don’t worry, though. I’ve found the perfect solution for you!”
I close my eyes and count before asking, “And what is that, Mother?”
“Constantine. He has already agreed to tutor you.”
“Him? Why? He’s a first year, like I am, so what makes you think—”
“He’s in rather advanced classes, so he’s basically a second year already. Isn’t that wonderful?” I can just see Mother’s face. She has to be beaming.
I hang my head. “I already talked to some of my professors about—”
"Your professors are on board with this," Mother cuts in.
She’s talked to my professors too?
“Mother, please. I came to the academy—”
“Your father and I were very clear. Your grades need to be in good standing for you to attend. Why bother to attend at all if you’re only going to fail?”
I wince, but I have no argument to offer.
“Tonight, after dinner, you are to meet Constantine at the library for your first tutoring session. Doesn’t that sound wonderful?” she gushes.
“Thrilling,” I deadpan.
I hang up. As much as Mother's meddling frustrates me to no end, I do not want to continue to go against her wishes. It's only going to forge a deeper wedge between us. We're already as different as can be as it is. This only highlights our differences because if I do ever have a child, I will not be dictating how she lives her life. She will be her own person, able to make choices and to make mistakes and learn from them.
And maybe it's a mistake, but I don't go to see Constantine at the library. Instead, I lock myself in my room, and I do get some work done for once. Not nearly enough, and I would've gotten more done if I didn't pause every twenty minutes or so to text Julian, but progress is progress, right?
The next morning, I wake with a smile, eager to start the day, hoping I can bring up my grades by myself to appease my mother without having to be tutored. My smile quickly falls when I spy a text from Constantine saying that he missed me last night and could I agree to a session tonight after dinner? Maybe we could share dinner together beforehand.
Um.
No.
It’s too much, far too much, and I know I shouldn’t do this, but I am quickly becoming a pro at sneaking off campus,. I do so now without incident and head to Crystal Creek Cascades. It’s a picturesque scenic spot, where the waterfalls plunge down to kiss against rocks, but the best part of all is the cave the waterfall conceals from view.
I enter the cave quickly, stepping on the stones so swiftly that I'm dry when my feet touch the dirt floor of the cave. The crashing roar of the waterfall is such a soothing sound, and I smile to myself. For years, I've gone here. Ever since I was a child, I would come here to just escape the world. This is the first time I've ventured here since the school year started, and already, I can feel some of my tension ebb away with the fall of the waters.
My phone dings with a text.
I can’t concentrate on my studies. Are you having any luck?
I’m not even on campus, Julian. What does that tell you?
Are you safe?
I would’ve told you if I wasn’t.
I glance around. This place is almost sacred to me, but I do not hesitate to send the next text.
I’m at Crystal Creek Cascades. Do you know the place?
I do. Do you want me to come there?
Silly boy. Why else would I tell you where I am?
Ten minutes later, I hear him splashing in the water. I peek out through the watery veil, having remained in the cave, and I watch him. He’s in his wolf, which surprises but delights me, and I watch him swim around lazily, enjoying the water.
When his back is to me, I slip out of the cave and race up to the top of the waterfall. The waves carry me down, and I plunge deep into the waters. I burst up, grabbing Julian, and I drag him into the water. I barely have time to shriek as he slips between my legs, making me ride him up to the surface.
With a wild shriek of happiness, I swim away, splashing him, and he turns into his human. We swim for hours, diving into each other’s arms, doing laps, swimming in races. Sometimes, I let him win because otherwise, I would always win.
After I let him win a third time compared to my six, he shakes his head. "A real race," he says, his head bobbing with the swift current from the waterfalls.
“They’ve been real races,” I protest.
“Not when you let me win.”
“Fine. Those aren’t real, but the ones when I’ve won—”
“Not real either.”
I glower at him. “It’s not my fault that I’m faster than you are.”
“Don’t use your vampire speed.”
“But—”
“Are you too afraid to lose a fair fight?”
“It’s not a fight. It’s a race, and it’s not fair to have me handcuffed. How is that real?”
Julian laughs. “They say all bets are off when it comes to love.”
My breathing hitches. We haven't quite said those words yet. Our kisses have said them, our eyes, but not yet our lips, not vocally.
“All’s fair in love and war,” I quip.
Before the threat and worry of war
can dampen our mood, I get into position for the race.
“Ready? Go!”
And I start swimming without my speed before he’s even ready.
“So much for a fair race,” he complains when I win once again.
“I’ll beat you back to the waterfall,” I say.
“You’re on.”
This time, it’s a much closer race, and I reach the spray of the waterfall first, but Julian keeps on swimming until he is doused by the waterfall itself.
“I win!” he cheers, holding up his hands triumphantly.
“No, you didn’t,” I protest.
“You stopped early. Too complacent with your victory to even realize the victory wasn’t yet claimed.” He swims over to me. He’s completely drenched, and he wraps his arms around me, planting a wet kiss on my cheek.
“You are too much,” I say, wiggling free and pushing him away.
“Never too much.”
“You aren’t perfect,” I tease.
“Perfect for you.”
My smile is wide and genuine. How can something that feels so right make others so furious? Why will others want to turn to rage and hatred and violence if they learn about us? Even without our relationship being public knowledge, there’s already so much turmoil going on.
It started with Tyra before the ball. I can’t even say that we started the animosity. Of course we didn’t. That animosity goes all the way back to the first vampire and first werewolf.
But our friends—Tyra and Mercy, not so much Bermon—have spurred on the hatred. Julian hasn’t approached his friend about the statue, but he did tell me that she has a strange piece of jewelry, a bit of steel. I haven’t asked, and he hasn’t said, but I am certain, so very certain, that it’s in the shape of a fang.
I don’t want to think about the war, not now and not ever. War isn’t here. There hasn’t been an attack for some time now, and I don’t want to waste a single second on what might happen.
For now, all that matters is Julian. Perhaps it's selfish to only focus on the source of my happiness when the world is at odds right now, but I have tried for so long to appease my parents while remaining true to myself. That has always remained an impossibility. Playing both sides has never been my strongest suit.
Blood Haven: Year One: A Mayhem of Magic World Story Page 16
