Keeping Secrets

by Parker, Weston

  “Okay then.” She sat up straighter in her chair, her shoulders pulling back as she lifted her chin. “We’ll take care of the baby without him. Don’t worry, honey. I know I’ve made a lot of mistakes as a mother, but I don’t plan on doing the same as a grandmother.”

  Chapter 35

  Callen

  “How long before we can go home, Daddy?” Winter’s blue eyes pierced a hole in what was left of my soul as she looked up at me before our show. “I want to go home.”

  She wasn’t pouting, crying, or complaining. It was an honest question, but one asked with such sadness in her eyes that I could barely stand to look at her without feeling my heart cracking in my chest.

  We were in the dressing room of the venue Clark and I were playing tonight. It was the last big show that had been sold out for this tour, and even though we were backstage, I could hear the din of the gathering crowd trickling in.

  She sat next to me on an overstuffed black couch and I slung my arm around her shoulders, pulling her close to my side. “We’ve only got a few more weeks of shows to do, baby. We’ll go back to Myrtle Beach after that.”

  When Winter said home, she meant Myrtle Beach, even though she’d spent only a few months there compared to her years in Los Angeles. As I’d gone back and forth over the last seven weeks since we’d left, I’d often wondered if we should go back to Myrtle Beach at all.

  Getting a moving company to pack our stuff and a realtor to sell the house wouldn’t be too hard, but in my heart of hearts, I knew I couldn’t do that to Winter. Over the weeks, she’d become more and more despondent.

  Di assured me that she was keeping up to date in her lessons, but she’d also picked up on the same thing I had. Winter was not happy.

  She had grown quiet and withdrawn, and despite nearly two months having passed since we left, she still talked about Tiffeny all the time.

  “No, Daddy.” She stomped her foot on the wooden floor as she wrenched herself free from my grip, her bottom lip jutting out as tears welled in her eyes. “I don’t want to wait more weeks. I want to go home now. Why can’t we just go home?”

  A sob broke free then, her entire body convulsing as she gave into emotions she must have been keeping bottled up for weeks. Seeing her like this felt like I’d gotten shot in the heart. By a cannonball. One that was on fire.

  Sliding off the couch, I dropped down on my knees and held her shaking body close as I ran my hand up and down her back. “I’m sorry, baby. I’m so sorry.”

  She didn’t say anything, which broke my heart even further. I fucked up. I fucked up big time.

  Movement in the doorway caught my eye, and I looked up, ready to take out all my rage and frustration with myself on the poor, unsuspecting soul who had accidentally stumbled in on us like this.

  When I lifted my gaze and it landed on Clark, the urge to lash out fizzed out and only guilt remained. This was my fault. I’d done this to Winter. No one else.

  “We’re on in three,” he said, his voice so quiet I could barely hear it.

  I nodded my understanding and stroked Winter’s hair. “I have to go, baby. I’ll be back soon though, okay? We’ll talk about it then.”

  Di popped her head in around Clark and smiled until she saw the state Winter was in. Rushing into the room, she sat down on the couch and opened her arms. With my daughter crawling into her lap, I sighed and walked to join Clark at the door.

  “How long have you been standing there?” I asked him under my breath, loud enough for only him to hear as I caught Di’s eye and she waved me off, mouthing, “I’ve got this.”

  “Long enough,” he replied. Light green eyes filling with an emotion I couldn’t quite name, he lifted a hand and clapped my shoulder as we left the dressing room together. “We’ll talk later. Let’s just get through this one, okay?”

  “Okay.” I agreed as a roadie handed me my guitar. Clark bounced on the balls of his feet, cracking his neck as he got his game face on.

  The crowd was screaming our names, their voices mingling with Clark’s as the venue played footage of the live performances we’d done on the tour so far. The screens they were airing it on would soon be filled by the image of Clark and his trademark smirk running onstage while I once again watched, amazed, at how fast he could transform into a true fucking rock star.

  A minute ago, I’d have sworn I saw tears forming in his eyes, maybe even regret over having offered me this opportunity, but looking at him now, it was like he was a different person. Gaze filled with mirth, cocky smirk tugging on his lips, and his entire body moving with swagger.

  I shook my head and wished, not for the first time, that I had the ability to do the same. Instead, I fixed what I was sure was my trademark scowl to my features and took to the stage after him.

  It was only once my fingers touched the fretboard and my head dropped as I started the intro to the first song that all the troubles in my life seemed to fade into the background. God, I love this fucking instrument.

  Strangely enough, I’d learned I was actually fine without the performing part of this life. My time in Myrtle Beach had proven that. I’d missed it a little bit, errant thoughts here and there, but I’d realized I didn’t need it the way I’d once thought I did.

  What I couldn’t live without was my guitar and my songwriting. Professionally anyway.

  Personally, I couldn’t live without my daughter, and I didn’t want to live with her being as unhappy as she was now. She was turning four soon, but she was still only three years old.

  Her biggest worry at the moment should have been trying to come up with a reason why she shouldn’t have to wear pants to school in the middle of winter. She shouldn’t be having to beg her father to take her home so she could go back to school, back to her life. Back to the woman she loved and had started thinking about like a mother.

  I fucked up. I fucked up. I fucked up. Clark might have been singing the actual lyrics to our songs, but those three words kept reverberating through my head. Somehow, I made them fit into any rhythm, and as the crowd screamed along with him, I screamed at myself.

  Witnessing Winter’s heartbreak and having my own break for her had shaken something loose in me, made me feel like I was floating around above myself in the memories I had on those last couple of weeks with Tiffeny.

  It was like I could finally see for myself what an asshole I had been, what a coward I had been for leaving like that. At the time, it had felt like my only option. I saw now that it hadn’t been.

  All I’d basically done was run away, and in the meantime, I’d ripped Winter away from a stable life she’d loved. I’d also broken up with the only woman who had made me feel alive in a long, long time.

  A woman with a heart of gold who I should have worshiped for loving both myself and Winter the way she did, who hadn’t pushed me but had made me want to crawl out of my comfort zone all the same.

  Tiffeny had accepted me just the way I was and not because I was a rock star but in spite of it. A fiery, dedicated, smart woman with the heart of a saint and the body of a sinner.

  And I’d walked out on her. No, I didn’t even do that.

  Bitter laughter filled my head as I leaned back and jammed my heart out in the solo for this song. Because no, I hadn’t walked out on her. Walking out would have involved seeing her face to face.

  So no. I bailed on her and she hadn’t even watched me walk away.

  At the time, I’d been so wrapped up in preparation for the tour that I’d thought I was justified in ending things over a phone call. What a fucking moron.

  Clark got the crowd whipped up into a frenzy and I tore up the stage to try working off some of the guilt and rage setting my insides on fire. When our set was finally done, I was dripping with sweat and my muscles were quaking.

  Back in my dressing room, I still couldn’t stop moving. I drank at least four bottles of water and crushed them up, pacing up and down as my mind raced.

  Di had taken Winter back to the hotel, an
d I had to get over there soon, but I needed to talk to Clark first. He burst into the room a few minutes later, his face flushed and makeup all over his skin from the selfies he’d taken with fans while I’d stormed past everyone once again.

  “It’s time for you to go back to South Carolina,” he said as soon the door closed behind him.

  All the fight drained out of my body because he was right. And he understood. And he wanted the same thing for me as I did. I’d been struggling with how to tell him since I’d come to the realization up on that stage that I was leaving tomorrow.

  “It’s time, Cal,” he said as he moved to the fridge and grabbed two waters for himself. He drained one after the other. “I’m glad you came out with me and I’m always happy to have you. You’re welcome to join me with whatever show I’m doing whenever you feel the mood take you, but enough is enough.”

  “Yeah, I agree.”

  His head jerked back and his eyebrows jumped up. “You do?”

  “Of course, I do. Why wouldn’t I?”

  A wide grin broke out on his lips. “Well, shit. Dude, I thought you were going to up and leave a month ago before we even did this leg of the tour. Then you told me it didn’t matter that you missed Tiffeny and all that mattered was why you left.”

  “It was.” I swallowed, then hung my head and put my hands on my hips. “Wasn’t it? I had to leave. You agreed with me.”

  “I think it was good for you to leave when you did,” he said, but his tone was careful as he picked out a chair and sat down. “Your mindset had gone back to being a minute away from imploding and ruining every good thing you had going for yourself there. I thought you needed a break and now you’ve taken one. I never meant for you to stay with me for the whole tour. I mean, you’re welcome to, but I think your head’s screwed on right again now. So to come full circle to what I said when I walked in here, I think it’s time for you to go home.”

  “I think I ruined every good thing I had going there anyway.” I didn’t need to spell it out for him.

  Clark stood up again, smirked, and lifted his shoulders. “You’re a fucking rock star, man. If you had enough dedication and determination to make it to the level of fame we’ve reached, you can apply those same qualities and get your girl back.”

  “Maybe.” I wasn’t convinced she’d ever forgive me, but I had to at least apologize. Apologies didn’t always need to be met by forgiveness, but it was important to make them anyway.

  I realized that on the day I broke up with her, she’d been the one to call me. She’d also said she needed to talk to me. I’d never even asked her what she’d wanted to talk about.

  “Thanks for understanding, bro,” I said. “Thanks for everything actually.”

  We hugged it out for a minute. Then he clapped me on the back, wished me luck, and strode out to go party with his hordes of adoring fans. Ever the glamorous rock star I was, I took a shower and went back to the hotel.

  The only difference between tonight and every other night was that I didn’t crawl into bed with Winter right away. I packed our bags instead.

  Tomorrow morning, we were leaving. First thing, we’re going home.

  Chapter 36

  Tiffeny

  “You’re looking so cute,” Julia cooed when she walked into the shop. She came right over and cupped my growing belly, stroking it with her thumbs. “Hey there, little one. It’s your Aunt Julia here. Did you have a good night?”

  Julia and my mom were the only ones I was comfortable with touching me, but now that I was starting to show, a lot of people sure thought my tummy was public property. A lot of them even talked to the baby, just like Julia was doing. I was trying not to let it get to me, but it was annoying to be approached by strangers all the time.

  I yawned and lifted a shoulder. “The bump is making it harder to sleep now. My mother says it only gets worse from here.”

  “It’s still such a tiny bump, though.” She finally released said bump and leaned against the counter. “We’ll have to get you one of those pregnancy pillows soon if you’re already having trouble.”

  “Yeah, my mom’s already on it. I spoke to her this morning and told her I couldn’t sleep on my stomach anymore. If I sleep on my back, it’s like there’s a weight on me, and on my side, it feels like gravity just wants me to roll over.”

  She grimaced. “You’re making it sound like so much fun to be pregnant. I think I’ll wait another few years.”

  “Anyone who says it’s fun is trying to lure you into a trap.” I laughed. “Don’t get me wrong. It’s a miracle, and I love this little one more than life itself, but the joys of pregnancy aren’t all so joyful.”

  “How are you feeling?” she asked sympathetically. She asked every morning, but she never made me feel like she was tired of hearing about it.

  “I’m not so nauseous anymore, but my boobs still hurt, and I look like a whale, but other than that, I’m great.”

  “You don’t look like a whale.” She scoffed and bumped my shoulder with her fist. “You look adorable. These maternity clothes your mom got you are perfect. They look so comfy and they still showcase the bump so nicely.”

  I sighed as I looked down at the patterned cotton skirt that brushed my ankles and baby blue top. Julia was right. They were comfy. Soft and fitted to support while not being tight or clingy.

  I’d tried dressing to hide the bump when my stomach first popped out, but my mom wouldn’t hear of it. She said my body needed proper clothing to help keep it as comfortable as could be while still supporting where it needed support.

  Therefore, my top had a built-in bra with space for breast pads to be slipped in when the time came, and the band of my skirt sat around the bump but didn’t push into me at all. Truth be told, while my body was growing uncomfortable, the clothes themselves were so comfy, I had no idea how I was ever going to go back to tight jeans with a button digging into my flesh.

  “Thanks,” I said. “I’m glad I gave in and let her get them for me eventually. She was right about comfortable, supportive clothing making things easier.”

  Julia tipped her head to her side, chewing the inside of her cheek. “Your mother really has done a complete one-eighty, huh?”

  “She’s being super helpful,” I said. “I’m so grateful to have her around right now. I don’t know how I would have coped without her.”

  “I’m still here to help,” she said. “Anything you need, you just let me know.”

  “Thanks, and I know. You’ve been amazing, too. I just…” My lungs constricted as I breathed in deeply, no longer able to expand as much as they once had. “I’m just glad my mother’s there for me, too.”

  “You need family around at a time like this,” she agreed, sadness dimming the light in her eyes. “You still haven’t heard from Callen?”

  “Not a word.” Tears stung the backs of my eyes again. Getting randomly emotional when I thought about Callen and Winter seemed to be my thing at the moment. Another unfortunate side effect of pregnancy, making my emotions all heightened. “I miss him. I miss Winter, too. Sometimes, I think about calling, just to find out how they’re doing.”

  “Well, I can tell you how the tour is going,” Julia said hesitantly. “I haven’t necessarily been following the news, but I’ve been following Clark on social media for years.”

  I sucked in a breath. I’d known she was a fan, of course. It made sense that she still got updates from him. In the last few weeks, I’d been tempted a few times to look them up myself, but I hadn’t wanted to fall down that rabbit hole.

  I was afraid if I started looking either of them up on social media, it’d quickly escalate to stalker level. I was desperate for news, though. Maybe this was a safer way of getting it, a small hit of information from her just to keep me going without having a link to click on for more.

  “Okay, how is the tour going?”

  Her eyes widened in surprise, but she didn’t mention it. “Their last show was a couple of nights ago. One of the
headlines I saw about it was ‘An Epic Performance by Two of the Greats.’ Apparently, they’ve been on fire since the tour started.”

  If it was possible, my heart both soared and fell through the floor at the same time. On the one hand, I was happy for Callen and Clark. They were both passionate about their music and they were so talented. I was glad they were doing well.

  On the other, if they were doing so well, that meant Callen had probably forgotten all about his little stint in Myrtle Beach and really wasn’t likely to come back.

  I cleared my throat, trying to dislodge the lump growing there. “That’s great. I’m glad for them. Hey, do you want some tea?”

  She nodded and followed me when I headed into the back. Obviously noticing that I was getting all emotional again, she changed the topic and told me some gossip she’d learned from her clients this week.

  The bell jingled just as the kettle started whistling. She waved me out to the front, stepping around me to get to the kettle. “You go serve your customer. I’ll make the tea and bring it out.”

  My world slammed to a halt when my eyes landed on the people who had caused the bell to jingle. Callen and Winter stood just inside the door, blinking at me like they were the ones surprised to see me.

  My mouth dried up and my hands flew to my belly as my eyes grew wider. Then I realized they wouldn’t be able to see the bump yet. I was standing on the other side of the register and the counter was just high enough.

  But they were here, which meant they were going to see it at some point. Thanks a lot for the fitted clothing, Mom. If I’d gone with wearing baggy clothes, they might not have noticed my belly, but in this shirt, it was clear as day.

  Winter squealed then, her eyes misty with happy tears as she raced toward me with her arms open. “Tiffeny! We’re back.”